Now You See Him ... Now You Don’t ... Or Do You Don’t?

My newspaper now is telling us all that there really is an Edward Snowden. He has surfaced and has said he wants to temporarily be allowed to stay in Russia before being mysteriously swished off to somewhere else. It looks like he is going to be in the news for a long time to come.

Personally the Smartfella is relieved. As long as Snowden is out there doing whatever he does while he is out there, we are not being subjected to the comings and goings of Lindsey Lohan.

Until Snowden resurfaced this (below) is what the Smartfella was thinking as he tried to conjure up a Blog Posting about him. As you read through my musings you will see that some of my past concerns are still valid…

News reports kept saying Snowden was actually somewhere. They repeatedly said things like, “He is believed to be holed up in a Transit Lounge at a Moscow Airport”.

Did you notice the big word in the above paragraph? I’m sure you did. It’s the word “a”. “A” is the Indefinite Article and its use by our intrepid reporters meant they were not even sure which airport he was hiding in.

I kept wondering why was it that we did we not have pictures of him in an airport? In our Smartphone Camera World we have pictures of anything and everything as soon as anything or everything happens…

If you set your alarm for 3am and went out into the middle of the street in front of your house on a moonless night and dropped your pants and Mooned the Missing Moon, there would be pictures of you Mooning the Missing Moon on the Internet within 3 minutes.

There were lots of other unanswered questions about Snowden...

1. Where is he sleeping?
2. Is he curled up on the floor in the corner of a lounge?
3. Is he making other lounge visitors/residents mad because he is taking up more space than he should because he is stretched out over two chairs?
4. Where does he brush his teeth?
5. Is he surviving on a diet of those little Gold Fish Crackers?
6. If he is required to buy his own Gold Fish Crackers, where does he get the money to buy those little fellows?

Now you see that what I said about unanswered questions was true. My own opinion is Snowden is furiously working on a book that will be entitled, Wasting Time or How I Made the Entire World Speculate Incessantly About Me While I was Munching on Gold Fish Crackers in an Unnamed Moscow Airport Lounge.

I can’t believe I wrote this blog posting. You can’t believe you read this blog posting. If you are unhappy that you took the time to read this one, go back to the top and not read what you just read.

All of this makes one wonder what Lindsey Lohan is doing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: Lindsey Lohan,Edward Snowden

Your Attention, Please! It Is Time For The News!

News broadcasts constantly have scrolls and/or flashing signs during Television News Shows that alert us to the fact that what we are being subjected to is extremely important.

The screen is alive with the words “Breaking News!” or we see “News Alert!” flashing in the lower right hand corner of the screen as they shout at us the momentous details of what we ought to be worried about at this very moment.

Do our schools not teach the story about The Boy Who Cried Wolf any longer?

I knew for certain that all this hysteria has gone too far last night as I was watching the Weather Report. There was my Weatherman telling me I ought not to go outside because of the Extreme Drizzle that was currently descending upon us all.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: News Broadcasts,News Alert,Breaking News

Jack Nicholson Is The One & Only...Or Is He?

Some lines from movies will live forever...

• Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” Gone With The Wind
• Dorothy: “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore” Wizard of Oz
• Shane: I've heard about you Wilson. Wilson: What have you heard? Shane: I've heard you're a damn Yankee liar! Shane

Some would say that no one but Jack Nicholson could have delivered the line in A Few Good Men...”You can’t handle the truth!” I am prompted to disagree now that I have read a darn good imitation of Jack’s quote in Eugene Robinson’s article in my newspaper the other day. Below are the first two paragraphs which set the tone of the article...

“I don’t believe government officials when they say the National Security Agency’s (NSA) surveillance programs do not invade our privacy. The record suggests that you shouldn’t believe them, either.

It pains me to sound like some Rand Paul acolyte. I promise I’m not wearing a tinfoil hat or scanning the leaden sky for black helicopters. I just wish our government would start treating us like adults — more important, like participants in a democracy — and stop lying. We can handle the truth.” (The underlining is mine.)

(In case you don’t know about Eugene Robinson’s political leanings, he is of the Liberal Persuasion.)

This is serious stuff. If you have been busy reading OMG! and keeping up on what Celebrities are doing for us, or to us, you might ought to start getting concerned about what’s happening in our country.

If you want to read Mr. Robinson’s entire article, click below...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/eugene-robinson-we-can-handle-the-truth-on-nsa-spying/2013/07/04/76ef2c92-e408-11e2-a11e-c2ea876a8f30_story.html

If you did take the time to read the article, and you are like me, you found yourself staring in wide-eyed disbelief at two words that Mr. Clapper uttered ... “least untruthful”. Wow!

It appears he actually sees a fine line of distinction here. He was contending he was not lying because he was merely being “least untruthful”. I wonder if he also crossed his fingers as he was not lying to us.

It looks like our Director of National Intelligence said to himself...

Damn! This guy is demanding the toto truth. I don’t wanna be called a Damn Yankee Liar. On the other hand I could always claim that it was simply “A failure to communicate” Cool Hand Luke.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I’m sorry to say that my reference to OMG! and Celebrities above may have started some of you salivating about what Celebrities are up to. Here is the kind of thing people of your ilk (I just love the word “ilk”) are spending your time devouring...

For her second walk down the aisle, Jennifer Aniston is taking a much more laid-back approach. While her $1 million wedding to Brad Pitt in 2000 had much fanfare (200 guests, fireworks, and a 40-piece gospel choir!), this time around she’s planning a more intimate affair.

Teen dream Justin Bieber, 18, has taken a cue from his mentor Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg, and dared to bare his abs (and the briefs peeking out from his jeans) during a concert at NYC's Madison Square Garden on Thursday.

Katie Holmes celebrated what would have been her sixth anniversary of being Mrs. Tom Cruise on Sunday with her best souvenir from the five-year marriage: her daughter Suri. The duo was spotted riding the subway in New York City.

Clint Eastwood just came into my computer room and said this about you, “Did you just make their day?” Sudden Impact

IceRocket Tags: Jack Nicholson,Rhett Butler,Dorothy,Wizard of Oz,Shane,NSA,Clint Eastwood,You Can't Handle The Truth,Eugene Robinson,OMG!,Cool Hand Luke

TV vs. Hollywood...No Contest

I am in the process of watching The Tudors on my Kindle Fire. It is turning out to be a very entertaining and educational experience. This is the kind of thing that we once looked to Hollywood to bring to us but not anymore.
The Tudors is the story of King Henry VIII starting from when he was a young man and still married to his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. It is a major production that is 38 hours long. It is beautifully done and is historically accurate (I hope).
I do wish it were not so sexually explicit. There are parts where it is downright nasty. (This means I can’t recommend it to my grandchildren in the hope they will begin to find history as interesting as I do.) I’ve seen nasty in my life but I find myself wishing they would have gotten Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn, Doris Day, Audrey Hepburn, Ethel Barrymore, Barbara Billingsley, Harriett Nelson to star in it and, when the nasty part started getting nasty, the camera would move away and your nasty imagination would have been allowed to take over.
The real interesting part is all this quality movie making is brought to us by the Television Industry. You may want to come to the defense of Hollywood and tell the Smartfella that Hollywood could do this kind of good stuff also. The operative word in your defense of Hollywood would be “could”.
They could but they don’t because they are too busy bringing us Car Chases, Machine Guns, Machine Men, Comic Book Characters, Car Chases, Sex, Hollywood Celebrities Standing On Red Carpets Looking Stiff (so we can adore them and their clothing) and (did I forget to mention?) Car Chases.
If they insist on having all those machine guns shooting all those bullets, at least they ought to teach the shooters how to shoot. The Hits to Bullets Shot Ratio is about as low as the Worthwhile Historical Content to Trash Ratio of these productions.
The more things change, the more they stay the same…

When I was a child I paid 12 cents to get into the Carrolton Theatre and I got a full 12 cents worth of entertainment. Today I still get a full 12 cents worth of entertainment when I go to see one of these Hollywood “Blockbusters”.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Hollywood,The Tudors,Henry VIII

Multiple Choice Questions Make You Smart…Or do they?

Think back to your days in school. You are scared of the upcoming exam. Then your professor announces that the exam is going to be Multiple Choice. You are instantly relieved. You were scared to death that you might not know anything but now there is hope because you now have a guesser’s chance and you might actually get credit for knowing something, even though you don’t.

If you read this blog posting as my taking sides on this issue, you read me wrong. I’m just pointing out that “they” promise anything before the vote and then they do not do anything about what they promise after they get our votes.

I am probably being too cynical...Or am I?

In 1986 & 2006 & 2013 there was/is much consternation in the Halls of Congress about Immigration Reform. In each of these years an Immigration Bill was passed (only through the Senate so far in 2013).

Golly gee, they look very similar...

These are words written about the 1986 & the 2006 & the 2013 Immigration Reform Bills. Do you know which was which? Relax. It is Multiple Choice. You may guess right...

The amendment approved aims to construct a border fence and install high-tech surveillance and other equipment to detect illegal border crossings.

or

The Act aims for operational control over U.S. international land and maritime borders by improving surveillance through personnel and technology as well as physical infrastructure enhancements to prevent unlawful border entry and enable U.S. Customs to control border access.

or

Solemn promises were made by politicians and reform proponents that the border would be secured.

The Smartfella Modus Operandi is that he dances around and comments on the foolish parts of weighty issues. He does not contend that he is smarter than Members of Congress. He simply thinks he makes more sense than Members of Congress.

If you are one of those of us who is concerned about Border Security you need only look at the results of the first two Immigration Reform Bills to become very uneasy about the promises this most recent Immigration Reform Bill makes.

I don’t claim to be able to forecast the future. I do absolutely contend that, I am able to see the past and this “ability” makes me very uneasy about the future.

Fool Me Once Shame On You

Fool Me Twice Shame On Me

Fool Me Three Times Shame On Me For Being Stupid

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe... In all of the pontificating about the 2013 bill I have not heard any discussion about what you are about to read below...

Actual Headline on a news article from 2011:

Homeland Security Chief cancels costly virtual border fence

By the CNN Wire Staff

January 14, 2011 8:15 p.m. EST

Think About It.

Flickr Tags: Immigration,Border Fence,Multiple Choice

Too Much Pride Ain’t Good For You

How many times have you heard someone smarter than you on TV (you must admit they are smarter than you because they are on TV) say...

We must have these immigrants in our workforce because Americans will not do the jobs that they are willing to do.

It might better be said that Americans can’t afford to do these kinds of jobs. Let your mind wander with me for a bit...

American Child to American Father, “What do you mean I can’t have a Smartphone like all of my friends have? It’s your fault that we can’t afford the basic necessities of life. We were doing just fine when we were living off of the government. Then you decided that you had too much pride just because your father had too much pride to be on the dole. You completely lost it and went out and got a job. Now our family income has fallen by $1,158 per month. Just because you have scruples, why do I have to give up things? What kind of provider are you!”

OK, I admit it, I made all of this up...Or did I?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: Pride,Dole,Jobs Americans will not do

Don’t Tell Congress

I give you fair warning. This one is complicated. You better pay attention. You better read slowly. This posting is not for people who are skim readers. You hear that, Penny?

Years ago I was wandering through the halls of congress when, to my complete surprise, I saw a long-time congressman is a corner behind a statue in a fetal position crying uncontrollably.

At that time in my own political awareness I was still admiring of members of congress, so I went over, got down on my hands and knees, and asked if there was anything I could do to relieve his pain.

It took him a moment to get over his anguish and he stammered out, We can’t spend enough money. We are spending billions of dollars as fast as we can but it is not enough. Billions and billions just won’t do but, since it is the biggest possible bunching of money that there is, our hands are tied. It is so awfully frustrating!

In my naiveté I tried to console him by saying, You are not limited to billions. Beyond billions are trillions. A trillion is 1,000 billion. The best part is you do not have to tell your constituents (folks back home) that you spent 1,000 of anything. When you spend one trillion you can look them right in their gullible faces and say you spent one. They will thank you for being frugal and keep electing you till the cows come home.

Boy, did I make a big mistake! He face lit up and he sprang to his feet and ran off down the Hallowed Halls of Congress shouting, Eureka! Eureka! I’ve found it! I’ve found a trillion and it’s only one!

Senator Archimedes has been reelected many times since. I see his smiling face on CSPAN all the time. As for me, he never even sent me a Thank You Card.

Since you, my dear reader, are sly, cunning and alert you are saying to yourself, What does all of this have to do with the Subject of this Blog Posting... “Don’t Tell Congress”?

Please allow me to explain...

The other day I was watching TV and I heard mention that our rulers are building a facility in Utah to store all the information that they are gathering about everything we say to each other. The report said that the facility would have the capacity to store 5 Zettabytes.

Never having heard the word Zettabyte before I wrongly assumed it was the next step above Terabyte and that would make it 1,000 Terabytes.

Boy was I wrong! Here is how it lays out...

• Above a Terabyte (12 zeros) is a Petabyte which is 1,000 Terabytes.
• Above a Petabyte (15 zeros) is an Exabyte which is 1,000 Petabytes.
• Above an Exabyte (18 zeros) is a Zettabyte which is 1,000 Exabytes.

You guessed it. A Zettabyte is 21 zeros. Or for those of you who want to confuse the rest of us even more, a Zettabyte in 1 million Terabytes, I think.

Long before we get to 5 Zettabytes we have bitten off more that the Good Ole USofA can chew.

I looked up the Monetary Equivalents of Computer Byte Bunches...

• A Megabyte would be a Million expressed in Dollars
• A Gigabyte would be a Billion expressed in Dollars
• A Terabyte would be a Trillion expressed in Dollars
• A Petabyte would be a Quadrillion expressed in Dollars
• A Exabyte would be a Quintillion expressed in Dollars
• A Zettabyte would be a Sextillion expressed in Dollars

Do you get my drift? More importantly, do you get my concern? Do you understand why the Smartfella is downright scared?

Please Don’t Tell Any Of Your Representatives In Congress That There Is Such A Thing As A Sextillion!!!

Can’t you just hear Senator Foghorn looking surprised because someone objected to him spending 5 Sextillion Dollars. Why, son. Look here, son. Don’t get so hot under the collar. It’s only 5.                         

                                 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Technorati Tags: Congress,Sextillion,Zettabyte

I Don’t Mean To Be Picky...Or Do I?

Headline in my newspaper...

TSA Scraps Plan To Allow Small Knives on Planes

The Transportation Security Administration head has decided to NOT loosen rules that have been in place since 911.

Are these people a dim as they appear to the rest of us? Here are the changes they were on the brink of making before people started shouting at them...

• OK to carry Hockey Sticks.
• OK to Golf Clubs.
• OK to carry Billiard Cues.

How in the heck did they come up with the above list of permissables? Is there really a lot of demand to cuddle up with such items as these on passenger flights?

Actually there was another item that I did not put on the above list. It requires the Special Smartfella Treatment...

Allowed To Carry Knives with Blades of 2.36 Inches Or Less

Would such a blade be able to wreak as much havoc with one’s throat as a Box Cutter?

How did they come up with 2.36 inches? Is 2.36 inches harmless and 2.37 inches dangerous?

Would our Crack TSA Agents have had a government issued measuring tool to be able to quickly ascertain that your little 2.36 inch knife is not a dangerous 2.37 inch dagger?

Look on the bright side. The terrorist are probably too busy laughing at us to make bombs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: TSA,Transportation Security Administration,911,2.36 inches

The Freedom To Associate Is Running Amok

There appears to be an Association for darn near everything under the sun. We are all familiar with the likes of...

• American Cancer Society
• Mothers Against Drunk Driving
• National Geographic Society

There are many other associations that make the Smartfella say to himself, “Self, is this really necessary?”...

• American Restroom Association (I wonder if the hold their annual convention in the restrooms of major hotels in Las Vegas?).
• The Association for the Gifted (Does not sound Politically Correct to me).
• Guide Dog Foundation for the Blind (Is this so the blind can get guide dogs or is this association run by the guide dogs?).
• Girls Incorporated (Precursor to National Organization for Women?).
• National Muzzle Loading Rifle Association (Must have their annual convention in the back of very small hotels).
• Association for the Advancement of Artificial Intelligence (Robots are people too!).
• Overeaters Anonymous (Here is one that certainly must be expanding in Super Size Everything America ... Pun intended) These people might think they are anonymous but we can tell who they are without their Convention Name Badges.

Think I made these associations up? When will you begin to trust me? ... http://www.weddles.com/associations/

There is one Association that is much needed but does not seem to be on any list. There really ought to be an Association of Smartfellas.

Oh, silly me! There already is such an organization and I actually mentioned it above... The Association for the Gifted.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Associations

A “That’s Not News” Headline

I saw a headline in my newspaper that read as follows...

Room for Savings Found in Medicare

The people who feed us news think this is news. A better headline would be...

Anywhere You Look in Medicare Expenditures You Can See Money That Could Be Saved

Saying there is “room for saving” in Medicare is as nonsensical a headline, as these are...

• Magic Johnson Knows How To Bounce A Basketball
• Cancer Is Not Good For Your Health
• People Who Make Millions Of Dollars A Year Have A Lot Of Money

Just where does the article say we are going to save money? It says we are going to force labs that are paid through Medicare to accept less money and this will supposedly save close to $1 Billion a year.

I will agree that there are probably overcharges by the labs but can’t you just see the finders of this money saving idea saying to themselves, “We don’t have to look for savings any more because we have done such a good job of plugging this hole. Where is my Plugging Wasteful Spending Bonus money?”

If the head guy at Medicare would call me and ask for input, I would point him to Waste, Fraud & Abuse. I’m sorry to say he would probably respond to me, “What’s that?”

The same day I saw the headline that got me cranking on this posting, I saw this on TV...

• Last year $32.7 Billion was lost to Waste, Fraud & Abuse in Medicare.
• Last year $19.2 Billion was lost to Waste, Fraud & Abuse in Medicaid.
• My TV said this kind of money wasting has been going on for decades.

Does it make you wonder why our government can’t stop the Waste, Fraud & Abuse, if they know exactly how much was wasted, frauded & abused? They did not say that a whole bunch of money was wasted, frauded & abused. They very precisely say $32.7 & $19.2 Billion. That’s pretty specific. If they can tally it up, they must know where the Waste, Fraud & Abuse is happening. Go Get ‘Em, Guys!

I heard a member of Congress say this about the $32.7 & the $19.2 Billion...

Because things in the economy now are tight we are paying more attention to this kind of thing. In the past we were fairly indulgent.

The Smartfella has this to say about that...Thank heaven things are tight!

If you are like me, you stared at “fairly indulgent” for a long time.

There you go thinking the Smartfella made up the Congressman’s silly utterance. I swear on my little-bought book that this is what I heard him say.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Special message to Upa. Don’t add a comment to this blog posting telling me that “frauded” is not a word.

IceRocket Tags: Waste Fraud and Abuse,Medicare,Medicaid

I Have A New Hero

If any of you knew what’s in my head, and none of you know what’s in my head until it comes out of my mouth, this posting would not be a surprise to you.

What’s coming out of my head today is that I have new hero. He is Bill Belichick the Coach of the New England Patriots.

Several years ago, the New England Patriots NFL Football team was caught secretly taping upcoming opponent’s supposed to be secret practices. Their coach, Bill Belichick was reprimanded and fined and talked harshly to by an NFL Official or two. There is no recorded evidence that Coach Belichick paid any attention during the harsh words.

He was then sent back to his team and, based on his recent “Tim Tebow Is a Patriot” press conference; the football world is fairly certain he did not immediately launch into a standup comedy routine when he got back to the practice field.

Those of you who have been reading my Foolishness...Or Is Its over the years know that I am not a fan of the News Media. My unfondness for the News Media includes the Sports News Media.

I have come to feel this way because of the inane questions they ask. Have you ever been confronted by a young child who is going berserk trying to interrupt adults (who are trying to ignore the little interrupter) and when everyone stops, and looks at the little fellow to see what he has to say, they and he find out that he had nothing to say. He just wanted to get into the middle of what’s going on.

Sports News Reporters are much the same way. Here are a few examples to prove this point...

• Question to the coach who is beating his head against the wall: “Are you feeling disappointed because you just lost The Big Game on a 103 yard pass on fourth and 65 yards to go with no time left on the clock?”
• Question to the coach whose team had just won the Super Bowl using a second string quarterback who replaced the first string quarterback with more that half the regular season to go: “Coach, when the season started did you foresee that your first string quarterback was going to get hurt with more than half the regular season to go, be replaced by your second string quarterback and you would win the Super Bowl?” (I did not make this one up.)
• Are your players feeling badly because they just lost The Big Game to their Arch Rivals?

My Boy Bill just did his best to frustrate a clutch of bug-eyed reporters clamoring for controversy about the signing of Tim Tebow during a press conference that would be in my Hall of Fame if I there were such a thing as the Smartfella’s Drive The Sports Media Nuts Hall of Fame. The questions are not important but some of his answers are beautiful. Other answers were longer (not much) but still did not give the panting reporters any info...

• Tim is a talented player that is smart and works hard. We’ll see how it goes.
• None, we try to do what’s best for the team.
• We’re going to try to get better as a football team, individually and collectively, and that’s what we’re going to do.
• We’ll try to do what we think is best for our football team.
• I don’t know, we’ll see.
• We’ll see, I don’t know.
• He’s a talented guy, he’s smart, he’s works hard.
• He can do a lot of things – we’ve seen that.
• No.
• Yeah, I like Tim. I have a lot of respect for Tim.
• I’ve already said that.
• I’ve answered the question twice. He’s a talented player who is smart and works hard.
• Everybody has a job to do and I’m sure he’ll try to do it the best that he can.
• We’ll all try to do our jobs the best that we can.
• I think we’ve already talked enough about him. We’ll see how he does and just go from there.
• I think I’ve covered it.
• I haven’t talked to Vinny in a couple years.
• I don’t know.
• Four weeks, it’s four weeks. A week of training camp is a week of training camp. A regular season game is a regular season game. It all adds up every day. You do the math, I don’t know.
• He’ll do what he can do.
• They are.
• I don’t have anything to add.
• Whatever conversations I have with anybody would be between myself and that person anyways. I don’t think that’s anything that would be shared publicly.
• We’ll see how it goes.
• I don’t know.
• There are a lot of people in the organization that contributed in all decisions, like there usually are. I couldn’t put a percentage on it, if that’s what you’re looking for.
• I don’t know, you’d have to talk to them about that.
• You’d have to talk to them. I don’t want to represent what somebody else said or thought.

What a Guy! My Hero!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Flickr Tags: Bill Belichick,Tim Tebow,New England Patriots,NFL

Bring Back The Good Ole Punch In The Mouth

My newspaper just told me about someone who said something insulting to someone else and the Someone Else person is suing the Someone Said It Person.

Whatever happened to Freedom of Speech? Whatever happened to the Freedom to Insult Your Fellow Man? Now anytime anyone says anything that could be construed as an insult, the insulted person’s brother-in-law files a law suit on behalf of the insulted person. (Don’t tell me that we need to outlaw Brothers-In-Law when you know full well that they are a necessary evil.)

In the old days here is what would have happened when someone insulted someone...

• The Insulted Someone would have punched the Insulting Someone in the mouth.
• If the Insulting Someone would have gotten up, a crowd would have gathered to watch the fist fight.
• If the Insulting Someone did not get up, the crowd that did not gather would have continued shooting pool.
• If things really started getting out of hand, John Wayne would have ridden in and restored order.
• If ole John had a hankering he would have punched one or the other of the antagonists in the mouth.
• There would have been no law suits because the We Got Too Many Lawyers America had not been invented yet and, of course, no one dared to sue John Wayne.

In Modern Day Litigious America some or all of the following lawsuits would be filed...

• By the Insulted Person against the Insulting Person.
• By the Insulted Person against any bystander who chuckled when he overheard the insult.
• By the other brother-in-law of the Insulted Person who is suing because he was not given this case to handle. He was overheard to say, “My Insulted Brother-In-Law retained his other Brother-In-Law the last 3 times he tried to take advantage of our Judicial System. Don’t I get a turn? What am I, a potted plant? I can just as unscrupulous as the next guy.”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: It is my sad duty to report that in recent days I have asked a young waiter and, on another occasion, a young waitress if they ever heard of John Wayne. Both of them answered, “No”. I’m not going to ask this question anymore because that’s just too depressing.

LiveJournal Tags: Law Suits,John Wayne,Litigious,Freedom of Speech

I Am More Interesting Than You Are

I entertain myself because I notice things. You probably don’t notice the things that I notice. Some say I am sick and I am wasting my time. They do not understand how interesting it is to be interested in things.

Did I just hear you say, “OK, smart guy. Just what have you noticed lately that makes you so interesting”? OK, not as smart guy, I did hear you say that and here is what I noticed...

I started taking notice how the Entertainment Industry is saving us from having really high unemployment in the Good Ole USofA. After I have enlighten you, you will start looking for what I am about to tell you and only then will you give me credit for being the interesting person that I am...Or will u?

In looking at the credits after a particular very popular TV Show I took note of the fact that the wonderful people who work so hard to keep us constantly entertained appear to be employing extra unnecessary people to produce their shows.

They must be doing this for the purpose of holding down the Country’s Unemployment Rate because it is not possible that they need this many people to produce their shows, especially since it is beyond most of us exactly what it is a Producer does.

Here is a single example of the Producers that are employed to make this particular TV Show, which I took note of because I am a Noticer. The credits for the show listed the following...

• 5 Executive Producers
• 1 Co-Executive Producer
• 1 Producer
• 1 Co-Producer
• 3 Consulting Producers

It is really possible that they really need this many Producer Kind Of People?

Without getting my calculator out, I can make a wide guess that, when you consider all the TV Programs & Movies we are subjected to, our national unemployment rate would be considerably higher if our Entertainment Industry were not so patriotic and was not producing so many producer people.

Don’t forget to check out my keen observation revelation at the end of future TV Shows (be sure to wake up in time for the Credits.) You will be amazed and very thankful to our Patriotic Entertainment Industry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Technorati Tags: producers

Courtrooms Are For Final Determinations...Or Are They?

How many times have we heard, “We Will Have to Settle This in Court!”

Courtrooms are where we go to resolve the great issues of life, or so they tell us in the movies.

In actuality, it does not always work that way. A case in point is what Wells Fargo is going through as reported in my newspaper...

May 2013...A judge again ordered Wells Fargo to pay $203million to settle California Law Suit which had accused it of overcharging on overdrafts in checking accounts which reversed an award that had been thrown out August of 2010.

Two years and nine months later the thrown out decision is again the decision and they are back to square one.

The two sides are again saying to each other, “We Will Have to Settle This in Court!”

They ought to know better.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: Wells Fargo,Courtrooms,Judicial System

They Think We Are Stupid – Part Next

I bought a small nifty safe. The instructions in the Owner’s Manual either thinks I am stupid OR the attorneys are covering the butt of the manufacturer from being sued by the likes of stupid me. I think it is both.

========================

First We-Think-You-Are-Stupid Indicator...

The Instructions get to the second bullet before it shows that they are convinced I am stupid when they tell me...

Do not lock the key in the safe.

Is it possible that a Modern Educated American could be stupid enough to lock the key that opens the safe inside the safe?

What is really sad is they probably feel obligated to tell me this because of past experience where Modern Educated Americans have locked the keys to open their safes inside their locked safes.

=========================

Second We-Think-You-Are-Stupid Indicator...

Under the section called Locking Your Safe I am instructed to...

Close the lid. Once the safe is closed, the safe is securely locked.

They seem to think I think that a safe with the door left open is safely closed.

=========================

On The Other Hand, My Safe Manufacturer Seems To Think I Am Really Smart & Greedy...

On the side of the box containing my nifty safe is a picture of the safe with the door open that shows what could possibly be the contents of a nifty safe like this:

• A jeweled set of earrings and a matching bracelet which both look like they are covered with diamonds.
• A pistol.
• A packet of $1 bills with the band on the packet labeled “$100”.
• A single silver dollar on top of the $100 labeled packet.

On the side of the box is a Disclaimer that states...

“Contents shown are not included”

This was no surprise to me since the nifty safe itself only costs $50.

=========================

As faithful readers of my silly musings, I know you all have wondered from time to time how smart the Smartfella really is. I will now tell you how highly intelligent I am. If I could really obtain all the contents pictured on the side of the box, I would have bought two nifty safes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

When You Consider The Awful Status Of Almost Everything, This Posting Is Not That Important

Some say the world is going to Hell in a Hand Basket.

The Smartfella is thinking that the world just may already be in Hell sitting in that Hand Basket looking back at where it used to be.

=====================

Now for the not too important…

According to Yahoo Sports
HEADLINE: Tiger wins Players Championship with strong finish.
Text from the article: Woods closed out The Players Championship on Sunday like he has so many other tournaments: hitting big shot after big shot down the stretch.

According to the Wall Street Journal
HEADLINE: Woods Wobbles to Win
Text from the article: When Tiger Woods stood on the 14th tee Sunday, he held a three-shot lead and his march to victory seemed inexorable. But a weak hooked tee shot into the water on the hole made him scramble for his 78th career win.

What you wanna bet that the guy pecking out the Yahoo Sports article was not doing so with a baseball cap on (backwards) that read, “Tiger Is One Great Cat”.

This kind of blind reporting just might see this same guy starting a campaign to have Tiger “awarded” 5 more victories so he can pass Sam Snead.

Can’t you just see him pecking out something like, “Tiger deserves these 5 more wins. If he had not been such a complete jerk and so completely screwed up his personal, family and golfing life, he would have certainly won 5 more times.”

To the Smartfella’s way of thinking, no one should ever be allowed to pass Sam Snead because Slammin’ Sammy uttered the greatest line in the history of golf when he said, “I have always wanted to shoot a round of golf equal to my age. There is a lot of pressure on me to do that this year because I am 61 years old. Next year it will be too easy”. 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

More: As he grew older he shot his age many times. For example, in 1983, at age 71, he shot 60 at his home course, The Homestead. It really was too easy.

43 Things Tags: Sam Snead,Tiger Woods

Wanna Read Something Really Sad?

As seen in the newspaper recently...

What people in the past may have gotten from church, I get from the Internet and FaceBook. That is our religion.

All Is Lost!

I Wish I were Kidding u.

Smartfella

IceRocket Tags: FaceBook,Twitter

The Cheshire Cat Lives

The Smartfella thinks the Cheshire Cat has taken control of  the Same Sex Marriage issue.

According to the Wall Street Journal one of the main reasons why the Gay Population needs to have the rights and privileges of Same Sex Marriage is that they need to have the rights and privileges of Same Sex Divorce.

Would the WSJ kid us?

Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Cheshire Cat,Same sex marriage

Blue Ribbon Committee Needed

In 1982 Congress mandated that Nuclear Waste be stored deep underground in a Centralized Storage Facility. Congress thought this was a wise thing to do, so they did it. Congress always does wise things.

In 1987 Yucca Mountain in Nevada was chosen as the Centralized Storage Facility for all this yucky stuff.

In 1993, the Department of Energy (DOE) began grading work on first phase of the Centralized Storage Facility and also set waste acceptance to begin in 2010.

While Yucca Mountain was being built (employing a whole bunch of Nevadans) utilities all over the Fruited Plain, while waiting for the storage site to be selected and construction to be completed, have been storing all this nuclear waste inside cooling pools at nuclear reactor sites and paying the government to permanently dispose of the waste because a Nuclear Waste Fund was set up in 1982 to pay for the Centralized Storage Facility. The Centralized Storage Facility is being funded by fees collected on the generation of electricity from nuclear power plants all over the U.S.

But billions of dollars and decades later, the U.S. is back to square one.

Nevada wasn't happy hosting the nation's nuclear waste dump. After all those Nevadans had received all those construction paychecks all those years, now they are not happy. The current administration formally pulled the plug on Yucca Mountain and its Centralized Storage Facility in 2010.

Wow! Is it not interesting that, after all those Nevadans received all those pay checks, 2010 is the year the plug is pulled? How good is your short term memory? If you go back up earlier in this posting you will find these words in bold, “waste acceptance to begin in 2010”.

Below is a view inside Yucca Mountain. The view is looking down the main tunnel shaft (“main” means there are more than this one shaft) which descends over 5 miles into Yucca Mountain. Does this prior sentence give you some sense as to how big this project was? All that money spent over all those years of construction and we tax payers now own a gigantic hole in the ground that will never to be used.

The hole has swallowed just under 100 Billion Dollars. In case you forgot what the Smartfella has tried to teach you in the past, that’s just under 100 Thousand Million Dollars.
                         
Since we have dumped just under 100 Thousand Million Dollars into that hole in the ground, we ought to use the hole for something. The Smartfella recommends we use it to store the contents of our Federal Graft and Corruption Monies Yet To Be Handed Out Fund (the hole might not be big enough).

You are thinking I made up the existence of such a fund but you are not sure I made it up, are you?

As all of my dear readers always expect of me, I don’t just cry wolf. I actually propose remedies for the Governmental Foolishness I point out to you.

The reason why this project was canceled after spending just under 100 Thousand Million Dollars is that Nevada has a very powerful Senator representing it in Congress.

The crux of the problem is this Senator is too powerful. Congress ought to appoint a Blue Ribbon Committee to determine who the least powerful Senator in the Senate at this time. Once that determination is made they can slam our Nuclear Waste Plans down these weakly represented constituent’s collective throats.

However, my plan will never work. Do you see the reason why?...
Twenty five years from now (after we have spent a heck of a lot more than 100 thousand million dollars) that least powerful Senator will be a very powerful Senator and, after his constituents have sucked in twenty five years of pay checks, the project will be canceled by President Chelsea Clinton.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Two Significant Contributors To Our Economy & Their Equally Dramatic Effect On Employment

One of these Significant Contributors to our economy has been performing its employment magic for many years. The other is on the cusp of becoming a major contributor to Employment in the Good Ole USofA ...

The American Civil Liberties Union

These ACLU guys are everywhere. Without them unemployment would be through the roof.

Bomb Sniffing Dogs

As a result of The Marathon Bombing last Monday, if you can qualify to be a Bomb Sniffing Dog, you will be able to support your family for a long time into the foreseeable future.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: ACLU,Bomb Sniffing Dogs,Marathon Bombers,Unemployment