A young Eager-To-Succeed New Federal Employee is hired and told he has one job and that is to know where Hunter Biden is at all times. At first his job is a piece of cake but out of the blue one day he finds he is in deep trouble because Hunter has disappeared and he fears his Cushy Federal Career is at an end!
Fella is not here to say Eager-To-Succeed could come to me and I will always be able to tell him where Hunter is but I can assure you (and him) that I can narrow down his search for him. I will always be able to give him a for certain where Hunter is not and then he only has to look everyplace else which means he can find Hunter more quickly than he could have if I had not narrowed his field of search for him.
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Oops! Did I forget to
tell you where Hunter is not? Forgive me...
With absolute certainty I could always assure you (and him) that Hunter Is Not In Jail but there is a good chance Jail Is exactly where I will be going if my local Library can carry through with its recent threats directed at me.
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As you may remember we recently moved. Since the move we have been to our Local Public Library several times, we have borrowed and returned a few books. Our library, however, says we did not return one of the books we borrowed and it has sent me a carefully worded threat that has me very nervous about the possibility that I may be heading for Jail...
...If such person shall thereafter willfully and knowingly fail to return such article within 15 days, such person shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction thereof, shall be punished by a fine of not more than $500 or imprisonment for not more than 30 days.”
(Fella did the underlining)
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Do you see why I’m feeling less than loved and warmly welcomed in my new county of residence?
I bet Hunter never received such a nasty letter as this nasty letter is nasty.
If, after I unpack my 30 overnight bags and look in the next cell and see Hunter in there, I promise I will text Young Eager-To-Succeed New Federal Employee and tell him that he should come look in the cell next to mine.
However, I do not think I will ever send such a text message because there ain’t no way Hunter is gonna be in any jail cell anywhere in the Good Ole USofA even if he were to check out and not return a half dozen books from my Local Public Library.
Hunter is not afraid of my Local Public Library but I sure am.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Here is what I did. I threw in the towel. I called my library and begged to be allowed to pay for the lost book (which I really think I have already returned). I did this because I knew that my Local Public Library had many lawyers at its disposal and I do not even have a brother-in-law who used to be a lawyer. I paid $28.99 for that book I probably already returned.
Lagniappe Part 2: Now I am sitting here perplexed and trying to understand how a measly $28.99 could be equated to a $500 fine or 30 days in a jail cell that is not even next to Hunter Biden’s Jail Cell.
(Fella did the underlining)
4 comments:
Well, at least they didn’t turn your case over to the library investigations officer or send the library cop to your home.
Merry Christmas.
My uncle Lou actually served time for this - and for other things too. Lou wasn't very smart, and he couldn't even read. He stole an old book from the library, thinking he could sell it on eBay, sort of as a trial run meaning that, if it worked, he would start a pipeline of books to eBay. Turns out, that book was important to somebody, and they set a trap for him by buying it on Ebay and then catching him.
So, Lou ended up spending 5 days in jail for it. Good news is that he had do reading lessons as part of his probation.
After getting out, Lou developed a real appreciation for books...comic books though. I'm guessing he was looking for an angle in that market.
I THINK YOU ARE OK ON THE JAIL TIME OR FINE. FOR NUISANCE CRIME OF NOT RETURNING A BOOK GENERALLY HERE IN YOUR STATE OF BIRTH THAT IS TAGGED ONE TO FEEL GOOD LEGISLATION. THE LEGISLATOR FEELS GOOD ON GETTING IT PASSED AND THE LIBRARY GANG FEELS GOOD AS SOMEONE LIKES THEM AND DOES NOT BELIEVE THEY WORK FOR A LIBRARY TO GET UNDERAGE KIDS PORN.
Dear, Long-Suffering Fella,
I too had a most serious adventure at my library, except I was not almost positive I had returned the book in question, I was for certain, certainly sure I had returned it. No amount of protest sufficed until I went to the library, scanned the shelf and found the book. I took it to the Check In and showed the two barcodes on the front; one was used to check it out, the other to "check it in." I had to explain this carefully but then, the apology was quick: "Oh, okay." If I had not found it, the next step would have been incarceration, as you say.
Faithful Reader
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