Making News Neat & Tidy Is Hard Work

Have you ever noticed how often huge numbers reported by the News Media are exactly exact? It is not uncommon to see these kinds of numbers in news reports...

• It has been reported that attacks by security forces have killed 2,300 demonstrators.
• There have been 211,600 patients stricken with this dire debilitating abnormality in the last 3 years.
• Paying for this mortgage assistance program has cost the taxpayers $2,767,600,000 since it was approved by Congress 4 years ago.

The above exactly exact figures are strange enough but recent reports have brought to light unsettling information about how the News Media just might have complete control over the numbers they report in their stories.

It is even more baffling when there is More Than One Exactly Exact Number in a single story...

Since the uprising commenced 8 months ago, 17,600 demonstrators have been killed, 63,700 have been injured and 8,200 have been reported missing.

My sources tell me, speaking on the condition of anonymity because there is no way the anonymously speaking people can know what the heck they are talking about, the News Media keeps in constant contact with the people who are making the story the story and are actively involved in orchestrating Story Numerical Configurations.

Tweets are constantly going back and forth between the News Media and the Story People to make sure story numbers are Neat & Tidy. Below is a series of Tweets my Twit Interceptor captured involving a recent big time news story...

• Ok, we have reached a good stopping number for the Killings. Hold up on any more Killings for now.
• We are getting close to a good stopping point for an Injured number. Thanks for your attention to detail in making some of the protestors injured instead of making them dead.
• We are, however, quite a ways from an acceptable Missing People number. Could you please crank it up a bit regarding the quantity you are causing to go Missing? We are anxious to publish this story and your slow progress in this area is starting to annoy some of our staff.

Actually the Smartfella has a lot of admiration for our New Media regarding their efforts to keep the news Neat & Tidy. He has always been a very persnickety person. Neat & Tidy is a big part of who he is.

Would I kid u?