Safe, Secure And Protected From Everything

It gives me a great sense of security to know that “they” are looking out for me at all times. On the other hand, there are times that I wish “they” would leave me to my own devices (whatever that means).

The other day I was sitting in a nice quiet restaurant waiting for my nice quiet lunch to arrive and I took note of the following...

Contents Under Pressure, bottle may burst or cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Be sure to always point away from face and people, especially while opening.

I have never been attacked by a soda pop bottle and now that I have wasted my time reading this warning you can bet I will never be attacked by a soda pop bottle in the future.

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It was many years ago as I was assembling a bicycle on Christmas Eve when I first became aware that “they” were looking out for me (and my son).

I had just laid out all the parts on the floor. There were about 50 parts to be assembled into what was to become my son’s new bicycle. I opened up the instructions and the first two entries on the Assembly List were the following warnings...

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. THIS IS NOT AN EXAMPLE OF MY CREATIVE FOOLISHNESS.

Warning #1... This product must be assembled by a competent person.
I looked behind myself and found no one back there, so I went ahead with my project.

Warning #2... This product must be assembled before use.
Having already laid out the 50 parts, I already knew that they had to be assembled.

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Are you ready? Here comes the official start of my Creative Foolishness...

Nerf Balls were invented to keep our little ones from hurting themselves (bent fingers, black eyes, broken finger nails, bruised chest tissue, etc.). The question facing us today is... Is there still child endangerment lurking in Nerf Balls?

Is it not possible that a little American could get his family scissors and cut the Nerf Ball into pieces small enough that he could try to eat the little tasty looking nerf ball pieces and get them caught in his little throat and choke his little self to death?

The way I see it the Little People Protection Association of America* (LPPAA) ought to organize a nationwide effort to get all Nerf Balls removed from harm’s way. In every home they ought to be placed on a high shelf out of reach from small people. Then and only then will our little ones be Safe, Secure and Protected.

Will little Americans miss their Nerf Balls? I’m sure they will but this action is being recommended for their own good.

In the future, the fathers of America can periodically lift up their children and let them gaze upon the Family’s Nerf Ball. As a matter of fact, Child Lifting to allow Child Gazing ought to be a Federal Law. That ought to do it.

Would I kid u?
* The LPPAA National Convention is held every year in Las Vegas on the first weekend of July. Free admission can be obtained by bringing a dangerous child toy for analysis by the Top Shelf Committee.