This Is An Emergency!

The reporters covering the “Peaceful” Protests in Portland are struggling to continue covering this ongoing story because their Word Processors have run out of the words, “protest(s) turn(s) violent”. Here are some actual headlines...

Ø Portland Protest Turns Violent, Federal Police Clear Plaza

Ø Portland Protests Turn Violent, Riot Declared

Ø Portland Protest Turns Violent, Brutal Assault Caught On Video

Certain phrases are also short supply in these dire times like:

Ø mostly peaceful protesters

Ø peaceful protesters burn down public building

Ø mostly peaceful protesters non-violently burn down most of courthouse

This is serious! If you have any of these badly needed words/phrases you can spare, please send them to:

Reporters Covering Peaceful Protesters R Us

Po Box 666

Portland, OR 97201

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

They Chose Their Own Title and It Fits Them To A T...Or does it?

Members of our 9% Approval Rated Congress long ago decided to bestow on themselves a Title. To come up with what they considered an appropriate title they formed a Committee (they always form a committee). The Committee being guided by Roberts Rules of Title Bestowing went to the Roberts Book of Titles to find the Perfect Title to describe a Member of our Congress.

The Committee blew right past the section that they should have been using...“Appropriate Titles Based on Past Performance” and concentrated their search efforts on the section no Honorable Politician (is Honorable Politician an Oxymoron?) would have ever dared to look into...“Titles Meant to Obfuscate and Confuse” and came up with the most inappropriate Title you could ever imagine for a Member of Congress...“Honorable”.

That’s when the Folks Back Home looked at each other and said to their collective selves, “We are in deep trouble now”. 

************

I took a modicum of Bloggers License with this Blog Posting. It is not just Members of Congress who are addressed as “Honorable”.

In the United States, “honorable” is used as a title of courtesy for current and former public officials. (In England, there are strict rules about who gets the title.) U.S. usage varies, because there is no official etiquette; the honorific is often used for judges and justices, members of Congress, governors, mayors, and members of state legislatures.

All these people may be called “Honorable” but George Washington had a slightly different but much better way of looking at this honorable question. He once said that of all the titles that could be bestowed upon him, the one he wanted to keep forever was, “Honest Man”. 

Legend has it that President Washington never told a lie. I would like to quibble with this legend. I once read where he said as he was leaving Washington, D.C. for the last time, “I have enjoyed my time in this fine city”. That had to be a lie.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella 

Lagniappe: Heart Surgeon and Lung Transplant Surgeon Doctor Bill Frist is a Former Senate Majority Leader. This is what he thinks we think about Members of Congress and me thinks he is correct...“Folks trust their doctor. They don’t trust their congressman”.

This Is Getting Ridiculous!

On more than one occasion I have published the Blog Posting below. It tells a frightening story about how bad our 9% Approval Rated Congress is with regard to Understanding Arithmetic...

Too Many Members of Congress Can’t Handle Basic Arithmetic

This may seem elementary to those of you who have gone through the 5th grade.

Lots of numbers are being thrown around our 9% Approval Rating Congress these days. I watched in amazement recently on CSPAN as one of our elected "leaders" said the following …

"My good friend from across the aisle has just voiced strong opposition to my proposal to spend $10 Billion to convert all states that are using Paper Ballots to Electronic Voting Machines and to convert all states who are using Electronic Voting Machines to Paper Ballots. I continue to be amazed at the short sightedness of the Opposition Party and their ongoing inability to handle basic arithmetic with regard to a mere $10 Billion price tag."

"I am sure that the folks back home have no problem with spending $10 Billion for such a worthy project. They understand that 10 is not a big number. 11 is bigger than 10 and so is 12. If I were asking for 18, that ought to give pause to the taxpayers as to how their money is being spent but 10 is only 10.  It is hardly more than 9."

"Beam me up Lord. I can no longer stand being around these penny-pinchers who are not smarter than a 5th grader."

Ok, I admit I made up all of the above…Or did I?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

************

Today my sources are telling me it is a lot worse than I ever imagined. It seems that Members of Congress are particularly unable to comprehend percentages and this lack of comprehension on their part is going to cost us all dearly.

This back and forth took place yesterday between Senator Foghorn Leghorn and Senator Yosemite Sam.

 

       Senator Foghorn Leghorn (SFL)...If I understand you right, My Good Friend Yosemite, you are saying that the Folks Back Home are very much in favor of your Gigantic Tax Increase. You are using percentages to support your proposal. I am ill at ease with your use of percentages because you know full well that all of your fellow good friend Senators have always had problems understanding percentages. I do trust you, My Good Friend, but please explain.

·        Senator Yosemite Sam (SYS)...Yes siree bob! You’re darn tootin! The folks back home are dying for a Gigantic Increase in their Taxes! Bear with me, My Good Friend, I’ll explain it to you. Have I ever lied to you before?

·        SFL...I can’t say with certainty you have lied but it does seem, when I started to suspect in the past that you might be about to lie to me, you always start using percentages.

·        SYS...Why, My Good Friend, you got me this time. I do do that instinctively but, to be honest with you, I don’t understand percentages either. I do know this, percentage usage has gotten more legislation passed in Congress than has bribery and that’s saying a lot!

·        SYS...Here is the proof that the folks back home are asking for a Gigantic Tax Increase that my crack team of obfuscators have come up with...
>.47% of that the Folks Back Home are very much in favor of my Gigantic Tax Increase.
>I know I have probably lost you already because you see that percent sign after that .47 and there may be a chance that you are thinking to yourself, “Self, that does not sound like a lot of folks”.
>If I understood what I was talking about, it might not sound like a lot to me either but bear with me because my crack team of obfuscators has worked very hard on this obfuscation.
>Further analysis has shown that .97% of this .47%, are not only in favor of a Gigantic Tax Increase, but they are wanting the Gigantic Tax Increase to be retroactive to last January 1.
>I really don’t see the need to explain further. I am fairly certain that 97% is almost 100% and, I also think, 100% is all of the living folks back home and fair portion of the deceased voters who will be going to the polling places in the upcoming election.

************

There you have it. This is proof that we all want to be taxed up the wazoo. Even if you have trouble with percentages, we can all agree that 97 out of 100 is a strong mandate for anything.

Senator Yosemite Sam has earned a well deserved reputation as a strong debater. Some say it is because of his liberal use of language that included lots of “Yes siree bobs!” and “You’re darn tootins!” and “You long eared galoot!” and “I’ll give you a taste of leather!” and “You just yupped yourself into a hole in the head!” and “Oooooo! I’ll blast your head off for this!” and “You forced me to use force”, his shouting all the time and his ever present 2 six-shooters but I disagree. I think, while he may say that percentages confuse him, he is an Accomplished Master of Percentages and creating Glazed Over Looks in the eyes of his Good Friends in the Senate when he starts throwing around those Percent Signs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: One thing for sure you'll never see Yosemite Sam in a Safe Place.

They Teach Our Children

I went to a meeting a few years ago where the navigator on the B-29 (the Enola Gay) that had dropped the first Atomic Bomb was the featured speaker.

His name was Theodore Van Kirk.

He has since died at the age of 93 on July 28, 2014.

He said during his address to us that he had made many presentations over the years to schools.

One time he was introduced by a faculty member at a high school who told the assembly that he was a veteran of World War 2.

Of course, that is normally written WW II. 

She introduced him as a veteran of, "World War Eleven".

These Historically Challenged "teachers" are “teaching” our children. 😞

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

How Dare You!

One of my Young Dear Readers who is a College Freshman just sent me an email. In it he told me a horrifying story about what has happened to him at his University. I am so glad he did it in Bullet Point Format because it will greatly help me to put together this Blog Posting...

Ø Up until the Wuhan Virus attacked us several months ago he thought all was going well in his new college life.

Ø He was pleased with how he was progressing and had accumulated a very acceptable Grade Point Average in the courses he had already completed.

Ø In March all of his courses were changed to Online Courses Instruction.

Ø As time went on he had become comfortable with learning via the Internet.

Ø Recently he was surprised to receive a phone call from the Dean of his school of instruction.

Ø The Dean told him he wanted to conduct a Sheltering in Place Progression Interview.

Ø There were no difficult questions during the Sheltering in Place Progression Interview phone call but it seemed to my Young Dear Reader that the interview was more of a chit chat than an actual interview.

Ø After about 4 minutes the Dean’s voice changed from one of pleasant conversation to tense agitation, and as my Young Dear Reader was in the middle of what he thought was a rather insightful and intelligent answer to the latest question, the Dean interrupted him and said, “I’ve heard enough!” and hung up without even saying good bye.

My Young Dear Reader told me he just sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes. He did not know what had just happened but two days later he found out the awful truth of what had just happened.

************

His answer came in the form of a Snail Mail Letter from his University. It read as follows...

“Dear Young Dear Reader,

We have been growing increasingly concerned about the written papers you have been submitting for you class assignments, therefore, we decided to conduct an Interview to Check You Out. We could not have been more shocked at your performance during this Interview!

Our suspicions were aroused because of the antiquated practices you employed in these written assignments. The use of capitalizations and punctuation is something we have not seen at this university for many years.

The phone call was necessary to verify our suspicions. We now know for certain that you, my good man, are Using Proper Grammar! This is unacceptable and will not be tolerated at this University now or at any time in the future!

As a result of this transgression of yours, you are barred from any further participation in all courses that you are presently enrolled in and your College Record will officially show the awarded grades as Withdrawn Failure.

In addition, all courses which you have already completed will have the Incorrect Grade of Record changed to “F Minus”, which, of course, stands for Failure Really Bad!

If you decide you want to force the issue and continue your course of instruction at our University simply because you feel entitled since you have already paid our Exorbitant and Unjustifiable Tuition, you cannot expect any higher Grade than “F Minus” until we have been convinced that you are screwing up the English Language as completely as every one of your Fellow More Enlightened Students.

Two Bits! Four Bits! Six Bits a Dollar! All for Rutgers Stand Up and Holler!

Sincerely,

Dean I. M. Silly”

************

If you wanna read all about it, click the link below...

Rutgers University has declared Use of Proper Grammar Racist

https://pjmedia.com/culture/rick-moran/2020/07/26/rutgers-university-declares-grammar-racist-n706569

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

We Must Have Empathy For Those That Can’t Cut The Mustard!

The people who don’t have the ability to accomplish much of anything in life are always made to feel badly because society has labeled them as failures.

This is unfair! Failures are people too! Put yourself in their shoes! How would you feel if you were not worth a chit?

We now understand the awful predicament these underachievers have to suffer through and the good people at Mediocre R Us have started finalizing compromises with various organizations to begin to rectify this Societal Persecution.

The Medical Community was one of the first targets that Mediocre R Us determined it was going to “fix” and the American Medical Association recently issued this Press Release...

“We now understand that Failing Medical Students have a desire to succeed as strong as any of the brilliant students in their class. Their disappointment at not being able to measure up is extreme to say the least. We now understand that the only thing that has been standing between them and their Life-Long Dream was the minor formality of a Numerical Passing Grade.

In recognition of their Extreme Effort and their Unbounded Desire to Succeed, we are proud to announce that we have come up with a new grade to replace the Heartless Failing Grades from the past.

We will now be presenting every one of our failed students with a Passing Failing Grade and each of them will now receive their Brain Surgeon Diploma.

Our New Mottos Is...Failure Is Not An Option In Our Brain Surgery Schools!

The American Medical Association is confident that each person with a problem inside their head looks forward with great hope and anticipation to have their brains worked on by these Less Skilled but Eager to Give You Their Best Surgeons.”

************

It is wonderful to remember that all of this Feel Good Enlightenment started 35 years ago when the first Participation Trophies were presented on the Soccer Fields of the Good Ole USofA.

Major Strides of Enlightenment begin small. At the time they may seem like Baby Steps but they are really the Giant Strides of Compassionate Progress!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

All Is Lost! The Wheels Are Off The Wagon! The FauciVirus Has Won!

I just read the Devastating News!

If I told you that the FauciVirus is increasing by more than 4,000%, you would agree with me the Subject of this Blog Posting...Or would u?

Oh yea, I forgot to tell you the worst news. I got this awful news from the Internet, so you know it is true!...Or is it?

************

Thanks our lucky starts the Late Paul Harvey is visiting me in my Computer Cave today and he has directed me to tell you The Rest of the Story...

Here is the quote from the Internet article that gave us this Devastating News:

In northeast Louisiana's Madison Parish, the summer spike brought 133 new coronavirus cases in the worst week in June, an increase of more than 4,000% over the three cases reported during the worst week of April's peak.

• According to the 2010 Census there were 12,093 people living in Madison Parish, Louisiana.
• If we divide 133 New Cases by 12,093 Population we get 0.01099809807326552551062598197304225585.
  >Father Hatrel told me to move the decimal place 2 to the right to get the percentage... 1.099809807326552551062598197304225585% (Is that better?)
• The article does not tell us how many of the 133 new cases have resulted in death but I did find out elsewhere that, as of July 29, there were only 6 Total Deaths in the parish since Doctor Fauci attacked us in February.
• If we divide 6 Total Deaths by 12,093 Population we get 0.00049615480029769288017861572810716943.
  >Father Hatrel told me to move the decimal place 2 to the right to get the percentage... .049615480029769288017861572810716943% (Is that better?)

I apologize for not having a Premium Calculator so I could have carried the above 2 calculations out to a more precise number of Decimal Places.

In case you want to cancel your subscription to the publication that chooses to make such a Devastating Mountain out of such an Insignificant Molehill, this Foolishness came to us from USA Today.

Here is the link to the whole article...https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/2020/08/01/louisiana-second-covid-19-wave-worse-than-first-no-1-per-capita/5558862002/

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Don’t Be Fooled Into Wasting Your Time Clicking On Deceptive Internet Headlines

I saw this Deceptive Internet Headline on 7/25/20.

This one makes you want to click on the link because we all heard that Tom Hanks and his Celebrity Wife had contracted Coronavirus while in Australia earlier this year. We find ourselves panicking and saying to our Collective Selves, “Oh no! Not Tom! Oh no! Not Tom’s Celebrity Wife!”.

Here is the Deceptive Headline...

"Braking News! Sad News For Tom Hanks and His Wife!"

Our reaction is...

Oh My Gosh! Tom Hanks and/or his Celebrity Wife is/are going to die! I just got to read all about it!

A Couple of Paragraphs from the Article read...

 “Tom Hanks is no doubt one of the greatest actors in Hollywood. He is an American icon celebrated for the amazing roles he has performed. But what has he been doing since he got back from Australia this year? The academy award winner created a stir last week when he announced his new CBD line, on Live TV. 

Now that the world has finally accepted the incredible health benefits of CBD, Tom has revolutionized a safe, legal line of CBD products that have become extremely popular.”

But where is the “Sad News” promised in the Headline?

Could it be that Tom Hanks and His Celebrity Wife are going to make a lot of money and we are not?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Don’t be hard on me for clicking on the link and wasting my time while warning you to not click on these kinds of links and wasting your time. I did it because I could see it was Phony and I wanted to write a Blog Posting about it. I bet you are glad I did...Or are you glad?

The New Litter Age

Throughout history we have traveled through many Ages...Stone Age, Bronze Age, Iron Age, Atomic Age, Information Age, etc. We are presently laboring through the Misinformation Age.

At the same time we have been passing through the various iterations of The Litter Ages.

For awhile it looked like we were going to be covered up with Cigarette Butts but the Surgeon General saved us from the ravages of the Cigarette Butt Litter Age.

Now we are sliding down the slippery slope of the FauciVirus Litter Age.

Did I just hear you say that Fella has lost it again? Whenever you say such unkind things like this about me it hurts me deeply but this time I have proof of which I speak.

Here are several pictures I took yesterday is the rather small parking lot of my nearest Aldi Grocery Store...

 

Again I heard what you just said to yourself. You said, “I can’t believe Fella went to all the silly trouble to take these foolish pictures”.

To be perfectly honest with you, I can’t believe I went to all this trouble either.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Do We Really Have Unlimited Money in Our Treasury?

If we do have unlimited money in our Treasury, why do we even bother keeping track of our National Debt which is now fast approaching $27 Trillion?...

Remember that’s 27 Thousand Billion Dollars

That's about $215,000 and Growing Every Second for Every Taxpayer in the Good Ole USofA

These Numbers Are Always Wrong Because As Soon As You Type The Number It Has Jumped to Higher Number

************

I will not contend that I have read all of the Coronavirus Stimulus Bills (or that I understand all of what I did read) but I cringe when I read such language as, “as well as whatever funds are necessary”.

Can any government survive if it has to open the Money Spigot every time some member of our 9% Approval Rated (& falling) Congress says, “You have to spend the money I am demanding because it is necessary and necessary is specified in the Coronavirus Stimulus Bills!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Am Proposing That We Change Anything and Everything That Is Named After Any Historical Figure That Owned Slaves and or Supported Slavery During Their Lifetime...Or am I?

This is going to be a Herculean Task of Epic Proportions and is going to keep us busy for many decades to come.

We will have to start Changing Anything and Everything somewhere so I recommend we start with our First President, George Washington.

Here is a list of Cities, Towns, Villages, Educational Institutions, Forts, Houses, Mountains, Parks, Ports, Neighborhoods, Bridges, Roads and (that ole standby) Other Things that are named after our First President...

Cities/ Towns/ Villages:

·         Fort Washington, California

·         Fort Washington, Maryland

·         Fort Washington, Pennsylvania

·         George, Washington, a city in Grant County

·         Georgetown, Kentucky

·         Georgetown, Massachusetts

·         Little Washington, Virginia

·         Mount Washington, Massachusetts

·         Port Washington, New York

·         Port Washington, Wisconsin, city

·         Port Washington (town), Wisconsin

·         Washington, Connecticut

·         Washington, D.C., the U.S. capital

·         Washington, Georgia

·         Washington, Illinois

·         Washington, Indiana

·         Washington, Iowa

·         Washington, Massachusetts

·         Washington Township, Gratiot County, Michigan

·         Washington Township, Macomb County, Michigan

·         Washington Township, Sanilac County, Michigan

·         Washington, Missouri

·         Washington, New Hampshire

·         Washington, New Jersey

·         Washington, North Carolina

·         Washington, Pennsylvania

·         Washington, Virginia

·         Washington Court House, Ohio

·         Washington Crossing, Pennsylvania

·         Washington Terrace, Utah

·         Washingtonville, New York

·         Washingtonville, Pennsylvania 

---

Educational Institutions:

·         Central Washington University in Ellensburg, Washington

·         Eastern Washington University in Cheney, Washington

·         Georgetown College in Georgetown, Kentucky

·         The George Washington University in Washington, D.C.

·         University Of Washington in Seattle, Washington

·         Washington and Jefferson College in Washington, Pennsylvania

·         Washington and Lee University in Lexington, Virginia

·         Washington College in Chestertown, Maryland

·         Washington Medical College, defunct medical institution in Baltimore

·         Washington State University in Pullman, Washington

·         Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri

·         Western Washington University in Bellingham, Washington

---

Forts:

·         Fort Washington, a fortified position near the north end of Manhattan Island

·         Fort Washington, a frontier outpost at Cincinnati

·         Fort Washington, a still-extant earthworks fortification in Cambridge

·         Fort Washington, Maryland

---

Houses:

·         Washington Place, Honolulu

---

Mountains:

·         Mount Washington (Nevada) (11,658 ft.)

·         Mount Washington (6,288 ft.), highest point of New Hampshire

·         Mount Washington (Oregon) (7,794 ft.)

·         Mount Washington (Cascades) (4,400+ ft.)

·         Mount Washington (Olympics) (6,260 ft.)

---

Parks:

·         Washington Crossing Historic Park in Pennsylvania

·         Washington Crossing State Park in New Jersey

·         Washington Park, Florida

·         Washington Park, Illinois

·         Washington Park, North Carolina

·         Washington Square Park, New York City

·         Washington Square Park, Philadelphia

·         Washington Square (Salt Lake City, Utah)

---

Ports

·         Port Washington, New York

·         Port Washington, Ohio

·         Port Washington, Wisconsin

---

Neighborhoods:

·         Washington Heights, Chicago

·         Washington Heights, Manhattan

·         Mount Washington, Pittsburgh

·         Washington's Landing, Pittsburgh

·         Washington Terrace, St. Louis

---

Bridges and Roads:

·         George Washington Bridge, crossing the Hudson River between New Jersey to New York

·         George Washington Memorial Parkway in Washington, D.C., maintained by the U.S. National Park Service

·         Washington Bridge, across the Harlem River in New York City

·         Washington Bridge (Providence) in Providence, Rhode Island

·         Washington Crossing Bridge (Pittsburgh), in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

·         Washington Circle in the District of Columbia

·         Washington Avenue (disambiguation), several streets

---

Others:

·         Washington (U.S. state)

·         Washington Island (Wisconsin)

·         Washington-on-the-Brazos, Texas

·         Washington Monument

When you consider all the other Historical Figures That Owned Slaves and/or Supported Slavery During Their Lifetimes, removing them from everywhere they are is going to take a long time.

This I know for certain...

For many years now Tattoo Artists have been fast moving up the list of the Wealthiest People in the Good Ole USofA. I expect the Sign Painters will overtake and pass the Tattoo Artists before the Tattoo Artists notice the Sign Painters have started moving up the Got A Whole Bunch of Money Ladder.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella