Will We Ever Hear A Mother Say Again, “Come Home When The Street Lights Come On”? If We Ever Did, That Unfit Mother Would Certainly Be Arrested.

1st Bit of Foolishness...

Like that GEICO Commercial says. “Congress is confused. ... Everybody Knows That”, below are two pieces of legislation Congress spent time working on that proves this point...

The No Child Left Inside Act of 2011 S.1372 H.R.2547

The No Child Left Outside Act of 2011 H.R.2818

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2nd Bit of Foolishness...

What was it Strother Martin said to Cool Hand Luke in Cool Hand Luke?

Ah yes, I remember. He said, “What we have here is a make Work Program”.

Here I go confusing you again. I am referring to the growing practice in the Good Ole USofA to hire security guards to accompany our children every time they leave the house.

Don’t knock it. A lot of families depend on these Private Security Guard/Nanny Jobs to support their families.

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3rd Bit of Foolishness...

If you are not depressed after reading this sign, you read it too fast. Go back and read it more slowly. If it still does not depress you, you again read it too fast.

The last Bullet Point for a sign like this ought to be, “If you find something fun to do that is not listed on this sign, Don’t Do It!”

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4th Bit of Foolishness...

Good News & Bad News

First the Bad News... I could go on forever with examples like this.

Now the Good News... I won’t go on forever.

Remember the Subject of this Blog Posting? I talked about Street Lights & Motherhood & Arresting. In the former Good Ole USofA what you are going to read below falls into the category of, “Progress”.

July 30, 2014 6:42 PM

A Florida mother faces charges of child neglect for allowing her 7-year-old son to walk alone to a neighborhood park to play, authorities said on Wednesday.

&

In a similar case earlier this summer, a South Carolina mother was arrested for allowing her 9-year-old daughter to play alone at a park while she worked.

The above two examples are what’s happening now. In case you forgot, this is what our world was like in the 1950s...

I like the old days. Does that make me an awful person?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(395)

So What New In Liberia This Fine Day?

My newspaper tells me, “Liberia Health System Collapsing as Ebola Spreads”

The Smartfella has this to say about that...

• That’s not news.
• This is to be expected in Liberia.
• Are you really surprised because I’m not.

As usual the Smartfella is way ahead of his newspaper. Here is what he blogged about Liberia on February 24, 2008...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2008/02/raising-children-again.html

Don’t ever doubt me!

That kid is back and he is seeing dead people...

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(89)

I May Have Already Blogged About Everything There Is To Blog About... Or Have I?

On March 4, 2007 I blogged about my local newspaper’s ongoing practice of labeling certain of its news articles, “Must Read”. To get the full flavor of today’s posting (that’s the one you are reading at this moment), you really ought to go back and read what I blogged about back in March ’07...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2007/03/required-reading.html

Today my newspaper has labeled a “Must Read” Article that I did read because I am required to read it because it is labeled “Must Read” and I am one to always follow instructions.

The article was not headlined with earth shaking attention getting wording like...

Hamas, While Making No Long-Term Commitments But In A Definite Show of Compassion, Pledges To Only Kill Every Other Israeli Instead Of Killing Every Israeli, As Has Been Their Previously Stated Position

Now that would be a headline that would get the world’s attention. It would certainly swing a lot of Public Opinion Holders worldwide into the Hamas camp.

Today’s “Must Read” headline is...

Utah Woman Denied Rescue After Dog Tussles With Goat

It is not a requirement of mine that you must read this Dog/Goat article, but, if you are one of those that think I make things up, you can click on the link below…

http://whtc.com/news/articles/2014/aug/06/utah-woman-denied-rescue-after-dog-tussles-with-mountain-goat/

This is the part of the article that caught my attention in this bit of cracker jack news reporting... “It is a misdemeanor under local law to "attack, chase or worry" a wild animal...”

Do you see it? Do you see the word that caught the Smartfella’s attention? Of course, it was “worry”...

• How exactly does one go about worrying a wild animal?
• If the wild animal is worried, how do authorities go about determining that the wild animal was worried?
• Is the worried wild animal entitled to compensation?
• Does the wild animal know that it is worried?

If you are still reading this, you probably have not had enough of me yet. What’s that you just said? You have had enough of me? Don’t blame me it’s your fault that you are still reading. You could have gone on to something else important like Twitter but you stayed when you could have strayed.

Hope you are glad you stayed!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(394)

Salesmanship Is Simply Convincing The Buyer That He Needs What You Are Selling Or He Will Buy What You Are Selling

There is heavy advertising on my local radio stations about land available for sale in North Georgia. The frantic pitchman keeps saying you can see three states from these prime parcels of land.

I Googled It. I Binged It. I DuckDuckGoed It. I even went to the Public Library and demanded that they go back into their archives and bring me out an Encyclopedia and I Encyclopediaed It. (First I had to explain to the Librarian what an Encyclopedia was.) As a result of all this Herculean Effort on my part, I can unequivocally state that...

3 States From Up High Looks Exactly Like 1 State From Up High

I wonder if this kind on Sales Foolishness really works. Do buyers really say, “I’m going to borrow a lot of money, jeopardize my children’s education and my future retirement to buy this land because I can see 3 states from it! I’ll take you up there tomorrow and you will be able to see all 3 states for yourself. It is a beautiful sight to behold. It’s a lot better than 1 state!”

I’m like that kid in The Sixth Sense. He said, “I see dead people”. In my case, I see nonsense.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(244)

Lagniappe: To quote Tertullian... “Credo quia absurdum”, I believe it because it is absurd.

My Survival Plan Is Not Going To Survive

The long term survival of this once great country is going to hell faster than we can alibi for it. We used to be That Shining City on a Hill but now we are That Country that Used to be Able to Put a Man on the Moon. I have been coping with this ever more obvious reality up until this point because I was secure in the knowledge that I had a Survival Plan.

My Survival Plan was beautiful in its simplicity...

I planned to pick up the pennies & nickels that are being thrown on the ground every day outside the local gas stations by our Imported Landscaping Industry Workers after they buy their breakfast.

I had every intention of picking up enough of this thrown away money to buy Dog & Cat Food for myself and my wife from my local Pets Mart, Pet City and/or Poochie Palace.

Did I hear you say that my plan was brilliant? It was but it is now not as bullet proof as it once looked! This is awful! (Do I seem to use the word “awful” a lot? If I do, that is really awful!)

What went wrong with my plan, you ask? What caused this harsh reality to hit me flush in my face was I recently took a walk through my local Pet Adoration Store and I sadly and quickly ascertained that my cast away fortune, although quite substantial, will not be enough for me to afford the rising prices of Dog & Cat Food in the Good Ole USofA.

I am really scared.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(280)

Am I The Only One That Sees The Silliness?

Congress is getting accolades for coming up with a bill to “fix” our Veterans Administration. Here is a picture from my TV that shows their “fix”. Can you see the outrageous silliness?...

That’s a lot of money. Any member of congress who has been up there for one month can testify to the truth of this statement...

If we have a choice between fixing the problem and spending a lot of money, always choose the latter.

If we spent a lot of money and we did not fix the problem, the problem was we did not spend enough money.

After absorbing the above truth, look again at the picture. There is a line that jumped out at me. Do you see it? If you did not, don’t tell me. It would burst my bubble (whatever that means)…

It’s the $2 Billion for “Miscellaneous”.

That’s a lot of Mop & Glow!

Exactly how much Mop & Glow is that? That’s Two Thousand Million Dollars of Mop & Glow and Trinkets & Trash.

The Smartfella’s tried and true Congressional Rule of Thumb is, anything over $500 for Mop & Glow is too much.

What do you wanna bet that they zip right by their Two Thousand Million Dollars target (that’s right I said “target”) as if it was not even there?

The Late Gomer Pyle just came into my computer room, looked over my shoulder and said, “Surprise Surprise Surprise, I don’t see anything in there about cutting anything”.

If I were asked by any, yet to be fully indoctrinated member of Congress, “But, Smartfella, where do we look to make the cuts you are seeking?”, I would point him to info below for starters...

For the year 2013, government transparency database OpentheBooks.com reported that top doctors within the Arizona branch of the Department of Veterans Affairs were, on average, paid far more than other federal employees in the state.

Topping the list was Dr. George Swartz, who reportedly earned $357,528 last year. He was joined by 12 others whose salaries topped $300,000.

The highest-paid federal employee in Arizona not affiliated with the VA in 2013 was David M. Harmatz of the Department of Health and Human Services, who earned nearly $93,000 less than Swartz. In total, the top 44 salaries on the list went to individuals working within the VA.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(446)

Lagniappe: I jumped out of my chair when I saw this $2 Billion for Miscellaneous on TV last night. Within minutes Charles Krauthammer made comment on this silliness of this Silliness. What a guy! He is almost as sharp as The Fella!

Every So Often We Get Into This Debate

I could have inserted “Never-Ending” before the word “Debate” in the above subject because this debate seems like it is never going to end. This blog posting ought to end this never-ending debate, once and for all...

Humane Capital Punishment

I just read an article entitled, “Bring Back the Firing Squad”. If you think I am going to devote precious Foolishness...Or Is It? space to discussing the good points and bad points of Firing Squads or Hanging or Stoning or Lethal Injection or the Guillotine, you got another think coming.

The article in question was prompted by the recent Lethal Injection in Arizona that was intended to do away with an Arizona Certified Bad Guy with humane and painless efficiency. On this occasion, the Certified Bad Guy lay on the humane killing table for 1 hour and 40 minutes before he was certified as a Former Certified Bad Guy.

As usual, I have the remedy for the thorny issues I raise. In a plethora of movies and TV shows we have seen a wanna-kill-that-person person put poison into the soup that the about-to-be-dead other person is about to consume.

In a flash the person who drinks the Movie/TV Poison has his face fall into his soup because he has humanely and painlessly just become dead dead dead.

That’s the remedy…

We ought to use that Movie/TV Poison to get rid of our Certified Bad Guys

You have just read another example of the Smartfella’s, Simple Made Easy.

Glad I could help.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(266)

Your Shopping Experience At Wal-Mart Is About To Get Even Better!

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart saving money by spending money and I was handed an Informational Flier by an employee associate. The flier had just been received from Wal-Mart’s CEO in Bentonville, Arkansas and the store manager was more than eager to get it into the hands of all money savers presently in the store.

The flier read...

We are always looking for ways to make your shopping experience more pleasurable. That’s why I have authorized the expenditure of $10,000,000 to buy and install nationwide a whole bunch of, “This Register Is Closed” signs.

Not only does Wal-Mart save you money but now you will be more quickly directed to the few registers we have opened for you shopping convenience.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(139)

$3.7 Billion Dollars Is Not Much When You Consider All The Awfulness Out There

My awful statistics quoted in this blog posting are not my awful statistics. I lifted them from a columnist by the name of Esther Cepeda. Her awful statistics describe present day Guatemala, Honduras & El Salvador and her awful statistics accumulation shows no sign of getting better and every sign of getting worse.

The Awful Truth...

• Bloodshed, gang intimidation, drug wars, robbery, rape, murder of children in the streets and widespread dropping out of school because of belief in certain death at a young age are all a fact of everyday life.
• Among the casualties during a mild mid-July weekend were three killed and at least 24 others wounded by gunshots, many of them teens. If we took it back to the prior Wednesday, we need add in a pregnant mother of five was shot in her head while driving her minivan down a street.
• It is common to have toddlers beaten to death and their tiny bodies sometimes set on fire.
• Public school education is a joke, there are no jobs, there are no opportunities and there sure isn’t much hope.
• It is estimated that the cost of gun violence is about $1 million per gunshot injury. This estimate takes into account police time, medical cost, court costs and decreased tourism revenue from bad publicity.
• There were about 3,500 shootings in 2013, most were driven by desperation.

I can see you shaking your head in agreement that the 3.7 Billion Dollars needs to be spent and, even that huge sum, may not be enough.

My heavens! I made an awful mistake! I misread Esther Cepeda’s awful statistics. This awful situation I described above does not describe Guatemala, Honduras & El Salvador. It describes the Ongoing Awfulness of Chicago.

How could I be so careless? I’ve got to start reading what I read more carefully.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(363)

Lagniappe: Did you read the 6 bullet points too fast? To get the full impact, you might want to go back and read them slowly and carefully. Let the awfulness sink in.

What The World Needs Is Lots Of Pitched Battles

All over the world countries without the ability to design and build Major Weapons of Destruction are using Major Weapons of Destruction to kill their fellow man.

How is this happening? If they can’t design and build such things they ought not to be able to use such things but every day they are shooting and dropping such things at and on others.

This happens because the countries that have the ability to design and build Major Weapons of Destruction are selling or giving these awful weapons to the have not’s of the world.

It appears that we have evolved into a new modern principle of fairness…

Everyone Has An Innate Right To Be Able To Kill Other People In Bunches

Allow me to paint a world where the Designer/Builder Nations did not allow their evil creations to be disseminated to little evil people...

The angry little nations/movements would have to resort to their own meager resources to destroy each other. This means they would have to throw rocks at them, hit them with sticks or stick them with pitchforks.

(Did you catch the use of the words in the subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? ... “pitched battles”? Pitchforks ... Pitched Battles ... Get it? Pretty clever of me don’t you think?)

This could actually be an economic boom to the world...

• Word could be put out that a battle was going to take place at a certain designated battlefield.
• The Battle Watchers would have to get to the Battle Site. This would stimulate revenue for the airline industry, train transportation and rent-a-car companies.
• The Battle Watchers would line up their canvas chairs along either side of the impending battle just like Soccer Parents all over the Good Ole USofA do every weekend. This would stimulate the canvas chair manufacturing business.
• Local entrepreneurs could sell popcorn, candy, liquid refreshment to the world’s Battle Watchers to consume as they watched the battles.
• The list could go on and on: Balloons, Tee Shirts, Hats, Pennants, etc..

Back in 1970 we had the film...

I think I have clearly pecked out my argument in very clear language that, if we started having old fashioned kinds of wars, the world would beat a path to them and we would have what we all want so dearly, in these dire economic times, a Worldwide Economic Boom.

I’m sure you all agree...Or do you?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(419)

Considering What’s Going On Today In The Middle East This June 15, 2014 Posting Cries For A Re-Read

http://forii.blogspot.com/2014/06/destabilize-destabilized.html

I was not kidding u.

Smartfella

(26)

Absolute Disaster Multiple Choice Questions

The above picture is the result of a Major Catastrophic Event in this woman’s young life. She may never recover and deserves all our sympathy.

If it were not against current accepted practice in the Good Ole USofA, I would ask you to pray for her but I know better than to do such a thing. I really don’t know all of you that well and I can’t be sure whether or not some of you might report me.

What caused such grief? As I stated above, it certainly was a Major Catastrophic Event but what exactly was it?…

• Was an Atomic Bomb was just dropped on her home town destroying it completely and killings all of its 63,212 inhabitants including her entire family?
• Did her husband just drive off a 1,500 foot high cliff into a raging sea in her new Lexus?
• Did she just drop a $5,000,000 Winning Lottery Ticket on the floor and was she sent into the throws of despair as her cute little white dog gulped it down as she screamed for it to stop gulping?
• Did her Brazilian Soccer Team just lose its World Cup Soccer Match to eventual winner Germany?

Yes, it was the last bullet above. Such anguish! Such pain! It is hard for me to look at this picture of her anguish and pain! It is so unsettling to me that I can’t continue pecking at this Blog Posting and will have to forgo my sometimes nifty closing turn of phrase.

(I must have lied above because there are 2 Lagniappes below.)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(389)

Lagniappe 1: On second thought, this woman is a complete idiot! I am tempted to Tweet her and tell her to worry about something meaningful but, since I am not a Twit, I will not Tweet and someone else will have to tell her she needs to learn the difference between Fly Chit and Pepper.

Lagniappe 2: There were news reports after the match that 7 Brazilian Soccer Fans were killed in rioting. Many Members of Congress were watching the match in a Special Extended Happy Hour Session and 5 of them asked, when they heard the news flash about the dead Soccer Fans, “Just how many Million are there in a Brazilian?”

I May Have Seen It All...Or Have I?

I think it started with Michael Jordan. For me it was one of the big shocks to my understanding of the Decline and Fall of He-Men in America.

It happened years ago. There I was watching TV and there he was Michael Jordan inside my TV wearing a Diamond Studded Ear Ring in his right ear.

I said to myself, "Fella, this can't be good!" It was not good. We impressionable modern Americans worship Sports Heroes, Celebrities and Comic Book Action Characters. We can't help ourselves. If they do it, then we do it.

The Feminization of the American Male has now been in full flower for many years and it shows no sign of letting up.

Mostly this happens in the Movies and on TV. When I see instances of this awful process in real life I am tempted to say to the latest manifestation I see, "What's the matter with you? Don't you see what you are doing to all of us?"

As I write this Foolishness I am sitting on a plane. Next to me is another chapter in our Collective Feminization. Next to me is a fairly He-Manly looking male passenger with his Toe Nails Painted Red. He looks as if he could very well be a player in the National Football League and his toes are painted Red.

I do not content that it is the Last Straw so I'll just call it the Latest Straw. I also will not venture a guess as to what the next slip down the Slippery Slope will be but it is a certainty we are slipping and sliding at a fairly rapid rate.

I think I know what you are thinking. You are wondering if I said to my red toed fellow traveler, "What's the matter with you? Don't you see what you are doing to all of us?"

The sad truth is I did not say anything! I could have put a little sand on the Slippery Slope but I did nothing! I am not a he-man either!

At this moment I find I am apprehensive about going home and taking off my socks. I am actually afraid of what I might see.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(382)

I Did Not Write This Book But I May Have Been The Inspiration Behind It...Or was I?

I wrote a couple of Foolishness...Or Is Its? about Apologizing. They both were brilliant!...Or were they?

If you wanna read them, click below...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/06/two-postings-that-prove-i-am-ahead-of.html

In my newspaper I found out that Edwin L. Battistella has written a book called, “Sorry About That”. He is a much slicker writer than I am and I would venture to say he did not make any of his stuff up, as I may have... Or did I?

I still think I was his inspiration. What other answer could there be? You will notice many of his Standard Apologetic Phrases are similar to the ones I pecked into my May 2010 blog posting.

Here are some Standard Falling All Over One’s Self Apologetic Catch Phrases from his book

• If any of my comments or actions have indeed been unwelcome.
• If I have conducted myself in any way that has caused any individual discomfort or embarrassment, for that I am sincerely sorry.
• A careless, off-handed remark.
• Insensitive words.
• A mistake.
• A poor decision I deeply regret.
• That which has caused the stir that it has.
• I take full responsibility.
• Sorry about that.
• Careless words.
• Didn’t mean them (careless words).
• Hope the whole thing is forgotten.
• I do regret that I allowed myself to get into a situation where I was photographed on an anti-aircraft gun.
• I regret the angry remark I made when the POWs returned home that enabled apologists for the war to orchestrate the myth of Hanoi Jane.

Oops! Did I give away the identity of the author of the last two? If I did, I am sorry and I ask her wholehearted, sincere & orchestrated forgiveness.

Mr. Battistella, you done good! (Yea, I know I should have written “you done well”).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

Again may I make a plea that you go back and read my 2 prior blog postings about Apologies? They are well written. They are catchy. They are right to the point... Or are they?

If you don’t go back and read them, and if I ever ask you if you went back and read them, remember the immortal words of Flip Wilson dressed up as Geraldine Jones, “Honey, a lie is as good as the truth as long as you get the Fella to believe you.”

That’s right. Lie to me. Tell me they are well written, catchy & right to the point. We mediocre writers hate the truth.

Again I list the link...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/06/two-postings-that-prove-i-am-ahead-of.html

(442)

I Hate You & I Hate The Horse You Rode In On

There are a lot of people that absolutely hate Wal-Mart and everything anywhere near connected with Wal-Mart. This pervasive hate is hard for me to understand but what do I know?

Below is a quote from the June 28, 2014 issue of my newspaper which will demonstrate my confusion...

..."philanthropy" itself is being turned into a dirty word. The New York Post reported earlier this month that more than half the members of New York's City Council had signed a letter to Wal-Mart demanding that the retailer stop donating to New York City charities. The council members even called on the recipients of Wal-Mart's largess, which provides meals to the homeless and other social services, to return the money.

There is the “Horse You Rode In On” part referred to in the Subject of this Foolishness…Or Is It?. They hate Wal-Mart so much they hate the efforts of Wal-Mart to help their poor.

Why stop at Charity Recipients Giving Back? Should we as a society go even further? Here are two furthers…

• Ask all people who have saved money at Wal-Mart s all across the Good Ole USofA to return to Wal-Mart all the money that they have saved by shopping at Wal-Mart.
• Ask all employees of Wal-Mart to return any money they have received or will receive in the form of salaries.

That ought to put Wal-Mart in its proper place and show it what we really think about it!

I have a good friend who launched into a tirade about the evils of Wal-Mart on more than one occasion. One time I asked if he had ever even been inside of a Wal-Mart and with great pride he responded, “No!”.

The Smartfella is nothing if he is not polite. I did not say anything in response but I did say to myself, “Fella, now there’s a fine example of Ignorant Hatred”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(333)

I’ve Uncovered The Reason Why We Are Seeing Such A Dramatic Increase In Handicapped People In The Good Ole USofA

Maybe I am envious that I can’t have a Handicapped Sticker for my car... Or am I?

I notice things around me. You ought to start noticing things around you. Life is more interesting, if you are a noticer.

I’ve noticed that many people who exit their just parked Handicapped Parking Spot Vehicles limp as they walk away from their cars. Here is where my ability to notice comes into play. For some formerly unknown reason the farther they get away from their cars the less they limp.

Not only am I a Noticer Person but I am also a Figure Outer Person and I have figured this one out...

It’s their cars that are making them limp!

You really ought not try to argue with what I am telling you. I have seen it with my own eyes many times.

If you still want to quibble with what I am telling you, don’t tell me. It would make me worry about your ability to see the obvious and I have enough to worry about as it is.

I’m still very concerned about citizens of San Francisco committing suicide by jumping off of tall ladders.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(221)

If You Persist In Stupidity, One Day You Will Be Declared Certifiably Stupid

I wrote a Blog on October 15, 2008 about a Not So Brilliant Idea those Not So Brilliant People in the San Francisco Area were thinking of doing. They were contemplating putting a Gigantic Net underneath the Golden Gate Bridge to catch Would Be Suicide People before they became Actual Suicide People.

As I pecked that one out I was under a lot of pressure to get it posted quickly because I was sure that the Not So Brilliant People were going to publically state that the Golden Net Idea was dumb and they were not going to install it and it would have taken the wind out of my would be Foolishness...Or Is It.

Boy was I wrong. It turns out that the Not So Brilliant People have remained committed to their crazy idea all this time and they are getting close to bringing their dream into fruition. My newspaper now tells me, “San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge may soon be less of a magnet for people trying to commit suicide, as regional officials consider a plan to install mesh barriers beneath the historic orange span to catch jumpers before they hit the water.”

Forrest Gump tried to warn us. Sometimes it seems that Forrest Gump was the only not stupid one among us and he was never really among us because he never actually was. He gave us, Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

How about a few Catchy Silly (Or Are They?) Sayings for the future?...

• Stupid is stupid.
• Stupid never goes away.
• Stupid does as stupid does.
• Stupid...Not Just a Temporary Condition but a Way of Life.
• Stupid is our most important product.
• Why be smart? Stupid is a lot easier.

I just know you are dying to read about what I wrote about this silly idea back on October 15, 2008. In this posting, I also answer the obvious question about what to do about those jumpers who try to scramble up the net to continue their dying.

Here it is:

Finding Another Way

If someone wants to commit suicide, they will find another way.

October 15, 2008 | 12:51 PM

On Saturday October 11, 2008 I read where the city of San Francisco is considering a stainless steel net under the Golden Gate Bridge to prevent people from committing suicide by jumping off the bridge.

This net will cost somewhere between $40 & $50 million. What do you want to bet it will end up being closer to that $50 million figure?

There is no law that requires a person who commits suicide to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge. If someone wants to kill himself, there are a lot of other ways to get the job done. What is next for the suicide prevention minded city council of San Francisco? …

• Nets under all tall buildings, trees and ladders?
• Outlawing all tall buildings, trees and ladders?
• Requiring all tall buildings, trees and ladders be short?

I may be one step ahead of the city council but I wonder if they have thought of the possibility that the suicide minded person might just scramble up the stainless steel net and continue their plunge? I know what they could do if the jumpers started crawling up the net, they could shoot them.

Would I kid u?

SmartFella?

Would I kid u again?

Smartfella

(581)

The Sound Of What Happens After The Contentious Congressional Hearings Are Over

Our 9% Approval Rated Congress is embroiled in more hearings. Listed below is what’s happening in Washington, D.C. at this time...

• Members of Congress are poking holes in the air with their fingers.
• Committee Members are blaming and accusing.
• Testifiers are denying and contradicting.
• Further action is being threatened.
• People are being warned they may be held in Contempt of Congress (whatever that means).
• Indignation is everywhere.
• Witnesses are running for cover.
• Members of Congress are poking holes in the air with their fingers.

Click on the link below to hear the sound what happens after the hearings are completed...

http://ResultsOfCongressionaHearings.mp3

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(127)

Why Was I Not Invited?

Spain has a New King! Long live King Felipe VI!

Even though I am a bit confused about what exactly Spanish Kings do, since they no longer send Armada’s to attack England, I do hope Felipe has a long reign.

After reading my newspaper, I know one thing for sure (based on the list of those people he chose to invite to his Post-Crowning Reception) there are chuckles, giggles and out and out laughs in his and his entourage’s future. My newspaper says the invitees were... Business Leaders, Politicians, Bullfighters, Athletes and Comedians.

He invited Comedians!? What am I, a Potted Plant? Why was I not invited? I have had at least 5 people tell me that they laughed at a few of my attempts at humor. The late Rodney Dangerfield just paid my computer room a visit. He was looking over my shoulder as I pecked out this silliness and he said, “You get no respect, no respect at all”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Who do you think will give Felipe the most laughs, the Comedians or the Politicians?

(188)

What Was That Big Swoosh That Just Went By My Aging Head?

Please be honest with me. Do you think the world is passing me by?

This bit of Foolishness is being pecked out from the other side of the hill that I must have gone over. I started to peck out, “just went over” but I honestly do not know exactly when I went Over the Hill...

• On the Internet I just read about Tweens. I had no idea what a Tween was but, in the world of Google we are not allowed to not know for long and now I know what a Tween is because I Googled It.
  Did I just hear you say you did not know what a Tween is and you want me to tell you because you are too busy to Google just now? You are in a heap of trouble if you are too busy to Google, unless it’s because you are busy Tweeting Useless Information. Tweeting Useless Information is acceptable.
  I would hope that any self-respecting Twit ought to want to interrupt his Tweeting long enough to broaden his wealth of knowledge so he can know what a Tween is... Or would he ought to?
  Definition: A Tween is a marketing demographic defined as In-Between Being a Child and a Teenager.
  
• The Internet also just told me, “Nobody emails anymore!”
  Since I do email, I must be a Nobody.
  What really bothers me is that, if nobody emails any more, then all my emails are not being read by anybody.
• This next one is going to be hard for me to change.
  If I write a letter to Jason, I start off with, “Dear Jason”.
  It has been pointed out to me that the Salutation “Dear followed by the recipient's given name or title” is antiquated and simply just not done anymore.
  I was told that to be Modern Proper I ought to use, “Yo, Jason” or, best of all, simply write, “Dude”.
  Somehow I just can’t see myself doing either of these two alternatives.
• This last one has been around awhile but I still cringe when a waiter in a restaurant comes up to my wife & me and says, “How are you guys doing tonight?”
  Guys? Really? Why the waiter would not say the proper greeting, “How are y’all doing tonight?” is beyond me.
  I guess I will eventually accept this guy thing but there is one possible exception.
  My Mother has passed on and, if some Twitty/Tween would come up and say, “Your Mother was a really great guy”, I just might lose control and bop him tween his eyes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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