New Dynamic Duo

A new dynamic duo was created recently. Being the keen political observer that I am, I became aware of this happening instantaneously. Those of you reading this foolishness are not as keen as I am keen and surely missed it. That's why I am blogging you. I want you to be keener.

In the AJC 3/13/08, Eliot Spitzer mapped out his future..."In an appearance that lasted 140 seconds, the governor —- with his wife, Silda, at his side —- offered an apology to his family and to the public and said he would devote himself to serving "the common good.""

Here is where the keen comes in. This obviously means he is joining O. J. Simpson in his stalled, but never-ending, search for The Real Killers.

An arrest is expected any day now.

Would I kid u?

Going To Need Al Jazeera Someday

One day terrorists are going to destroy a bunch of buildings somewhere in the U.S. and kill a whole bunch of us and, if it happens on a day like today, we will have to tune to Al Jazeera to find out what happened.

Have I lost it? Not really. Think back to what u saw on the news today, if u were unfortunate enough to have watched the news today. I was in the gym again. I sort of had no choice.

Today was Eliot Spitzer Day. There was nothing on the news in the gym except Eliot & Company...

• How much did he spend?
• How often did he do this sort of thing?
• How does this compare to the escapades of one Bill Clinton?
• Will his lost Super Delegate Vote cost Hillary the nomination?
• Where did he get the money?
• How was he found out?
• What does his wife think?
• Did you see how his wife bolted out of the SUV when they returned to their place of residence after the resignation news conference?
• Some say, "No big deal".
• Some say, "Big deal".
• Will he be prosecuted?
• Has he committed any prosecutable offenses?
• What prosecutable offenses has he committed?
• Why does his wife stand by him when he makes public appearances?
• Did his wife really tell him not to resign?
• Why did he resign so quickly?
• Is he being singled out because he is such a nasty guy?
• Why is he such a nasty guy?
• Etc.
• Etc.
• Etc.

Fox News had about 22 seconds of film coverage of Spitzer's comings and goings today. Fox News showed those 22 seconds of film footage over and over and over and over.

Heck, this might be one of those days like ... Everyone knows where they were when they heard Kennedy was shot.
Now we will have ... Everyone knows where he or she was when he or she heard about Former Governor Eliot Spitzer's Transgressions.

Dare I say this is going be known as SpitzerGate?
Would I kid u?

Carbon Credits & Beyond

I normally create my own Foolishness but this idea came to me on a radio talk show. Only the idea came to me. I have expanded the heck out of it. You might say I Foolished It Up.
We have all seen people who preach conservation but have a gigantic house, travel by private jet, own several big gas guzzling SUVs BUT portend that is not a problem because they have "Carbon Credits".
The person to whom they say this to says, "Oh, I understand". That person then goes home and says to their Spouse, Significant Other, Partner or whatever, "What's a Carbon Credit?"
If the person they are living with is Mr. Webster he informs them...
The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above. Suggestions for carbon credit: 1. carbonic acid 2. carbon-dated 3. carbon-dates 4. carbuncled 5. carbon cycle 6. carbuncular 7. carbon dioxide 8. corporatized 9. carbolic acids 10. carbon paper 11. Kerry blue terrier 12. carbon black 13. Khirbet Qumran 14. Christocentric 15. combinatorial 16. carbolic acid 17. carpentered 18. Khirbat Qumran 19. corpora delicti 20. carbamic acid
It has taken me awhile to get around to my Foolishness...Or Is It? but here it is...
Why stop at Carbon Credit? Why not expand this ingenious idea to...

• Adultery Credit?
• Assault & Battery Credit?
• Perjury Credit
• Embezzling Credit?
• Murder Credit?
• Child Molestation Credit?
• Cussing Credit?
• Bearing False Witness Credit?
• Dipping A Pig Tail In An Ink Well Credit?

Would I kid u?

Coming To You From Over The Hill

This is coming to u from Over The Hill cuz that is where I presently reside.

The USA Weekend Magazine this week has a listing of the Celebrity Birthdays this week. There were sixteen Celebrities listed. From the other side of the hill, I only recognized five of the people listed who are at present being worshiped by people who worship people. To further show you how far I am over the hill, there is only one of the five that I care to read &/or know anything further about (Shaquille O'Neal).

Don't feel sorry for me. I am still a good person. Just because I don't know or care about the likes of a Camryn Manheim (what the heck kind of name is Camryn?) does not mean I am a bad person.

Would I kid u?
PS: Spell check did not know Camryn either.

Severe As Opposed To Dire

I know you are all concerned about our North Georgia Drought. Thanks worrying about us.

Lake Lanier has risen 2.5 feet. It has been raining a lot. It has been raining so much that whichever department it is in the state government that is in charge of keeping us on edge about our water situation has decided that they are changing the current drought classification from something like Dire to something like Severe ... or is it from Severe to Dire? I forget. I got to pay more attention so I can worry as much as "they" want me to worry.

As my four-year-old grandson said to my daughter the other day, "This sure is a wet drought".

Would my four-year-old grandson kid u?

Oh, by the way, it is raining again today.

Update 2/24/14... California is having a drought. They say the worst kind of drought is classified as "Exceptional Drought". Really? Dire or Severe sound worst than that.

Huntley & Brinkley Are Dead

I'm at the gym again. As I struggle to keep on keeping on, I watch TV. I got to wondering how the children of those men who would have had jobs on all the daytime news commentary shows are surviving now that their fathers do not have jobs. In the old days, when Huntley & Brinkley ruled, all these Talking Heads would have been male. Today these missing males are not just on the endangered species list, they are extinct!

I saw a panel of talking heads solving the world's problems and NOT ONE of the five was a man. They were all better looking than Huntley and Brinkley but I am worried about The Children of the Extinct Males Who Ain't There No More.

Regarding working out at the gym ... Keeping healthy is enough to kill you.

Would I kid u?

Snow Flakes Are Out To Get You

According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution 2/29/08 there is bacteria in snowflakes. This is serious stuff. I, a highly capable creator of foolishness, am ready to describe to you the future. Knowing what is to come will permit you to better prepare yourself to protect your loved ones. Listed below are news stories we are sure to see...

• Eight-year-old arrested & taken to jail for throwing a snowball at an unsuspecting playmate.
• Research has shown that ingesting a mere 3,217,412 snowflakes is the equivalent of drinking 17 gallons of milk from a Chernobyl Cow.
• Parents have their three children removed by social services for allowing their driveway to remain unshoveled for 48 hours.
• The tiny hamlet of Winnewaka, Minnesota is the first to construct Covered Snow-Deflector Walkways from every one of their school bus stops to every one of their school bus delivered children’s front doors. Demonstrations are increasing throughout the country for similar action to be taken by other local municipalities. Protesting parents in Whatize, New York were interviewed. Their responses below show how dire they regard SnowflakeGate to be:
• “If Winnewaka can do it. Why can’t we do it?”
• “Are our children not as precious as Winnewaka’s children?”
• “I see no recourse but to recall our useless mayor and every one of his cronies on the city council.”

You probably think I am over reacting. Go ahead and mock me. I am telling you now that I will expect an email of apology from each of you when my predictions come to fruition.

Would I kid u?

Raising Children Again

I wish I were just starting out raising my children ... You just said to yourself, "Self, is he nuts"? Allow me to explain.

If we were just beginning to have children I now have a fool-proof way of getting my children to eat their vegetables. I would look each of them into their tear-filled eyes and threaten to send them to live the rest of their lives in Liberia.

The quote below comes from the Atlanta Journal Constitution on 2/22/08. Notice the use of the words "overrun", "pervasive", "half", "not", "uninhabitable", "little" & "no". After you finish using these words there is not much left to lament...
"The country is overrun with weapons, malnutrition is pervasive, half of children are not in school, and many buildings are uninhabitable. There is little running water or electricity and no sewage or landline phone system."

The Liberian Tourist Bureau is left with something like...
"Come join us in Liberia. Is it is a terrible place to live but you don't live long."

Would I kid u?

Picky Me

Here I go being picky again...I can't help myself.

What ticked me off today (2/22/08) was the News Media ... again. In the Atlanta Journal Constitution there is short article on page A4 that is headlined...
"Clinton tells fans to vote early"
What's wrong with that you ask? It's the word "fans". It's not supporters. It's fans. It's like this is some kind of sporting event or game. Some of us may laugh and say it is a game but this is serious stuff. It ought to talked about (by the media, anyway) as serious stuff.

It's the same as when a politician concludes a news conference and the media refers to how the news conference came off by referring to it as a "performance". This is not a stage play. It is politics. It may be shameful but it should be treated (by the media, anyway) as serious stuff.

Don't get me started about the congregation in our churches being referred to as "audiences". Oh my gosh! I am picky.

Would I kid u?

The PolLight

There ought to be a law that a red light be surgically installed on the top of the head of any candidate running for office. The light would function as follows…
If the candidate were speaking a lie, the light would turn on.

Because of some politician’s propensity to lie unceasingly, the light would have to be rigged so that it would blink every 45 seconds. If this were not the case, voters might lose faith that the light was working properly.

Would I kid u?

Not About John McCain

This is not a commentary about John McCain. It is a commentary about this guy Anonymous. He really gets around. He is sometimes a Senator or a Representative or a Staffer or an Insider or that old stand-by, Etc.

In the February 11, 2008 issue of Newsweek there is a large picture-on-the-front article about McCain. Senator/Representative/Staffer/Insider/Etc. Anonymous is all over this article...

• Page 31 - "says the aide, who declined to be identified speaking for Cornyn".
• Page 31 - "say a Pentagon official and an adviser to Rumsfeld who declined to be identified discussing a confidential meeting".
• Page 32 - "says a former aide who wished to avoid McCain's wrath by remaining anonymous".
• Page 32 - "who declined to be named discussing the internal workings of the campaign".

Since there have been incidents where entire articles and/or parts of articles have been made up (like that reporter for the New York Times did), I wonder if Mr. Anonymous is, in all reality, many times is Mr. Does-Not-Really-Exist-I-Just-Made-Up-All-This-Stuff-Cuz-My-Article-Needed-Some-Pizazz (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Would I kid u?

My Fondest Wish

There is no way to unite a country as large as the USofA but my fondest wish would be that all of us refuse to answer any questions from any political pollster about anything political. This would drive the politicians absolutely nuts. Think of the positive results that would come out of an I-Ain't-Gonna-Tell-You-Anything America....

• It would prevent politicians from tweaking their latest campaign pitch to address how the public reacted to their prior campaign pitch.
• It would drive the politicians absolutely nuts.
• They would be forced to tell us what they really plan to do when elected, instead of telling us what they think we want them to do when elected.
• They would be forced to think out their positions and stick with them and hope for the best.
• It would drive the politicians absolutely nuts.
• It would put every polling company out of business. Since they are only interested in what's best for America (yea, right), they would then be free to join the Peace Corps (if such a thing still exists).

One final tirade...
The silliest one is when we are told the results of a poll done by a Democratic or a Republican Pollster. It is strange how the "results" always come out favoring their party's positions. I guess I could be made to believe that the poll did come out in favor of their party's positions but, you will never get me to believe, that any poll that did not favor their party's positions was just not published at all. It's sort of like them saying, "We are going to keep polling the American People until the American People get it right".

Would I kid u?

When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?

We have 4 children and 9 grandchildren. That means we buy lots of presents throughout the year for our 4 children and 9 grandchildren. The other day my wife tells me that our second daughter is having a birthday and she is concerned because she does not know what to get her for a present. I say, "Why don't you just take her out to a nice lunch?" My wife says that is a good idea, thanks me for my good idea and says that is exactly what she is going to do.

Today is the day. Today they are going out for a nice lunch together. After their nice lunch together, they are going to go shopping to pick out a nice birthday present. If I had only kept my mouth shut, I would only see a visa come through for a nice present, instead of a nice present and a nice lunch.

Oh well. I guess this is why I worked so long and reached the height of my mediocre automotive career. I can afford it. I hope they have a nice time.

Would I kid u?

Carbon Credits & Beyond

I normally create my own Foolishness but this idea came to me on a radio talk show today (12/18/07). Only the idea came to me. I have expanded the heck out of it. You might say I Foolished It Up...

We have all seen people who preach conservation but have a gigantic house, travel by private jet, own several big gas guzzling SUVs BUT portend that is not a problem because they have "Carbon Credits".

The person who they say this to says, "Oh, I understand". That person then goes home and says to their Spouse, Significant Other, Partner or whatever, "What's a Carbon Credit?"

If the person they are living with is Mr. Webster he informs them...
The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.
Suggestions for carbon credit: 1. carbonic acid 2. carbon-dated 3. carbon-dates 4. carbuncled 5. carbon cycle 6. carbuncular 7. carbon dioxide 8. corporatized 9. carbolic acids 10. carbon paper 11. Kerry blue terrier 12. carbon black 13. Khirbet Qumran 14. Christocentric 15. combinatorial 16. carbolic acid 17. carpentered 18. Khirbat Qumran 19. corpora delicti 20. carbamic acid

It has taken me awhile to get around to my Foolishness...Or Is It? but here it is...

Why stop at Carbon Credit? Why not expand this ingenious idea to...
· Adultery Credit?
· Assault & Battery Credit?
· Perjury Credit?
· Embezzling Credit?
· Murder Credit?
· Child Molestation Credit?
· Cussing Credit?
· Bearing False Witness Credit?
· Dipping A Pig Tail In An Ink Well Credit?

Would I kid u?

The New Criminal

A New Criminal Element has emerged into our culture. Please allow me to illustrate...

• The scene is the penitentiary in Atlanta, GA.
• Four criminals are sitting at a table eating lunch.
• They start relating to each other what they did to warrant their being incarcerated.
• Butch says he was jailed because he killed his girlfriend and the guy she was eating lunch with at a Krystal's with a double barreled shotgun.
• Gus says he was sent up the river cuz he stole $12,000,000 from a couple in their 90's with a fraudulent stock scheme.
• Lefty says he was convicted after molesting small children for 25 years in a day care center he owned.
• Robert says he was caught taking a 20 minute shower.

That having been said, Butch, Gus and Lefty picked up their lunch trays and moved to another table.
Would I kid u?

Confused Congressman

I was dismayed when I heard on NPR today (11/15/07) that a member of Congress is very confused. This is very disheartening to me. I always like to think of Members of Congress as being in complete control and on top of all the issues of the day. I don't like feeling this way.

I did not catch the particular name of the Member of Congress I heard discussed but his statement was,
'...this government is corrupt, inept and is without the support of the Iraqi people'.
(As usual I used single quotes because I am not sure of the exact words but I did write them down as soon as I heard them spoken.)

I am certain the words he meant to speak were,
'...this government is corrupt, inept and is without the support of the American people'.

I'm sure you understand my concern.

Would I kid u?

Media Leaves Off Best Part

I have no axe to grind with either Isiah Thomas nor Anucha Browne Sanders concerning the case just closed that awarded Anucha $11,600,000 for the "crude insults and unwanted advances" from Isiah.

I do have a problem with the Mainstream News Media's handling of the outcome of this case.

After the announcement of the verdict yesterday (10/2/07) the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported...
"Outside court, a beaming Browne Sanders insisted her victory was more about sending a message than about the money. 'What I did here, I did for every working woman in America,' she said. 'And that includes everyone that gets up and goes to work in the morning, everyone working in a corporate environment'."

Here is where I get angry with the Mainstream News Media. The Media deliberately left off the rest of her statement. They left off the part where she goes on to say…"The victory is won. The money is not important. I am hereby directing my attorneys to take the entire $11,600,000 and donate it to charity."

Or did she say?..."I am hereby directing my attorneys to take the entire $11,600,000 and donate it to every working woman in America. A check for each of their shares of this victory will be in the mail by this coming weekend."

Would I kid u?

No Problems When The U.S. Was Born

A feeding frenzy is alive and growing by the minute In Washington D.C. Politicians are lining to blame someone about what is happening or not happening in Iraq. One of the most vicious attacks is aimed at Iraq's Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. Our “fearless” politicians are good at blaming . They practice this "skill" a lot.

The members of our Congress can act this way because our own history was so clean and we came together as a country without a single hitch in our get-along.

Oh! Wait a minute! It just dawned on me that, in a book I read a few months ago (A Brilliant Solution by Carol Berkin), the statement I pecked out in the above paragraph might not be as accurate as it first seemed…

• “In 1787 our treasury was empty. Debts to foreign governments and debts to our own citizens could not be paid, and this was a blow to the nation’s honor as well as to its future credit.”
• “anarchy seemed to threaten”
• “These new ideas threatened a social revolution that would destroy not only their own fortunes but also the rule of law.”
• “All around them civil strife seemed to be erupting unchecked, and news of uprisings in western Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Massachusetts during the previous year shook the confidence not only of these wealthy men but also of Americans of all social classes.”
• “With no police force of any sort, military, or civil, the restoration of law and order was in doubt.”
• “Even worse, a political disorder on the highest levels had reached critical proportions.”
• “The cooperation among the states, forged in the 1770s and sustained during the war, had vanished with independence.”
• “Competition and exploitation reigned, and the revival of a fierce localism pitted Virginian against Marylander, New Yorker against New Jerseyite, Georgian against South Carolinian.”
• “The league of friendship called the Confederation that Americans had established as their first government grew more impotent, more lethargic, and more incompetent with every passing day”.
• “The nation was on the verge of self-destruction---or, worse, of simply fading away.”
• “Animated by a heartfelt ill will and rivalry, state legislators missed no opportunity to exploit the weaknesses of their neighbors. They rushed to enact tariffs and trade barriers, replacing the hated British restrictions with restrictions of their own.”
• “With duties to pay at every state border, even the most intrepid merchant or shipper found interstate commerce a nightmare.”
• “Connecticut and New Jersey were rumored to be planning a joint assault on New York.”
  

The book has a lot more examples of how we "got along" when we were a young country but my fingers are tired.

Would I kid u?

It Was Different When We Were Young

Today:
A mother looks at her child and says to her husband, "Looks like the teeth are coming in crooked". The husband says to the wife, "We are going to have to take a second mortgage on the home. I'm going to have to give up golf and you are going to have to give up the beauty parlor visits. I'll cancel the plans we were making for vacation this year. We are going to have to cancel the high-speed Internet connection and go back to dial-up. That ought to do it but we better keep a close eye on the finances for the next few years and we may have to revisit our expense pattern after we see how it is going".

When we were children:
A mother looks at her child and says to her husband, "Looks like the teeth are coming in crooked". The husband says to the wife, "Sure do, don't they. What's for supper?"

Would I kid u?

Congress Wasting Time

The Congress is wasting its time. They appear to believe that they can pass an amendment, pass a law, express a Sense of the Congress or such and something in the real world is affected by what they do. Today in our Senate (July 17, 2007) they passed the amendment shown below. It passed 94 to 3. It looks like 3 Senators did not have the guts to step up and cast their vote for this historical piece of legislation. They were probably hiding in the Cloak Room.

Senate Amendment 2100 Amends: H.R.1585 , S.AMDT.2011 Sponsor: Sen Cornyn, John [TX] (submitted 7/11/2007) (proposed 7/12/2007)
AMENDMENT PURPOSE: To express the sense of the Senate that it is in the national security interest of the United States that Iraq not become a failed state and a safe haven for terrorists.

Now that is brilliant, is it not? They can now vote to stop giving our military bullets, and with a straight face, 94 of them could say to their constituents, "I voted that Iraq not become a failed state and a safe haven for terrorists".

While they are on a roll, I would like them to do something about all the mosquitoes that keep biting The Folks Back Home. Here is what I propose:
· We have too many mosquitoes.
· We have lots of flies.
· I think they ought to propose that all our flies eat all our mosquitoes.

That makes as much sense as Amendment 2100.

Would I kid u?