Going Round And Round With Snails

As many of you know, I go to the local high school track in an, up to this point successful, attempt to keep my heart from attacking me. Sometime I am not alone as I go round and round the track.

Often I am surrounded by a Student PT Class getting their own form of “exercise”. The students are also going round and round under the watchful eyes of a really bored looking PT Instructor.

 

There are more differences than age between myself and the students...

Ø I am perspiring and they are not.

Ø I am actually exercising and they are not.

Ø 80% of them are Texting as they “exercise” (walk around the track), 15% are listening to “music” as they exercise (walk around the track) and 5% are staring into space with a look of despair and shock on their faces as the “exercise” (walk around the track) because they forgot to bring their Cell Phones to school that awful day.

 

Last time at the track I went up to the glassy eyed PT Instructor and said to him, “I know how you could get sued. If you told them that they had to do one lap without their Cell Phones, you would be sued for Cruel and Unusual Punishment”.

 

He looked at me and smiled (a little) and said, “I’ve never seen anything like it”.

 

If I pecked out that I saw a Snail pass several of them, you would certainly accuse me of exaggeration and I would have to admit that I was exaggerating...Or would I have to?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I’m sure glad Putin was not there to see what I saw. If he had been, he would have invaded a couple of countries the following day for sure.

In The Good Ole Days Our Presidential Election Were Participated In By Gentlemen Who Only Concerned Themselves With The Issues...Or Were They?...Or Did They?

As Rick Ungar wrote in 2012 for Forbes magazine, the president of Yale University, a John Adams supporter, suggested that if Thomas Jefferson were to become president, “We would see our wives and daughters the victims of legal prostitution.”

A Connecticut newspaper, notes Ungar, warned that the election of Jefferson would create a nation where “murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest will openly be taught and practiced.”

Not to be outdone, James Callender, “an influential journalist of the time … wrote that Adams was a rageful, lying, warmongering fellow; a ‘repulsive pedant’ and ‘gross hypocrite’ who ‘behaved neither like a man nor like a woman but instead possessed a hideous hermaphroditical character.’”

What was worse about the year 1800 was the people understood all those big words. Today we say to our collective selves, “I gonna look that word up after football season is over”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Have We Lost Our Sense Of Humor?

Apologies are everywhere. The acceptance of apologies is not everywhere. It all depends on who is apologizing and who is accepting or not accepting the apology. It’s all very confusing. 

A person says an unkind, nasty, uncaring, awful, unthinking, hideous, terrible and/or mean thing and, if the saying person tries to modify what he said, he has to be quick and eloquent about it.

If the saying now modifying person is a politician, the apology is called Walking Back. The Walking Back usually happens the next day, after his Handlers tell the person he better Walk Back what he said and he better practice before a mirror, so he will sound truly contrite.

 

The handlers explain it makes no difference if unkind, nasty, uncaring, awful, unthinking, hideous, terrible and/or mean saying person is sorry or not. The only thing of importance is he must sound sincere. In other words, if he can fake sincerity, his apology will work like a charm.

 

That last sentence in the above paragraph is not always true. In politics, the other side’s apology is never accepted and the apologizer will be beaten severely about the head and shoulder unmercifully until the election is over.

 

Once the election is over, the unkind, nasty, uncaring, awful, unthinking, hideous, terrible and/or mean thing said is of no importance and is forgotten about until the unkind, nasty, uncaring, awful, unthinking, hideous, terrible and/or mean thing saying person runs for another office. Then the awful he did during the last election will rise like a Phoenix out of the desert and start tearing the candidate to shreds all over again.

*********************

Enter Alex Trebek of the long-running TV Game Show Jeopardy

 

Why did Alex just enter? That’s because he dared to tease a contestant on his show. Immediately after he said his unkind, nasty, uncaring, awful, unthinking, hideous, terrible and/or mean thing he said he was teasing.

 

There was a time when we all would have laughed at his attempt at humor and moved on with our collective lives but past times are not now times.

 

Ole Alex has been bombarded by Angry Tweets. Tweets from Twits are powerful in this silly age we live in. “Angry Tweets” sound like something I would have made up just a few years ago to put into one of my Sillier Blog Postings.

 

Tweeting is powerful! Sometimes we hear Tweeters referred to as Twitter Nation. Huh? It’s like they are a thinking entity. I sometimes wonder if they have a Capital City, an Army, a Monthly Magazine, a Uniform or a Favorite Cookie.

 

Since this is the Bottom of this bit of Foolishness, here is the Bottom Line...

 

Tweeting Twits are bigger and better and more powerful than Mantovani.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I know what some of you are thinking... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantovani

 

What’s Wrong With Us? – Part Next

Please excuse me. This blog posting was written last month but got lost in my New In Process Folder. The point it makes is still valid, just a little tardy. If I worked for the Federal Government, I would have waited eight years to send it out. (After you read it, you will understand why I pecked out “eight years”.)

************************

Yes I have used the Blog Title, “What’s Wrong With Us?” before. As acknowledgement to that fact that no one is listening to me, I anticipate I will use it again. I did not bother to go back and find how many other Blog Postings used the same title. Hence I used “Part Next” rather than a number to indicate I have used it before and intend to use it again.

 

Cyber Security is big news and, from all indications, it will be bigger news in the months and years to come. Our Federal Government saw this disasters waiting to happen and sprang into action! We now have our first Federal Cyber Security Chief!

 

Here is why you should experience a great sigh of relief that our Federal Government has taken this very important step to protect us all. Here is what this guy is going to protect us from...

Ø He will improve our defenses against hackers.

Ø He will protect government networks.

Ø He will protect critical infrastructures from cyber threats.

 

All three bullets above sound like the same thing. Don’t blame me. I am only plagiarizing my bullets out of the newspaper article that was written to make all of us feel better.

 

All of the above was pecked out to demonstrate how our Federal Government springs into immediate action when a crisis in upon us...Or does it?

 

The problem is this announcement was made on 9/8/16. What’s wrong with that announcement date? It’s simply this... The Position Now Being Filled Was Created Eight Years Ago!

 

What took our Federal Government so long? If it is such serious position, why was the position not filled 7 years and 11 months ago?

 

The saddest part of all of this is, if we would approach the Critical Position Appointment Department People up there in D.C., they would look us straight in our disbelieving eyes and say to us, “Eight years is not that long”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: From my Adding Insult to Injury Department... Remember that position was created on 9/8/16. The last paragraph of the newspaper article says, “He will begin his new role later this month”. I certainly hope a Twitter Message has been sent to the bad guys asking them to wait till October to spring anything mean on us.

 

You May Not Be Able To Believe Everything I Say But You Can’t Believe Anything They Say So You Might As Well Believe What I Say

If I ever say to you that I have Blogged about darn near anything and darn near everything, it may not be Foolishness.

Here is a good example from an advertisement that is all over TV & Radio...

“If your credit card debt is out of control, if you’re over your head in monthly payments, there’s a secret the credit card companies don’t want you to know: If you have more than $5,000 in credit card debt, you have the right to settle that debt for a fraction of what you owe. That’s bad news for the credit card companies, but it’s great news for you.” 

If you are as word conscious as I am, you caught the key phrase in this pitch... “you have the right to settle”. The Fella has this to say about that... “Huh? You have a right? You can buy whatever you want on your credit card and never have to be bothered with paying it back? Huh, again.”

 

Here is my blog from December 2008...

You Have Got To Keep Spending Your Money

If you reach your objective, there will be a big payoff waiting for you.

Have any of you heard those commercials on the radio that features the Grabber Line which goes something like this, "Did you know that, if you owe more than $10,000 in credit card debt, you are entitled to settle for substantially less than you owe?”

What a great country!

Can't you just see a future episode of Judge What's His Name on TV …

Plaintiff … Your honor, I am entitled to a divorce. I specifically gave my wife instructions that she was to spend all her time shopping until she got our credit card over $10,000. I was patient with her. I gave her time to accomplish her objective. Our whole family was depending on the Over $10,000 Credit Card Entitlement Discount to be able to afford to go to Hawaii this year. The kids are really disappointed. She has been unable to get our debt much over $8,500. This has put a severe mental strain on our entire family.

Defendant … (In tears) I am so so so sorry. I know how much this failure on my part is destroying the very fabric of our family. I tried my best but the stores kept having One Day Sales.

Judge What's His Name … I have seen this sad scene all too many times. It's mothers like you who give Mothering a bad name. I am only too eager to grant this divorce. I hope that your husband's next wife will take her spending responsibilities more seriously and will do a better job than you did. Your children deserve lots of stuff. Divorce granted! Case dismissed!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

------------------------

If you have not had enough of me for today, here is a similar past blog posting...

 

Here is my blog from September 2013…

Wanna Meet A Fool? … Meet Me

 

I keep saying I am Smart. Now I say I am dumb. Why the change? Allow me to demonstrate how smart I am by proving how dumb I am.

 

Our radio waves are full of advertisements from companies claiming to be capable of standing between you and the Internal Revenue Service and deflecting the IRS’s attacks on you and beating the Evil IRS into submission.

 

These services never mention a fee but there must be a fee but I am sure it is not much ... Or am I? ... because they sound so sincerely concerned about the beleaguered Tax Payer’s well being and happiness.

 

Here are a few of the claims made by these wonderful organizations...

• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $6,878,404 
  Settlement: $0 
  Savings: $6,878,404 (100%)
• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $27,900 
  Settlement: $1,200 
  Savings: $26,700 (96%)
• Clients Total Liability to IRS: $212,555 
  Settlement: $2,400 
  Savings: $210,155 (99%)
• Clients Total Liability to IRS: $94,000 
  Settlement: $2,046 
  Savings: $91,954 (98%)
• Clients Total Liability to IRS: $304,231 
  Settlement: $73.00 
  Savings: $304,158 (99%)
• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $87,000 
  Settlement: $1,500 
  Savings: $85,500 (98%)
• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $500,000 
  Settlement: $10,000 
  Savings: $490,000 (98%)

 

Do you get my drift in my Subject Line Question above? I am obviously dumb because I have always paid my taxes. The question for you, my dear reader, is... Are You As Dumb As The Smartfella?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Hey, America, We Gotta Lighten Up!

We are told the Internet is wonderful. It tells us everything. The truth is it tells us everything Over and Over.

A few weeks ago Jimmy Fallon messed up Donald Trump’s hair and the World Wide Web went crazy.

I searched on this “Historically Significant Happening” (Trump Messed Up Hair) and I got 964,000 Results. In my opinion this was about 963,980 too many. How many times can we read the same thing?

If you want to read a few, here are a few...

• Even The Dalai Lama Is Mocking Donald Trump
• 1000+ Ideas About Donald Trump Hair Meme On Pinterest
• Trump’s Hair Being Messed Up In Slow Motion
• Jimmy Fallon Under Fire For Humanizing Donald Trump
• Is Donald Trump’s Hair a $60,000 Weave?
• Absolute Proof, Trump’s Hair Is Real
• Jimmy Fallon Messed Up Miserable Trump’s Hair On Live TV

The one that amused me the most is the middle one. No matter how much those who oppose Donald Trump attack him, they certainly will admit that he is human...Or will they?

Oh well, it could be worse, at least Fallon drew the line at letting Trump play his Saxophone!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Silly Logic About Traffic Deaths

Logical Conclusion...

Ø All terrorist groups have voluntarily disbanded.

Ø People all over the world are dancing in the streets.

Ø All hate crime laws have been wiped off the books because they are obviously not necessary.

Ø After issuing pink slips to all its employees and closing all its offices, the NAACP issued this statement, “Our organization is not longer needed because racism is definitely a thing of the past”.

Ø For the last 18 months not a single person in the Good Ole USofA has been stabbed, shot, slapped, shouted at, robbed or even been given an accidental bump on the head.

 

If everything is the above paragraph were true, it would be logical to conclude that the rest of the day will go smoothly.

------------------------

Illogical Conclusion...

The article which drew the Illogical Conclusion can be found by clicking the Lagniappe Link below but I will summarize it for you here...

Ø U.S. traffic deaths jumped 10.4 percent in the first six months of 2016 to a "crisis" level.

Ø Road deaths in the first half totaled 17,775.

Ø That number was likely to be higher in the second half due to warmer weather and seasonal driving.

Ø The jump in the first half of the year follows a spike in 2015, when road deaths rose 7.2 percent to 35,092.

Ø This was the highest full-year increase since 1966.

Ø The NHTSA called the rising deaths a "crisis" and urged swift actions to reverse the rising trend after years of declines.

 

The 6 bullets above point to the undeniable conclusion that we are going over a cliff down a slippery slope and the prospects of reversing this awful decline are bleak indeed...Or does it?

 

Right after the 6 awful trending bullets the article had this paragraph, “The U.S. Transportations Department said it believes it "is now increasingly likely that the vision of zero deaths and serious injuries can be achieved in the next 30 years."

 

If you can see the “logic” in the U.S. Transportations Department’s conclusion, I am hereby banning you from ever reading my blog again. You are too Foolish to read my Silliness.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella  

 

Lagniappe: The link to the article... https://www.yahoo.com/news/u-road-deaths-jump-10-4-percent-2016-131238777.html

Freedom Of Speech Is Disappearing In The Good Ole USofA But That’s OK

Have I lost my mind? Not yet (but I’m working on it).

I can see a future where we will easily adapt to the loss of Freedom of Speech by making one logical change in how we go about running for public office. If we used to be able to put a man on the moon, we can do this! Allow me to explain.

It seems that Candidates for Public Office cannot say anything in the Political Arena which will not be twisted around into something Stupid, Racist, Unpatriotic or Disqualifying for Future Office.

 

The candidate walks into the room and says, “Good Morning” and that’s all the Media and the Candidate’s Opponent need to go for the jugular...

• Did you hear what he said? That’s awful! Just because he is having a good day, does he not have any sympathy for those among us who are struggling to survive each and every day?
• What about the afternoon & evening? If he really were one with the working class, as he says he is, why would he not wish everyone a Good Entire Day not just a Good Morning?
• What about those of us who are by nature Pessimistic and Paranoid? They actually enjoy feeling depressed. By telling them “Good Morning”, he will, in all likelihood, ruin their day.

As usual, I see a way out of this awful spiral. Any candidate who does not wish to be savaged for whatever he says ought to Not Say Anything At All during his run for office.

 

Did I just hear you say, “That’s really crazy!” Not so fast. Follow along with me...

• The candidate that stays silent will not offend anyone.
• The candidate that stays silent will not have his word twisted into something Stupid, Racist, Unpatriotic or Disqualifying for Future Office because he did not say anything that could be twisted into something Stupid, Racist, Unpatriotic or Disqualifying for Future Office.
• His Speaking Opponent will be sliced and diced every time he opens his mouth.
• Eventually the Non-Speaker will be seen as a logical alternative to the Stupid, Racist, Unpatriotic or Not Qualified for Future Office Speaking Candidate.

Can’t you just hear the voters saying to their collective selves, “We don’t know what the Non-Speaking Candidate stands for but at least we know he is not a Stupid, Racist, Unpatriotic or Not Qualified for Future Office fool like the Speaking Candidate who keeps flapping his gums all the while not realizing that the more he says the more he proves that he is Not Qualified to Hold Future Public Office.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Quick! Someone Get The President! He Needs To Make A Speech!

Read this one slowly...

I'm reading "The President's First Year: None Were Prepared, Some Never Learned - Why the Only School for Presidents Is the Presidency" by Douglas Alan Cohn and I wanted to share this quote with you.

 

This is what Woodrow Wilson said in both his Inaugural Address and later in his First Annual Message to Congress on December 2, 1913:

"The country, I am thankful to say, is at peace with all the world, and many happy manifestations multiply about us of a growing cordiality and sense of community of interest among the nations, foreshadowing an age of settled peace and good will. More and more readily each decade do the nations manifest their willingness to bind themselves by solemn treaty to the processes of peace, the processes of frankness and fair concession. So far the United States has stood at the front of such negotiations. She will, I earnestly hope and confidently believe, give fresh proof of her sincere adherence to the cause of international friendship by ratifying the several treaties of arbitration awaiting renewal by the Senate. In addition to these, it has been the privilege of the Department of State to gain the assent, in principle, of no less than 31 nations, representing four-fifths of the population of the world, to the negotiation of treaties by which it shall be agreed that whenever differences of interest or of policy arise which cannot be resolved by the ordinary processes of diplomacy they shall be publicly analyzed, discussed, and reported upon by a tribunal chosen by the parties before either nation determines its course of action."

Before 8 months had passed of the following year World War I had started and, before it was over, (According to Wikipedia) “the total number of deaths includes about 11 million military personnel and about 7 million civilians. The Triple Entente (also known as the Allies) lost about 6 million military personnel while the Central Powers lost about 4 million. At least 2 million died from diseases and 6 million went missing, presumed dead”.

 

Sometimes, when the Good Ole USofA is faced with a crisis, we will hear someone say, “The President need to make a speech about this dire situation”. If that happens again, don’t ask Woodrow Wilson to make that speech.

 

Start reading this book for free: http://amzn.to/2cQ5A8x

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Very Unsettling!

I saw where the former first string quarterback of the LSU Tigers has received a Death Threat over Social Media for the transgression (in the mind of the mental midget who socially made the social threat) of trying his best but his best was not good enough (in the mind of the mental midget who socially made the social threat).

Too bad Social Media was not around a few decades ago when this midget could have made more meaningful use of his Smartphone Pecking Skills...

Dear Mister Hitler,

I understand you have been killing millions of Jews, Catholics, Gypsies and Handicapped People. You are a terrible person and I am going to come over there and kill you.

Sincerely,

Mental Midget from the Future

 

Now that would have been a Tweet worth Tweeting!

Instead we have this kind of idiocy being transmitted through Social Media...

Dear Mister Quarterback,

I saw you miss the wide open receiver. I’m going to kill you.

Sincerely,

Mental Midget Long Time Fan

(Or should that be, Long Time Mental Midget Fan?)

 

The Late Paul Harvey just came into my computer pecking room and told me to tell my dear readers that the wide open receiver ran the wrong route.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Say a prayer that the LSU Quarterback pays as much attention to this threat as Hitler would have paid to his.

Change Partners

I’ve always liked Frank Sinatra. Too bad he died without knowing how much I enjoyed his singing.

 

One of his lesser known ballads was Change Partners. In the world of Modern “Musical” Entertainment, that title would certainly indicate something nasty but Frank’s songs were not nasty.

 

Change Partners tells this story...

·       Frank has fallen in love with a lady that is dancing repeatedly with the same dance partner.

·        Frank is dying to get a chance to dance with his new dancing love who does not know that she loves him too.

·        He just knows that, if she would dance with him one single time, she would fall in love with him and they would dance together forever (live happily ever after).

·        He comes up with the idea of tipping a ballroom attendant to tell the dancing guy that he has a phone call.

·        While the dancing guy is going to answer the phone call in the lobby, Frank will ask his future wife to dance (see #3 bullet above).

 

We in Modern World sometimes have trouble understanding Pre-Modern World. That means several of my dear readers just said to themselves, “Why did he not just answer his cell phone?”

 

Actually, I'm in Modern World and, in this case, I didn’t see the Modern World as it really is either. Do you see what’s wrong with my picture of these two marathon dancing partners dancing in Modern World? 

 

Ah Ha! Two of my dear readers are coming around to my way of thinking, seeing and noticing because two of you just said, “In Modern World both the dancing partners would be dancing and talking on their cell phones at the same time”.

 

I’m so proud of two of you!

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Here I Go Noticing Again

The other day I used my Noticing Skills while one of the Presidential Candidates was at a podium making a speech. What did I Notice? I’m so glad you asked.

It was not the candidate that caught my attention but the people who were standing behind the candidate (there are almost always people standing behind speaking politicians nowadays). I Noticed that most of them were all taking pictures of the candidate with their cell phones.

 

Did I just hear you say that taking pictures of candidates is nothing unusual and I am wasting a Fella Noticed Commentary on this one?

Actually I am not wasting my time. Did you not take note of where the behind people were? That’s right they were behind the candidate. That means they were feverously taking picture of the back of the head of the candidate.

 

There are lots of things wrong with us and this is not earthshaking but it is silly.

 

This is the kind of thing we need to nip in the bud before it grows into something sillier.

Next thing you know we will be responding to requests for a Photo ID by whipping out our Drivers License with a picture of the back of our heads on it.

 

OK, I got carried away again...Or did I?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Have Moved On From Noticing Things To Quibbling About Things. Should I Consider This Progress?

First Quibble...

Gun, bomb attack on American University in Kabul kills 13

 “KABUL (Reuters) - Thirteen people, including students and a professor, were killed in an attack on the American University in Kabul that had students leaping from the windows in panic, the Afghan government said on Thursday.

The attack began on Wednesday evening with a large explosion from what officials said was a car bomb followed by gunfire, as suspected militants stormed into the complex where foreign staff and pupils were working.”

Do you see my Quibble? You don’t? Go back and read it again. I’ll click here and wait... Waiting Music

 

You still don’t see my quibble words? Unbelievable!

 

Let me recap the violent keywords in the excerpt above...Gun, Bomb Attack, Kills 13, Large Explosion, Car Bomb, Gunfire and Stormed Into.

 

I give up on you. After all this time of my trying to improve your powers of observation, I am forced to feed you the Key Quibble Words...”Suspected Militants”. These bad guys are only suspected of being militants?!

 

I’m sure, you feel ashamed of yourself now.

------------------------

Second Quibble...

‘Breaking Bad’ Actor RJ Mitte: We Need More Disabled People Working in TV

“LOS ANGELES— “Breaking Bad” star RJ Mitte stated in an interview with the Irish Examiner on Wednesday that there isn’t enough exposure for disabled actors in the film and TV industry. The American actor, who himself is diagnosed with cerebral palsy, believes that disabled figures in the media should receive as much screen time as able-bodied actors.”

 

I must not understand what this Mitte guy (whoever that is) is getting at. Is he saying that half of all actors have to be disabled? Is that realistic? Is that reflective of the makeup of the population in general? Is he nuts?

 

What’s next?...

Ø In all Movies and TV Shows actors with Spaces Between Their Front Teeth must have screen time equal to actors without Spaces Between Their front Teeth.

Ø If there cannot be found enough Spaced Teeth Actors, should Non-Spaced Teeth Actors be required to have their teeth spaced before they can renew their actor license?

Ø Should actors who, as children, had their spaces removed with braces be required to have the spaces put back?

 

Don’t laugh. These are serious questions.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella