Get The Hell Out Of My Court!

I plucked these 3 examples of Foolish Law Suits from the Internet. This kind of Silliness ought to not even get into a courtroom. If they did make it in, once the judge figured out what was going on, he ought to have said, "Get the hell out of my court!".

I know why judges don't say what I suggested above. They are afraid they might get sued.

Here are the promised Truly Foolish True Law Suits...

• When all else fails, sue yourself... A client sued himself for $5 million. He claimed that he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the jail, serving a 23 year sentence for grand larceny and breaking and entering. What could he possibly have to gain by suing himself? Since being in prison prevented him from having an income, he expected the state to pay.
• Since when were haunted houses frightening?... A client sued Universal Studios for $15,000. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress while visiting Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights Haunted House, which she said was scary.
• Negligent security is a legitimate claim, when you’re the victim, not the perpetrator!... A client sued Providence Hospital for $2 million. He claimed that the hospital was negligent because it had not prevented him from raping one of its patients.

If our Crack Judicial System functioned true to form in the above silly law suits, many months passed, mountains of paperwork were generated, discoveries were issued & complied with out the kazoo, umpteen witnesses were called and the judge never said, "Get the hell out of my court!".

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(299)

Getting Good Employees Is Easy. All You Need Do Is Hire Good Employees…Or Is It That Easy?

Recently I saw on TV where the Secret Service Director stated that in his capacity as Secret Service Director he can't fire people without a lot of hurdles being jumped through.

Recently I saw where the Drug Enforcement Administrator said she can't fire people because of the restrictions put on her by Civil Service Laws.

The Smartfella is here to say that these two big time Federal Government Department Heads are not alone. I dare say all Federal Government Department Heads feel the same restrictions when it comes to getting rid of bad employees.

As you have come to expect of me, I have a fix to propose...

Don't Hire Bad Employees

I told you I had an answer. Another Blog Posting well done! I'm so proud of myself!

Just a moment. There was someone shouting at me over my shoulder as I was pecking out my own pat on my own back above.

I am being told that I am ill informed about that of which I speak. My attacker is shouting at me saying I don't know what I am talking about because I have overlooked the Internal Revenue Service.

It is a universally understood rule that people in charge of hiring don't rehire former workers who caused trouble or had poor performance issues during prior employment. This is, however, not the universe that the IRS does its hiring in.

Of the more than 7,000 former employees the IRS hired between January 2010 and September 2013, 824 (12%) of them were found to have had poor performance & poor conduct issues during their prior employment with the IRS.

This startling information was reported in a new oversight report by the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration. TIGTA reviewed a random sample of more than 300 re-hired employees who had poor conduct or poor performance issues in the past and found that 20% had developed new poor conduct or poor performance issues during their second go-round with the IRS.

Problem behaviors have included employees who...

• Willfully failed to file their tax returns.
• Gained unauthorized access to taxpayer information.
• Abused the agency's leave policy.
• Misused IRS property.
• Falsified official forms.
• Had behavioral or legal problems off-duty such as alcoholism.
• Generally did a bad job since being re-hired.

This is the Federal Government's Classic Example of being between a Rock & a Hard Place of their own making... They can't fire bad employees but they re-hire former employees who were bad employees before they became former employees.

Have no fear. I again have a fix. I propose that we hire a whole bunch of bureaucrats to keep an eye on the former bad employees who have been re-hired so as to ascertain if they are bad employees…again.

My brilliant idea is not so brilliant after all because, if it is determined that they are bad employees again, the IRS can't fire them.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(512)

We Really Hate To Do It But We Have To Find Offsetting Revenue

Golly Gee! We have no choice but to seek more sources of revenue. The price of Jet Fuel is out of sight!

That's what the Big Wigs in the Airline Industry told us. They looked so sad. The appeared so awfully distressed. We felt sorry for them. We believed them. We said, "It's OK. We understand".

The most obvious & obnoxious revenue enhancement they came up with was Baggage Fees. Even when we found out that the Airline Industry made $5.7 Billion from the collection of Baggage Fees, we said to our collective selves, They really needed that $5.7 Billion because the price of Jet Fuel is so terribly high.

The Smartfella was thinking awhile back that, since the price of Jet Fuel has fallen like a rock, maybe the Airline Industry will be removing those Baggage Fees any day now.

Any Day Now came & went but the Baggage Fees stayed in place. Since I am a man of action, I wrote letters to the CEO's of every U.S. Airline asking when the Baggage Fees were going to be removed.

You probably know by now that when The Fella Asks...The Fella Gets an Answer. Within hours of receiving my letters the Airline Industry had a big video conference & they issued a unified statement about the removal of Baggage Fees. They sent it to me & I am attaching it to this Blog Posting...

http://www.naturesongs.com/cricket1.wav

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(254)

Proof (Again) That I Know What I Am Talking About (Again)

My dream is that you, my dear readers, will stop being skeptical of me & will blindly believe everything I have to say about anything.

Just 2 days ago I told you about how we are being ruled by a Building (the White House)... http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/04/who-elected-this-building-aka-government_13.html.

Today on the front page of my newspaper there is an article that firms up my seemingly silly contention...

Here are Proof Excerpts from this revealing article...

Ø "winning the endorsement of a reluctant White House"

Ø "The White House said President Barack Obama would sign the legislation"

Ø "The legislation, if enacted, would represent a rare assertion of congressional power over a foreign-policy matter that the White House would have preferred to handle alone."

Ø "The White House had urged Democrats to reject the bill"

Ø "The original bill, opposed by the White House"

Ø "Meanwhile, the White House still faces hurdles in reaching a deal by the June 30 deadline. "

Ø "as the White House escalated its outreach to Capitol Hill"

There you have it. Proof positive that I know of which I speak. Admit that you doubted me. Say you're sorry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: If you want to read the entire article for yourself, click below…

http://www.wsj.com/articles/senate-panel-nears-compromise-on-iran-nuclear-deal-1429026751?KEYWORDS=Senators+Obama+Yield+On+Iran

(223)

Who Elected This Building? aka: "Structured Government"

Every time we have voted for President we have voted for a person. Once in office the President starts telling us what he (so far it's a he) thinks, intends to do, is going to go, what we ought to do, what we have to do, etc. However, more & more our Elected President is being replaced by an It.

Have you noticed that the Unelected It is in control? Of course you have not but that's why you have me. I do the noticing for you.

We continually read these types of statements in our newspapers...

The White House published new regulations for the banking industry.

The White House has released its long anticipated guidelines for stem cell research.

The White House has clarified of its earlier position on foreign travel restrictions.

Are we being ruled by a Building? If so, that raises very interesting questions...

Ø Is this legal?

Ø Has there been a coup d'état?

Ø Should we be concerned?

Ø Is this even constitutional?

Ø Can we object?

Ø Should we take up arms?

Today all hell broke loose in the halls of congress. Congressmen & Senators were poking holes in the air with their fingers at an alarming rate. The Good Ole USofA is on the brink of a constitutional crisis because our ruler has authorized a new paint job for itself without Congressional Approval.

I told you it was serious.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(250)

I'm Right Again!

Sounds like I am bragging in the Subject of this Blog Posting but, bragging or not, it makes me sad to be right on this one.

On April 1st I published a Blog Posting http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/04/negotiating-with-iran-or-why-bother.html which said that we were wasting our time negotiating with Iran's Negotiators because the Ayatollah is the only one who had the power to say, بله (yes) or هیچ (no).

The negotiator got a Persian Ticket Tape Parade when he got back home. The whole country shouted out a collective "attaboy!". (I could not find out to say "attaboy" in Persian.)

They can shout all they want but the key Persian was not shouting. You guessed it, the Ayatollah was not shouting.

One week after the "agreement" to come to a final "agreement" in the next 3 months was announced the headline in my newspaper reads, "Iran’s Ayatollah Ali Khamenei Blasts Terms of Nuclear Framework Deal".

In my newspaper the big guy has made a couple of his positions known about Absolute Key Provisions of the Agreement to Maybe Agree Later On Down the Road Agreement...

Ø He said هیچ to having the sanctions come off over a period of time. He said they must come off as soon as the agreement is signed.

Ø He said هیچ to allowing Unfettered Access to facilities for Inspections. This guy doesn't mince his words, "It must absolutely not be allowed for them to infiltrate into the country’s defense and security domain under the pretext of inspections. Military officials must not allow strangers into this private domain under the pretext of supervision and inspection, or stop the defensive development of the country.”

White House officials said the fact that the Ayatollah is pitching the deal at all is encouraging. (Look up "Grasping at Straws" wherever you like to look up stuff.)

The Smartfella says, if this were a real pitch, baseball would classify it as a Fastball Slider Curveball Change of Pace.

If the Chicago Cubs had this guy in their lineup today, they would be a lock to break their 106 Year Old World Series Drought this very year.

If he were pitching for the Cubs, he would certainly make the All Star Team because anyone who got a hit off of him would have their hands chopped off.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(391)

Continuing Our Collective Slide Down The Slippery Slope...Criminals Showing No Fear Of Being Caught

Below are 3 examples I serve up to prove the startling premise I pecked out in the Subject of this Blog Posting. I made up one of them. Can you figure out which one is the complete fabrication of my silly mind?

Ø A robber (if I were a true professional news reporter, I would have written "suspected robber") took an unspecified amount of cash from a cell phone store at 10:30 a.m. on March 30th. The robber made no attempt to hide his identity &, during the course of the robbery (if I were a true professional news reporter I would have written "suspected robbery"), he ate Lay's Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips & Funyuns.

Ø A man wearing his work uniform, including his name tag, stole approximately $1,200 from a Dry Cleaning Store as it was nearing closing time on April 2nd. As he was leaving the store, the proprietor asked him if he was aware that he had his work uniform on & he replied, "That does not bother me. Lots of people work there."

Ø On April 3rd a man picked up a large canister owned by The Children's Miracle Network from the checkout counter at a local grocery store & carried it out of the store in plain sight. Once outside he broke the canister open, gathered up its contents & returned inside the store & processed the money through the CoinSTAR Machine. He reportedly made off with just over $100.

While you are trying to figure out which one of these 3 brazen robberies is a fabrication of my foolish mind, do not lose sight of the fact that 2 of them are absolute fact as reported in my local newspaper this very day.

I would not be so bold as to say the Battle for Truth, Justice & the American Way is completely lost but I can see the darkness at the end of the tunnel.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(343)

I Am Ashamed Of Myself!

In the NCAA ESPN Bracket Competition:
Ø I was in 21,337th place. That means 21,336 pickers were better than I was.
Ø My percentage (don't ask me how they figure this out) was 99.8%. That sounds pretty good but it is still .2 percentage points below perfection, which is always my goal.
Ø I accumulated 1,570 points (don't ask me how they figure this out). The National Bracket Winners had 1,830. This means I was a whopping 260 points below those 2 guys.
On the other hand, when compared to the President of the United States, I did pretty good...
Ø Our leader was in 6,996,358th place. That means I was 6,965,021 places better than he was.
Ø His percentage was 38.5%. That means I was 61.3 percentage points better than he was.
Ø He accumulated 760 points. That means I had 810 more points than he did.
The Bottom Line... Considering some of the crazy reasons the voters in the Good Ole USofA give for voting for whom they vote...

I am hereby announcing my Candidacy For President of the United States

Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(216)
Lagniappe: Of course I'll need a slogan. Do you think "I Am 6,965,021 Times Better Than Your Current President" is catchy enough?

If Your Child Was Better At Something, Would You Not Want That Something To Be Something?

An "educator" in Minnesota said this idea arose during her Internet Search for an activity that the entire school could do. “Who doesn’t play with Bubble Wrap?" she said. “It’s instant gratification with a noise."
If you look up "Mental Midget" in the dictionary, there is a little picture of this "educator" next to the definition.
When the Fella was young we admired people that did something of consequence...
Ø The Grammar School Student who won the National Spelling Bee in smashing fashion by spelling a word that the judges had never heard of.
Ø The High School 9th Grader who climbed Mount Everest during his Lunch Break.
Ø The College Freshman who broke the world's record in the 100 Yard Dash running backwards.
Too many of today's Grammar, High School and College Students (the Fella defines "too many" as any number more than one) are participating in massive efforts to establish Guinness World Records for Popping Bubble Wrap.
There you go again thinking I made this one up. When will I convince you that I don't need to make up Foolishness. All I need do is read my newspaper.
It all started when Hawthorne High School established the original record in January 2013 with 366 students doing the popping.
Challengers began surfacing about a year later...
Ø A University of Florida team topped Hawthorne.
Ø Bramley Church of England Primary School, in Hampshire, U.K., grabbed the record next.
Ø Then Gonzaga College SJ, a Catholic boys secondary school in Dublin, Ireland, claimed the crown.
Ø A couple of weeks later that record was beaten by Riverside Primary School in Tasmania.
Ø Last May more than 700 students and teachers and staff from a West Scranton, Pa. school sat shoulder-to-shoulder on the gym floor and popped bubbles on Bubble Wrap Packaging. While West Scranton’s record didn’t hold for long, one of the teachers is sanguine about the brevity of its reign. “It doesn’t take away from it,” she said. “Even if you have it for 10 minutes you’re still the world-record holder. You have bragging rights.”
Ø Less than three weeks later, a school in Elk River, Minn., broke West Scranton’s record with 942 poppers.
Ø Alas, all glory is fleeting because Oral Roberts University broke that record in January, with 1,011 students, faculty and staff.
The popping frenzy started two years ago when Sealed Air (makers of bubble wrap) teamed up with a school for Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.
Did you take note of the word in the above paragraph that raked across my brain like finger nails on a chalk board? Thank heaven you saw it too... "Appreciation".
Johnny, what do you appreciate and admire? Is it Astronauts who fly to the moon? Is it Scientists who find cures for deadly diseases? Is it that Coach who called that pass play in the Super Bowl on 2nd and 1?
You know the Good Ole USofA is in deep trouble when Johnny replies, "Bubble Wrap Poppers".

I do see a sign of hope in all of the Foolishness above. So far Members of Congress have not joined the competition.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
()
Lagniappe: Several Saints flipped over in their graves when that Catholic School put bookmarks in their text books and joined in this Silliness.

Negotiating With Iran or Why Bother?

Let your mind's Eye (whatever that is) wander with Fella for a minute. Let's say it's Super Bowl Sunday. The coaches for the 2 teams are on the field in heated negotiations about...

Ø What will the inflation of the ball be.

Ø How many players can be on the field at one time.

Ø How long the game will last.

The fans are sitting in the stands saying to their collective selves, Why are the coaches wasting their time? The Commissioner of the NFL has already...

Ø Flatly & publically stated that they will not be allowed to use a football.

Ø He has forbidden any player from leaving the locker room.

Ø He has personally disconnected the electricity from the game clock & said he will not plug it back in.

There you go again saying there I go again being silly, pecking out foolishness & wasting your time...Or am I?

This is what is happening in our negotiations with Iran. The real power in Iran is the Ayatollah. He is like a bearded Lola. Remember the Broadway Play Damn Yankees?…

Whatever Lola Wants.

Lola Gets.

My newspaper tells me the following...

"But after more than 18 months of direct negotiations, Western officials said there are signs Mr. Khamenei hasn’t empowered his negotiators to give ground on the few remaining sticking points.

These include the pace at which United Nations sanctions on Iran would be removed, the scope of Tehran’s future nuclear work, and the ability of international inspectors to access the country’s nuclear and military sites."

Few Remaining Sticking Points? Huh? These 3 things look to me like they are the reasons why the "negotiations" were ever started in the first place...

Ø Sanctions removed.

Ø Future bomb making activity.

Ø Inspections about bomb making activity.

I just had a visit from one of our crack negotiators. He was looking over my shoulder as I pecked out this Blog Posting. He got really excited & red faced as he shouted at me, "What do you mean we have not made any progress of substance? You don't know what you are talking about! We have made a lot of progress! We agreed what time we would break for lunch! We agreed not to hold meetings while Iran's Soccer Team was playing a match! We agreed that our respective little flags on the negotiating table would be of the same size & height! Fella, you ought to have your blogging license pulled!"

In the Subject of this bit of Foolishness I wrote... "Why Bother?". Now you know why I bothered to say, "Why Bother?". It's because the only guy who can make any decisions did not Bother to attend the negotiation meetings.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(465)

A Cry From The Masses To Lawyers

The above subject uses the term "The Masses". That sort of indicates that there are more of us than them. Does it sometimes seem to you that there are more of them (lawyers) than us (masses)?

We are constantly confused by Lawyer Terminology. They like it that way. It gives them power over us.

In this blog posting I will point out a fine example of their never ending Conspiracy To Confuse...

• Back 1970 to 1972 the Chicago Seven were tried because of all the Consternation & Violence that they orchestrated during the 1968 Democratic Convention.
• They were eventually (here's where the confusion starts) acquitted of Riot Conspiracy Charges but convicted of Inciting A Riot Charges.
• They were also convicted of 175 counts of Contempt of Court & sentenced to between 2 to 4 years in prison & fined $5,000 each.
• Then the other shoe dropped (in Legal World there is always another shoe).
• None of them served any time in prison because in 1972 a Court of Appeals overturned the criminal convictions & eventually most of the contempt charged were dropped.

Once again our crack Judicial System wasted a lot of time & money getting a useless conviction…aka: No Where.

Does this depress you? I'll try & cheer you up by telling you that not a single one of them was given a Letter of Commendation for Orchestrating Consternation & Violence during the 1968 Democratic Convention...Or were they?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(333)

Lagniappe: Many say that Shakespeare said… Kill All The Lawyers. I could not verify that he said this using Google but, for the sake of silly, let's say he did. The Fella thinks there is one lawyer that ought not be killed by Shakespeare. All the lawyers that I know that see this are now wondering if they are the one Shakespeare should let be. To each of you I say... Yes, you are the one.

Senator Chuck Schumer Is A Real Person–Part 2

For a while I was not sure Senator Chuck Schumer truly existed.

Originally published February 20, 2009 | 09:13 AM
It seems like every time the Majority Leader of our Senate, Harry Reid, (I'll call him Harry from here on out) steps up to a podium filled with microphones there is Senator Chuck Schumer (I'll call him Chuck from here on out) standing behind ole Harry.
Chuck stands there and smiles, shakes his head, looks around and smiles some more. One day I noticed Chuck's movements seemed to be sort of mechanical and repetitious. Then I noticed that Chuck sometimes smiled at the wrong time. It seemed he was not paying close attention to what Harry was saying. This bothered me and I determined to find out if there really was a Chuck.
I got into my car and started driving to Washington D.C. On the drive up, my mind was spinning with possibilities. About half way to D.C., I was toying with a likely scenario for this quandary of mine…
Ø There really is not a Chuck.
Ø Harry felt a need to have loyal back-there support whenever he spoke to us folks back home.
Ø He thought of when he had gone to a Disneyland and he had seen those mechanical Disney creations standing all over the place directing him to restrooms, exits, rides, etc.
Ø Sometimes they were animals and sometimes they are very realistic looking people things.
Ø Harry had gone to the Imaginers at Disneyland and told them of his dilemma and they created a standup loyal supporter that looked like a Senator and they named him Chuck.
By the time I got to the outskirts of D.C. I felt fairly certain that this is what had happened but I was determined to find out for sure.
I found out when the next time Harry was going to be making a momentous announcement to the media (actually this happens every 53 minutes). I disguised myself as a walking potted plant and snuck around to the side of the podium as Harry was speaking. There it was! I had confirmation of my beliefs! Chuck was behind Harry, as usual, and there was a tether rope that connected Chuck from his belt buckle to the back of Harry belt thru a hole in Harry's suit coat. Chuck was on wheels and every time Harry went anywhere, Chuck was sure to follow.
Right then and there I decided to hold a news conference of my own to tell the folks back home the real truth about the connection between Harry and Chuck. I thought that the best place to hold such a news conference was in the imitation office of the imitation Chuck. I gathered several reporters who were too far back in the gaggle surrounding Harry's ongoing news conference to really hear anything being said. I led them to imitation Chuck's office and, when I opened the door, there was the real Chuck taking a nap on a couch.
The end result of all of this is I was right but I was also wrong. There is a real Chuck (who sleeps a lot) and there is also an imitation Chuck (who follows Harry everywhere he goes).
Later I asked Harry about how this amazing scenario had come about and he was very open about the whole history of the Chuck on Wheels. One very interesting thing he told me was that the Disney people had, at first, offered to sell him a spare Goofy on Wheels but Harry smiled and said, with a twinkle in his eye, "I was too smart to fall for that. No one would believe that Goofy could be elected Senator".
Would I kid u?
Smartfella?
One of my dear readers sent this...

Saving Newsprint

I recently read a news article about Biotech that contained 768 words. A subject like Biotech can be confusing & this article proved to be just that...Very Confusing.

Much of the confusion was caused by the fact that it had lots of numbers/statistics in it. The more we analyze, try to comprehend &/or make comparisons with other numbers the more confusing news articles become.

This particular article had 42 sets of numbers (percentages, dollars, years, multiples of annual revenues) in it. It was awful.

I was worn out & confused when I finished & did not understand most of what I had just read. Being one who always wants to improve the world around me, I decided to come up with a way to make articles of this ilk (just love the word "ilk") better.

I decided humankind would be better served if we would just get rid of the words & keep the numbers.

Here is the Biotech Article without the words...

$21,000,000,000, $6,600,000,000, 2006, 2013, $7,000,000,000, 5.7%, $17,000,000,000, 38%, $8,300,000,000, $5,200,000,000, 51%, 14.5%, 500, 2%, 1991, 2006, B2, $6,600,000, 2008, $6,000,000, 2009, $.57, $261.25, 2011, 60%, 2014, $65.66, 11x, $49.65, 5x, $28.41, 9x, $20.97, 29x, $15.93, 4x, $13.35, 4x, $13.21, 12x, $12.22, 3x.

There it is. You now understand as much of the article as if you had read all the words but you did not have to read all the words...

Think how much time you saved!

You are very welcome. I always like to help out where I can.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(261)

Once Upon A Time We Used To Change The Names To Protect The Innocent. Now We Go To Great Lengths To Protect The Guilty.

Recently an alleged bad guy (I hope I am not jumping to conclusions by calling him a bad guy) tried to abduct a small child. He was caught on camera as he ran away with his alleged victim.

Actually he was not "caught" by the camera after the local news outlet got finished protecting him. Below is a still picture from the actual video...

I know I'm The Noticer & you are not but did you see what this blog is toying around with?

You did not? I am so disappointed in you!…

They blocked out the facial features of the alleged bad guy!

If the news channel's spokesman were asked why they blocked out the alleged facial features of the alleged bad guy, would the spokesman have said something like…

"In the Good Ole USofA we are innocent until we are proven guilty. Besides, if we had shown his face, the police might have apprehended him.

What if his neighbors had seen his face? Would they have told the police it was him? Worse yet, would they have thought ill of him?"

Sometimes I experience brief moments of fear that I will run out of silliness to write about. In the future, when this fear starts to come on me, I'm going to say to myself…

"Relax, fella, it ain't gonna happen. Remember the alleged bad guy running away with his alleged small victim. There's a world of untapped foolishness coming your way."

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(274)

Running Into The Street Screaming

I am spending too much of my life on the phone on hold waiting for online "help".

These people are paid to keep me to be happy, are they not? I know what they are doing instead of picking up their end of the phone & helping me. They are sitting around drinking their Fruity Drinks With Little Umbrellas in them. That's exactly what they are doing!

I think deep down they really do want to help me because they went to all the trouble to make a recording that tells me over & over that my call is important to them.

What I don't understand is, if the above paragraph is true, why do they play such Awful Music Awfully Loud at me while I patiently wait?

I have been persecuted by this assault on my hearing & sanity for a long time now but was not prompted to blog about it until recently because I started noticing a significant number of people running out of their houses screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" or "Why do they do this to me?!" or "Aghaaaaaaaaa!".

I assigned the responsibility of finding out why these people are acting this way to one of my best Investigative Investigators & it was not long before I had the answer...

"Sir, the reason the Awful Music is played Awfully Loud is that they are hoping you will hang up the phone & run out into the street screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" or "Why do they do this to me?!" or "Aghaaaaaaaaa!".

If you do hang up, then they can keep sipping their Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

Also, their assigned quota is only 2 calls handled per day &, since a disconnection is counted as a call completion, they have probably already reached their assigned quotas &, therefore, they have no vested interest in taking your call."

I make my Investigative Investigators address me as "Sir" because I pay them well & they are afraid of me because they need the job since the Major News Networks stopped investigating anything & started reporting everything.  

(I've spent hours trying to get the link below to work. If it does not work, Plan B is I am going to send an ordinary old fashioned email to each of you with the mp3 file attached. Plan C is, if Plan B does not work, take my word for it the Awful Music Is Awful!)

Click here to hear the Awful Music Played Awfully Loud for yourself...

..\..\..\..\Music\AwfullyLoudEM.mp3

If you are a masochist & want to experience what I am gripping about, you can call the Social Security Administration (800 772 1213) & experience the Awful Music Played Awfully Loud up close & personal.

After being asked a bunch of questions & threatened a couple of times, you can ask to speak to a Representative & THEN YOU WILL BE PUT ON HOLD. I don't think there is any chance that you will not be put on hold because they always put you on hold because they are sitting around drinking Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

If you really want to make the SSA call, you do so your own peril but, please remember to look both ways before you run out in the street screaming.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(563)  

If You Have A Cluttered Mind, You Will Clutter Your Surroundings & You Will Accomplish Little During Your Lifetime

There are few words for me to peck into this Blog Posting. I need only insert the picture below & let you come to your own realization about just how wrong the above subject really is.

The picture above was Albert Einstein's Office the day he died.

-------------------------

Allow me to try a new Subject...

A Neat, Tidy & Uncluttered Office Reveals A Person Who Accomplished Many Great Things In Life & Ended Up Being Admired By All

The above picture was Adolph Hitler's Office.

Looks Like I'm Wrong Again

Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(115)

If Only We Were This Socially Advanced Back Then, We Could Have Saved The Buggy Whip Manufacturers

The Buggy Whip Manufacturers were swept into the Dustbin Of History.

By the time the same fate was about to befall the Coal Tenders on railroad engines we had advanced to the point where we saved them & they were allowed to stay on the job (doing nothing) after the evil diesel engines tried to sweep them into the Dustbin of History.

We have learned from our past mistakes & this time around we are going to save the many employees of Automotive Body Repair Shops in the Good Ole USofA...

"Widespread embrace of self-driving vehicles could eliminate 90% of all auto accidents in the U.S., prevent up to $190 billion in damages and health-costs annually and save thousands of lives, according to a new report by consulting firm McKinsey & Co."

Mass adoption of these Self-Driving Cars (to be known as "Autonomous Vehicles") will be upon us in 15 years. If we don't act now to become pro-active about this impending disaster, millions of body shop employees will be forced onto the unemployment lines & they & their children will be homeless on the streets of the Good Ole USofA.

Thank heaven our Senate is taking action even as I peck this out...

Ø Senator Foghorn Leghorn has proposed legislation that will require every owner of an Autonomous Vehicle to employ a former body shop employee to sit in each vehicle.

Ø The particulars of their employment are still being worked out by Senator Leghorn & his Save All Jobs No Matter What The Cost Sub-Committee but here is what we know thanks to an anonymous source on the committee who asked not to be identified because he is betraying a sworn oath he gave to Senator Leghorn that he would not become an anonymous source & do what he is doing anonymously.

Ø The non-drivers will be paid double the Minimum Wage, which is expected to be $75 per hour in 15 years because we all know that a family of 4 cannot be raised on a mere $75/hour.

Ø The non-drivers must be furnished with the latest Tablet Computer of their choice by the vehicle owner.

Ø These Tablet Computers will be loaded with a full complement of Premium Computer Games.

During his latest news conference the Honorable Senator was asked what was the reason the non-drivers were to be given access to the Computer Games. The anger was apparent on the Senator's face when he heard this question but he remained composed & responded as if the reporter's question was not as inane as he knew it to be by saying, "Son. Why, son. The games are essential because these non-drivers won't have anything to do. Without these games it is certain that many of them will go insane from boredom. The last thing we need in this country is a bunch of insane non-drivers in these self-driving vehicles. Why, they might start trying to push something or step on something or, heaven forbid, start trying to drive these non-driver vehicles! Then where would we be? I'll tell you where. We would be right back where we were before the advent of the driverless cars. We would start having vehicle collisions. Then we would have need for body shops & there would be no body shop workers to work in these body shops because all the former body shop workers are already gainfully employed in the front of these driverless cars where they have nothing to do!".

Once again Senator Leghorn has displayed his ability to make the obvious obvious.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(617)

What Is It? Is It A Tax? No, It’s A Penalty. Wait It Is A Tax. Oh, I Now See What It Is. It’s As Clear As Can Be. How Could I have Missed It?

Attention, Liberal Leaning Readers of My Blog…

I am going to do something I don’t normally do in my blog. I am going to use the word, “Obamacare”. Do not not read any further because you see that word. I am not attacking your guy. I am attacking the Silly World your guy & you & I live in.

In the beginning we were told that those who did not get Health Insurance were not going to have a Tax levied against them but were going to be charged a Penalty.

Then the case went to our Supreme Court & the Supreme Court said that those of us who did not get Health Insurance were not going to have a Penalty levied against them but were going to be charged a Tax.

Time heals all confusion. Recently I was reading my trusty newspaper & my trusty newspaper straightened it all out for me & now I am going to straighten it all out for you…

The Penalty-Not-A-Tax

Which Became

A Tax-Not-A-Penalty

Is Now Officially Called

A “Tax/Penalty”

Is this a great country or what?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(225)

CNN Is On Top Of The Story! ... Or Are They?

I watched a news piece on CNN yesterday about Jihadi John.
As part of the piece CNN interviewed British people who knew him & in reporting what they said about him CNN used the words... Kind, Gentle, Humble, Grateful, Intelligent, Somewhat Quiet & Respectful.
There must be some other adjectives that CNN could have found to use, if they tried a little harder.
CNN also said, while Jihadi John was still in England, British authorities were keeping tabs on him as a terrorist suspect & he was upset saying he was being harassed.
If a headline to this "being harassed" part of the story were written it might look like this... "Terrorist Upset Because British Authorities Are Treating Him As If He Were A Terrorist".
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(142)

In The Ole Days Some Of Us Thought It Was The New Days

In the late 1960's I was a traveler with Ford Motor Company. The company gave us $5.50 Food Allowance per day. As meager as such an allowance seems by today's standards I usually did alright.

Some of us tried to stretch the envelope by staying in motel rooms that cost $14 a night instead of our usual $9 per night accommodations but Ford caught on to what we were doing & put a stop to that wasteful spending, in no uncertain terms.

We were called into the District Office on a Monday morning before we headed out to our zones (very unusual meeting time) & told, in no uncertain terms, to get back where we belonged ($9 per night accommodations).

Those were the Ole Days. Today some upper crust hotels are charging $40 just for the use of Wi-Fi in their rooms.

Such hotels are the ones that used to cost $14 per night but now cost $200 per night. Thank heaven the $9 per night hotels are the still out there but now they cost $90 per night.

The strange thing is, if you spend $90 per night, the Wi-Fi is free but, if you spend $200 per night, the Wi-Fi costs $40 per night.

Guess this is what is called New Math... $90 is $90 but $200 is $240.

------------------------

On a related note (whatever that means), recently we stayed at a nice hotel & while checking in I asked the desk clerk if we received a free breakfast in the morning. The very nice young man (& he was very nice) looked me right in my cheap eyes & said, "No, sir. We are a full service hotel".

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(300)