I just bought a high-powered toothbrush that is so wonderful
the manufacturer of the toothbrush felt obligated to charge me a lot of money.
As is usually the case, the toothbrush comes with an Owner’s Manual. Because someone back in times past invented lawyers, the Owner’s Manual starts off with page after page of Threats (If you don’t read and abide by these threats, you could be seriously injured or seriously die) and Warnings (A bunch of warnings about everything you can imagine and a bunch you could never have imagined) ...
The Warnings… There are 12 Warnings. I will not list all 12 but I must admit that I am a bit baffled by number 11… “The maximum altitude of use is 4500 meters”.
The Medical Warnings… There are 5 Medical Warnings. I found number 4 very interesting… “If you have medical concerns, consult your doctor before you use this appliance”. Medical Concerns? What could possibly medically concern you about a toothbrush?
The Battery Safety Instructions… There are 13 Battery Safety Instructions. I started to not even look at these, but by now I had become a bit unnerved and confused, so I looked. I wish I had not looked. I saw things like…
>Do not place this product or its battery in a microwave oven (I ask you, who is going to take the battery out of their toothbrush and put it into a microwave oven?
>Keep product and battery away from fire (No kidding!)
>Do not expose the battery to direct sunlight (This greatly disappointed me because I had been so looking forward to brushing my teeth outdoors).
I was compelled to analyze the above bullet point in more depth because this one is Foolishness of The Highest Order…
>To expose the battery to direct
sunlight it must be removed from the toothbrush.
>Getting the battery out of the toothbrush
is a herculean task.
>The Owner’s Manual has 2 pages
of instructions explaining how to remove the battery.
>The removal instructions are laid
out into 17 separate paragraphs.
>To remove the battery, one needs
a towel or cloth, a hammer, and a flat-head screw driver.
>At one point you are told, “Hold
the top of the handle with one hand and strike the handle housing 0.5 inches above the
handle end. Strike firmly with a hammer on all 4 sides to eject the end cap.
Note: You may have to hit on the end several times to break the internal snap
connections.”
You should understand that your toothbrush is now broken and will never work again. Which make one wonder why you went to all this effort to expose your battery to direct sunlight…Or will you wonder?
Wow! The lawyers who had assembled this Owner’s Manual must
have been afraid of their collective own shadows!
************
This next one got my Foolishness…Or Is It? juices flowing
and inspired me to write this Blog Posting…
Changes or
modifications not expressly approved by us could void the user’s authority
to operate the equipment.
What the heck does
this mean?
Could they really void my authority to use my own very expensive toothbrush?!
This causes my now completely confused mind to wonder…
- I thought because I had paid for my toothbrush I not only had the right to use it, but I also had the right to keep it if I wanted to keep it.
- Does this mean they have a right to come into my house and take my toothbrush away from me?
- How would they know I did what I was not allowed to do, especially since they have now confused me to the point that I can’t figure out what it is that I’m not allowed to do?
- If I am in mid-brush, when they break down my door, will I be allowed to finish my brush?
- This makes me think I really ought to only use my toothbrush outdoors, at least that would save me the expense of having to replace my broken-down door.
- Is it possible that all these words I don’t understand add up to a Preemptive Breaking and Entering Search and Seizure Authorization?
I wish Benjamin Franklin was not dead. I’m beginning to feel that he’s the only one I can trust.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
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