You Can’t Be Serious!

My local county park likes to put out Inspirational Messages so we can be inspired as we drive by. There is no telling what they will put on their Inspirational Message Board to try and get our juices flowing. Some of them hit the mark. Since I am picky, there are times I end up being more confused than inspired. Here is one that confused me...

Is life really that simple? Maybe this is the problem with what is happening in the Good Ole USofA today.

 

What? You don’t see the Problem? Sometimes I wonder about you. Please allow me to explain...

 

The late Peggy Lee just came into my computer room and she saw the problem right away. While she was looking over my shoulder she said softly (before she was late, she said everything she said softly), “Where is work? Back when I was not late, we took a lot of pride in the work that we did. It gave our lives meaning. Is that all there is? Is life now a continuous round of Eating and Sleeping and Playing? If that is the case, I’m glad I’m late.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you don’t remember or never heard of the Late Peggy Lee, you also probably don’t know that she sang a song entitled, “Is That All There Is?”. Here she is in a grainy video singing that song. Before she was late she was not grainy. She was a great singer...

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=crmas&p=peggy+lee+songs&guccounter=1#id=8&vid=7bf491cc73fb2b2e956489f939eb045f&action=view

 

 

She Did Not Understand What She Was Reading

I was still living in California at the time. I was shaving for work and listening to the radio. The Reading the News Lady was reading the news to me. She came to the Stock Market Report and she read the following...

The Stock Market Was Down Yesterday .67 Points

I know this does not seem Strange or Different to you but please allow me to explain why her reading of the news was Strange and Different. Just as she learned in Reading School she put her best dramatic word emphasis on the “.67 Points”. She said it as if it were “OH MY GOSH! THIS IS TERRIBLE! THE STOCK MARKET WENT DOWN 676 POINTS!!!” She sounded like she was delivering dramatic earth-shaking news that was akin to an announcement that was going to immediately make us all get on the phone and make an appointment with Jumping Through Windows R Us and reserve a downtown high-rise window to go jump out of by the end of this very day.

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That Was Then And This Is Now

Today we are seeing very dramatic shifts in the Stock Market. It is not unusual to see movements in the hundreds of points, either up or down, on any trading day.

 

We are starting to get used to these dramatic shifts. It won’t be long before we are going to hear a Reading Head read to us something along these lines...

“Finally, the Stock Market Results for today. I had intended to not bother you with this but I see by the old clock on the wall that we have 10 seconds to kill, so here it is... It was a quiet day today on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. The Market moved down only 967 points. Hardly anyone noticed.”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Am Amazed Every Time I Heard A Student Say, “I Hate History Because History Is Boring”

Throughout history there has always been the Square Wheel Proponents. They have been around ever since the Round Wheel was first invented. They keep trying to make the Square Wheel accepted in the unbelieving world that surrounds them. Their premise is simply...Past attempts to use the Square Wheel have been misguided efforts because the Square Wheels they tried to use were just Not Square Enough.

 

Just the other day one of the Most Vocal Proponents of Square Wheelism made a major policy address in which he presented his audience with this hard-to-refute argument, “Everyone knows that Square Breakfast Cereals tastes better than Round Breakfast Cereals”.

 

Who can argue with that?

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Clarifying Myself

This is the point where you, My Dear Readers, say to your collective selves, “Self, what the heck is Fella talking about?”

 

OK, I’ll back up a bit. Please allow me to explain...

My newspaper tells me that 37% of Americans (and the percent is growing) prefer Socialism, even Communism, over Capitalism.

They contend that past efforts to make Socialism or Communism work were simply not done right. If we had been stricter in our implementation of the basic fundamentals of either of these two ism’s, we would have found that all their rough edges could have been smoothed over and everyone would have loved Socialism or even Communism.

 

When skeptics ask, “What if we skeptics do not like the result? Could we change back to Capitalism?”, the answer they get back is always no. They are told everyone will just have to keep working on smoothing out those rough edges.

 

They further try and console us by saying, “You may find that you are living a miserable existence under Socialism or Communism but you need to remember your misery is shared by countless other of your fellow American miserable people.”

 

Did I just sense that you are thinking to yourself...37% (in favor of Socialism or Communism) is not a majority and you are not going to worry about any of this until the percentage in favor of changing to Socialism or Communism gets closer to 51% (besides the NBA Basketball Playoffs are upon us and it’s time to worry about the NBA Basketball Playoffs).

 

Fella has now given in to the History Unbelievers and I give you my approval to go ahead and give Socialism or Communism another chance right here in the Good Ole USofA. However, I’m telling you right here and now, when Socialism or Communism fail again, I am going to tell you from deep down in the depths of my miserable existence, “I told you so”.

 

The question is, will telling you “I told you so” that make me feel less miserable?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: The first inventor person who invented the Round Wheel gets all the credit. We ought to recognize the inventors of the Second, Third and Fourth Round Wheels. Without their inventive genius, we would never have had the covered wagon and we would all still be in New Jersey staring in the general direction of Oregon.

Over The Years Starbucks Has Been The Subject Of Many Of My Blogs

This is a re-posting of a Starbucks Blog Postings from June 27, 2010. It is a Fella Favorite and it is historically accurate…Or is it?

Little Mr. Starbucks Asks His Father For A Little Help

A Journey Back Into Coffee History

Little Mr. Starbucks goes to his father and asks to borrow $10,000. He wants to use the money to invest in a bright idea that he has been kicking around in the back of his mind. He is sure that this idea of his will be his life’s work.

Father Starbucks was always supportive of his son since he was born right through his years of higher education in one of the finest school in the east. He knew that he was going to do whatever his son asked. He eagerly inquired how his boy was going to use the $10,000 as he reached for his checkbook.

Here is the back and forth conversation that took place about the plan of action Little Mr. Starbucks laid out for his ever more wide eyed father, as his father slipped his checkbook back into his pocket…

• Father … “You are going to do what?”
• Son … “I want to open up a coffee shop and spend my life selling people coffee, a cup at a time.”
• Father … “You mean to tell me that, after I devoted my life to you and took out a second mortgage on our modest family home in order to put you through that fancy snotty school back east, you are going to spend your life with an apron on selling cups of coffee?”
• Son … “That’s right, pop. I just know there is a world of money to be made out there in coffee cups.”
• Father … “Where are you going to set up the gold mine of a coffee shop?”
• Son … “I’m going to rent space in the shopping mall downtown.”
• Father … “You mean to tell me that you are going to pay the exorbitant rent that businesses are charged in that mall? Are you aware, my educated idiot son, that in order to just break even, you are going to have to sell a lot of cups of coffee? Don’t forget you are going to have to pay salaries and benefits, buy supplies and pay that sky high rent just to crack your nut!”
• Son … “Daddy, I have thought through all of the costs that you have just mentioned. I have that covered in my business plan. I am going to charge a lot for my cups of coffee!”

At this point Father Starbucks climbed across the dining room table and started to strangle junior. 

After Mother Starbucks had locked Father Starbucks in the bedroom closet to cool off overnight, she loaned Little Mr. Starbucks the $10,000 for his bright idea and the rest is coffee history.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

The Courts Have Gone To The Dogs

I know some of you have pets that you love dearly. I, also, know some of you will send me hate mail because I think it is Stupid to...

Ø Spend $300,000.

Ø 5 years in court.

Ø To “earn” a $39,000 judgment.

Ø On a doggoned case for a pet that the court valued at $10.

 

It ain’t over yet. That fat Lady has not sung. The case is On Appeal.

 

The lawyers are laughing all the way to the bank.

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Article Below Was Written by Anita Hamilton

(I shortened this article a bit.)

Woof, Woof, Your Honor

It's no joke. Animal lawsuits are gaining respect as pet owners seek justice for the ones they love.

With his sad brown eyes and soft, floppy ears, Marley, a 2-year-old Boxer, is the kind of dog that's hard to resist. Just ask his co-owner Ashley Wilson, a music director at a Seattle rock station. After splitting up with her live-in boyfriend, Todd Templeton, just before Christmas last year, Wilson and Templeton exchanged Marley informally every week. Then, last August, according to a lawsuit filed by Wilson, Templeton abruptly ended the arrangement and kept Marley.

 

Instead of giving up or just getting a new dog, Wilson joined the growing ranks of animal lovers who are filing lawsuits over their pets. After consulting Adam Karp, a lawyer in Bellingham, Wash., who says he has handled about 100 animal-related cases in the past four years, Wilson filed suit in late October. She has already won at least a temporary victory. Last month a superior court judge ordered the exchanges to resume immediately, pending a final ruling. (Templeton declined to comment on the case.) About seeing Marley for the first time in three months, Wilson says, "His tail was wiggling out of control. I just hugged him and started to cry."

 

While going to court to resolve a pet-custody dispute may seem extreme, it is just one of the legal options available to protect animals and the people who care for them. Veterinary-malpractice suits, pet-cruelty cases and even landlord-tenant disputes over animals are reaching the courts as well. In New York City, Cindy Adams, a gossip columnist for the New York Post, has called for legislation that would ensure better conditions at dog kennels after her Yorkshire terrier Jazzy died, allegedly at a kennel. Some 23 states now allow enforceable pet trusts, in which people set aside money in their will for the care of their pet. And when it comes to animal cruelty, more than 40 states have felony-level charges that virtually ensure jail time for serious offenders. "The courts are beginning to realize that the bond between humans and animals is very powerful," says Steven Wise, a lawyer and animal-rights advocate who has written two books and taught a Harvard Law School course on the subject.

 

Some pet cases have reaped surprisingly large awards. Marc Bluestone of Sherman Oaks, Calif., won a $39,000 jury award last February after Shane, his mixed-breed Labrador retriever, valued by the court at $10, died just days after coming home from a two-month stay in a pet clinic. Although the suit took five years, cost more than $300,000 in legal fees and is on appeal, Bluestone says it was all worth it: "I can't get my baby back, but I did get justice."

 

Once the domain solely of activists, animal law has steadily gained respect among law schools and legal scholars since 2000, when Wise's first book, Rattling the Cage, provided an academic argument for granting legal rights to animals. Now some 40 law schools offer courses on the topic.

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The Bottom Line

This is Fella again…I can hear it now, “I’m sorry Mr. Simpson. We would like to grant you a speedy trial, as called for in either The Constitution or the Bill of Rights, but the courts are full to the brim at this time with animal rights cases. Your trial will have to be postponed for several years until we can get a handle on all of these more important cases. I’m sure you understand. After all, animals are people too.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I don’t agree with this either (click below)... https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7910177/Vicar-gives-Holy-Communion-to-dog.html

This Is A Fella News Alert!

This is serious! I heard it with my own ears and I can’t believe what my ears heard! There appears to be no hope! ... I better slow down and let you catch up.

 

I was in a Glassy-Eyed State of Mind as I watched the news (this has started to happen more and more lately as I watch the news). I think it has something to do with ever present Constant News Hysteria. The Heads seem to always be in a constant state of panic as they shout things like this at me... “This Just In!” and “Breaking News!” and “This Is A News Alert!”

 

Come on, Guys, this is going beyond the pale (whatever that means). How many times do you expect Fella to get excited, especially when you send out so many False News Alerts?

 

Just the other day, as the Constant News Station was going on break I was hit with one of those Teaser Alarming Alarms that the station likes to give out to make you stay tuned till after the break. They always say the exciting news will be “next up” right after the break.

 

This time it was, “Jennifer and Chuck (those big time Hollywood Celebrities we all know and love) Call It Quits! Full Details Right After the Break!”

 

I could hardly contain myself and paced back and forth in anticipation all during the break. I kept thinking, “Oh no! They can’t be getting divorced! They are so right for each other!”

 

Then the let down came. First of all the Jennifer and Chuck News did not come right after the break. It came after 2 news stories that I was not interested in. Finally, I was not told about Jennifer and Chuck’s impending divorce at all. I was told that the happy couple had gotten a new Rescue Dog and they had named it “Quits”.

 

Back to my Glassy-Eyed State in paragraph 2 above...

As you all know, I am a Noticer. I am such an Accomplished Noticer that I have the ability to Notice in a Glass-Eyed State and this is what I Noticed this time.

 

We are all concerned about our Congress’ inability to stop spending money that we (they), or is it they (we), don’t have. There it was right in the middle of the Wide-Eyed Talking Head’s Talking, he said, “Senior Lawmakers in Charge of Spending”.

 

My Dear Readers, there’s the problem! There must be Members of Congress whose whole reason for being there is... To Spend Money. This is their charge! It’s part of their Congressional DNA! It’s why they were sent there in the first place! These people lay in bed at night, unable to sleep, thinking thoughts like, “Did I spend enough today? What if the Folks Back Home think I did not spend enough today? I feel so inadequate! I saw it there. I saw there was money left in the Public Treasury and I was too weak to reach down and grab it and squander it while I had the opportunity! I feel so inadequate! (Did I already think that?)”

 

I can’t prove that much of this Blog Posting was not Silly Embellishment and Foolish Conjecture on my part but I swear on my Little-Read Book I did hear the Wide-Eyed Talking Head say, “Senior Lawmakers in Charge of Spending”.

 

I’m sorry for all the Exclamation Points...Or am I?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Old Age Jumped Up And Slapped Me In The Face

I recently had a minor operation on my thumb. I had a Ganglion Cyst removed. It was not a lot of fun but I have had worse things happen to me.

Ganglion Cysts were once called Bible Bumps. They were called that because the bible was slammed down on them to burst them and make them temporarily go away. In the old days this passed for a Medical Treatment.

 

Right now my dear readers are saying to themselves, “Self, what does this have to do with Fella getting old?” I’m getting to that but first you have to have an understanding of what Merthiolate is…

 

I know I spelled it right because I copied the spelling off my bottle but Spell Check does not recognize it as a word...

Ø Antiseptic.

Ø The Traditional Family First Aid Antiseptic.

Ø Helps prevent infection in minor cuts, scrapes and burns.

 

It used to contain Mercury but Mercury is frowned upon these days so the bottle said it now comes in a, “Mercury Free Formulate”.

 

Now I know why I used to glow in the dark when I was a kid.

 

Here comes the Getting Old part...

I went in for my Ganglion Cyst post-op visit and I asked the very young Physician’s Assistant if I should dab the wound with Merthiolate. Did you take note that I said she was “very young”? She replied, “What’s Merthiolate?”

 

That did it. That young thing pushed me right off the downhill slide into the Old Abyss.

 

Actually I don’t feel a lot different but I know deep down I am a lot different.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Mercurochrome was a similar product but unlike Merthiolate it did not sting when you put it on. Merthiolate, in its original form, actually did NOT sting and did NOT color the skin red. These features were added by Lilly because people "didn't believe it worked" unless they could see the markings and feel the sting.

 

Many shied away from it because of the sting. I personally always thought Medicine Had to Taste Bad (or Sting) To Be Good. I was one of those you wanted the sting but I can still hear my Brother shouting, “It Burns!” when my Mother dabbed him with Merthiolate.

 

If you are thinking I did not make fun of him, you don’t know anything about the loving relationship between little brothers and big brothers.

 

Mercurochrome contained Mercury also. My big brother and I slept in the same bed. Sometimes it was hard getting to sleep because the room was so lit up by our two glowing little bodies.

 

The Internet Has Taught Me A Lot

Some Of What I Have Learned

It is hard to imagine how ignorant I would be if all those people who claim to have invented the Internet had not invented the Internet.

 

Here is some of what I have learned from the Internet...

Ø I did not know Nigeria was such a rich country.

Ø Almost every day I receive an email or two from a Nigerian offering to give me a lot of money.

Ø I never dreamed Nigerians were so generous with their riches.

Ø Nigerians who want to give away millions of dollars ought to take a class in English as a Second Language before they start trying to give away vast fortunes to vast fortuneless people.

 

Federal Regulation Needed

The sad thing about all of this is the people who send out these phony giveaway emails would not be bothering to send them if they did not make money because they sent them.

 

This means that there are people who are stupid (note, I did not say “ignorant”) enough to believe that complying with the information requests from these Nigerian Princes is going to make them rich.

 

There ought to be a Federal Law that says anyone who is stupid (note, I did not say “ignorant”) enough to give away Sensitive Financial Information that results in their being fleeced by people they have never met ought not be allowed to have Sensitive Financial Information.

 

We need a Federal Department of Sensitive Financial Information Entitlement Control.

 

That ought to do it.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Degree Inflation Run Amuck

There exists today a common mindset among older white-collar workers: “I wouldn’t be hired today”. This often doesn’t have anything to do with their ability to perform their jobs. Rather, it’s a function of Degree Inflation. This is where employers demand a baccalaureate degree for middle-skill jobs that previously did not require one.

 

Some 61% of employers have rejected applicants with the requisite skills and experience simply because they didn’t have a college degree, according to a 2017 Harvard Business School study.

 

The authors believe, if current trends continue, “as many as 6.2 million workers could be affected by Degree Inflation—meaning their lack of a bachelor’s degree could preclude them from qualifying for the same job with another employer”.

 

Stop and let this sink in. No matter how good they are at the job for which they are applying, no matter how experienced they are and no matter how much value they could add to the company they want to work for, they will not get the job.

 

State and local laws impose additional limits...

Ø New York City prohibits employers from discriminating against the unemployed or asking about prior earning history.

Ø Twenty-nine states bar public employers from inquiring about criminal history and nine states prevent private employers from doing the same.

Ø Last year the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sued CSX Transportation, a railroad company, because men passed the company’s applicant physical-fitness tests at a disproportionately higher rate than women.    
Allow me to expand on the last bullet point above. Who is the real culprit who created the discrimination in the bullet point above?...
>Was it Thomas Jefferson for planting false hopes in all of us by throwing around such willy-nilly phrases like “All men (certainly he meant, ‘all men and women’) are created equal”?

>Was it the fault of the physically fit parents of future physically fit job applicants who told them to get off the couch and go outside and climb a tree?
>Was it the fault of the future physically fit job applicants who got off the couch and went outside and made themselves physically fit?

 

If you understand the next 2 paragraphs, please use the Comments Section of this blog to explain them to me...

Yet degree inflation has obvious Disparate-Impact Implications (this is fella...huh?).    

When determining Disparate Impact Enforcement agencies often rely on the “four-fifths” rule of thumb: If the selection rate for any race, sex or ethnic group is less than four-fifths that of the group with the highest selection rate, Disparate Impact is likely. Some 61% of Asians in the labor force, age 25 and up, have a bachelor’s degree or higher, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Just under 40% of Whites have degrees, compared with 29% of Blacks and 20% of Hispanics. Under the four-fifths rule, college-degree requirements disproportionately affect White Workers when compared with Asians, and Black and Hispanic Workers when compared with Whites and Asians.

 

The Harvard Study also showed that College Graduates filling Middle-Skill Positions...

Ø Cost more to employ.

Ø Have higher turnover rates.

Ø Tend to be less engaged.

Ø Are no more productive than high-school graduates doing the same job.

 

Go back and read the above four bullet points again and then picture the looks on the faces of Widget R Us Board of Directors after the CEO makes the following statement, “These four bullet points prove conclusively that it makes no good business sense to continue with our policy of requiring College Degrees for Middle-Skill Positions. I now ask for a unanimous show of hands from this board certifying that we are in agreement about continuing our illogical policy of requiring College Degrees for Middle-Sill Positions. We should also incorporate this requirement into our Vision Statement so that future Boards of Directors will see the indefensible course of action that this Board has laid out and will be reluctant to ever attempt to rectify and/or correct the ill-fated and simply nutty path we have chosen today”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

I Made A Good Tennis Shot One Time And You Can Bet I Did Not Cry About It

There’s too Much Crying In Tennis

The Smartfella is a tennis player, of sorts. That being said, it is not strange that, to some degree, I watch the big tennis matches on television. Here is the degree to which I watch the big matches…

Ø I have watched every match that Novak Djokovic played in (before him it was Andy Roddick).

Ø Once they lost, I did not watch any more matches in that tournament, until the finals.

Ø Even in the finals, I only watch the end of the matches (unless it was shorter than I expected and I turned it on too late and then I miss the whole thing).

 

Here is the Smartfella‘s fondest tennis wish…

Ø I wish that when the final ball has bounced its final bounce, the winner, male or female (especially male), would not fall on the ground and start crying.

Ø It has been awhile since I have seen the triumphant champion smile, wave to the crowd and trot up to the net and shake hands with the vanquished opponent without losing it for the entire tennis world to see.

 

I can guarantee each and every one of you dear readers that, when I win my first Grand Slam Tournament, you will not see me on the ground crying, rolling around and getting up to blow kisses to my worshiping, adoring and weeping fans.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella