If you are like Fella, you once were in fear and trepidation of ever breaking a Federal Law. After you finish with this Blog Posting (provided you read it), you will know that there is no need to be concerned about breaking Federal Laws because you probably break several of those suckers every day of your life and they have not come to get you yet and they probably will not come and get you...Or will they not?
The first part of this bit of foolishness will be a listing 10 of the umpteen Federal Laws citizens of the Good Ole USofA could be breaking every day without knowing that they have done anything “wrong”. (If the definition of the word “umpteen” is not, “More than you can count”, it ought to be.)
The list will be followed by a further listing of where you can find the actual words of the applicable laws. You can then read all you want in Agonizing Minute Detail. You don’t have to read much to come to the realization that you have read enough and you have better things to do today...At least I hope you have better things to do than keep reading this Agonizing Minutely Detailed List.
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There once was a time when we were told, “Ignorance of the law is no excuse”. Actually this is only part of that sentence. The whole sentence is, “Ignorance of the law is no excuse and we like it that way. Hold out your hands”...
1. It is a federal crime for an egg company to let egg products come in contact with air from an unapproved source.
2. It is a federal crime to sell tampons without saying how absorbent they are, unless they are vending machine tampons.
3. It is a federal crime to keep more than 20 million detonators in a single storage magazine unless the ATF director says it's okay.
4. It is a federal crime for someone who's licensed to have radioactive material to be expecting a package of radioactive material in a certain amount and not go pick it up right away.
5. It is a federal crime to interfere with a tennis game being played in a park within the National Capital.
6. It is a federal crime for a professional dog walker to walk dogs in San Francisco's Presidio without displaying their dog walker's badge.
7. It is a federal crime to sell "egg noodles" that aren't ribbon-shaped.
8. It is a federal crime to sell fireworks that someone might mistake for food.
9. It is a federal crime to sell party poppers not labeled: "Hold in hand—jerk string".
10. It is a federal crime to sell antiperspirant that "lasts all day" unless it reduces armpit sweat by 20% over 24 hours.
Are you holding out your hands?
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As promised above, here is the Agonizing Minutely Detailed List...
Google the Numbered Gibberish in the beginning and you will be taken to the specific part of the law that is being made fun of by Fella. For example: In the first one below, copy and paste “21 USC §1037, §1041& 9 CFR §590.504(p)”. The “p” at the end is your final destination.
21 USC §1037, §1041 & 9 CFR §590.504(p) make it a federal crime for an egg company to let egg products come in contact with air from an unapproved source.
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21 USC §§331, 352& 21 CFR §801.430(e), (g) and (h) make it a federal crime to sell tampons without saying how absorbent they are, unless they are vending machine tampons.
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18 USC §842(j), §844(b) & 27 CFR §555.213(a) make it a federal crime to keep more than 20 million detonators in a single storage magazine unless the ATF director says it's okay.
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42 USC §2273 & 10 CFR §20.1906(a) make it a federal crime for someone who's licensed to have radioactive material to be expecting a package of radioactive material in a certain amount and not go pick it up right away.
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18 USC §1865 & 36 CFR §7.96(b)(3) make it a federal crime to interfere with a tennis game being played in a park within the National Capital Region.
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16 USC §460bb, 36 CFR §1001.3 & 1002.6(b)(3) make it a federal crime for a professional dog walker to walk dogs in San Francisco's Presidio without displaying their dog walker's badge.
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21 USC §§331, 333, 343(g) & 21 CFR §139.150(b) make it a federal crime to sell "egg noodles" that aren't ribbon-shaped.
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15 U.S.C. §§1263, 1264(a) & 16 C.F.R. §1500.17(a)(8) make it a federal crime to sell fireworks that someone might mistake for food.
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15 USC §1263(a), 1264(a) & 16 CFR §1500.14(b)(7)(xiii) make it a federal crime to sell party poppers not labeled: "Hold in hand—jerk string"
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21 USC §352, 333& 21 CFR §350.50(b)(3) make it a federal crime to sell antiperspirant that "lasts all day" unless it reduces armpit sweat by 20% over 24 hours.
More
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This is one Blog Posting that, I’m sorry to say, really could go on forever.
I’m glad I stopped. I bet you are also glad I stopped.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
3 comments:
I am so busted!! Is it wrong not to feel like I'm Jesse James. Well, he did have to rob trains, banks and eat the dust trying to get away, hiding all the time, hanging pictures...oops. Anyway, all I have to do is just sit in my easy chair and become a federal outlaw? We live in the land of the free and home of the accused!
As for #5, it is a crime to interfere with a tennis game anywhere.
This to all our lawyer classmates!
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