These Two Guys Ought To Be Ashamed Of Themselves

I was at the gym again yesterday. There were 8 TV Monitors for us to look at while we exercised. It was the Big Day! It was Clippers Awful Owner News Conference Day.

Six of the monitors had on the news conference. The two that did not were, that Cartoon Guy with the Big Chin and Dr. Oz. How could those two channels not carry the Clippers Awful Owner News Conference?! This was history in the making!

Something ought to be done about their conspiratorial attempt to keep the American People in the dark! As usual I have a recommendation about what ought to be done...

• The Big Chin Cartoon guy ought to have a good portion of his chin erased. How much chin? I say, enough chin so as to hurt him really bad.
• Dr. Oz ought to be forever sent back to the end of his yellow brick road and be forced to do his show from behind that Big Curtain. No, I don’t know where that Big Curtain is but, I can tell you one thing for sure, it is not in Kansas.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(203)

Tweet To California Governor

Toyota is moving 3,000 California jobs to Texas.

Japanese auto maker Nissan Motors moved its U.S. headquarters to Nashville, Tenn., from California in 2006.

Some high-level Honda Motor Company employees left the state last year for Ohio.

Enter California’s Governor to address this troubling issue. He took note of criticism directed at the state and said, "We've got a few problems, we have lots of little burdens and regulations and taxes, but smart people figure out how to make it".

For all of the 1990s, the Smartfella lived in California. While there I read lots of articles about businesses and private citizens leaving California. Those articles are still out there. These are not the same articles but articles about new businesses and peoples continuing to leave California.

Smartfella Tweet to California Governor:

Governor, did you really say “smart people”? One need not be smart to see the financial benefits of leaving California. It’s a No-Brainer.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(165)

 

Never Thought I Would See The Day

Today I was in the gym again trying to keep my heart from attacking me. There are times when I fear that I am trying so hard to keep my heart from attacking me that I am going to give myself a heart attack.

Did you just ask yourself what was it that I thought I would never see? (Glad you are paying attention to my Subject Lines.) The story of the day is the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers saying those awful things about black people.

If he is about to be forced to sell the team, being a goner will not be all bad. He paid $13,000,000 for the team in 1981 and now it is worth $297,000,000 according to one source.* If he is forced to sell, he is going to laugh all the way to the bank (which he probably owns).

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Above are 146 words of self-sidetracking from my Blog Subject of, Never Thought I Would See The Day. Allow me to get back on track...

What I thought I would never see was CNN not talking about that Missing Malaysian Airplane. Today in the gym they were breathlessly talking about all things related to the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers.

ESPN was staying up with them but eventually it went on to Scores, Highlights and General other sporty things about Baseball, Soccer, Football, etc.

ESPN went back to bringing us Sports News while CNN apparently sees more value in Unsportsmanlike Conduct.

Those CNN Talking Heads were so focused that, if today Flight 370 was found in a field in Kansas parked next to Bubba’s BBQ and all the passengers were inside eating ribs with big red checkered napkins tucked into their collective collars, CNN would not have mentioned it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

*Lagniappe: We who pay attention to the news do so because we want to know what’s going on in the world around us. Sometimes the “facts” of one person are different from the “facts” of another person. I said above that “one source” said the team is worth $297 Million. By watching TV, listening to the Radio and searching the Internet today I have found out that the Clippers is also may be worth... $85 Million, over $500 Million, $324 Million, $205 Million or $430 Million. I could go on and find more worth’s but how many “facts” can you handle?

(411)

Name Recognition Is All They Need To Get Us To Do What They Want Us To Do

I would like to think that I could not be persuaded to part with my money by a person not qualified to get me to part with my money. Am I the exception to the rule? There is some indication that I just may be.

Let’s say you have a bunch of wild lions in your backyard and you have need for a tamer to come over and tame your lions. Would you go down to Wal-Mart and ask the first stock clerk you see to come over and be your lion tamer? I hope not.

Hopefully you would go to great lengths to make sure you hired the services of a qualified professional lion tamer with lots of experience. You would get real excited if you opened your morning paper and saw an ad like this...

Do you have a bunch of lions in your back yard? Do you need someone to come over and turn those wild creatures into gentle pussy cats? I’m your man. I have 23 years experience in the Lion Taming Industry. I started honing my skills at the age of 14 when I ran away and joined the Barnum & Bailey Circus.

Taming Lions Is What I Do

Wild No More, Inc., 178 Mane Street, Catskill, NY 12414

Call 24/7 to 1-800-CatsRUs

I think I have adequately made my point. Experience Counts!...Or does it?

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Apparently all what I think about experience is not important to many people. For months now we have all been hearing a commercial for a Tax Manipulation Company on the radio that goes something like this...

Hi. For years I played a dad on a long running TV show. As a TV Dad I had to give financial advice to my TV Sons on the show...

What? Does this really work? Are we gullible enough to do business with a company because an Imitation TV Dad had to teach his Imitation TV Kids how to handle their non-existent finances?

The sad truth is that many of my fellow Americans have signed up with this company because of this silly commercial.

Actually I was considering signing up but the IRS just cleaned out the money I set aside in my Throw Perfectly Good Money Away Fund.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(399)

Let’s Take A Moment & See If I Can Scare The Heck Out Of You

There really are such things as Black Holes. There may be such things as Bottomless Pits. Our 9% Approval Rated Congress is in possession of its own version of such things. Allow me to explain. Here Comes The Scary Part...

America’s electrical grid is vulnerable to an Electro-Magnetic Pulse (EMP) Attack. What the heck is an EMP? It is a nuclear explosion in the high atmosphere that would destroy electrical wiring and hardware across the Good Ole USofA, excluding Alaska & Hawaii.

Why do Alaska & Hawaii get all the breaks? Congress ought to pass a law that they suffer as we suffer.

Did I just hear you say, “That does not sound that bad”? Sometimes my Dear Readers disappoint me. I’ll now try and scare you with more words.

If an EMP attack occurred right now...

• In our homes we would have no lights or refrigeration.
• Most of us would be walking everywhere since many cars and gas pumps would be disabled.
• Our cell phones and iPads may turn on but could not be recharged.
• Our computers and laptops would not work.
• Cellular Networks and the Internet will have likely been destroyed.
• We would have limited water since most of our water is pumped electronically.
• We would have only the food and bottled water we have stored in our houses—normally about three days worth.
• Our ability to operate hospitals would be severely limited.
• The great majority of us would die from lack of food and water, or from diseases associated with lack of sanitation, medicine, and temperature control.
• We would suffer a general social breakdown.
• In no time at all there would be a complete absence of civil authority.
• There would be no good way to prevent our nuclear power plants from melting down, since they require electric power to cool their reactors.

Did that do it? Are you scared? I will now give you hope, but I warn you, I will the snatch that hope away from you.

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This EMP phenomenon has been well understood since the 1960s so our Government has been busy addressing the issue... Or has it?

There are workable proposals to harden the electrical grid against damage. The Secure High-Voltage Infrastructure for Electricity from Lethal Damage (or SHIELD) Act has been introduced on June 18, 2013 by Arizona Congressman Trent Franks. The cost would be less than a billion dollars—a drop in the bucket in an economy of over $16 trillion. Yet the bill remains in committee.

I know you have been trained by me to be observant so I know you see the Black Hole/Bottomless Pit... Or do u?

The operative word used to see the problem is “committee”. The real problem is our Congress equates sending something to committee with fixing the problem. I went to D.C. last Thursday and interviewed many members of Congress about this dire situation and here is a sampling of what I got from them...

• Why are you so concerned about this impending disaster? Don’t you understand it is in committee?
• Why are you asking me when it will come out of committee? Don’t you know that things do not come out of committee? They just go into committee!
• Don’t you dare say anything bad about our committees! Don’t you know that committees are the life blood of what we are about? If it were not for committees, we would have to take positions and actually go on record by voting on issues. We would be exposed to the wrath of the voters by allowing them to see us for what we really are.

Did you also take note that I said above that we have been aware of this impending disaster since the 1960s but Congress has not acted until June 18, 2013? Even then it did not really “act” because it only went to committee.

If you have a short memory and can’t remember what it means to Go To Committee, scroll back into this posting and read what I pecked out above about the Congressional Committee System.

What’s that you just said? You just said you don’t have time to scroll back up because you have got to go get dressed so you can go to the polling place to vote back into office your Incumbent Congressman & Senator because they are both Good Guys.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(782)

Lagniappe: If you wanna see if I made all of this up, click here... http://www.shieldact.com/

Feeling Depressed? ... I Can UnDepress You

Happy Easter!

Your depression is brought on by the constant assault on your mind by what you read. You want to keep informed but you are directing your efforts at keeping yourself up to date at the wrong news disseminating outlets. Have you ever considered my local newspaper?... The Gwinnett Daily Post.

Here are a few headlines from news articles in major newspapers...

• Baghdad blast, other attacks kill 52 in Iraq
• Putin Defiant As Ukraine Pact Reached
• Deadly MERS Virus Reaches Southeast Asia

Here is what the Gwinnett Daily Post tells us...

• New Flashing Light Signal Coming to Hoschton
• Check Out More Than Books From Your Local Library
• Gwinnett Tech to Partner With Valdosta State

I especially feel good about that yellow light. I’m sure it has been a long time coming to the good people of Hoschton.

Don’t you feel better having read the 3 GDP’s headlines above? That’s because you are less tense. It makes all the difference. Now go and enjoy your day.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: As soon as I finish with this blog posting, I going to go to MapQuest.com and find out where Hoschton is.

(208)

Gazing Up At Saturn

I am not smart enough to be a scientist. These guys are really Smart Fellas. They see things where there are not things to be seen.

My newspaper has educated me about what scientists are now saying they are seeing about a Saturn Moon named Enceladus which is orbiting that big ringed planet 850 Million Miles away from me as I peck out this blog posting.

I believe everything the scientific community tells me but I just wish they would not be so wishy-washy when they are telling me what they say they have discovered. Here are the some of the terms they used in the article about Enceladus...

• “ is believed to be”
• “is likely sandwiched between”
• “it likely formed”
• “provides one possible story to explain”
• “raises the likelihood that”
• “likely to contain oceans”
• “most likely cause”

Why can’t scientists be more specific? Why can’t they come out and say something like, “This is undeniable proof that the cumquat is directly related to the elephant!”

Maybe they can’t be as specific as I want because they have to base their finding on such infinitesimally small happenings. Here is how they have made the determination about Enceladus which I am toying with you about in this Foolishness...Or Is It?...

To get Enceladus’ gravity maps, however, scientists had to tease out signals in Cassini’s radio transmissions that changed by a fraction of a millimeter per second.

After observing a fraction of a millimeter per second they came to this determination...

There is likely (there is one of those words again) a large underground ocean on Enceladus about 6 miles deep that is covered by 19 to 25 miles of ice.

Wow! Fractions of millimeters are really big!

OK, I accept that they know what they are talking about because they are Smart Fellas. Now that we have zeroed in on all that water, we ought to do something about all those farmers in California that can’t use the water in California to irrigate their crops because there is a Snail or a Darter or a Little Fish of Some Sort in the water that they can’t use.

Since we have all those pipeline workers collecting unemployment because they are not allowed to build that oil pipeline from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico, we ought to get them working on building a pipeline from Enceladus to California.

Once completed, that pipeline would get California back feeding the world instead of going out of business because they can’t get the water they need to feed the world.

I sure hope they do not find a Snail or a Darter or a Little Fish of Some Sort in the water on Enceladus’ Under Ice Ocean (that possibly may or possibly may not be somewhere around 6 miles deep covered by about 19 to as much as 25 miles of ice).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(501)

Evil Laugh Identified

If you are like me you were awoken this morning by a loud evil laugh that sounded like it came straight from one of those 1950s Horror Movies. The Smartfella is here to identify that laugh for you. That was the Internal Revenue Service.

Yesterday was Tax Day and all the barrooms around IRS Offices all over the Good Ole USofA where overflowing during Happy Hour with IRS Public Servants toasting a job well done.

When Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs) were first considered by Congress they intended to allow us Taxpaying Minions to set aside some of our income and not pay taxes on those annual set asides. It was a great idea. It would have been a super way to allow us to supplement our future Social Security Income and have a more comfortable retirement.

Congress realized that what they were about to do was to create a Dastardly Tax Loophole so they “fixed” it. With a wave of their collective fiscal wands they made IRA Savings not a vehicle for Tax Avoidance but only Tax Deferred until we took the money out.

A member of Congress upon being questioned about the change reacted in a very aggressive way by saying, “We did it because that’s our money!”

Then they went one step further and dictated that the money had to start being taken out when and if any of us lived to 70.5 years. I only recently became age eligible for this Minimum Required Distribution (MRD).

I knew it was coming and, silly me, I looked at it from the point of view of... Well they got me. Just accept the fact that you are going to have your taxable income bumped up every year and you are going to have to pay taxes on that bump.

With this year’s tax return I heard the other shoe drop and it was a very loud drop.

Our MRD added enough taxable income to put us over an IRS Got Ya Point and we had to pay taxes on our Social Security Income.

If you are thinking to yourself that I am just not being very patriotic by not wanting Congress to get back Their Money, try this on for Patriotic Giving...

We had to pay taxes on 64% of our social security income.

If you are not old enough yet to experience the sheer pleasure of paying taxes on 64% of your Social Security Income, be sure to write and tell me how you like it when you get old enough to be as Patriotic as I am.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

A Tax History Lesson…

The Income Tax established in 1913 was sort of an afterthought tax. The major piece of legislation it was part of was a Tariff Reform Bill. The income tax was put in there to compensate for anticipated loss of revenue due to the tariffs being lowered.

It was not much of a burden on us taxpayers…

Less than 1% of the population paid federal income tax at the time.

Next time you hear your 9% Approval Rate Congress tell you not to worry about this or that because it is so small you will never notice it you better start worrying. That is known as a Congressional Foot in the Door.

(536)

Who Is More Foolish … Smartfella Or The IRS?

Our country came into existence because we were being taxed unjustly by Great Britain. It was called, Taxation Without Representation. Each day we are finding out that Taxation With Representation is quite a taxing problem.

Today is April 15th otherwise known as Tax Day . Today is the day that you must give to the Federal Government their just due... Or is that unjust due?

The Smartfella is known far and wide as one who will exaggerate and even make things up to convey what he considers to be a valid point. Below is the text of the IRS Form that is used to determine how much of our Social Security Income is to be taxed.

I have it from reliable sources that this set of instructions was written in a small windowless room by Bozo the Clown, Tinker Bell and Attila the Hun. George Washington, John Adams & Thomas Jefferson were not present.

I hope you will preserver and carefully read all the way to the end to get the full flavor of what the IRS is capable of. Notice the confusion. Notice the mind boggling just-do-it-don’t-try-and-understand-it flavor of it all. When you get to the end you will either be crying or laughing. If you come to the point where you realize that you are helpless and there is nothing you can do about it, you will be crying.

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I Did Not Make This Up

Here is the IRS’s idea of a “Helpful” Example Calculation...

George White is single and files Form 1040 for 2013. In addition to receiving social security payments, he received a fully taxable pension of $18,600, wages from a part-time job of $9,400, and taxable interest income of $990, for a total of $28,990. He received a Form SSA-1099 in January 2014 that shows his net social security benefits of $5,980 in box 5.

To figure his taxable benefits, George completes Worksheet 1, shown below. On line 20a of his Form 1040, George enters his net benefits of $5,980. On line 20b, he enters his taxable benefits of $2,990.

Before you begin:

If you are married filing separately and you lived apart from your spouse for all of 2013, enter “D” to the right of the word “benefits” on Form 1040, line 20a, or Form 1040A, line 14a.

Do not use this worksheet if you repaid benefits in 2013 and your total repayments (box 4 of Forms SSA-1099 and RRB-1099) were more than your gross benefits for 2013 (box 3 of Forms SSA-1099 and RRB-1099). None of your benefits are taxable for 2013. For more information, see Repayments More Than Gross Benefits.

If you are filing Form 8815, Exclusion of Interest from Series EE and I U.S. Savings Bonds Issued After 1989, do not include the amount from line 8a of Form 1040 or Form 1040A on line 3 of this worksheet. Instead, include the amount from Schedule B (Form 1040A or 1040), line 2.

1. Enter the total amount from box 5 of ALL your Forms SSA-1099 and RRB-1099. Also enter this amount on Form 1040, line 20a, or Form 1040A, line 14a..1. 5,980

2. Enter one-half of line 1………………………..2. 2,990

3. Combine the amounts from:

Form 1040: Lines 7, 8a, 9a, 10 through 14, 15b, 16b, 17 through 19, and 21 Form 1040A: Lines 7, 8a, 9a, 10, 11b, 12b, and 13………………………………………..3. 28,990

4. Enter the amount, if any, from Form 1040 or 1040A, line 8b……………………………………………..4. -0-

5. Enter the total of any exclusions/adjustments for:

Adoption benefits (Form 8839, line 28), Foreign earned income or housing (Form 2555, lines 45 and 50, or Form 2555-EZ, line 18), and certain income of bona fide residents of American Samoa (Form 4563, line 15) or Puerto Rico……………………………………….5. -0-

6. Combine lines 2, 3, 4, and 5…………………..6. 31,980

7. Form 1040 filers: Enter the amounts from Form 1040, lines 23 through 32, and any write-in adjustments you entered on the dotted line next to line 36. Form 1040A filers: Enter the amounts from Form 1040A, lines 16 and 17………………………………………………….7. -0-

8. Is the amount on line 7 less than the amount on line 6?

No. STOP None of your social security benefits are taxable. Enter -0- on Form 1040, line 20b, or Form 1040A, line 14b.

Yes. Subtract line 7 from line 6………………….8. 31,980

9. If you are:

Married filing jointly, enter $32,000

Single, head of household, qualifying widow(er), or married filing separately and you lived apart from your spouse for all of 2013, enter $25,000……………..9. 25,000

Note. If you are married filing separately and you lived with your spouse at any time in 2013, skip lines 9 through 16; multiply line 8 by 85% (.85) and enter the result on line 17. Then go to line 18.

10. Is the amount on line 9 less than the amount on line 8?

No. STOP None of your benefits are taxable. Enter -0- on Form 1040, line 20b, or on Form 1040A, line 14b.

If you are married filing separately and you lived apart from your spouse for all of 2013, be sure you entered “D” to the right of the word “benefits” on Form 1040, line 20a, or on Form 1040A, line 14a.

Yes. Subtract line 9 from line 8………………….10. 6,980

11. Enter $12,000 if married filing jointly; $9,000 if single, head of household, qualifying widow(er), or married filing separately and you lived apart from your spouse for all of 2013……………………………..11. 9,000

12. Subtract line 11 from line 10. If zero or less, enter -0-…………………………………………………….12. -0-

13. Enter the smaller of line 10 or line 11………..13. 6,980

14. Enter one-half of line 13……………….…..…14. 3,490

15. Enter the smaller of line 2 or line 14…………15. 2,990

16. Multiply line 12 by 85% (.85). If line 12 is zero, enter -0-…………………………………………………..16. -0-

17. Add lines 15 and 16…………………….……..17. 2,990

18. Multiply line 1 by 85% (.85)………………….18. 5,083

19. Taxable benefits. Enter the smaller of line 17 or line 18. Also enter this amount on Form 1040, line 20b, or Form 1040A, line 14b……………………………..19. 2,990

TIP: If you received a lump-sum payment in 2013 that was for an earlier year, also complete Worksheet 2 or 3 and Worksheet 4 to see if you can report a lower taxable benefit.

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“IRS” comes from” Internal Revenue Service”. It is also interesting to note that “irs” is an integral part of the word “theirs”.

Would I kid you?

Smartfella

(1098)

Give This Guy A Job

My newspaper tells me that there is a guy in San Francisco that has made more than 30,000 bogus calls to the 911 Emergency Service since 2007.

Here is a good example of the magnitude of the problem as taken from my newspaper...

During a 24-hour period on Thanksgiving Day 2012, dispatchers at the city's Department of Emergency Management reported 1,527 false 911 calls—more than one a minute. They believed all the calls came from just five phones, based in part on the cell phone towers from which the calls were connected. Police were unable to make any arrests.

Many cities all over the Good Ole USofA are being flooded with this problem. It will become even more widespread now that my newspaper has given it exposure by publishing this article that I am blogging about.

At the root of the problem is a 1997 FCC requirement that all carriers include emergency-dialing capability on cell phones whether they have working service or not. Back then, 911 centers supported the feature as a potential lifeline.

I do not blame Congress for trying to protect the poor among us but the experiment has proven to be an uncontrollable disaster that is being abused and cannot be stopped.

What I do blame Congress for its inability to see this (or any problem) and then taking action to fix the now-seen problem. Once regulations are imposed, they live forever.

The fix is to cancel this emergency use provision.

That is not going to happen because not one of our elected Representative/Senators is going to stand up and say something like, “I am sorry that there are some of the folks back home that may suffer harm but that’s the way it has to be”.

If such a logical thinking person were in Congress and that person actually did stand up and say those heartless words above, the whole proposal will go up (or down) in flames when another member of Congress stands up and says, “If one single person’s life is saved, this program is justified and must continue”.

That would do it. We will keep this uncontrollable regulation and we will keep spending all the dollars that have to be spent sending out our emergency people to investigate bogus 911 calls all over the Good Ole USofA.

As an aside, have you ever noticed that, when discussing Regulations, the word “imposed” is always used? For example: A regulation has been imposed whereby people with gaps between their front teeth must wear hockey masks so that their fellow Americans who are opposed to gaps between front teeth will not have to look at their front teeth gaps.

We never hear, “a new regulation has been bestowed”. It is always imposed but, come to think of it, “imposed” sort of fits, does it not?

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Why don’t our authorities go out and grab these evil people by the collar, take their phones away from them, put the phones on the ground and hit them with big hammers and send the evil people to jail for a very long time?

My wish expressed in the above paragraph is not going to happen because, since there is no phone number associated with these phones, our law enforcement people say they can’t find the phones.

I understand how hard it is for Congress to get their arms wrapped around this dilemma but, as usual, the Smartfella has a recommendation to fix this thorny problem. It is simply this, why not go get one of those Computer Experts from one our many TV Cop Shows and have them find the bad guys for the police? They do it every week on TV...

• Good morning, Homer, may I say I sure like that new propeller on the top of your hat.
• We need you to help us find this week’s bad guy.
• The only information we have is that his name starts with an “M” and he lives is Los Angeles.

Homer seems to be oblivious to the complement directed at his new propeller but immediately he turns around and starts entering information into his computer with its 3 massive computer screens behind the keyboard. Within 15 second he says, “My data base is a little sketchy on this guy but I will give you what I do see here and it may help you capture this dastardly fellow before the end of this hour and prevent us from having to turn this one into a two-part episode”...

• His name is Milton.
• He is 5’ 10” tall.
• His family emigrated from Bulgaria in 1975.
• He was once a cab driver for Circle Cab Company but threw his cap at his dispatcher one day and said as he stormed out the door, “I’m tired of going around in circles”.
• He is very fond of pastrami.
• His is a Baptist but he has not been to services since August 17, 2011.
• He lives at 2387 Bogus Street in Anaheim next to the Dunkin Donuts.

Homer apologizes again for the sketchy information and returns to his Words With Friends game.

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How good is your memory? Remember the Subject of this blog posting? It was, “Give this guy a job”. I was referring to that San Francisco guy who punched in more than 30,000 bogus calls to San Francisco’s 911 Emergency Service since 2007. He could not possibly have a job. If he had a job, he would not have had time enough to make more than 3,000 bogus calls.

I apologize and must admit that my call to get him a job was not well thought out. Can’t you just see this guy in court in front of a judge after being told the Justice Department had found him a job saying, “Your honor, I thank the court for thinking about me but I don’t want a job. If I had a job, I would not have time to do what I really love to do and that is, of course, make bogus calls to 911 Emergency Service”.

The saddest part is, the judge will probably say, “I see you have a valid point. Case Dismissed”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(1102)

Lagniappe: If you got this far, you have just read my longest blog posting ever. If you did, and you wish you had not, go back to the beginning and not read what you just read. Use the time saved to do something else. I hope that something else is not making bogus calls to 911.

No More Unidentified Bodies

There was a time when the Law Enforcement Authorities were constantly befuddled about dead bodies they found lying around the Good Ole USofA where they could not determine who the body used to be when the body was a live body. Those days are behind us.

No more need for Fingerprint Identification. Nor will we be forced to depend on DNA Identification. Now we have Tattoo Identification.

Here is an excerpt from my local newspaper to begin to prove my point...

Identification was made using tattoo descriptions provided by family.

No more will we see descriptions like these on the nightly news...

Police are asking the public’s help in identifying the body found in the wooded area behind Acme Widget Manufacturing. The poor thing was a female, 5 feet 7 inches tall, clad in a Palooka Football Jersey and clutching a small figuring of Yoda in her left hand.

For now on the police can expedite positive identification by broadcasting a description along these lines...

Police are asking the public’s help in identifying the body found in the wooded area behind Acme Widget Manufacturing. The poor thing had an eagle tattooed on her left arm above an Asian Letter that looked like an upside down mushroom. There are tattoos on her neck of red lips that looked like they came from a 5 foot 11 inch Brazilian left handed bus driver. Her right arm is emblazoned with a lizard with its tongue out of its mouth licking its left eyelid.

Anyone with information about the identity of this person should contact the police at 1-800-IKidYou.

See I told you we are making progress in fighting crime in the Good Ole USofA.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(291)

A Sign Of The Times In China

This posting is not funny but it is interesting with a bit of humor at the end.

I just had my teeth cleaned. My Dental Hygienist told me that she has been on several mission trips to China where her group of fellow hygienists cleaned the teeth of Chinese Children.

She said their teeth were awful. They were full of cavities. On the other hand the teeth of the Chinese teenagers who acted as their interpreters were in very good shape with hardly any cavities.

Do you see the problem? I do and so did my hygienists. In the last 15 years or so the children’s diet has changed (become westernized) from whatever it was to Sugary Cereal, Soda Pops, Candy, Donuts, etc. That’s progress!...?

Some people in the Good Ole USofA are worried about the growing military capability and evil intent of the Chinese Government. The Smartfella is here to tell you that they may drop a big bomb on us and turn us into little scattered pieces but we won’t have to worry about them biting us.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(192)

Tattoos ... Give Up The Ghost (Whatever That Means)

Do you not understand Tattoos? Do you wish they would go away? Do you hate Tattoos? Do you think people who get Tattoos are nuts?

The Smartfella is here to tell you to start worrying about something else. This battle is lost. Tattoos (including basketball players who are hard to look at) are here to stay and will continue to permeate the very fabric of our society for the foreseeable future.

See the picture below...

On my trip to New Orleans I saw my first Tattooed Mannequin!

Does the above picture fill you with despair? Do you think it can’t get any worse?

The Smartfella is also here to tell you that the worst is yet to come. As I peck out this blog posting, there is legislation pending in our 9% Approval Rating Congress full to the brim with Tattoo Related Legislation...

• In order to be eligible to receive a Tax Refund, tax payers must have at least one tattoo.
• Basketball players who have a minimum of 5 tattoos will have 10 Points added to their Points Per Game Scoring Average.
• In order to demonstrate that he is one with the American People, a future Presidential Candidate must have at least 10 tattoos. Seven may be of his own choosing but he must have at least one of George Washington on Horseback, the Gettysburg Address and Angelina Jolie posing at that awards ceremony last year with her leg sticking out of her long dress.

You think I made up the 3 bullet points above up, do you not?... Or do you not?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(280)

Temper Tantrums In The Work Place

How long will it be before we are seeing news articles such as this in our newspapers...

A Harvard educated, Ph.D.’ed, Oxford Scholar created a major uproar at Acme Widget Manufacturing yesterday when he had a meltdown because he became upset when he was told by his supervisor that he could not have a cactus plant on his desk because of company lawyers concern that one his fellow associates might prick his finder on those pointy things sticking out of his beloved cactus plant.

A company spokesman explained the cause of work-disrupting consternation as follows...

“We must be understanding and acceptant of such occurrences in the modern workplace. Simply put, this was the first time Roger had been told ‘no’ in his entire life.”

What am I agitated about now? The link lower down in this blog posting gives the full story but here are some bullet points about what set me off...

• A new book paints an ugly underbelly to Scandinavia's child-centric ways.
• Youngsters in Sweden are deemed "competent individuals" by the state and legally protected from spanking and are becoming the chief decision makers in homes at very young ages.
• Sweden's child-centric model has "gone too far" and the over-sensitivity to children and a reluctance to discipline them has bred a nation of "badly raised children".
• The article pointedly asks the question, “Is Sweden raising a generation of brats?”
• Swedish-school results have been falling in international comparisons and Swedes look enviously at countries like Finland, which has more discipline in schools and where teachers retain an old-school authority they have lost in Sweden. The Swedish minister of education is calling for more discipline in schools.
• Strict child-welfare laws may make parents more hesitant to discipline children. Allegations of physical discipline are investigated by a team of police, psychologists and prosecutors, and fines can be steep, reaching the equivalent of $1,000.
• "The state is sending out the message that you don't have to raise your children yourself," says Mr. Himmelstrand, "Day care and schools will raise your kids, and when the kids come home, you can just be their friend."
• Swedish children routinely make family decisions like what to eat for dinner, what to watch on TV, and where to go on vacation. "If you get your way all the time, you won't develop empathy and you'll have problems respecting other people's wishes," says Beatrice Nyström, a Swedish developmental psychologist. (That’s why Roger had his meltdown described above.)

If you want to read more, go to the article in WSJ by Jens Hansegard...

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303519404579354801246309702

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I also read an article on 3/2/14 on this same subject by a Lisa McLeod who was pretty tough on some parent’s method of child rearing when she wrote...

“Constantly striving to please your kids turns them into your boss. Their happiness becomes your performance review. Instead of allowing them to sit with the discomfort of a bad decision, or wallow in the misery of a social blunder, you want to fix it. After all, isn’t it your job to keep them happy?”

She sounded like a hard task master until she wrote...

“Don’t get me wrong; I want my children to be happy. I want to be sensitive to their needs. I want them to feel loved and adored. I want them to have the confidence that their parents are behind them, no matter what”.

Do you see the phrase where Lisa McLeod made the Smartfella sit up and take notice? Of course you do...Or do you? It is... “I want them to feel loved and adored”. Loved is right up my alley. Adored is a gutter ball.

Can’t you just see a supervisor (formerly known as a “boss”) in the real world saying, “Your work is really poor! You have made fundamental decisions that have cost this corporation millions of dollars but I still adore you no matter what”.

Would I kid you?

Smartfella

(668)