Modern Communication Is So Wonderful! ... Or is it?

We live in a wonderful age. We are able to find out everything about anything in no time at all because we can Google It!

My newspaper just told me that there is a revolutionary new Sleep Aid now available that is going to bring blessed relief to millions (that’s thousands of thousands) of us who are suffering from Sleep Deprivation.

Are you chomping at the bit to find out what I am talking about?...

Sleeping With a Small Blue Light on Will Aid Us in Getting To Sleep Faster and Allow Us to Enjoy Many Hours of Blessed Relaxing Healthful Deep Sleep

Because of modern information gathering techniques we can find out well researched definitive information about new fanged stuff quickly. We then know the course of action we should follow ... Or do we?

• Google says that some say the Blue Light Technique is a new and increasingly popular bedtime sleep aid that will sooth and relax you into falling asleep fast and stay asleep longer. The light works on the principle of “paradoxical intention”. This means the more you try to stay awake, the sleepier you get.
• Google says that others say the Blue Light Technique triggers the body’s clock into thinking it is morning. Exposure to blue light will actually keep you awake.

In our Google Instant Information World we know the precise path to travel ... Or do we?

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Maybe it was better before we had Google. Ah yes, let’s go back to Ye Ole Colonial Communication Days. Back then our Founding Fathers had not yet started to roll around in their graves and information just did not get out ... Or did it?

Before Thomas Jefferson was elected, Ye Ole Colonial Communications told the Folks Back Home that Jefferson was going to confiscate all bibles in the country and burn them.

I just felt your initial reaction to the above colonial word on the street about Jefferson. You just said, “No one would believe that and, if they would believe it, they never would have found out about it because that was BG (Before Google)”.

Not so fast. It appears Ye Ole Newspaper and Ye Ole Word of Mouth worked pretty well. After Jefferson was elected many of the Folks Back Home went to great lengths or hide their bibles (like putting them on a rope and hanging them down their wells) for fear that Federal Troops were coming to gather up their bibles for public burning.

I wonder how they kept their bibles from getting rain soaked while hanging in their wells because Ye Ole Colonial Communications was BZ (Before Zip Lock Bags).

Would I kid u?

We All Have Rights ... Ain’t It Awful

My newspaper tells me there is a California Statute which penalizes those who drive recklessly in pursuit of commercial photos. The “those” referred to in this statute are the Paparazzi.

That statute is being challenged by a Paparazzo who is being charged under the statute for pursuing Justin Bieber (whoever that is).

I am herby stating by way of this Foolishness...Or Is It? that my constitutional rights are being violated. Why do the Paparazzi think that only they have a right to drive recklessly? Why am I liable for prosecution if I drive recklessly but they contend that they should be allowed to drive recklessly if they are in pursuit of a Bieber or others of his ilk (I just love the word “ilk”).

Don’t come at me for being out of touch with reality. I do know who Justin Bieber is. I just don’t understand the frenzy that he and his ilk sends frenzy-prone people into just because he has written so many brilliant articles about Nuclear Physics or some such thing (I just love the word “ilk”).

Would I kid u?

Call Him By His First Name

You know Mitt Romney’s ancestors spent lots of time in Mexico. In Spanish heritage countries they have very long names. It is not uncommon to see someone named, Don Miguel Francisco Gonzales Dejesus Fernandez.

It has now become obvious that Mitt Romney has more names than “Mitt” and “Romney”. Ever since the Republican Primary Season has ended I hardly ever hear him called simply “Mitt Romney”. He is now...

Presumptive Nominee Mitt Romney

I wonder if he gets elected president...

• Will he then be called by his first name, “President Presumptive”?
• Will his critics write such things as, “President Presumptive has Perched this country on the Precipice of a Perilous Pitfall”.
• When it gets hot and heavy in cabinet meetings will cabinet members say something like, “Ahhh come on, Presumptive, you gotta be reasonable about this here budgetary crisis!”

Would I kid u?

I Not Saying You Should Go Out And Kill 77 People

I not saying you should go out and kill 77 people but, if you are hankering for lifelong security and comfort, you might want to consider it.

Remember that guy in Norway, Anders Behring Breivik, who last year killed 77 people in a bomb and gun rampage? He is getting what’s coming to him...Or is he?

Those Norwegian Type People have not quite finished with Breivik but they are getting close...

• Door Number 1... If declared insane, the confessed killer will be the sole patient of a psychiatric ward that Norway built just for him, with 17 people on staff to treat him.
• Door Number 2... If found mentally fit, he will remain isolated, for now, in the high-security prison where he uses three 86-square-foot cells: a bedroom, an exercise room and a study.
• Door Number 3... Officials at Oslo’s Ila Prison say they would eventually like to transfer Breivik into a section of the prison with other prisoners. All these prisoners have access to a school that teaches from primary grades through university-level courses, a library, a gym, work in the prison's various shops and other leisure activities.

Not too bad for such a bad guy.

I wonder if he has to tidy up his abodes himself or does he have maid service?

Would I kid u?

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This Foolishness...Or Is It? was ready for posting yesterday but today those Norwegian Type People have come to a final determination regarding which door(s) their bad guy will be allowed to walk through...

Breivik Has Been Declared Sane

This means he will be sashaying through Door #2 and eventually through Door #3.

Now he can take advantage of those university level courses that he will have access to and, by the time he is released, (aren’t they all released eventually?) he will have his law degree. Then he can devote the rest of his life to the betterment of all God’s children.

Now my concern shifts to the 17 people who were hired to treat him in the psychiatric ward that was built for him. Are these people now going to be unemployed? This does not seem right. What did they do wrong?

Someone ought to put together a fund to collect donations for them and their children.

I would normally be more than glad to spearhead such a worthy effort but I’m going to very busy for the near future because football season is about to start.

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

I’ve Got The Exact Right Words Inside My Computer & I’m Going To Let Them Out

In the Great State of Georgia we have a problem with Lobbyists. The problem with Lobbyists is that the Lobbyists have no problem in their unending efforts to get the State of Georgia Legislators to do their bidding...

• In The Peach State there is a concern that Lobbyists are “Influencing” our Legislators.
• “Influencing” was once called “bribing”.
• The crux of the problem just might be centered around the fact that there is no limit on how much our Lobbyists can spend on our Legislators.

I know I call myself The Smartfella but I am smart enough to know that some might take issue with how smart I really am. However, I am smart enough to know that unlimited spending on Legislators will very likely lead to our Honorable Legislators becoming not so Honorable.
I am comforted to see that the Republican House Speaker has sprung into action. He is taking the bull by the horns. He is going to nip this one in the bud. He is going to stop the buck.
The Speaker plans to create a Study Group when the General Assembly reconvenes in January of 2013 to examine how other states handle Banning Gifts by Lobbyists.
Here comes the sarcasm...

• We are told there is a need for a Study Group.
• We are told there is a need to examine how other states handle this thorny issue.
• I wonder if this will entail trips to other states.
• I wonder if one of these other states will be Hawaii.

I have a plan of action that would save all this studying and traveling...

• Buy a Laptop Computer.
• Place the new Laptop Computer on the Speaker’s Desk in front of the Speaker.
• Instruct the Speaker to peck out the following words for a new law that he will propose in the legislature...

“It is against the law in the State of Georgia for any Legislator to take anything from any Lobbyist.”

That oughta do it. This issue does not seem to be that thorny an issue to a Smartfella.

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There are several reasons why my Piece-Of-Cake Simple Common Sense Legislative Wording (above) will never become law in Georgia.
Here is what is going to happen to my nineteen words of Piece-Of-Cake Simple Common Sense Legislative Wording...

• An objection will be raised with regard to the number of words in the bill because it is 57,783 words shorter than the Required Minimum Wording for any proposed legislation.
• There will be much consternation about the fact that the wording of the bill is able to be completely understood. A long-time member of the state Senate is sure to say, “If we allow this bill to be passed into law, we will set a dangerous precedent. The voters could very well come to expect all bills we pass in the future to be clear and understandable.”
• This will be heard coming from a distressed house member, “Mr. Speaker, I ask you where in this bill’s wording are the words we have come to know and love?...
  *The first of many examples of how Wording Challenged this bill is is I see no use of the word “whereas”. “Whereas” is one of my personal favorites.
  *We have all come to know and love “aforementioned”. There is not a single “aforementioned” in here.
  *Where is the much beloved use of the word “reasonable”? It makes a tear come to my eye when I think of the many hours we have spent in this hallowed chamber arguing about how much is reasonably “reasonable”... Reasonable Expenditure, Reasonable Expense Reimbursement, Reasonable Payments, etc. These are the types of legislative debates that have made the folks back home look upon this Legislative Body in awe. To be perfectly honest with you, Mr. Speaker, without the numerous arguments we have entered into over the meaning of “reasonable” we would probably have signed into Happy Hour many days at 2:30pm. Golly gee, we could all be alcoholics by now!”

If they were all drunkards, we Folks Back Home, just might have lost all respect for them... Or would we?... Or have we?”
Would I kid u?

We Put Another Skateboard on Mars. Was That Really Necessary?

I read where it costs 2.5 Billion Dollars (that’s Two and a Half Thousand Million Dollars) to put our latest Rover on Mars.

After it landed, it took pictures and sent those pictures back to Pasadena, CA.

Our scientists looked at the pictures and some were quoted as saying, “Looks a lot like Arizona”.

I don’t mean to be picky but I do mean to be Foolish. My silly mind says to itself, "Itself, if they wanted to see what Arizona looked like, they could have bought a Winnebago, driven it over to Arizona, parked it out in the desert, opened up the windows and taken all the pictures they wanted for a lot less than Two and a Half Thousand Million Dollars".

Many times in the past, I have been accused of not seeing the big picture. This just might be one of those times.

Would I kid u?

Before We Forget To Remember

The British did just fine. Do you remember the Pre-Olympic criticism about all the bad things that were going to happen? The Critics were all wet about the colossal failure the British were about to stumble through. This is just the latest instance of “Know It Alls” not knowing much.

The Olympics are over but they will come again. Let’s start planning now for the next incarnation four years from now. As good as it was in London there are things that can be improved upon...

• Bouquets of Flowers are given to all medal winners at the Medal Awards Ceremony. This is fine for the ladies but they also give the male winners Bouquets of Flowers. Why do they give the male winners Bouquets of Flowers? It seems perfectly obvious to me that male winners ought to be given Bouquets of Cigars.
• Get rid of Female Boxing. Did I just hear some of you ask, Why? I’ll give you the only answer there need be given, Just Because!
• Limit Touches among teammates in every set of a volleyball match to 327. The List of Touches below was obtained from several news articles I read while doing my research for this Foolishness...Or Is It?
  *High Fives
  *Double High Fives
  *Low Fives
  *Double Low Fives
  *Belly Taps
  *Back Taps
  *Back Pats
  *Butt Pats
  *Kisses
  *Fist Bumps
  *Chest Bumps
  *Full Hugs
  *Bro Hugs (One arm variation of full hugs.)
  *Group Hugs
  *Grabbing Heads
  *Long Embraces
  *Bum Taps (I Googled “bum tap” & could not find a definition. If you Google it & find out what it means, don’t bother educating me about what it actually is. I’m already know enough about things I don’t need to know.)

Here is where many of you will think I am making things up again. In doing my extensive research for this Foolishness...Or Is It? I came across the existence of an organization called the Touch Research Institute. In order to cut short your snide remarks about my making this institute up, go to http://www6.miami.edu/touch-research/Research.html.

There is one new event that I would like to see added to the Olympics of the future...Individual Synergized Swimming. Can’t you just picture the exacting precision as an alternating hand or a foot emerges from the water in perfect synchronization with itself? It would be an attention grabber for sure!

Finally, I wish members of our 10% Approval Rated Congress had not watched the Olympics. Everywhere they look they see new ways to spend more money. This Olympics is no exception.

An Anonymous Source (who once before reported something that turned out to be true) told me that within days a new bill will be introduced in Congress to spend 2.6 Billion Dollars (otherwise known as 2.6 Thousand Million Dollars) to teach Americans How to Shake Hands.

I can hear some member of Congress coming to the defense of this expenditure by standing up in the Well of The Senate and saying...

2.6 ain’t that much. Land O Goshen that’s less than 3 and everyone knows that 3 ain’t much either.

Would I kid u?

Attack The Attacker

The person who rises up to throw dirt or throw truth at a candidate is counter attacked by those who don’t want dirt thrown at their candidate or truth told about the opposing candidate.

Computers allow the dirt/truth thrower’s past to be researched and the counterattack is quick, heavy and very penetrating...

• The 68 year old whistleblower is immediately confronted by breathless reporters wanting to discuss that out of wedlock child he fathered when he was a freshman in college.
• The absolutely perfect citizen has his reputation ruined by reports from an anonymous source about what a rotten person he would be if he were not so perfect.
• The seemingly bullet proof successful businessman finds himself surprised by the evening news broadcast telling the world about the mistress he has stashed in a private bank account in Switzerland.

If ever you feel the urge to shake the tree of life, think very carefully before you do. You just might fall out of that tree.

Would I kid u?

Romney’s Surefire Ticket To The Presidency

I don’t normally like to make a posting two days in a row but this one is too important to be delayed even one day.

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The biggest thing going right now for the Mitt Romney and the Republicans is the uncertainty about who will be the Vice Presidential Nominee. It is very important that they milk this attention getting hysteria as long as possible. This could very well be the key to Victory in November.

As usual I am ready to propose a perfectly logical roadmap to victory for Romney. Once I lay out the strategy you are going to kick yourself for not seeing it without my assistance. It’s times like this when you, my dear readers, appreciate the Smartfella the most. When my heart attacks me, you are going to feel very alone and you will have to Fend For Yourself (whatever that means)...

• Romney ought to milk this curiosity about who will be his running mate all the way to and beyond the convention.
• Amid the largest balloon drop in the history of any convention he ought to stand at the podium and make his introduction of his running mate with his hands outstretched to the heavens.
• As the balloons are all but obscuring his face and his hands the band will be playing God Bless America.
• His VP Nominee ought to then walk out with a Paper Bag Over His Head.
• The Bag should remain in place all through the campaign and should be dramatically removed at the swearing-in ceremony on January 20, 2013.
• Imagine that mystery, excitement, speculation that is sure to envelope the campaign!
• This could get to the point where the media will be calling this historic election The Romney and the Bag Headed Guy vs. What’s His Name and the Other Guy Campaign of 2012.

If Romney heeds my sage advice, this could end up being the most exciting campaign in history.

I also think that, if he chose Chris Christie as his Bag Headed Running Mate, it would not slow down the News Media’s Frenzy. They love mystery. They love speculation. They love uncertainty. They will keep this frenzy going for sure.

I can just hear the Frenzy Frenzying on the nightly news day after day with reporting such as this...

Because of the enormous bulk of the Bag Headed Running Mate there are some who say it might be Chris Christie.

Exclusive to this station we have information from an anonymous source, who might actually know something, who has reported that the body bulk is the result of a Fat Man Suit like they wear in the movies and inside the fat suit is Spike Lee.

There is also a report from another anonymous source, who does not know anything either, that the Romney Campaign is desperate to keep the information about the manufacturer of the Fat Man Suit secret because that manufacturer is located in China.

If this Chinese Connection were confirmed, Romney’s masterful strategy could backfire and his whole bid for the Presidency just might go up in flames.

We certainly live in exciting times!

As I think more about the background music at the convention, maybe Romney ought not use God Bless America in order to not offend the Madalyn Murray O’Hair Faction of the Republican Party.

Just to be on the safe side he could choose from any number of John Phillip Souza’s generic marches. Then the Folks Back Home could fall in step and march right up the steps of The White House with he and Spike (if he really is in that suit).

Would I kid u?

You Going To Be Sorry When All The Commercials Are Gone

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”.

If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

There is a Federal Law which stipulates that after any commercial is shown 72 times it cannot be shown again.

No matter how wonderful, annoying or informative a particular commercial is the law very sternly mandates it must be cast onto the Scrapheap of History after the magic number of 72 Showing is reached.

If you are relying on the newspapers for your Olympic News, you might have the mistaken impression that your fellow Americans spent the prior night watching a ton of sporty happenings on their TVs.

To be more precise I should have pecked out above, “spent the prior night and day watching”. Instead of diligently making their widgets it has been reported that too many American workers are watching the Olympics while at work.

You know what’s next, don’t you. There is going to be a nationwide Widget Shortage and we are all going to suffer those repercussions for a long time to come.

Getting back to the silly paragraph above the above prior two foolish paragraphs...

Commercials are reigning supreme. The advertisers just love the Olympics because so many of the sporty events are so short in duration they can quickly cut away for more commercials. They are covering us up with commercials and that 72 Maximum Showings Number is fast approaching for many of them.

In Volleyball the commercials are usually so long that we get back to the volleying after having missed two points.

I just looked up from where I am pecking out this bit of Foolishness to see a foot race where they cut away to the commercial just before the race had finished. I must be mistaken...Or am I?

Remember the Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? ... You Going To Be Sorry When All The Commercials Are Gone?

Do you get my drift? Not only are we about to run out of Widgets but we are going to run out of Commercials because of the 72 Times Shown and No More Federal Law. It’s going to be awful!

I’ve changed my mind. It’s not going to be awful. Actually a shortage of commercials is the Good News. The Bad News is they are going to make more.

Would I kid u?

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion ... Or Is He?

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. In the Good Ole USofA we just have too much communication. We can express our opinions in a myriad of ways and we do just that constantly. We are chomping at the bit to let the world know how smart (or dumb) we are.

The Smartfella? is here to give you some food for thought... It is very possible the world might be able to get along just fine without your input.

Here is a current example...

Gabby Douglas is rolling along and singing a song. Who would be dumb enough to rain on her parade? A lot of people are sending rain her way. They seem to think, I Got An Obligation To See To It That The Uninformed Become Informed Society.

She is being Twitted about, Facebooked about and Blogged about. Here is one of the worst...

She also is dealing with some of fame’s downside. Her straightened hair has triggered debates on Twitter and other social-media sites, with some women criticizing the style and others calling it unkempt. But the tiff doesn’t seem to bother Douglas.

“What is wrong with my hair? Are you kidding me? I just made history, and you are focusing on my hair?” she said. “Nothing is going to change. I am going to wear my hair like this for bar finals. You might as well get used to it.”

Here comes the Foolishness ... Or is it?...

• Oh my gosh! I can’t believe what I just saw! That guy just broke the World Record in the Pole Vault by 7.5 feet! While I admire his accomplishment, I could not help but notice how he held the pole with his right hand. Did you see how his pinkie finger was extended as if he thought he was better than other pole vaulters who, try as they might, can’t come close to his ability?
• By golly that was amazing! I just witnessed the impossible! That sprinter just ran the 100 Meter Dash in 2.76 seconds. You will never see that done again but did you notice those gaudy shorts she was wearing? I thank heaven that not a single Hollywood Celebrity would ever wear shorts that abhorrent.
• Shazam! That Rower just won the 2,000 Meters Singles Competition by rowing in circles the entire race while all of his opponents rowed in a straight line. That is one for the books but, I must point out that, he rowed counter-clockwise. As any high school physics student knows, that is a lot easier than clockwise since we are in the Earth’s Northern Hemisphere.

Back to Gabby getting back at to her critics... As Howard Cosell was known to say, “You go girl. Tell it like it is!” or, as a well known radio Talk Show Host of today has often said on his show, “Shut up you big dope!”

Would I kid u?

More: Don’t comment to this message by pointing out that this clockwise vs. counter-clockwise law is not always the law... http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/coriolis.html. I already found this out on my own but I’m sticking to my silliness as pecked out above because I have a right to write about Foolishness wherever I find it.