I Am Starting My Own Dictionary

Starting my own dictionary! Wow! This is exciting!

If Mr. Webster and the Merriam’s can publish a dictionary, why can’t The Smartfella? do one of his own?

First entry in The Smartfella Dictionary:

Minutia … What the American News Media talks about instead of Hard Issues during a Presidential Election Cycle.

Would I kid u?

Without A Doubt I Can Predict The Stock Market

Most of you think that the Stock Market is impossible to figure out but have you been paying attention lately? In the recent past and  in the near term future the Stock Market is completely predictable.

Does this look familiar?

• The European Economic Community announces that it has come to an agreement to loan Greece a lot of money and the Stock Market shoots up like a rocket.
• The European Economic Community announces that there may be a problem with the loan package for Greece and the Stock Market falls like a rock.
• The European Economic Community announces that the agreement to loan Greece a lot of money may be back on track  and the Stock Market shoots up like a rocket.
• The European Economic Community announces that the loan package for Greece is looking shaky and the Stock Market falls like a rock.
• The European Economic Community announces that the agreement to loan Greece a lot of money is getting renewed support from Germany and the Stock Market shoots up like a rocket.
• From Bulgaria comes an unconfirmed rumor picked up by a sausage street vendor who is hard of hearing during a street festival attended by thirteen people that the loan package for Greece may be in trouble and the Stock Market falls like a rock.

I could go on and on but I think you get my drift.

The only thing that could break this Cycle of Certainty is if I put a whole bunch of money in the market. Then we all would be in real trouble.

Would I kid u?

Sometimes I Am So Observant I Scare Myself

Yesterday I published a blog about my Country Commissioners taking a year to come up with an Ethics Policy.

The question I asked my County Leaders was simply, “What Took You Guys So Long?

Today’s question could be, "What Took You Guys So Longer?

This morning’s headline in my newspaper is, “Board delays vote on new ethics law”.

I could make a snide remark about the fact that at yesterday’s commission meeting two commissioners wore Witches Hats as they sat their seats. My newspaper said they wore the hats “in honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday”. Here I go again. In “honor of”? …  I guess I don’t understand that word either.

The reason given for the new delay is they are worried about “unintended consequences”. I could very easily write a new blog about this new delay but I won’t … Or will I? … Or did I?

Would I kid u?

 

In The County Where I Live Our Commissioners Are In The Process Of Inventing Ethics. It Has Not Been An Easy Task.

In my local newspaper I was just read where our County Commissioners are about to take under consideration A New Ethics Policy.

They are to be commended … Or are they?

Here is the rub. They have been involved in coming up with this Ethics Policy for a year.

My question for them is, What Took You Guys So Long? Ethics is obvious … Or it used to be.

The newspaper article reported…

The resolution proposed to change the ordinance said the intent is “to strengthen the public’s integrity of county government”.

I don’t want to be picky but I don’t think the above is even good English! Have they been working for a year to improve the public’s ethics?

I feel a rush of Foolishness overtaking me. What if this bunch of Ethics Seekers were assigned the task of putting together step by step instructions directing their constituents about How to Properly Put On A V-Neck Tee Shirt? Would the final product look something like this?…

• Hold the yet-to-be-put-on tee shirt upside down with the V facing towards your unshirted body.
• Insert arms and pull shirt over your head and down your body.
• After you are shirted, make sure that the V is on the same side of your body as is your navel with the V pointing downward towards your navel.

One final thought and possible justification for their year long ethics deliberation. One of our commissioners has been accused of taking a $1,000,000 bribe. Maybe they were trying to determine how close they could get to $1,000,000 and still be considered “ethical”.

Would I kid u?

---------------------------------

Update October 26th…

Yesterday I was complaining about the Ethics Board taking so long to invent Ethics. Today this Herculean Effort got even longer. The headline in today's newspaper reads as follows, "Board delays vote on new ethics law”.

Would I kid u?

---------------------------------

Update November 16th…

I am so relieved! They have done the deed! We now know right from wrong … Or do we?

Here is a  quote from today’s newspaper, "changes adopted during the last month were mostly clarifications and housekeeping, though a few tweaks were included”. 

I’m sure glad they threw a few “tweaks” in there. Tweaks are famous for getting to the heart of the matter. Tweaks are hard hitting for sure. Tweaks are a part of the fabric of America.

Best of all, Tweaks are written by Twits. If you can’t trust a Twit, who can you trust?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

This May Be Our Most Entertaining TV Show … Provided You Are Resigned To The Sad Belief That Americans Are Not Too Smart

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on FaceBook or Twitter.

PLEASE don’t think I watch Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader on a regular basis. It’s just that sometimes I am in the gym (trying to keep my heart from attacking me) and I am faced with several unpalatable choices like…

• The View
• The Talk
• The Chew
• Those Wonder Bra Infomercials that go on forever 

Some of these Average Americans on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader (who I fear are really Average Americans) are really stupid.

Here is the first example…

1. Question: “In what state was the Transcontinental Railroad completed in 1869?”
2. The contestant (who we had already been told had a 3.87 Grade Point Average in college) answered, “New York State”!
3. If you think this is the right answer, please do not add a comment to this blog posting and tell me you think it is the right answer.
4. It would burst my bubble to know that my Foolishness…Or Is It? readers are that ignorant.
5. The answer is Utah.
6. Utah is nowhere close to New York.
7. Please do not question my geographical association of New York and Utah because it would burst my bubble to know that my Foolishness…Or Is It? readers are that ignorant.

Here is another example…

1. True or False: “Europe shares a land border with Asia”.
2. The contestant said, “Wait a minute! What did you say was the grade level of this question?”
3. The host reminded him it was, Second Grade Geography.
4. After thinking about the question, the contestant then became more confident of his answer and locked in … False.
5. The host informed the contestant that his answer was wrong and the unbelieving contestant asked to see a map on the show’s big screen to prove that the answer was True.
6. When he was shown the map he looked like he still did not believe he was wrong.

Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader is not the only show that make me feel embarrassed for my fellow Americans. Allow me to wrap up this Foolishness with a Jeopardy episode…

1. There was a contestant on who we were told was a former successful Attorney and she was now a successful Talk Show Host (which proved she was smart because all Talk Show Hosts are smart … Or are they?).
2. The question was, “Who betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver?”
3. She immediately hit the button and confidently answered, “Saint Peter!”

There you go again. You are thinking I made up all of the above. These three episodes are the absolute truth and to prove it this time I will not add an “Or is it?”.

Would I kid u?

Winston Churchill: “There is nothing so exhilarating in all the world as being shot at with no result”.

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Do you have a lot of time to spend reading about a single subject on the internet?

If so, get ready to read. Use your search box to search on, “Rockets Israel”… or Click Here: http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv8-dyc&p=Rockets%20Israel&type=

I readily admit I did not read that many of these links. I read enough of them to know that Israel is being pounded with rockets for at least 10 years now.

If Mexico had been doing this to the U.S. for this length of time, some of us would be starting to get real upset.

The foolish part of this Foolishness…Or Is It? is I periodically read (as I did recently) where people in the U.N. are saying, “Israel has a right to defend itself but they should not use excessive force”.

I have many contacts in the U.N. whose opinion I highly value. I contacted some of them and they explained it to me sufficiently enough that I finally understand…

Israel is allowed to shoot back. What they are not allowed to do when they shoot back is to hit anything with their shots. If they do hit anything, this is Excessive Force.

Now do you understand?

Would I kid u?

Based On The Recent Past, This Is Absolute Certain Prediction Of Things To Come

President Sure B. Goodlooking was just sworn into office as President of the United States on January 22, 2041

Because the people running our Caucuses (whatever that is) and our Straw Polls (whatever that is) and our Primaries (I know what this is...Or do I?) have been scrambling to be first every four years since the 2012 Election Cycle, the following has happened in the Good Ole USofA...

• The day after President Goodlooking was sworn into office Iowans enthusiastically cast their vote to select the persons they want as the 2044 Democratic and Republican nominees.
• The very next day the people of New Hampshire turn out in record numbers to vote for the persons they wish to recommend to all Americans as their choices for the next President of The United States.
• The following Sunday on all the Sunday Talk Shows the hottest topic of discussion is about the very real possibility that Florida is planning to move their primary voting to November 7, 2044 the day before the 2044 Presidential Elections.
• Rush Limbaugh the host of the highest rated radio talk show said this morning from his nursing home microphone-equipped La Z Boy, “This is starting to get real confusing”.

Would I kid u?

If Only Members Of Congress Were As Upfront With Us As Racecar Drivers

Racecar Drivers plainly tell us who their sponsors are (who gives them money).

Just as Racecar Drivers do, Members of Congress ought to be required to wear “sponsor” patches on their $1,200 suits.

The only problem I see with this very logical plan is we would have to require that all Members of Congress be 7’ 5” tall. If they were shorter than this height, they would not be able to find enough space to give credit where credit is due.

One final thought. If we had to limit Members of Congress to people 7’ 5” tall, we might not find enough tall people to fill up the Halls of Congress. That would be terrible! … Or would it?

Would I kid u?

Is Indefinitely The Same As Never?

I will not use space in this Foolishness...Or Is It? to accuse or defend former governor Bla Go Je Vich of Illinois. Instead I will go after our silly Judicial System...Again.

This country has spent years and lots of money...

• Trying Bla Go Je Vich.
• Trying Bla Go Je Vich again.
• Watching many reports about whether his hair was his hair.
• Following him around as he jogged.
• Watching him signing autographs outside of courtrooms.

After seeing him convicted on 17 of 20 different corruption charges and being told that he could face up to 300 years in jail, we said to our collective selves, “Selves, It’s a slam dunk! It is over! He got what he deserves! Our Judicial System works after all!”

Or does it?

On September 29, 2011 I read the following, “Rod Blagojevich, the Illinois governor charged with several corruption convictions, has had his sentencing delayed indefinitely by a federal judge.”

Is Indefinitely the Same as Never?

Would I kid u?

The Number One Thing Americans Fear

Multiple Choice Question:

What is the thing that our society fears the most?

Possible Answers:

Terrorists or Violent Crime or The Boogie Man or Congress or Lawyers

I know for certain that most of you answered Congress. While I agree with you that that bunch is quite troubling to all of us, I think that the correct answer just might be Lawyers.

In truth our society is more and more being structured to defend itself against them.

To make my point, here are the details an incident that happened near where I live…

• A child’s backpack (with child attached) got caught in the closed doors of a school bus as said caught child (and backpack) were exiting the bus.
• The bus moved for 41 feet before the bus driver stopped the bus.
• The child and backpack were not injured.
• This incident happened on Friday afternoon and uncaught child was back in school on Monday morning.
• The School System’s Director of Transportation met with the student’s guardian before school on Monday and presented the child with a new Book Bag.

I would not have been surprised if Jack Nicholson had been there on Monday to tell the child that she was being given a Book Bag and not a Backpack because, “You can’t handle a Backpack!”.

All is well that ends well. No one was hurt. No one was fired. On one missed school. No Problem!

There was one problem. The School System was absolutely scared to death that there were going to be Law Suits, Lawyers all over the place and Claims of Loss of Sleep, Mental Anguish and Extreme Trauma.

The School System felt obligated to take the follow precautions to get ready for The Lawyers, in case they appeared…

• Emergency Responders were called out in force to the scene of the non-injury causing incident.
• Counselors contacted the parents of every of remaining student on the bus at the time of the non-injury causing incident.

I wonder what the Counselors told the parents of the remaining bus rider’s parents? … “It is my duty to inform you that your dear child was not involved in a non-injury causing incident that did involve another dear little child. If your child had been injured, he or she would have been injured but since he or she was not injured he or she received no injury. We are thankful that the involved child herself was also not injured but, if she had been injured, she would have been”.

I also wonder how many man hours were devoted to determining whether the bus had moved 40 or 41 or 42 feet?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

They Know What They Are Talking About ... Or Do They?

The above subject refers to “they”. “They” sure give me a lot to blog about.

This time “they” are medical people.  Medical people are definitely smarter than I am. So I must be wrong...Or am I?

At the present time hospitals and doctors use a system of about 18,000 codes to describe medical services in bills they send to insurers. 18,000 is enough of anything...Or is it?

The Federal Government now thinks that 18,000 codes do not get the job done. Under a new federally mandated Medical-Billing Coding List which stipulates that more detailed coding is a must, the number of codes is about to increase to 140,000.

Still not convinced? Still thinking to yourself that this is about medical stuff and, when it comes to medical stuff, you have to be specific. The Smartfella? is here to tell you, Think Again.

Here are a few of the kinds of specificity you get when you decide that 140,000 is just about the right number:

• Patient was injured in a chicken coop.
• Patient was injured in an opera house.
• Patient was injured in an art gallery.
• Patient was injured on a squash court.
• Patient was injured in nine different locations in and around mobile homes.
• Patient had a bizarre personal appearance.
• Patient walked into a lamppost, initial encounter.
• Patient walked into a lamppost, subsequent encounter.
• Patient was injured while sewing.
• Patient was injured while ironing.
• Patient was injured while playing a brass instrument.
• Patient was injured while crocheting.
• Patient was injured while doing handicrafts.
• Patient was injured while knitting.
• Patient was injured by a water-ski that was on fire.
• Nine codes each for injurious encounters with a duck, a macaw, a parrot, a goose, turkey or a chicken.
• Patient was injured by being bitten by a turtle.
• Patient was injured by being struck by a turtle.
• There used to be a single code for suturing an artery but now there will be 195 codes for suturing arteries.
• There used to be a single code for a badly healed fracture but now there will be 2,595 codes for badly healed fractures.
• Patient was injured as a result of an encounter with an alien.

In the above rundown I poked fun at 2,870 of the 140,000 codes. Due to my reputation for foolishness some of you are saying to yourselves, “Selves, he did it again. He zeroed in on the only 2,870 that could be construed as foolish. The remaining 137,130 are truly serious and important codes that will be of great benefit to the medical and insurance communities here in the Good Ole USofA.”

Everyone is entitled to his own stupid opinion. If that is what you believe then that is what you believe...Or do you?

Would I kid u?

We All Deserve The Fast Lane

We have all become accustomed to High Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) Lanes. In our area we have now moved to High Occupancy Toll (HOT) Lanes.

This is progress! ... Or is it?

Here is how HOT Lanes work...

• 73,000 transponders have been issued to drivers interested in using the fast HOT Lanes.
• Vehicles that have three occupants can drive in the HOT Lanes without charge.
• Vehicles that have fewer than three can use the HOT Lanes but they will have to pay a toll.
• Depending on how heavy the traffic is at the time that the lane is being used, the toll can range anywhere from ten to ninety cents a mile.

Officials have been quoted as saying, “This provides a transportation advantage to people in that corridor who are willing to pay for that advantage”.

As you would expect controversy surrounds this progressive step. There are a lot of lawyers who are chomping at the bit to file law suits. The basis for their anger, as is so often the case in the Good Ole USofA, is Fairness.

I again posed as a fly on the wall in the palatial law offices of one of the law firms heading up this fight back against unfairness and here is what I uncovered...

The law suits will contend that it is unfair that these fast lanes will be limited to the rich and that working folk should be allowed to get to Wal-Mart just as fast as moneyed people.

In my opinion, everyone ought to be required to use only the fast lanes. It ought to be against the law to drive in any of those other six lanes.

Why should only the rich get to go fast?

Would I kid u?