Presidential Candidate Nothing

The Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? is a little bit more confusing than is need be. That's because I truncated it into its shortened version. The complete subject is, "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing".

Is that not better? What did you just say? Did I just hear you say that "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing" does not clarify anything? Please allow me to try again.

In the Good Ole USofA today we are taking offence at darn near everything you can or cannot imagine. I just read in my newspaper where Nike, Inc. is in trouble because they are again offering a discount to members of the Law Enforcement Community.

This promotion began after the 9/11/01 Terrorist Attack on the World Trade Center but it is now drawing complaints because the promotion is being called insensitive given tensions over recent deaths of black men at the hands of the police.

I bet that when Nike came up with this idea back in 2001 they never thought they would be attacked over a promotion like this. They saw it as a sure winner.

Back to "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing".

Because anything that a Presidential Candidate says can now be turned into Controversy, I am contending that in the future (the present?) a Candidate that had a Non-Campaign will stand the best chance of getting elected. Here is a how it might work...

• Go around the Good Ole USofA & wave as he/she descends the steps from his/her plane. (If you do or don’t mind I am going to cease & desist from putting in the “/she” & the “/her”. My fingers get tired pecking out my silliness & you must know by now that I am Politically Correct...Or do u?) After he waves & descends & can turn around & go back up the steps & fly to another community that is eagerly waiting to hear him not say anything.
• He can make a point of hugging & kissing babies at every opportunity. If his campaign managers are really sharp they would have several babies at the bottom of each set of airplane stairs. This is what’s calling Campaign Location Efficiency.
• If ever the candidate were to be forced to the point where he must answer a question, no matter what the question is, he should always give this answer...
  “That’s an excellent question. With regard to the substance of the issue you are raising I think it is essential that we consider the systematized reciprocal concept that this issue presents. Actually the optional incremental projection has a parallel in history when you consider that the compatible logistical time-phase is mitigated yet constrained by its integrated monitored capability.”
  The candidate’s minions would be stationed throughout the attentive throng shouting, “What an excellent answer!” or “That nails it!” or “What could be more precise & to the point!”

Considering how modern campaigns are so efficient, I have just seen a fly in my ointment. It’s the Babies. Can’t you just hear our Not Saying Anything Candidate’s Opponents Spin Machine issuing this statement?... “In all the history of campaigning across the Fruited Plain have you ever seen anything so heartless? Can you even imagine the anguish couples who cannot have babies of their own must feel as they see him kissing & holding & smiling? I am certain that the American Voter now sees him for what he is, a manipulative opportunist who does not feel the pain of his fellow Americans!”

Scratch The Babies!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

()

These People Need Our Help. Thank Heaven Help Is On The Way.

At the present time Armed Police Officers in Washington DC are being trained in how to use public toilets without leaving their guns behind.

A Washington, D.C. official was quoted as saying...

"I would be remiss if I did not say that the officers involved in these recent weapons cases reported in the media in no way intended to leave their weapons unattended."

To which America replied…

“No S**t, Sherlock”.

As a society are we on the verge of getting too deep into minutia? What's next on the Silliness Horizon?...

• Teachers are being trained in Palooka, Illinois as to how to hold their pointers properly to make sure that the pointer itself is pointed at the specific information about which they are talking.
• Automobile drivers in Winnetta, Maine are being required to attend a 4 hour seminar to impress upon them the importance of looking in their rear-view mirrors before they put their cars in reverse. There have been 3 serious injuries to Used Car Dealers in Winnetta who have been run over living up to their sales commitment to stand behind every car they sell.
• Students in Albeania, Nevada are now being given intensive training in order to show them how to properly hold their Computer Mice. Several students have been driven to tears because of the frustration because they were holding their mice backwards.

These 3 examples are representative of problem issues that an uncaring public might heartlessly shout, "Hey there, Fella, watch what you’re doing".

Thank heaven we are not uncaring in the Good Ole USofA.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(297)

Lagniappe: Just in case you think I made up the Weapons Left Behind Silliness, click here: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-32832466

Coming To The Defense Of TSA

I am not one to shirk from taking controversial positions. It’s what I do. This time I am defending our much maligned Transportation Security Authority. Someone’s got to do it & I am ready to stand up for them.

The TSA is all over the nightly news & talk radio because of their failure to detect many attempts to test their procedures to see if their procedures are proceeding correctly... http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/01/politics/tsa-failed-undercover-airport-screening-tests/index.html

First of all I think their attackers are being too picky. It has been reported that TSA failed 67 out of 70 security probes. I am ready to look on the bright side. They did detect 3 security probes, did they not?

I could stop right here with my defense of the TSA & feel that I have put their detractors in their proper place but am now going to move on to my most irrefutable argument. The TSA’s Mission Statement is...

Put In Place The Procedures Necessary To Detect & Thwart Any & All Attempts By Bad People Trying To Do Bad Things To Our Airplanes

Don’t you see it? Don’t you see where they are being unfairly attacked? You do not? My dear readers, again you disappoint me...

These are not Bad People Trying To Do Bad Things these are Good People Trying To Do Bad Things

There I have said it. I have said what needs to be said. I don’t see how anyone could argue with my logic but I know there are some out there that will attack me for saying the truth. I stand ready to adsorb their blows. It’s what I do.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(282)

Saving Our Country From Economic Disaster

Recently I was grazing through the Free Food Giveaway Stations at my local Costco and I was inspired to do a Blog Posting about the experience.

I started recording into my phone all the many food selections I was offered. The more I ate and the more I recorded the more I got excited about the Foolishness welling up inside of me.

I am always looking out for what I can do to divert the Good Ole USofA from its impending economic collapse and this one hit me like a bolt out of the blue (whatever that means).

First I will peck out for you the menu selections and then I will explain how Costco Can Save Our Country (I am fairly certain you will have seen it before I explain it...Or am I?)

Ø Spinach Artichoke Dip

Ø Smoked Sausage

Ø Pizza

Ø Hot Dogs

Ø Chips

Ø Cheese

Ø Hawaiian Sweet Rolls with BBQ Brisket

Ø Mango Salsa with Peach on Tortilla Chips

Ø Tortilla Rolls with Guacamole

Ø Ragu Pasta Sauce on Mozzarella Breaded Cheese Sticks

Ø Buffalo Chicken Wings

Ø Panko Chicken

Ø Crab Spread

Ø Lobster Spread

Ø Honey Multi Grain Bread

Ø Cranberry Walnut Bread

Ø Crunchy French Bread

Ø Elbow Pasta Rigatoni

Ø Skimmed Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

Ø Smoked pulled pork w roaster pineapple & habanera sauce

Ø Mild Italian sausage

Ø Sport drink variety

That's quite a mouthful! If I had had my horse with me, I could have choked him. Heck, I probably could have choked my Hippopotamus!

Since you did not see my plan (as I hoped you might) here's my plan to save the Good Ole USofA...

Instead of issuing more and more Food Stamps (aks: Snap or EBT), the Federal Government could just buy all of these needy people an Annual Costco Membership and anytime they get hungry they could mosey over to Costco and graze around until they satisfy their hunger craving.

There it is. It is really quite simple, is it not? I remain amazed at why I seem to be the only one who sees the obvious.

------------------------

I pushed my idea a little further. I called up the Food Stamp/SNAP/EBT Department in Washington D.C. and talked with a high ranking higher up. He immediately came back at me as soon as he heard my idea and said, "We could not possibly do that". 

Dumbfounded I asked why and he said, "Because that would work like a charm and would save the Federal Government a lot of money".

As a testament to how far we have been beaten down I just let it drop. I am sad to say that I understood perfectly well that he was telling me the unvarnished truth.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: How about some What Ifs?

Ø What if Costco could not handle the volume?
Answer: The Federal Government should tell them they had to build more stores.

Ø What if Costco started to go out of business?
Answer: The Federal Government should pass a Law telling them that they were not allowed to go out of business.

I just hope the Good Ole USofA can keep from imploding long enough to allow time for the Federal Government to fix everything.

Aw Come On! You Can't Be Serious!

From past blogs of mine you already know that I have trouble believing what I am told when I am told things that people say they know what they know when there is no way they can know what they claim they know.

Want examples?...

• Every year Domestic Cats kill 12.3 Billion Mammals.
• Eons ago a subatomic particle blew up & when the smoke cleared there was my Functioning Liver.
• Before this year's Memorial Day Weekend the National Safety Council estimated there will be 383 traffic fatalities and another 46,300 medically consulted injuries & the AAA predicts that automotive travel will be 37.2 million travelers.

By golly something just snapped inside my disbelieving & once-logical brain. I now believe all the Foolishness in the above 3 bullets. The one below, however, the Fella just cannot swallow...

     

On the left is the new British Royal Princess Charlotte & on the right is what they say she will look like when she is 18 Years Old!

Do you remember the Subject of this Blog Posting? Of course, you don't. I give you a hint. It was, "Aw Come On! You Can't Be Serious!".

Seriously, someone is doing some serious kidding here & it's not The Fella.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(220)

Sorry, Boss, I Know This Upcoming Week Will Make Or Break Our Company & 700 Employees May Lose Their Jobs But I'm Taking A One Week Leave Of Absence & That's Final!

I was there. I saw the above statement being delivered to the wide-eyed boss (Larry) with my own eyes. Larry had a mixture of pain, disappointment & desperation on his face.

I could see that this employee (Sidney) must have been very important to this company's long term survival but it was obvious the company was going to have to do without Sidney at this critical time in its existence.

I felt so bad for Larry & I tried to intercede on his behalf. I approached Sidney & asked what could be so important that he had to take off when the jobs of so many people depended on him?

He came right back at me & said he had no choice but he had offended someone &, as is standard operating procedure in the Good Ole USofA at this time, he needs to apologize to the person he has offended quickly, profusely & repeatedly.

He said to me with a look on his face that was akin to the look that must have been on the face of Moses as he got ready to part the Red Sea, "There is nothing more important than an apology!".

Did I just hear you say that you think I am making too much of our national obsession with apologizing? Well, smarty pants, wikiHow does not agree with you. Here is what wikiHow has to say about the Proper Way To Apologize...

(Want to check me out? Click here: http://www.wikihow.com/Apologize.)

Part 1 of 3: Preparing Your Apology

1. Give up the idea of being “right.”

2. Use “I”-statements.

3. Avoid justifying your actions.

4. Use excuses cautiously.

5. Avoid the “but” word.

6. Consider the other person’s needs and personality.

7. Write your apology down, if you like.

Part 2 of 3: Setting the Stage for Your Apology

1. Find the right time.

2. Do it in person.

3. Choose a quiet or private setting for the apology.

4. Make sure you have enough time to have a complete conversation.

Part 3 of 3: Making Your Apology

1. Use “integrative communication.”

2. Use open, humble body language.

3. State your regret.

4. Accept responsibility.

5. State how you will remedy the situation.

6. Listen to the other person.

7. End with gratitude.

8. Be patient.

9. Stick to your word.

I'm from the old days. In the old days here is what would have happened...

"Hey baby, I'm Sorry. Wanna go to the Chat & Chew & have a beer?"

Yes, in the old days, Sidney would be there to save his company during the most important week in its history.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(599)

Lagniappe: Past Foolishness...Or Is It's about Apologizing...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/06/pre-packaged-apology-pre-emptive.html

Lagniappe More: As they say in those TV Commercials, "But wait wait! There's more!" This is the bottom of the wikiHow link above that you did not click on...

Related wikiHows…

How to
Write an Apology Letter to Your School

How to
Say I'm Sorry to a Lover

How to
Apologize to a Friend over the Phone

How to
Apologize to Your Guy Friend

How to
Find Creative Ways to Apologize

How to
Apologize for Being Late to Work

A Listing Of Lists

We have lists for everything.

I just stopped pecking at this Blog Posting & went to Yahoo to see if there were any Lists Viewing Opportunities waiting for me. Here is some of what I found. Don't skim too fast because some of these are really bizarre/funny...

• The 33 Best Donut Shops In America
• Midwestern Chains The Rest Of The Country Needs
• 5 Ways To Make Your Homemade Pizza Better
• 3 Discounts Senior Citizens Would Be Wise To Take Advantage Of
• 10 Best NFL Quarterbacks Who Have Never Won A Super Bowl
• 10 Most Dangerous States For You And Your Family To Live In
• The Top 5 Los Angeles Lakers Stories Of The Week
• 7 Herbs That Clean The House
• 10 Greatest NFL Players Of All Time
• The 21 Best New Restaurants In America
• 27 Of The Best Food Trucks In America
• 12 Celebs Who Are Actually Black
• Six Ways To Keep From Getting Kicked Off Your Flight For A Tweet
• These Are The Top Ten Destinations For Summer Travel
• The 21 Best Coffee Shops In America
• 23 Signs You’re A Basic Tourist
• The Best Burger In Every State In America
• 11 Things You Need To Know About Airbnb Before You Book
• 7 Spooky Destinations For Magic-Obsessed Travelers
• 8 Quirky Cafes From Around The World
• 10 Things About Italy That Shock First Time Travelers
• Best All-Inclusive Resorts Where Kids Stay Free
• Every State In The USA, Ranked By Its Food/Drink
• 10 Amazing Budget Cruises (That Don’t Feel Like Budget Cruises)
• The 3 Worst Habits Of Clueless Leaders
• 4 Ways To Know It's Time To Quit Your Job
• 8 American Habits I Kicked When I Moved To China
• 10 Communication Secrets Of Great Leaders
• 10 Things Black People Fear That White People Don’t Have To
• 10 'Dangerous' Places That Are Actually Safe To Visit
• 10 Stupid Mistakes You Need To Stop Making On Vacation
• 10 Things That Shocked Me When I Traveled To Copenhagen
• The 15 Most Annoying Travelers In The World
• Who Knew These 20 Stars Were So Small
• The Best Pot Tourism Spots Around The Globe
• 7 Places To Help Endangered Species
• How To Tick Off A Texan In 13 Simple Steps
• Breaking Down The Single Best Item At Every Major Fast-Food Chain
• Cutest Child Stars That Grew Up Ugly
• The Worst Tattoos Ever
• 18 Horribly Awful Prom Photos

Today a guy on the radio who is smarter than I am (I know he is smarter than I am because he is on the radio) was rattling off a list about the Good Ole USofA. One item in particular I took notice of was that the U.S. was 121st in the world in Mobile Telephone Saturation.

I said to myself, "Self, how can that be? Everyone in the country has a cell phone!"

Then it dawned on me. It's like those basketball players who say, "To win this game we're going to have to give 120% effort".

If we are going to move up this list toward our rightful place at Number 1, each of us needs to have multiple cell phones.

I am excited to say that I have personally witnessed 2 incidences which demonstrate the progress we are making toward Multiple Cell Phone Penetration...

• I was down in Florida recently & a young lady walked by me who was talking on a cell phone she was holding to her left ear & had another cell phone in her right hand which she was using to send a text message.
• Even more recently I was in a coffee shop & I took notice of 4 people at the adjoining table...
  >One was pecking at his cell phone.
  >Another was pecking at his cell phone & had another cell phone laying on the table in front of him.
  >Another was pecking at her cell phone & had 2 other cell phones laying in front of her on the table ready to spring into action.
  >The last person had no cell phone in evidence & was just sitting there drinking coffee while her cellmates ignored her.
  >As I watched, a man came up behind her & started talking softly into her ear. I eventually found out that he was a Psychiatrist & he was offering counseling sessions to help her to come to an understanding as to why she did not comprehend how important cell phones & constant communication were.

We have all seen that video from several years ago where a lady was walking through a mall & walked right into a fountain.

Yes, after this incidence was made public, she appeared on TV saying she was going to sue. I'm not sure if she was going to sue the Fountain, the people who put the fountain in Harm's Way &/or all the people across the Fruited Plain who had laughed at her.

The Internet has many fine examples of videos of people walking into things & being knocked off their feet. The saddest part is that, after they get up, they continue walking & texting &/or talking.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(892)

Why Do I Need To Be Polite? I'm Too Busy Taking Your Money!

Have you noticed how impolite/uncaring the Money Takers in Gas Stations are? Probably not. You are so used to me noticing things for you that you have probably become lazy & just depend on me to do your noticing. I don't hold that against you. I'm glad I can help.

I have figured out why they are so impolite. It's that sign outside their stores that says something like...

"We Appreciate Your Business!"

It's a dual purpose sign. It makes you feel appreciated before you enter & it makes it unnecessary for the money taker to have to appreciate you. After all, it would be redundant for them to appreciate you twice.

If you have not noticed this sign, look for it at your next opportunity. It is a big sign. It is almost as big as the EBT Sign.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(170)

Lagniappe: That EBT Sign... That's another Blog Posting for another day.

Teaching Is Hard Work. Being A Wise Guy Is Easy.

I always cringe when I hear someone say that famous Wise Guy Quote…

"Those who can, do; those who can't, teach"

I got to wondering how in the heck did such nonsense get started? So I looked it up & found the quote came from...

George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman. Written in 1903.

The subtitle for this play is, "A Comedy and a Philosophy". I hope the quote that has me pecking out this posting is more of Mr. Shaw's Comedy than his Philosophy.

I also hope the ole boy is turning over in his grave as he looks up & sees the foolishness to which he gave license.

Those who quote him think they are being cute but they are really being ignorant.

I have stumbled across a replacement Teaching Quote...

Historian Henry Brooke Adams: “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

I like this one a lot better.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(192)

Lagniappe: George Bernard Shaw telegrammed Winston Churchill just prior to the opening of his play Major Barbara in 1905...

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Good news from my newspaper...

• The Senate is suddenly showing Signs of Bipartisanship.
• The No Child Left Behind Education Law was overhauled in an unanimous vote.
• An Anti-Sex-Trafficking Bill was approved 99-0.

Bad news from my newspaper...

The recent spurt of comity could well be short-lived. The Senate, frozen last year by partisan jockeying ahead of the midterm elections, may have only a few months before presidential politics intervenes but for now lawmakers from both parties are bending and compromising on legislation.

"Such cooperation does carry some political risk for Democrats, who are helping to build a legislative track record for the GOP".

This is the kind of thinking that the Fella will never understand. It ought not be of any import that one side or the other gets credit for what is done, if what is done, is good for our country...

If it's the right thing to do, do the right thing.

Next time the Democrats are in control the Republicans should continue the process...

If it's the right thing to do, do the right thing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(206)

Lagniappe: Yea, I have blogged about this before (a long time ago)... http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/01/it-is-sad-day-in-national-politics-so.html

I May Be About To Insult The Heck Out Of You

I don't go out of my way to insult people. I only insult those that are deserving of being insulted. However, this is my attempt to make you see the error of your ways, if your ways have been in error.

My newspaper tells me that a well dressed tennis player needs to have a Berluti Shirt. The articles gave me selling points... Under "Knit Notes" I read where it has "A Thicker Open Weave That's Got Some Weight To It Yet Still Remains Quite Breezy".

For the price they charge, I think it would be only proper that a Berluti Shirt not have just "some weight" to it but it ought to weigh a ton. Also what's with "quite breezy"? After having to go into your savings account to buy this shirt, wearing it ought to be akin to standing inside an electric fan.

Here come the insult...

If you own a Berluti Shirt, you are not too smart!

Oh my gosh, I got ahead of myself. I did not tell you how much the Berluti Shirt costs. Actually I'm not going to tell you how much it costs. I will tell you that I recently bought a new tennis shirt for myself & I paid $14.90. If I had bought a Berluti Shirt, I would have had to pay $475.10 more than what I paid for my $14.90 shirt.

Oops. I'm having second thoughts. My new shirt did not improve my tennis game at all. Maybe I should have bought a Berluti Shirt. If I had, then I might not have missed that shot I missed last month.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(343)

Lagniappe: A vivid example of how not smart you are by buying a Berluti Shirt... If you had bought one of the shirts I bought, you could have used the difference saved to buy 47.51 copied of my little-read book & given them to forever grateful people you know. Think how popular you would be!

I Don't Understand Breasts Anymore

There was a time when I understood the need for female breasts. Ever since the invention of the Baby Nursing Bottle their need is questionable but I do remember their historical importance.

Where am I going with this Blog posting? I'm not sure but I encourage you to read on because, wherever it is, I'll get there &, as usual, you will find Thought Provoking Musings & a bit of Chuckle Humor.

------------------------

I have been watching the NBA Basketball Playoffs. This is hard to do because my TV is determined to have me watch commercials instead. One of the commercials is about a new Sci-Fi Movie about a Super Robot. What's is different about this robot is it is a she.

In the past, there have always been what appeared to be male robots. Come to think of it, before now, I never gave the sex of the robots in Robot Movies a second thought.

In this movie the robot is definitely female because it/she has breasts. This raises the question, what would a female robot do with breast?

Carrying this Blog Posting’s Silliness to its “logical” conclusion…

• The movie makers must certainly hang the robots in closets at the end of any movie making day.
• They can't just leave them laying around the movie set because someone might steal them or they might defect to another movie company on their own.
• If it's an outdoor shoot & it rains overnight, they will get rusty.
• With the advent of female robots, are the robots going to start reproducing inside the closet overnight?
• When the doors are opened in the morning, are there going to be little robots in there?
• If the female robot is nursing when the door is opened, will she get embarrassed?
• If she gets embarrassed, will her face turn red?
• Will the Robots International Union require that the movie making people knock before opening closet the door in the morning?

Oh my gosh! A Robot’s Union! All of a sudden I've gotten past being confused by all of the above & now I am just plain worried!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(370)

There's That Nose Again Just Hanging There Being Plain

Again we have violence running through our cities. Again we are told it's as plain as the nose on your face that darn near all of this violence is being caused by Outside Agitators. People who do not live in the burning city are burning the city.

I have a fix... Our Federal Government ought to immediately make it illegal to be from another city.

That fixes that. Another job well done from the well done mind of The Fella.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(133)

Lagniappe... I just read an article from the Investor's Business Daily, & I quote... "The police blotter shows that of the 35 arrested, just three came from outside Maryland".

I never realized that 8.571428571% was "darn near all".

The ACLU Is Easy To Spell But Hard To Understand

Quotes from my newspaper...

First Quote..."...a sprawling Islamic center that houses a charter school, hosts political debates and offers free flu shots, this Muslim congregation of doctors, engineers and other professionals east of Los Angeles exemplifies the American success story."

Second Quote... “We want to protect our homeland and our children, and we want to know the best way to do that, said Azfal Hussain, an engineer who is president of the Islamic Center of San Gabriel Valley."

Third Quote... "Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson visited the $5 million mosque here to smooth communication and bolster cooperation efforts with federal officials. For Mr. Johnson, who regards Muslim communities as a front line of defense against foreign-fighter recruitment from the likes of ISIS, the visit was part of his national tour to build—and in some cases repair—the government’s relationship with Muslims.

At a news conference, Mr. Johnson said he is asking for all Muslims, “to be on the lookout for potential acts of violence and those individuals who may be on the wrong path and steer them in a different direction, and if that’s not possible then alert authorities.’’

What follows is an Official Smartfella Recap...

• There are in this country well meaning, good citizen, hard working, successful Muslim Americans.
• These well meaning, good citizen, hard working, successful Muslim Americans want to protect the Good Ole USofA.
• These well meaning, good citizen, hard working, successful Muslim Americans want to protect their families.
• The Department of Homeland Security is asking these well meaning, good citizen, hard working, successful Muslim Americans to be on the lookout for potential acts of violence.
• The Department of Homeland Security is asking these well meaning, good citizen, hard working, successful Muslim Americans to be on the lookout for individuals who may be on the wrong path & to try to steer them in a non-violent direction.
• The Department of Homeland Security is asking these well meaning, good citizen, hard working, successful Muslim Americans, if they cannot steer these violent individuals with evil intent in the right direction then, they should alert authorities.

This all makes perfect sense to the Smartfella &, for any clear thinking American Citizen, this ought to be a No Brainer...Or is it?

Enter The ACLU...

The American Civil Liberties Union, criticized the government initiative, saying in a statement that encouraging individuals in Muslim communities to report suspect behavior of others has “obvious civil liberties implications on members of our communities”.

Let me see if I understand the above paragraph...

If you know your fellow man is intending to blow up your fellow man, you should take steps to try & stop them but the ACLU objects to trying to stop them from blowing up your fellow man.

There are some things the Smartfella will never understand & you, my dear readers, have just been exposed to one of those things.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(502)

Get The Hell Out Of My Court!

I plucked these 3 examples of Foolish Law Suits from the Internet. This kind of Silliness ought to not even get into a courtroom. If they did make it in, once the judge figured out what was going on, he ought to have said, "Get the hell out of my court!".

I know why judges don't say what I suggested above. They are afraid they might get sued.

Here are the promised Truly Foolish True Law Suits...

• When all else fails, sue yourself... A client sued himself for $5 million. He claimed that he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the jail, serving a 23 year sentence for grand larceny and breaking and entering. What could he possibly have to gain by suing himself? Since being in prison prevented him from having an income, he expected the state to pay.
• Since when were haunted houses frightening?... A client sued Universal Studios for $15,000. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress while visiting Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights Haunted House, which she said was scary.
• Negligent security is a legitimate claim, when you’re the victim, not the perpetrator!... A client sued Providence Hospital for $2 million. He claimed that the hospital was negligent because it had not prevented him from raping one of its patients.

If our Crack Judicial System functioned true to form in the above silly law suits, many months passed, mountains of paperwork were generated, discoveries were issued & complied with out the kazoo, umpteen witnesses were called and the judge never said, "Get the hell out of my court!".

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(299)

Getting Good Employees Is Easy. All You Need Do Is Hire Good Employees…Or Is It That Easy?

Recently I saw on TV where the Secret Service Director stated that in his capacity as Secret Service Director he can't fire people without a lot of hurdles being jumped through.

Recently I saw where the Drug Enforcement Administrator said she can't fire people because of the restrictions put on her by Civil Service Laws.

The Smartfella is here to say that these two big time Federal Government Department Heads are not alone. I dare say all Federal Government Department Heads feel the same restrictions when it comes to getting rid of bad employees.

As you have come to expect of me, I have a fix to propose...

Don't Hire Bad Employees

I told you I had an answer. Another Blog Posting well done! I'm so proud of myself!

Just a moment. There was someone shouting at me over my shoulder as I was pecking out my own pat on my own back above.

I am being told that I am ill informed about that of which I speak. My attacker is shouting at me saying I don't know what I am talking about because I have overlooked the Internal Revenue Service.

It is a universally understood rule that people in charge of hiring don't rehire former workers who caused trouble or had poor performance issues during prior employment. This is, however, not the universe that the IRS does its hiring in.

Of the more than 7,000 former employees the IRS hired between January 2010 and September 2013, 824 (12%) of them were found to have had poor performance & poor conduct issues during their prior employment with the IRS.

This startling information was reported in a new oversight report by the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration. TIGTA reviewed a random sample of more than 300 re-hired employees who had poor conduct or poor performance issues in the past and found that 20% had developed new poor conduct or poor performance issues during their second go-round with the IRS.

Problem behaviors have included employees who...

• Willfully failed to file their tax returns.
• Gained unauthorized access to taxpayer information.
• Abused the agency's leave policy.
• Misused IRS property.
• Falsified official forms.
• Had behavioral or legal problems off-duty such as alcoholism.
• Generally did a bad job since being re-hired.

This is the Federal Government's Classic Example of being between a Rock & a Hard Place of their own making... They can't fire bad employees but they re-hire former employees who were bad employees before they became former employees.

Have no fear. I again have a fix. I propose that we hire a whole bunch of bureaucrats to keep an eye on the former bad employees who have been re-hired so as to ascertain if they are bad employees…again.

My brilliant idea is not so brilliant after all because, if it is determined that they are bad employees again, the IRS can't fire them.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(512)

We Really Hate To Do It But We Have To Find Offsetting Revenue

Golly Gee! We have no choice but to seek more sources of revenue. The price of Jet Fuel is out of sight!

That's what the Big Wigs in the Airline Industry told us. They looked so sad. The appeared so awfully distressed. We felt sorry for them. We believed them. We said, "It's OK. We understand".

The most obvious & obnoxious revenue enhancement they came up with was Baggage Fees. Even when we found out that the Airline Industry made $5.7 Billion from the collection of Baggage Fees, we said to our collective selves, They really needed that $5.7 Billion because the price of Jet Fuel is so terribly high.

The Smartfella was thinking awhile back that, since the price of Jet Fuel has fallen like a rock, maybe the Airline Industry will be removing those Baggage Fees any day now.

Any Day Now came & went but the Baggage Fees stayed in place. Since I am a man of action, I wrote letters to the CEO's of every U.S. Airline asking when the Baggage Fees were going to be removed.

You probably know by now that when The Fella Asks...The Fella Gets an Answer. Within hours of receiving my letters the Airline Industry had a big video conference & they issued a unified statement about the removal of Baggage Fees. They sent it to me & I am attaching it to this Blog Posting...

http://www.naturesongs.com/cricket1.wav

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(254)

Proof (Again) That I Know What I Am Talking About (Again)

My dream is that you, my dear readers, will stop being skeptical of me & will blindly believe everything I have to say about anything.

Just 2 days ago I told you about how we are being ruled by a Building (the White House)... http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/04/who-elected-this-building-aka-government_13.html.

Today on the front page of my newspaper there is an article that firms up my seemingly silly contention...

Here are Proof Excerpts from this revealing article...

Ø "winning the endorsement of a reluctant White House"

Ø "The White House said President Barack Obama would sign the legislation"

Ø "The legislation, if enacted, would represent a rare assertion of congressional power over a foreign-policy matter that the White House would have preferred to handle alone."

Ø "The White House had urged Democrats to reject the bill"

Ø "The original bill, opposed by the White House"

Ø "Meanwhile, the White House still faces hurdles in reaching a deal by the June 30 deadline. "

Ø "as the White House escalated its outreach to Capitol Hill"

There you have it. Proof positive that I know of which I speak. Admit that you doubted me. Say you're sorry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: If you want to read the entire article for yourself, click below…

http://www.wsj.com/articles/senate-panel-nears-compromise-on-iran-nuclear-deal-1429026751?KEYWORDS=Senators+Obama+Yield+On+Iran

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Who Elected This Building? aka: "Structured Government"

Every time we have voted for President we have voted for a person. Once in office the President starts telling us what he (so far it's a he) thinks, intends to do, is going to go, what we ought to do, what we have to do, etc. However, more & more our Elected President is being replaced by an It.

Have you noticed that the Unelected It is in control? Of course you have not but that's why you have me. I do the noticing for you.

We continually read these types of statements in our newspapers...

The White House published new regulations for the banking industry.

The White House has released its long anticipated guidelines for stem cell research.

The White House has clarified of its earlier position on foreign travel restrictions.

Are we being ruled by a Building? If so, that raises very interesting questions...

Ø Is this legal?

Ø Has there been a coup d'état?

Ø Should we be concerned?

Ø Is this even constitutional?

Ø Can we object?

Ø Should we take up arms?

Today all hell broke loose in the halls of congress. Congressmen & Senators were poking holes in the air with their fingers at an alarming rate. The Good Ole USofA is on the brink of a constitutional crisis because our ruler has authorized a new paint job for itself without Congressional Approval.

I told you it was serious.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(250)

I'm Right Again!

Sounds like I am bragging in the Subject of this Blog Posting but, bragging or not, it makes me sad to be right on this one.

On April 1st I published a Blog Posting http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/04/negotiating-with-iran-or-why-bother.html which said that we were wasting our time negotiating with Iran's Negotiators because the Ayatollah is the only one who had the power to say, بله (yes) or هیچ (no).

The negotiator got a Persian Ticket Tape Parade when he got back home. The whole country shouted out a collective "attaboy!". (I could not find out to say "attaboy" in Persian.)

They can shout all they want but the key Persian was not shouting. You guessed it, the Ayatollah was not shouting.

One week after the "agreement" to come to a final "agreement" in the next 3 months was announced the headline in my newspaper reads, "Iran’s Ayatollah Ali Khamenei Blasts Terms of Nuclear Framework Deal".

In my newspaper the big guy has made a couple of his positions known about Absolute Key Provisions of the Agreement to Maybe Agree Later On Down the Road Agreement...

Ø He said هیچ to having the sanctions come off over a period of time. He said they must come off as soon as the agreement is signed.

Ø He said هیچ to allowing Unfettered Access to facilities for Inspections. This guy doesn't mince his words, "It must absolutely not be allowed for them to infiltrate into the country’s defense and security domain under the pretext of inspections. Military officials must not allow strangers into this private domain under the pretext of supervision and inspection, or stop the defensive development of the country.”

White House officials said the fact that the Ayatollah is pitching the deal at all is encouraging. (Look up "Grasping at Straws" wherever you like to look up stuff.)

The Smartfella says, if this were a real pitch, baseball would classify it as a Fastball Slider Curveball Change of Pace.

If the Chicago Cubs had this guy in their lineup today, they would be a lock to break their 106 Year Old World Series Drought this very year.

If he were pitching for the Cubs, he would certainly make the All Star Team because anyone who got a hit off of him would have their hands chopped off.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(391)