Friday, November 07, 2014

Can God Tell Time?

There is another Subject Line I could have written for this bit of Foolishness...

Maybe God Won’t Notice. I Understand He Is Pretty Busy.

Actually I did not write the verbiage below. One of you Dear Readers sent this to me. He is sort of like a voice crying in the wilderness. He is crying, “Oh My Gosh! I am beginning to think like the Smartfella. Is that bad? It may be a good thing because he is rather well known in his very small corner of the world”.

For better or for worst, here is what caught the eye of our new contributor, the Smartherr...

“Thought of you this morning as I was reading the AJC, page 2, story about Egypt changing clocks back and forth. The most recent change was to shorten the fasting time for Ramadan which is supposed to be from dawn to dusk”.

Either they really came up with something totally new that affects the rotation of the earth but only for Egypt, or there are hints that they are not about to become a technologically savvy country any time soon.

Maybe I am too harsh. Our Congress is capable of worse.”

Actually the Smartherr has made me feel guilty after his very first posting. Right out of the box he is taking shots at Congress. He is a frequent reader. Did I turn him against Congress?

Maybe I ought to back off a bit. Why it was only a couple of years ago that I was really pleased by an action taken by our 9% Approval Rated Congress. I actually said to myself, “Self, who says Congress is all messed up? That’s a great name for a Post Office!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(295)

Thursday, November 06, 2014

It’s Time To Recall An Oldie But Still A Goodie

At the end of this posting is the link to a Brilliant Political Observation and a Real Sneaky Plan of Action published by the Fella on October 28, 2012. I bring them to your attention because the questions posed in the “Exit Polling” part have still not been answered (& never will be)...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2012/10/two-prior-postings-because-it-is-silly.html

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(70)

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Good News & Bad News

The Good News... Tomorrow the Mid-Term Elections will be over & our crack news media will no longer be talking about Possibilities, Probabilities & Improbabilities of the upcoming Mid-Term Elections.

The Bad News... Tomorrow our crack news media will start talking about the Possibilities, Probabilities and Improbabilities of the upcoming 2016 Presidential Elections.

Oh well, at least they will be just getting started & they won’t be Wide Eyed & Shouting...

“Breaking News!”

“News Alert!”

“This Just In!”

...Or will they?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(92)

Monday, November 03, 2014

Golly Gee! I Certainly Am On Top Of Things!

I just blogged about the Sweet Tax five days ago http://forii.blogspot.com/2014/10/thats-crazyor-is-it.html & now my newspaper tells me that the enemies of sweetness are moving ahead in San Francisco & Berkeley, CA.

These two bastions of intelligence are voting on a Special Tax on Sugary Beverages tomorrow. I am not pecking this foolishness out to redo this last blog (link above). I want to point out to you why this Wave of the Future is going to come crashing down on us eventually.

The reason the Sweet Tax will pass someday is the Intended Use of the Tax Proceeds that its proponents have tagged the measure with...

The tax revenue will be used for School Nutrition, Public Education & Fitness Programs

Who is going to come out & say they are against these three consistent vote getters? Even the Fella is too smart for that but he will give you this warning...

We will be shocked & awed by what that revenue is actually used for.

The truth is we will never be shocked & awed by its use because we will never find out what it is eventually used for but I bet some Special Interest Group like Citizens for the Preservation & Expansion of Kumquat Cultivation are licking their chops as I peck out this warning.

Want proof? Can you say, Federal Highway Trust Fund” (aka: Gasoline Tax)? We were told these monies would be directed to only pay for Road & Bridge Repairs.

Actually there is a wide range of causes that have received funding from the Gasoline Tax.

Eventually we hear members of Congress lamenting the fact that our Roads & Bridges are in need of repair, our Federal Highway Trust Fund is depleted & we have to raise the Exclusive Gasoline Tax to be used exclusively for Road & Bridge Repair.

How stupid do they think we are?

The simple answer is… Pretty Darn Stupid.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(334)

Sunday, November 02, 2014

There Are Too Many Bases Out There

An alternative Subject for this Foolishness...Or Is It? could have been...

There Are Too Many Lawyers Out There

Because There Are Too Many Lawyers Out There we are required to “Cover All Bases” in everything we do. Allow me to prove my point...

A restaurant wants to offer a coupon to draw customers. The cook and the manager come up with wording for their coupon that reads like this... “This coupon may be used to purchase one (1) Classic Soup, Salad and Breadsticks Lunch Combo for $5.00”.

Because they have been sued before, they run it by their lawyer. The lawyer looks at them with distain and says, “When will the two of you ever learn? You have not Covered All Bases”.

He then proceeds to add on the necessary disclaimers to keep the restaurant from being sued by his brother-in-law and a whole raft of other savvy diners.

The list of disclaimers below was taken from an actual restaurant coupon I had in my possession.

  • This coupon may be used to purchase one (1) Classic Soup, Salad and Breadsticks Lunch Combo for $5.00 (excludes children’s menu items, soup, Garden Salad, pizza, tax and gratuity).
  • Maximum value of discount offer is $4.30.
  • Valid Monday – Friday until 4 p.m.
  • Limit one (1) Classic Soup, Salad and Breadsticks Lunch Combo per coupon.
  • One coupon per visit, per table.
  • Coupon must be surrendered at time of use, and any unused value will not be refunded.
  • Coupon may not be redeemed for cash or combined with any other offer.
  • Dine in only.
  • Cash redemption value 1/20 of one cent.
  • Coupon may not be reproduced, sold, transferred or traded.
  • Sales tax paid by the bearer.
  • Valid at any Mama Mia Gonzales Restaurant location in the U.S. Code: Lunch5.
  • Expires 10/17/14.

The only thing I changed in this list was the name of the restaurant.

------------------------

It is a wonder the restaurant lawyer did not put in a few more like...

  • Mama Mia is not responsible for soup splashed on any piece of clothing.
  • Mama Mia will not be held responsible if any of our patrons dies from Ebola after leaving our restaurant.
  • Some forms of our pasta have holes in the middle of them. These holes are the exclusive responsibility of the manufacturers of the pasta. Mama Mia is, therefore, not responsible for anyone consuming this type of pasta in our restaurant who is allergic to holes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(431)

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

That’s Crazy...Or Is It?

The first time we hear a Crazy Idea we say to our collective selves, “That’s a Crazy Idea”.

The next time we hear that Crazy Idea we say to our collective selves, “There’s that Crazy Idea again!”

The next time we hear that Crazy Idea discussed it is a bunch of Talking Heads on TV and the Crazy Part is gone and they are talking about a Topical Idea of the Day.

The first time we heard that the former mayor of New York City wanted to shoot anyone who drank a big sugary soda in his city most of us thought he was being silly. Thank heaven the courts got involved and stopped him and his sweet police after only a few people were shot.

In the old days that would have been the end of such an idea but not in today’s Good Ole USofA. Not by a long shot. Now we have...

  • Representative Rosa DeLauro of Connecticut recently launched the first national effort in years to tax soda drinks.
  • The Connecticut lawmaker is under no illusion about the chances that her Sugar-Sweetened Beverages Tax Act will become law.
  • She does not even expect the bill to come to a vote.
  • However, she is forging ahead anyway anyway.
  • DeLauro said, "We have a serious health problem. It is in part related to the consumption of sugar and added sugars and sugary beverages. Therefore we need to move to do something to avert this crisis."
  • DeLauro's legislation would levy a one-cent tax on manufacturers for every teaspoon of sugar in their beverages.
  • San Francisco and Berkeley will hold ballot measures to introduce soda taxes in November.

(Why is it that the remedies proposed to real or imagined maladies in our society always involve the levying of higher taxes?)

As is usually the case, the Smartfella has alternative courses of action to propose...

  • How about an Absence of Taxes Tax? Imagine the number of children we could help with the revenue that could be generated by taxing everything.
  • Sugar now and salt next. Actually a Salt Tax should have been before a sugar tax. We could go a long way to eliminating poverty in the Good Ole USofA by levying a one cent tax for every time one of us shook a salt shaker over our food.
  • Stupidity would generate a humongous amount of revenue. We could start with that college student I saw on TV the other day who proposed that we fight the ISIS Terrorists by dropping food on them.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(475)

Lagniappe: More than one breathless Connecticut Voter has been heard to say, “I’ll follow Rosa DeLauro anywhere”. Looking at her all dressed up below you can easily see why... Or can you?

clip_image002 clip_image004clip_image006

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The Days Of The U.S. Postal Service Are Coming To An End If...

Based on the never ending volume of mail received at my house all year every week it is my considered opinion that the only thing keeping the U.S. Postal Service alive is Publishers Clearing House.

If Publishers Clearing House goes out of business the U.S. Postal Service will be gone within a week.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(72)

Monday, October 27, 2014

Politicians Worry About Mission Creep...The Smartfella Worries About Government Creep

This happens all the time. Our rulers in Washington D.C. see a wrong & decide to right that wrong. To do this they pass, what seems to be, a simple piece of legislation. Immediately that simple law begins to be expanded until it becomes a large Legislative Octopus with very long tentacles & becomes impossible to stop.

Want an example?...

When the Endangered Species Act passed in 1973, the concern was that iconic species such as the bald eagle would become extinct. The main threats were from shooting, poisoning and trapping.

I repeat... Shooting, Poisoning & Trapping needed to be addressed. Before we knew what was happening the law was reworked to address harassment, harming, pursuing, hunting, shooting, wounding, killing, trapping, capturing, collecting or attempting to engage in any such conduct.

The lawyers started licking their chops. Then the expansion was expanded to include the “taking” of habitat that harbors—or could harbor—endangered species.

Shoes started dropping all over the Good Ole USofA. One of the shoes landed on a North Carolina landowner who was arrested and threatened with fines and jail time for cutting down old-growth pine trees on his property because the trees could potentially provide habitat for endangered red-cockaded woodpeckers.

Imagine your confusion if you were sitting in jail wondering why you had been incarcerated because you had committed a crime of, “Could Potentially”.

------------------------

Did you just think to yourself that I had not made my case? Please forgive me & allow me to try again.

Children Shooting Children in school just begs our rulers to take action. I’m not going to argue with trying to address this issue but here is what Congress did...

They passed the Zero-Tolerance Approach to address this awful phenomenon as part of the 1994 Gun-Free Schools Act. I’m still not arguing but before we could turn around the law was expanded to Other Weapons ... then to Drug Contraband ... then to Ordinary Violations of School Rules, Disrespect & Skipping Class. It eventually became an across the board response to disciplinary problems.”

Over the past 19 years, prompted by changing police tactics and a zero-tolerance attitude toward small crimes, the FBI estimates authorities have made more than a quarter of a billion arrests. Nearly one out of every three American adults is on file in the FBI’s master criminal database. All too many of these “criminals” made their way into the FBI’s Database as students...

  • A small pocketknife got a student charged with weapons possession.
  • A 12-year-old seventh-grader was arrested & charged with disturbing the peace on school property after a minor hallway altercation.
  • A student got a misdemeanor ticket for wearing too much perfume.
  • A teen was charged with theft after sharing the chicken nuggets from a classmate’s meal—the classmate was on lunch assistance and sharing it meant the teen had violated the law.
  • A student conducted a science experiment before the authorization of her teacher & when it went awry she received a felony weapons charge.
  • Talking back or disrupting class has resulted in charges of disorderly conduct.
  • Fights in school have lead to assault and battery charges &/or suspensions.
  • I already blogged about the 7 year old who chewed his breakfast pastry into the form of a gun. This little terrible person was suspended from school for 2 days... http://forii.blogspot.com/2014/05/this-cant-be-true-or-can-it.html

------------------------

Back in my High School years Farther Heiter would have been shocked if someone had mentioned the possibility of a Criminal Record for a fist fight in his school yard.

He loved fist fights because they gave him the opportunity to get out the Boxing Gloves instead of calling the police. If someone had run to the phone booth & called the police, here is what they would have witnessed when they arrived & they would have loved the happening...

  • Father Heiter first stepped between the combatants & told bystanders to hold the two angry youths apart.
  • He ran (yes he actually ran), with a big smile on his face (yes he actually had a big smile on his face), to get his boxing gloves.
  • The students not doing any holding apart automatically formed a square “ring”.
  • The good father returned, had the combatants put the gloves on & we all were treated to a schoolyard brawl.
  • When he thought enough was enough, Father Heiter stepped between, stopped the fisticuffs & had the once angry, but now more tired than angry, students shake hands.

It was great fun, no one got hurt, no one got a criminal record & no one went to jail.

------------------------

Before I evolved into the Fella I spent more than 30 years in the Automotive Industry. This happened over and over...

  • A manufacturer saw a consumer need for a Small Car.
  • It built a small car.
  • Every few years that small car was retooled & we would hear the manufacturer advertising, “Our Small Car Is Bigger Than Your Small Car”.

Before long the confused public was heard to say, “Is that a Pinto or is it a Lincoln Town Car?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(873)

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Congress Fixes Another Thorny Issue

Check out that Domino behind the Domino you are about to push over before you push it over. Dominos are very heavy & almost impossible to pick back up.

Congress takes note that all those 18 Wheelers on our highways are causing lots of problems...

  • They tear up our highway system requiring us to have to pay huge sums to maintain & repair them.
  • Highways are more expensive to begin with because of the extra durability that must be constructed into them because of the heavy duty wear & tear they inflict on the roadbeds.
  • They take up a lot of room causing tremendous traffic congestion.
  • They kill lots of people every year in all the accidents they are involved in & they actually cause many of the accidents in the first place.
  • They pollute & pollute & pollute some more.

Congress springs into action and bans all 18 Wheelers from our Interstate Highway System.

Immediately Dominos fall all over Congress...

  • Overnight there is a shortage of darn near everything in the Good Ole USofA that those Big Trucks used to deliver.
  • Congress reacts by telling the business community to construct manufacturing plants all over the Good Ole USofA.
  • Senator Foghorn Leghorn looks the Transportation Industry right in their formerly rich faces & tells them, “Why should you have all this manufacturing capability spread all over? It does not make sense! Building your Widgets right across the street from the consumers makes all the sense in the world!”
  • The Transportation Industry complies & builds thousands of new manufacturing plants but overnight there is a shortage of workers caused by all these new manufacturing facilities.
  • Congress enacts a plan to go into Africa & capture people & bring them over to the Good Ole USofA to work in the many factories.
  • Some people call these new workers Slaves. Others call them Relocated Staffing.
  • Since many of the new factories are seasonal a problem arises where the factory workers must constantly be moved around the country to man the different seasonal assembly lines.
  • Again Congress saves the day by authorizing thousands of 18 Wheelers to transport the workers.
  • Since the trucks are everywhere going everywhere, Congress authorizes the trucks to carry toothpaste, tomatoes, widgets & such.
  • The commodities authorized to be transported grows dramatically until there is no room for workers.

How to get the workers from place to place is still up in the air but we do not have to worry about that because Congress has set up a Blue Ribbon Panel to study the issue. Anonymous Sources inside the committee tell us that the committee is leaning heavily toward authorizing a lot more 18 Wheelers.

Remember the Yellow Cab Slogan. “A Thinking Fellow Rides A Yellow”? Watching Congress function is like it was operating a cab company called Circle Cabs & its slogan is, “A Thinking Fellow Rides Around In Circles”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(508)

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Proverbial Slippery Slope Is Alive & Well

There was a time when a female showed her ankle in public and all who saw it were shocked. That bare ankle slid down the Slippery Slope and next thing we knew we are hearing dialog like this on Jimmy Kimmel Live...

Earlier this week, Portia De Rossi appeared on her wife Ellen DeGeneres' eponymous talk show to discuss her role on Scandal and to dispel ongoing reports that they're secretly planning to have a baby. The 41-year-old actress readdressed both topics when she appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday.

"It's been a while," Jimmy Kimmel told her. "I haven't seen you for a little bit of time." De Rossi replied, "Actually, I think the last time we saw each other, we were in bed together. It was you, me and Ellen."

"My first and only threesome," the late-night comedian joked.”

Later on he asked his guest about "rumors that [she] and Ellen are going to have a baby. Is there anything to that?"

Groaning, de Rossi said, "Oh, I know. I know. Oh, gosh. It's just one big rumor that doesn't seem to go away, and at this point, I feel like I'm disappointing the whole of America”...

This from The Fella to Portia De Rossi...

Do you think you are so important that the whole of America is hanging on your every move or not move? Actually most of us do not even know who you are and, now that we do, we don’t really care whether you move or don’t move.

I for one had never heard of Portia De Rossi till now. Don’t email me back and tell me who she is. I can Google her but I probably already know all I want to know about her.

Reminds me of the time Dr. Watson told Sherlock Holmes that the Moon revolved around the Earth. Sherlock replied that, until this point in his life, he had never heard of this fact and now that he had heard it he was going to forget it because he did not need to know it.

That’s the way The Fella feels about Portia De Rossi & her moves & not moves. I understand that Portia De Rossi does not care about The Fella’s moves & not moves but, after much soul searching, I have decided I can handle it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(404)

Friday, October 17, 2014

Sorry, Mr. President, We’re Too Busy Right Now To Comply With Your Request

As much as I try to stay Apolitical, some of you may have figured out my political leanings but I will persist in trying to stay Blog Neutral in this posting.

Actually, I am going to ask each of you to forget your own political leanings and read this Blog Posting as if you do not know which way you lean.

Global Warming

One Side of the Argument:

The Polar Ice Caps ARE NOT Melting & Are Bigger Now Than They Have Ever Been

Other Side of the Argument:

The Polar Ice Caps Are Melting & By Next Thursday You Will Be Sorry You Ever Doubted This Obvious Fact

Whichever side you find yourself on I ought to be able to get you all to agree with this bit of my Foolishness...

I just read in my newspaper that our Secretary of Defense has plans to, “Retool the military to stop glaciers from melting”.

If you think this is a good idea think about it again using the 3 bullets below as your guide...

  • The bad guys just made an amphibious attack through San Francisco Bay.
  • The President calls up the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and orders him to get the military over there and repel the invasion.
  • The Chairman says, “Golly Mr. President, this is awful! Under normal circumstances I would be more than glad to comply with your request but all my Trained & Ready for Battle Worriers are all at the poles manning the Ice Cube Making Machines.”

I guess I’m from the old school. I always thought the military was supposed to go around breaking things.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(295)

Monday, October 13, 2014

There, I’ve Covered That One. Now I’ll Move On To The Next One

As you watch the nightly news, did you ever get the feeling that you have heard what you are hearing before and there is a familiar structure to all of it?

If you have not had the feeling described above, you should have had it because it happens every night.

The TV Networks use a check list over and over. At present it looks like this...

  • Ebola...Ebola...Ebola.
  • All things ISIS.
  • Polls ad nauseam that instruct us as to what we should think, now that we know what others think.
  • Latest Child Molestation Story.
  • The Upcoming Election (there is always an Upcoming Election). No matter how far away the next one is, it is the Next One, so we speculate, palpate, obsess and worry about it.
  • The latest Record Drug Bust which breaks the record for Record Drug Busts set two nights ago.
  • Boots on the Ground. Boots that ought to be on the Ground. How many Boots would be on the Ground if they were actually on the Ground? When will the Boots be on the Ground? Why are the Boots not on the Ground? How many Boots need we have on the Ground before we have too many Boots on the Ground? What will be the average size of the Boots on the Ground once they actually do get on the Ground?

Back in the Archives next to Indiana Jones’ Lost Arc is the Old Check List that TV News Broadcasters used years ago before Good News became No News. It looked something like this...

  • The latest inventions that will be of great benefit to all of us.
  • Teasers about what we could expect on Ozzie & Harriet that night.
  • Why Charitable Donations continue to be of such importance to the very fabric of this Great Country.
  • Now that the price of Sliced Boiled Ham has gone over $.27 a pound, will Americans start eating Steak instead of Ham?
  • Is that Buckle on the Back that teenagers are wearing on the back of their trousers a precursor to teens walking around with their pants falling down with most of their underwear showing?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(384)

Friday, October 10, 2014

People Who Put Up Signs Sometimes Confuse Me

I am a person who writes a Blog that sometimes confuses people. The people who put up signs are trying to get even with me.

The picture below was taken in Rosemary Beach, FL by The Fella. Do you see why I am confused?

clip_image001

I have devoted a whole bunch of thought to the No Climbing Sign in the Climbing Thingies Park. Here is what I have come up with...

  • Have you noticed, as I have noticed, that these Climbing Parks are often empty?
  • More often than not, when they are not empty, they are being used by very young children.
  • The very young are in there because they have not yet learned to read.
  • Once the little kiddies learn to read, they understand that they are prohibited from going in and having fun.

Congress ought to do something about this situation and, since they are all caught up with their Post Office Naming Responsibilities, I pray they are about to jump all over this one.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(184)

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Newton's First Law Is, “An Object At Rest Tends To Stay At Rest” ... The 21st Century’s Finest Example Of Newton’s First Law Is A Member Of Congress

Members of Congress begin to take their Membership in Congress for granted after about 7 weeks. A fine example of the Smartfella’s Law of Inertia follows…

Congressional Record
111th Congress (2009-2010)

Congressional Record article 11 of 354

CONGRATULATING SENATOR ROBERT C. BYRD -- (Senate - November 18, 2009)

Mr. ALEXANDER. Mr. President, I am glad I had the opportunity to hear the comments of the Senator from Iowa on Senator Byrd. We all have enormous respect for Senator Byrd. I had a chance this morning to say a word about him and to reflect on, among other things, that when I first came here as a young aide 42 years ago to Senator Baker, Senator Byrd had already been here for 10 years as a Senator.

Did you pay attention to what you just read? Did you take note that the 42 Year Guy said “42 Years Ago” & “had already been here for 10 years as a Senator” before the 42 Year Guy first entered the building?

The English Language was never used any better in the history of the British Parliament as when Leo Amery addressed Prime Minister Chamberlain & his Cohorts in 1940...

“You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”

Leo Amery in 1940 was almost exactly quoting Oliver Cromwell from 1653.

I wish someone would deliver an almost exact quote patterned after Messrs. Amery and Cromwell’s words to our current Congress.

The sad part is there isn’t a chance in hell our Current Congress would do as requested because 1% of the average American is a Millionaire but just over 50% of Members of Congress are Millionaires.

I tried to Google how many of them were already millionaires before they were elected but could not find out that bit of information.

What? You think I made the above “The sad part...” paragraph up? How could you think that of me? Click this link... http://billmoyers.com/2014/01/10/washington%E2%80%99s-millionaire-boyz-club/

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(374)

Saturday, October 04, 2014

Staring Is A Thing Of The Past

Staring is definitely a lost art. There was a time when we all used to stare and think nothing of it. I am sorry to say we don’t know how to stare any longer.

Back in the old days a person would go into a doctor office, a dentist office or a bank and sit down and stared while waiting to be seen. A lot of the world’s bright ideas and significant life changing plans of action occurred while we did nothing but stare...

  • Beethoven was riding on a horse drawn trolley when it dawned on him that four symphonies were not enough.
  • General Eisenhower was sitting in the dentist office when he came up with the idea that Normandy was the place for the Normandy Invasion.
  • Alexander the Great, who had always had a feeling that he was a bit cramped, decided that Macedonia needed to be expanded to India.
  • Doctor Jonas Salk, who had been working on a cure for Homesickness, was sipping a cappuccino and staring at the wall in front of him in the Higher Grounds Coffee Shop when it dawned on him that a cure for Polio just might a better path to travel.

Ah yes, the world was doing OK and making slow but steady progress up and until the point where Steve Jobs introduced his new gadget.

The invention of the Smartphone changed everything. Now we sit and immediately take out our modern pocket electronic wonder toys and...

  • We surf the net for earth shaking information or miscellaneous trivia.
  • We shop for significant purchases or for things we don’t need (it boggles the mind to contemplate how many more pairs of shoes Imelda Marcos could have owned if the Internet had been invented).
  • Sometimes we just poke at it to see where it will take us.

This Blog Posting has now progressed to the point where the Smartfella would probably peck out, “That’s Progress”. If he did, he would probably have a little more pecking left in him and he would go on to peck... “Or is it?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(366)

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Winston Churchill Would Never Have Been Politically Corrected... Or Would He Have Been?

If Winston Churchill were still with us, do you think he would be forced to be Politically Correct? My first impulse would be to say that that would never happen but the forces of Political Correctness are very powerful. If he had been forced to do back then as we do today it would probably have looked like this.

Winston Churchill's Actual Directive to General Alexander Commander-in-Chief in the Middle East in August 1942...

1. Your prime and main duty will be to take or destroy at the earliest opportunity the German-Italian Army commanded by Field Marshal Rommel together with all its supplies and establishments in Egypt and Libya.

2. You will discharge or cause to be discharged such other duties as pertain to your command without prejudice to the task described at paragraph 1 which must be considered paramount in His Majesty’s interests.

Pretty straight forward and to the point, don’t you think?

Winston Churchill’s Politically Correct Directive to General Alexander Commander-in-Chief in the Middle East in 2014...

1. Your prime and main duty will be to take or destroy at the earliest opportunity all terrorist organizations throughout the Middle Eat commanded by al Qaeda, ISIS and any such other organization who’s intent is to do us harm together with all their supplies and establishments wherever they are located.

2. You will discharge or cause to be discharged such other duties as pertain to your command without prejudice to the task described in paragraph 1 above which must be considered paramount in Her Majesty’s interests.

3. Foremost you should remember that it is of paramount importance you must not make anyone mad at us.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(294)

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Bob Gates May Be Well Respected By Both The Right & The Left But His Parents Are In Deep Trouble

Kindle Location 281 of 11052 in former Secretary of Defense Bob Gates’ Book, “Duty”...
“I was a smart aleck, and when I sassed my mother, a backhand slap across the face was likely to follow quickly if my father was within earshot. My mother was expert at cutting a willow switch to use across the back of my bare legs when I misbehaved. The worst punishments were for lying. On those relatively infrequent occasions when I was disciplined, I’m confident I deserved it, though I felt deeply persecuted at the time. But their expectations and discipline taught me about consequence and taking responsibility for my actions.”
Today Secretary Gates’ Mother and Father would be in deep trouble once Little Bob’s Pediatric Lawyer reported their actions to the Authorities.
I can just hear the Presiding Judge admonishing them in open court, “It is not proper to Slap or Switch any child in this day and age in the Good Ole USofA but certainly not a Little Secretary of Defense”.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(209)
Lagniappe: Did he say she used a Willow Switch? Don’t let Adrian Peterson see this.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Deciding Who To Vote For Is Easy… Or Is It?

Six of the reasons why people do not vote…

1. It was raining on voting day.

2. It was hot on voting day.

3. It was cold on voting day.

4. I don’t know the candidates.

5. The candidates don’t know me.

6. It is too confusing.

I am here to help you with #4 & #6 excuses above. It is really easy to get to know the candidates and to understand the issues. Go to your local newspaper and find an article that compares the candidates, make notes, study the notes and then you will become A Well Informed Voter.

Here is what my local research told me about our upcoming race for Governor.

One side Said…

  • Georgia has the highest unemployment rate — at 7.8 percent — of any state in the union apart from Mississippi.
  • 370,000 Georgians are looking for work right now.
  • There were 12,800 fewer jobs in July than in June.
  • These job losses are indicative of a negative trend.
  • We are reaping what we’ve sown on the state level.
  • Georgia has not fully recovered from the Recession.
  • Georgia is falling behind other states

The Other Side Said…

  • Georgia has had a strong record on job creation and has become the No. 1 place in the nation in which to do business.
  • The unemployment rate has gone down every year that our guy has been in office.
  • More than 273,000 jobs have been created in the state since our guy took office.
  • In raw numbers of jobs created, we’re No. 6 in the nation since our guy took over the helm.
  • Per capita, we’re in the top third in the nation.
  • The recent increase in the unemployment rate is typical for the summer in Georgia and is due in large part to the fact many school system employees do not get paid over 12 months as they do in other states.
  • Our unemployment rate is inflated because our labor pool continues to grow whereas in some other states it’s stagnating or declining.
  • People are moving to Georgia because they know it’s a place for economic opportunity.

See, I told you it was easy. Just figure out which one is lying and vote for the other guy.

Do you think I made this up? Check me out… http://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/news/2014/aug/20/political-notebook-carter-deal-put-different-spin/

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(524)

Lagniappe: I’ve touched on Staying Home On Voting Day Cuz It’s Raining before (#1 above)...

Let your mind wander with mine for a moment and see if you can hear one of George Washington’s confidants say the following…

By golly, General Washington, don’t feel bad. It really looked like it was going to rain. Yikes, ye ole weatherman had forecasted it was going to be a real frog strangler at Yorktown last week. What else could you have done but stay home and wait for the next time that the British would be trapped like they would have been trapped if only ye old weatherman had not given you such bad advice? Cheer up, old boy. You will get them next time for sure!

Monday, September 22, 2014

Federal Laws We Do Not Know Anything About

I have commented at least twice before about there being too many laws out there.

Did I just hear you say to yourself, “Comment? This guy does not comment on anything. He rants!” I am extremely disappointed about your thinking this way about my “wisdom” but I am going to peck on as if you had not said what you just said to yourself because this is my calling.

You might think differently about there being too many laws if you had already been aware of these three laws...

  • You are prohibited by H.R. 1762 Part 234 Subsection 17(c) to become aware of or even to notice that your Congress is lying to you.
  • As you watch the Nightly News you are prohibited by S. 37862 Part 719 Subsection 47(d) to notice that the Breaking News Alert you are watching on TV which is making your blood pressure rise to dangerously high levels is the same Breaking News Alert that last night made your blood pressure rise to dangerously high levels.
  • As required by H.R. 2589 Part 77 Section 259 Subsection445 you are not allowed to Laugh, Snicker or even Notice whenever a member of Congress is caught unable to remember the state he was elected from all those many years ago. A clue that he can’t remember the state he represents is when he says “The Folks Back Home” without mentioning where “Back Home” is. Think about how many times you have heard one of them say, “The Folks Back Home”.

If You Think You Can Just Ignore What They Do And They Will Leave You Alone, Think About This... After having worked hard all your life and saving your money in order to have a somewhat comfortable retirement by living off the interest on your hard earned savings, you are required to just scratch your head in wonderment about what you did wrong because you are getting .02% on your savings because Congress Can’t Stop Spending Money Trying To Buy Your Vote (it’s working) so the Federal Reserve (whatever that is) feels required to dictate that you ought to get doodle squat on your savings and mandate that your banker look you straight into your I-Can’t-Believe-Believe-What-I-Am-Hearing-Eyes and not laugh as he tells you that you are going to get .02% on your hard earned life saving. (Yes I know the prior sentence is too long but it is cuz it ought to be).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(484)

Lagniappe: Ask a farmer who owns a herd of cows what the bull is doing to the cows when the bull has intercourse with the cow and he will tell you the bull is “Servicing the Cow”.

Now you know what Congress means when they say they have been serving the citizens of the Good Ole USofA for more than 227 years.

Friday, September 19, 2014

This Is Not A Slap At Canada... Or Is It?

It pains me to poke fun at the Canadian Parliament because they appear to be doing a lot more right than our Congress but what I am commenting on in this posting did happen in Canada.

Here is what my newspaper told me...

“Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko received a rapturous welcome usually reserved for sports stars from Canadian lawmakers on Wednesday as he thanked the country for helping save lives in the battle with Russian-speaking rebels.”

Did you see what caught my eye? Yes, of course you did. It was “Sports Stars”. These snow birds reserve their Rapturous Welcomes for Sports Stars? They don’t reserve it for Brilliant Scientists? They don’t jump up for genuine Military Heroes? They don’t feel a thrill running down their legs for the Teacher of the Year? That’s awful!

Actually I had one of my people sequestered in the Canadian Parliament recently when the Prime Minister introduced an Astronaut Nuclear Physicist who had just discovered a cure for 12 Different Kinds of Childhood Cancer. Here is what my guy overheard the lawmakers around him saying to each other...

  • What team does that guy play for?
  • Is that the celebrity who just had that affair with that other celebrity with the cute dimples while she was high on drugs when she decided to cheat on her husband and was quoted as saying to the police as she was escorted into the paddy wagon, “This will show him what he is messing with when he messes with me”?
  • Why does the Prime Minister bring these guys in for us to stand and make as if we know who they are right before happy hour? (Comments like this take place in our U.S. Congress but the difference there is they start saying such things at 10:30 in the morning.)

Ah yes, it certainly looks to me like there is as much Silliness in the Canadian Parliament as there is in the hallowed halls of our own Congress.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(348)