By way of this Foolishness…Or Is It? I am formally
offering each of you the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a
Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture aptly named...GrandmaNearYou.com. If
you are one to quickly see a financially sound opportunity, you will be writing
a check before you get to the end of this Foolish Blog Posting.
Back when my Mother used to visit us for various holidays,
we flew her to wherever we were living at that time...Los Angeles or Detroit or
Milwaukee or Detroit (again) or Atlanta or Los Angeles (again) or Atlanta
(again).
Our family was always excited to see her, especially since
she was sure to be carrying 5 pounds of my Grandfather’s Secret Recipe
Italian Sausage and several jars of Ma
Brown Kosher Dill Pickles (Since I left New Orleans in 1975 I
have never found Ma’s Pickles).
The silly company which bought out the company that made
Ma Brown's Kosher Dill Pickles quickly decided to take out the Spicy.
Fella Comment: This
proved it was a silly/stupid company.
Fella Wonders: Fella
wonders how much money the new silly/stupid company spent on Focus Groups
trying to figure out why the New Pickles did not sell as well as the Old
Pickles.
Another Fella Comment: They
should have asked me and saved all that Focus Group money because the Spicy was
what made them better.
************
On one of these Grandma’s Coming To Visit visits, as my
family and I sat waiting in the airport for her to deplane, I took note of all
the Grandmas who were arriving from all over the United States who had flown in
for the holiday. The idea for this Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture hit me
like a thunderbolt!
Why not use some of this computer technology we were now
developing to locate a Grandma that is closer to where our family lives and
bring this, more convenient, Grandma over for the holiday?
Our too-far-away Grandma would not go unappreciated. She
certainly would be grabbed quickly by some local family looking to save a wad
of money on airfare. We would certainly be glad to testify that she would be a delight
to have over because we really liked having her around.
I am not being heartless because the Grandma that you had
been intending to fly in, at great expense, would now very likely just have to
go a few blocks to her new nearby Holiday Family. Other benefits for the Stay Near
Home Grandmas are too numerous to list in their
entirety but here are a few of the obvious ones…
- She
would not have to pack and unpack her suitcases.
- She
would not have to stop the newspaper.
- She
would not have to stop the mail.
- She
would not have to put the dog or cat in a kennel.
- She
would not have to get herself to the airport.
- She
would not have to suffer the humiliation of being frisked while that guy
with the two-foot-long beard wearing a robe walked right by in his flip
flops.
- She
would not have to have to take off her shoes during the freaking frisking
process.
- She
would not have to sit in a cramped airplane for hours (because you were
cheap and you did not buy her a first-class ticket).
- She
would not have to eat airline snacks (they used to get actual food that
Grandma would not have to eat).
- She
would not have to be endangered by terrorists.
- She
would not have to sleep on an unfamiliar bed and pillow while visiting.
- She
would not have to fly back home and again be exposed to all the above
airline persecutions.
Heaven knows there are a lot of American Males who would
jump at the opportunity to have a different Mother-In-Law for a change.
Variety could also be added to your family’s holiday
because your new Grandma would introduce your family to her own special cooking
talents.
Again, computer technology could be used to make this a
Win-Win Proposition for all involved by using computer technology to tailor
make your conveniently located grandma. The form where you applied for your
substitute Grandma would allow you to fine tune your replacement
Grandma. You would be able to pick from one of the following:
- Black
hair
- Brown
hair
- Red
hair
- Grey
hair
- Blue
hair
You would be able to specify a cooking specialty:
- Italian
- Mexican
- Spanish
- German
- Chinese
You would be able to select a nationality:
- Italian
- Mexican
- Spanish
- German
- Chinese
- Anything
but French
The potential of this brilliant (if I do say so myself)
idea is boundless! This may be your best chance to become one of the Filthy
Rich.
************
Become a Charter Owner of GrandmasNearYou.com today! Don't
let this opportunity pass you by! Send your check to:
GrandmaNearYou.com
c/o The Smartfella?
What
A Deal, GA 30096
Dig deep! The bigger your check the bigger will be your
percentage of ownership of GrandmaNearYou.com
permitting
you to become filthy sooner than other slower investors.
Would I kid you?
Smartfella
