Negotiating With Iran Is A Piece Of Cake... Or Is It?

My newspaper tells me...

The new round of diplomacy in Vienna aims to end what the West views as Iran’s pursuit of Nuclear Weapons.

Just to give a good ole Iranian kickoff to the talks the Iranian Supreme Leader said...

"We had announced previously that on certain issues, if we feel it is expedient, we would negotiate with the Satan (the United States) to deter its evil.”

This Ayatollah guy must have been a coffin maker before he got this current job because he really knows how to put the ole nail in the coffin...

“What our officials stated will continue. We will not renege but I will say again: There is no use....It will not lead anywhere.”

That having been said by their leader, other Senior Iranian Officials say...

They won’t accept any major curtailment of their Nuclear Ambitions.

Our diplomats are not fazed by such tough talk. A Senior American Diplomat who has just returned from a 3 year assignment as our ambassador to La La Land is quoted as saying...

“We don’t know if at the end of these six months, we will be able to achieve a comprehensive agreement, but we aim to.”

(This 27 Year Public Service Veteran had his government employment terminated because of the use of the word “aim” which implies violence.

His lame defense that he was talking about toothpaste was rejected by the Board of Review of Aggressive and Violent Language.

A spokesperson for the Board was quoted as saying, “Next thing you know we will be subjected to public officials saying that we have to give the American People a Fair Shot.”)

Before I get into explaining what all of the above really means, I have a You-Have-Got-To-Be-Kidding-Me Comment...

WhatTheHeckIsWrongWithUs? ... Before the talks begin the Iranians are sticking their thumbs in their ears, sticking their tongues out and wiggling their fingers at us and we say we intend for these “negotiations” to go on for 6 full months!?

None of you know that I have 24 years experience as a negotiator for our United Nations Contingent in New York. I know what all of the above really means. I am now about to permit you to be the beneficiary of my vast store of knowledge of international diplomacy.

(None of the above paragraph is true but it will still lend credence to what I have to say below. That’s the way things work in today’s Good Ole USofA.)

Here is what the Supreme Leader really means...

We are ready to undertake Significant and Long-Term Negotiations. We further agree that, when these negotiations are concluded, we will have agreed to a massive restructuring of our Nuclear Development Program (aks: The Wiper which stands for Wipe Israel Off the Face of the Earth).

We do this all in good faith as long as it is understood upfront that, once these Significant and Long-Term Negotiations are concluded, our Nuclear Development Program will remain completely unchanged and will be fully intact as it was before we granted you the privilege of negotiating with us, except for the progress we have made in developing Nuclear Weapons during the Negotiations.

Furthermore you must agree upfront that you will not express any semblance of surprise when, at the closing ceremonies, we stick our collective thumbs in our collective ears, stick our collective tongues out and wiggle our many collective fingers at you.

What? Did I really just hear you say that you don’t think I know what I am talking about?

Check back with me in 6 months.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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The Secret Of How To Stay Married For 50 Years

My wife and I have been married to each other for 50 years, so I speak from experience.

I realized the secret of staying happily married for such a long time when my wife and I were enjoying our first dinner on the recent trip we took to celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary.

During the dinner she said to me...

"I don't want any of the salami. You can eat it all. I like the cheese, jams and the raisin beard."

Sure there are a few other secrets but this is certainly one of the big ones.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(113)

Longing To Be Recognized As A Great Writer

Dr. Charles Krauthammer has furthered my wealth of knowledge with this bit of information...

“Even the tried-and-true may not be true. Take the average adult temperature. Everyone knows it’s 98.6 F. Except that when some enterprising researchers actually did the measurements – rather than rely on the original 19th-century German study – they found that it’s actually 98.2.”

It’s interesting to know what I now know about the Average Adult Temperature but that’s not what caught my eye. It’s the part about...

How tried-and-true just might not be true.

I really find that to be interesting and I am now determined to get me one of those Tried and True Thingies along the lines of...

A Bit of Foolishness a Day Keeps Depression Away

If I could get this accepted as a Tried and True Universally Accepted Saying I would sell a lot of books, even if Dr. Krauthammer might later find out it was not true.

As you well know my little-read book, Foolishness...Or Is It? Volume 1 has been published for some time now. You did not know about the Volume 1 part did you? You did not know because I have not let it be known that a Volume 2 was a possibility.

Volume 1 has 90 blog postings in it. Every time I have made a new posting after Volume 1 had been published, I have placed these new postings in a folder called, “Next Book”. At present there are 575 postings in that folder waiting to burst forth as Volumes 2 through Volume 6.388888888888889.

(It was a sad day when I realized that 94 books sold is not enough to make it to the New York Time Best Seller List.)

There are simply not enough copies of Volume 1 nestled in the bathrooms of America to justify publication of Volume 2.

Pay attention here! The ugly truth is it is your fault that more copies have not been sold!

For years I have asked all of you, as loyal readers, to spread the word about my little Bathroom Book but you have failed. Many a time I pleaded with you to, Click on "Buy My Book At..." on top of my Blog to buy a book and then send the link to friends or enemies who have $10.

If only my readers had more enemies, I would not be stuck here in between this rock and this hard place.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(416)

Should Have Published This One Yesterday

Correction to the Subject Title above... Publication today is very appropriate because the hysteria described below is still whirling all about us but there is light at the end of the tunnel because I have just been told that Chain Saw Strike Forces have been deployed.

I have been watching TV during Atlanta’s ongoing Dire Situation ... Winter Storm Emergency ... Catastrophic Ice Storm ... Significant Ice Event ... Severe Snow Storm ... Perpetual Constant Snow. I did not make any of these descriptions up, especially the last one.

Every TV channel is going nuts about the weather.

The frantic reporting is being interrupted by such News Alerts as, “Look, Hazel, we actually have icicles on our camera!” (Nor I did not make this News Alert up. I only added the “Look, Hazel” in order to humanize it.)

We are being shown pictures of empty roads all over the metropolitan area. Any car that that is seen on the road they immediately declare the driver to be an Enemy of the State. I wonder how these Microphone Holding Mental Midgets know that the driver does not have a valid reason to be on the road...

• How did the hospital staff get to the hospital?
• How did the Waffle House Egg Flippers get to their beloved Waffle Houses?
• How did the 3,000 TV Microphone Holding People with their funny looking emergency winter hats on their heads that they just bought from Wal-Mart (some still have the price tags hanging from them) get to their assigned microphone holding position?

The first rule for people with the microphones is that they have to keep talking while the camera is rolling (I guess the cameras do not roll any longer but you get my drift). They are not allowed to breath during their time on camera. This lack of oxygen sometimes causes strange things to come out of their usually eloquent mouths. Here is good example...

"We are here to keep you safe but most of all keep you informed."

Don'tYaThink he got that one backwards?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(347)

That’s Awful!

According to a column in my local newspaper by a Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post:

• Since 1985 the consumer price index has gone up 121%. That’s awful!
• Since 1985 Medical Costs have gone up 286%. That’s 165 Percentage Points Higher than the consumer price index. That’s worst than awful!
• Since 1985, according to a new study from the American Council of Trustees and Alumni (ACTA) a nonprofit and nonpartisan research group, the price of higher education has gone up 538%. (I will leave out another “awful!” comment about 538% being awful! because I don’t want to be too repetitious.)

Maybe we ought to stop calling it “Higher” Education. The use of the word “Higher” sort of dictates that it has to cost more every year, otherwise it would not truly be Higher Education.

If they changed the name to Lower Education, that might help for a while but Lower Education does not have a good ring to it and I doubt that those smart people who run our institutes if Higher Education would be tricked into lowering their tuitions.

As per usual, I really do have an idea to fix this Escalating Higher Education Cost Trend from getting Higher. What the Federal Government needs to do is subsidize the cost of Higher Education to make Higher Education more affordable for the folks back home.

What’s that you say? Did I hear you say that this subsidy idea has already been tried? Where have I been? Guess I ought to pay closer attention.

How’s my idea working out?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(269)

Am I The Only One Who Understands Good Business Practices?

In an article in the Wall Street Journal I read that across the country companies have been slow to add capacity to meet growing demand as the U.S. economy has picked up but, even when they have added jobs, they often add as few jobs as possible.

The guy who wrote this article seemed to be somewhat confused as to why businesses were not adding more jobs.

This makes perfect sense to the Smartfella. What kind of businessman would be so unwise as to add more jobs than his business can support?

I do not believe a sharp thinking businessman would say something like this, “My business has improved to the point where I can justify hiring 15 new employees, therefore, I have decided to hire 25 additional employees which I know my business can’t support.”

It is the same situation with that $6,000 tax credit some politicians have been touting. What mental business midget would say, “I’m going to hire a $35,000 a year employee that my sales volume can’t support so I can get a $6,000 Tax Credit from the Federal Government. I’m going make this type of action an integral part of my hiring practices and it will make my business prosper for sure!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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