Negotiating With Iran Is A Piece Of Cake... Or Is It?

My newspaper tells me...

The new round of diplomacy in Vienna aims to end what the West views as Iran’s pursuit of Nuclear Weapons.

Just to give a good ole Iranian kickoff to the talks the Iranian Supreme Leader said...

"We had announced previously that on certain issues, if we feel it is expedient, we would negotiate with the Satan (the United States) to deter its evil.”

This Ayatollah guy must have been a coffin maker before he got this current job because he really knows how to put the ole nail in the coffin...

“What our officials stated will continue. We will not renege but I will say again: There is no use....It will not lead anywhere.”

That having been said by their leader, other Senior Iranian Officials say...

They won’t accept any major curtailment of their Nuclear Ambitions.

Our diplomats are not fazed by such tough talk. A Senior American Diplomat who has just returned from a 3 year assignment as our ambassador to La La Land is quoted as saying...

“We don’t know if at the end of these six months, we will be able to achieve a comprehensive agreement, but we aim to.”

(This 27 Year Public Service Veteran had his government employment terminated because of the use of the word “aim” which implies violence.

His lame defense that he was talking about toothpaste was rejected by the Board of Review of Aggressive and Violent Language.

A spokesperson for the Board was quoted as saying, “Next thing you know we will be subjected to public officials saying that we have to give the American People a Fair Shot.”)

Before I get into explaining what all of the above really means, I have a You-Have-Got-To-Be-Kidding-Me Comment...

WhatTheHeckIsWrongWithUs? ... Before the talks begin the Iranians are sticking their thumbs in their ears, sticking their tongues out and wiggling their fingers at us and we say we intend for these “negotiations” to go on for 6 full months!?

None of you know that I have 24 years experience as a negotiator for our United Nations Contingent in New York. I know what all of the above really means. I am now about to permit you to be the beneficiary of my vast store of knowledge of international diplomacy.

(None of the above paragraph is true but it will still lend credence to what I have to say below. That’s the way things work in today’s Good Ole USofA.)

Here is what the Supreme Leader really means...

We are ready to undertake Significant and Long-Term Negotiations. We further agree that, when these negotiations are concluded, we will have agreed to a massive restructuring of our Nuclear Development Program (aks: The Wiper which stands for Wipe Israel Off the Face of the Earth).

We do this all in good faith as long as it is understood upfront that, once these Significant and Long-Term Negotiations are concluded, our Nuclear Development Program will remain completely unchanged and will be fully intact as it was before we granted you the privilege of negotiating with us, except for the progress we have made in developing Nuclear Weapons during the Negotiations.

Furthermore you must agree upfront that you will not express any semblance of surprise when, at the closing ceremonies, we stick our collective thumbs in our collective ears, stick our collective tongues out and wiggle our many collective fingers at you.

What? Did I really just hear you say that you don’t think I know what I am talking about?

Check back with me in 6 months.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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