Let’s Hear It For The Brits!

There you go jumping to erroneous conclusions. You are thinking to yourself that I am going to point this blog posting at the fact that today the House of Commons voted down British action against Syria. You ought to know me better than that. Such a blog would be too blatantly political for the Smartfella.
What caught my eye today was the House of Commons Debate itself. Allow me to contrast British Debating with what we see in our 12 Percentage Point Approval Rated House and Senate...

British House of Commons

The chamber was alive with the members and the debate that was consuming them. They we all paying attention to what was going on. They were quietly murmuring approval when they agreed with what was being said and jeering disapproval when they disagreed. From what I have seen over the years this is the way they always are.

U.S. House & Senate

CSPAN is there. CSPAN lets us see all that is going on. To accomplish this task CSPAN does not have to move the camera. The only thing that is going on is the speaker poking holes in the air with his finger. The few occasions that the camera is turned to show the chamber it shows that the chamber is empty.

Our guys don’t seem to care what is being said in there when it is not them that is saying it. They come in shortly before it is time for them to speak. They leave once they have delivered their pre-prepared words of wisdom.

The most unsettling aspect of what they do while they are representing us up there is what they say as they finish, “I Reserve the Right to Revise and Extend My Remarks”. I sure hope this does not mean that they can change what they did say and insert into the record things that they did not say. Please tell me that’s not what that phrase means.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Syria,House of Commons,Congressional Budget Office,House,Senate,CSPAN

We Could Save A Lot Of Time

We could save a lot of time if only each one of my dear readers would come over to my house each morning and read the newspaper over my shoulder as I read my newspaper.

OK, I know that is not possible so you will have to continue reading about what I read by reading Foolishness...Or Is It’s. Not a bad way to spend a small part of your day... Or is it?

My newspaper recently told me another reason why I am glad I am old and retired. That reason is I am not out in the working world of today experiencing what they are experiencing and being required to act as if I understand the “Changes for the Better” that are constantly raising their ugly collective heads.

Here is the headline of the article that caused me to start pecking out this bit of Foolishness...

Beer on Fridays. Pets In The Office. Weekly Yoga.

I will direct this Foolishness to Pets In The Office...

In the Old Days: I would be confronted with tears and/or requests to write a rebuttal when I wrote up an employee in the Areas for Improvement Section of their Performance Appraisal as follows, “Breaks pencil points in pencil sharpener because puts too much inward pressure on pencils.”

In the Now Days: I would be confronted with tears, demands to write a rebuttal and/or their lawyer’s business card when I wrote up an employee in the Areas for Improvement Section of their Performance Appraisal, as follows...

• “Need to counsel with your Cute Little Doggie about its Interdoggie Relationships with other doggies because it is apparently not very well liked by many of its Doggiepeers”.

or

• “Your Cute Little Doggie ought to stop pooping on the office floor whenever the Monthly Sales Figures show a decline”.

or

• “I have noticed that, every time you are on the verge of coming up with a really big idea, you go outside to take your Cute Little Doggie for a walk and, when you return, your fellow workers have reported to me that you sit down and say to yourself, “Where was I? Oh darn, I lost it! Now I have to start all over again!”

Let’s not leave Organized Protests out this discussion...

• I would find myself having to deal with Associate (FKA: Employee) Work Stoppages (FKA: Strikes) because of the unavailability of an adequate supply of Lysol Wipes, Small Plastic Shovels, Latex Gloves, Plastic Bags and/or Paper Towels.

If you are one of My Dear Readers who is still working, please don’t despair. You will be old and retired before you know it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(453)

IceRocket Tags: Pets,Perks,Dogs

Thank Heaven! Here Comes The Good Guys!

Bob Dylan sang to us in 1964

The Times They Are A-Changin’

Allow your Mind’s Eye to wander with me for a few minutes...

You are on duty in a Convenience Store at 3AM. You are getting dozy when three customers walk into your store. You are jolted into wide-awake consciousness. You are suddenly on edge because of the danger that you may be confronted with in the next few minutes.

What would make you the most nervous, the entrance of...

Three Hells Angles?

Or

Three Teenagers?

If you have been watching or reading the news lately, you know what prompted this probing question.

John Wayne is dead. Watch your back out there.

I wish I were kidding u.

Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Hells Angels,Bob Dylan

Life Is A Delicate Balance

Have you ever taken notice of how we are covered up with Medical Warnings?

Actually, the above sentence is an incomplete sentence. The complete sentence is, Have you ever taken notice how we are covered up with Medical Warnings ... of things that we were once told were bad for us but which have now been reclassified as good for us?

The opposite is equally true, there are a lot of things that we were once told were good for us but now have been reclassified as bad for us.

There are lots of examples...

• Coffee (was bad but now good)
• Fish Oil Capsules (were good but now bad)
• Butter (was bad but now good)
• Margarine (was good but now bad)
• Eggs (were bad but now good)
• Liver (was good but now bad)

The Health Warning/Advice below just might be of more interest to some of you than all 6 of the Good/Bad/Bad/Good Examples I listed above...

Moderate alcohol drinkers gain less weight over time than people who abstain from drinking alcohol completely.

As the subject of this Foolishness stated above, Life Is A Delicate Balance. If you heed this warning, you just might end up being an Overweight Alcoholic before you find out that this is another one off the long list of erroneous health warning that the future will correct for us.

It may take even longer for this warning to be corrected because the people who issued this the warning have since become Overweight Alcoholics and have not been spending much time in their research labs since they started buying elastic belts to wear to Happy Hour.

Even worse than all of the above, are the warnings that told us, if we did something, we would die. Think of all the people who did as instructed and died of something that the Medical Community later decided was not really deadly. I bet those Dutiful Deceased are really mad that they got dead when what they died of was not really a problem after all.

I hope I did not confuse you. If I did, this would be the first time that a Foolishness...Or Is It? has done that to you... Or would it be?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(374)

Flickr Tags: Alcoholics,Health Warnings

Dear Head RNC Guy, Are You Sure You Know What You Are Doing?

The head of the Republican National Committee has taken dramatic action against both the CNN and NBC News Networks. He is angry with them because they are both planning to run programs prior to the 2016 Election praising Hillary Clinton.

CNN is planning to run a Biopic slated to run in 2014 and NBC is going to run a Biographical Film in 2015. He is really playing hardball because he is going to bar these two networks from participation in the GOP Debates leading up to the Presidential Election.

The Smartfella believes that his calculation about the harm this barring will do to these two networks is not well thought out and flawed to the point where it will have no negative effect on them at all.

I have my sources and my sources are never wrong. My sources tell me that the two networks are both planning to run episodes of Big Bang Theory opposite the airing of the GOP Presidential Debates.

They are sure to dominate the viewers using this strategy. I don’t want to come down too hard on the Head GOP Guy but he should have seen this coming.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: Hillary Clinton,Biopic,Biographical Film,Reince Priebus,CNN,NBC News

I Am Tired Of Being Right So Often ... Or Am I?

Back in April 2008 I blogged this bit of Foolishness...

Princess Diana Will Never Die

What a great purchase! I now own a genuine crystal ball certified by the FDA, the American Medical Association, the CIA and Gypsies Are People Too, Inc. It really works. I am so pleased.

I gave it an initial tryout and looked to the year 2108. The ball told me that the 716th trial and/or hearing and/or investigation into the death of Princess Diana has ruled that she was killed in an accident in a Paris street tunnel while being chased by paparazzi in an automobile driven by a drunken limo driver. That’s the same verdict that was rendered in the prior 715 trials and/or hearings and/or investigations into how she died.

The article goes on to further state that the ruling will be appealed with the money coming from a Perpetual Appeal Trust Fund that was set up by the late Mohamed Fayed, the father of Diana's boyfriend at the time of her death.

Would I kid u?

It is now August 2013 and like the guy who jumped off of a 14 story building who said as he passed floor number 7, “So far so good”, my Diana Forever Prediction is right on target.

Now we are being instructed by our various News Organizations that we must get excited about Diana Being Murdered!...

Princess Diana Death Probe: British Media Reports Allegation That Royal's Death Was No Accident

If you want to read the entire article, you can go to this link: http://gma.yahoo.com/princess-diana-death-probe-british-media-reports-allegation-170105344--abc-news-topstories.html?vp=1

If not, here are some Tidbits...

• She was murdered by British Special Forces.
• The whole thing was covered up by everyone in the British Government including that Baby Prince who was born last month.
• The Metropolitan Police Service is involved in the investigation.
• Scotland Yard is involved but says they are not doing a re-investigation but are simply “scoping” out the allegations.
• The Specialist Crime and Operations Command is involved in the investigation.
• The Baby Prince is involved in the investigation.
• Mohammad al Fayed the father of Dodi al Fayed (Diana’s boyfriend) is saying, “I told you so”.
• Catchy phrases like “unlawful killing”, “grossly negligent driving”, “shocking allegations”, “sensational claims”, “conspiracy”, “murder” and “red-hot story” are again being thrown about.
• This new allegation came from the estranged parents of the wife of a former intelligence operative (otherwise known as hearsay about hearsay).

As usual the Smartfella will try and speak sanity to our insane world...

Can you imagine how many people would have to be in on such a murder conspiracy? In this day and age when everyone is spilling the beans about everything, does anyone really believe that one of the umpteen people that would have had to be involved to pull this murder off would not have tweeted this story, wrote a book about this story, posted on his FaceBook Wall or met in a downtown garage in the middle of the night to fill in Bob Woodward about all the juicy details?

The Smartfella just put on his Predicting the Future Hat and here is what I see...

After all this is over the temporary final determination will be that Princess Diana was killed in an accident in a Paris street tunnel while being chased by paparazzi in an automobile driven by a drunken limo driver.

I would think that Alex Rodriguez is looking around, after seeing all this Diana Consternation, and saying, “Hey! What about me?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(606)

Technorati Tags: Princess Diana,Conspiracy,Paparazzi,Scotland Yard

Legal Happenings I Will Never See Happen But I Wish I Would

Just read in my Newspaper the following, “began what could be a lengthy legal battle”.

Do you see what’s bothering me? Why not? It ought to be bothering you. It is right in front of you. Oh well, this is why you have me.

Everything legal takes too long. I would love to see the following legal proceedings become commonplace in courtrooms throughout the Good Ole USofA...

• The judge sets aside part of Thursday afternoon to handle this very important issue.
• Since the matter before the courts is of long lasting legal significance, it is certain to take a wee bit of court time to get it resolved.
• A judge telling the attorneys that they had both made excellent opening arguments but advising them that each took 10 minutes and they ought to cut it down next time, that they were now going to break for lunch and when they return they would wrap the case up in time for happy hour.

I’m sure the lawyers reading this Wee Bit of Foolishness are saying to their collective selves...

Smartfella, you do not understand. Any issue that is brought into court ought to be properly obfuscated, dissected and twisted so that our clients can be assured that they have their Constitutionally Guaranteed right to receive that which they do not deserve.

Faced with such unassailable Lawyer Logic the Smartfella would feel properly put in his place and would readily admit he was sorry he had ever brought this issue up... Or would he?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(274)

Technorati Tags: Lawyers,Legal System,Judicial System

Petri-Burgers ... Part Two

Yesterday I published my blog about that Petri-Dish Beef Burger on the verge of being eaten in Europe. Yesterday there was also a news article in my local newspaper that would have told me (and you through me) that the burger had already been eaten. I did not read my newspaper yesterday. Please forgive me.

The link to my posting is (if you want to read it as a refresher): http://www.forii.blogspot.com/2013/08/save-world-go-out-and-shoot-cow.html

If I had read the news article in a more timely fashion, I would have known that the world has bigger fish to fry about this imitation beef burger. For many Jews, Muslims and Hindus, the first question is whether their faith allows them to eat this kind of beef.

I don’t know much of why the Muslims and Hindus are concerned but my newspaper did explain to me why there is much consternation in the Jewish Community about whether the patty is Kosher or not.

It seems that the Jewish Faith says a beef burger cannot be Kosher unless the cow in question had had its throat slit while it was still conscious. You probably just jumped the gun and shouted at your computer, “Hey Smartfella, there was no cow in that petri-dish to have its throat slit”.

Actually the Stem Cells that were put into that Petri-Dish did come from a cow that was once live. The burning question is, were the stem cells that grew in the Petri-Dish from a cow that was nervously looking left and right at the moment its throat was slit?

The Smartfella is of a mind to say that we really do have bigger fish to fry than this issue. We still have to come to grips with the likes of...

• What are we going to do about Lindsay Lohan?
• Should baseball players who do not use Performance Enhancing Drugs be allowed to use flat bats to even things up with those who do use PEDs?
• Should couples who are not gay be allowed to refer to themselves as married?

I’m sure glad I was destined from birth to be the Smartfella. If I were responsible for seriously addressing such thorny issue as these, I might go off the deep end and start pecking out things that really did not make sense...Or do I?

Would I Kid u?

Smartfella

(398)

BuzzNet Tags: Petri-Dish Burgers,Performance Enhancing Drugs,Kosher

Save The World! ... Go Out And Shoot A Cow!

I read an article in my newspaper entitled...

Scientists to Cook World’s First In-Vitro Beef Burger

It seems that 2 scientists over in Europe have been working for years trying to grow beef in labs in petri dishes. They have gotten to the point where they have grown enough beef to cook a Beef Burger. They are about to make up a patty, fry it in a pan and 2 volunteers stand ready to chow down.

The scientists are apparently trying to save the world with this experiment. Do you think I got carried away with this “save the world” comment? The scientists would contend that I was right on target.

They are saying this about the importance of their experiment...

Success would mean not just a tasty burger, but also the prospect of finding a sustainable, ethical and environmentally friendly alternative to meat production.

Did I just hear you say to yourself, “What’s so wrong with meat production?” I don’t want to come down too hard on you, dear reader, but it is this type of antiquated thinking that has held back real progress since God, or The Big Bang, invented the Human Race. Their contention is that Meat Production is one of the most evil happenings that has ever happened since Adam noticed that Eve was quite attractive.

The above far reaching statements did not just come from the silly mind of the Smartfella. According to a 2006 report by the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization...

Industrialized agriculture contributes on a “massive scale” to climate change, air pollution, land degradation, energy use, deforestation and biodiversity decline.

During WW2 a lot of bullets and bombs were directed at the competing forces. Imagine how much better off we all would be today if all those ballistics had been directed at cows.

It is just a shame that we were not as enlightened during WW2 as we are today. If we had been, we could have stopped a lot of cows dead in their tracks before they had their way with us and we could have turned that awful war into a thing of beauty.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(357)

43 Things Tags: Biodiversity,Climate Change,Air Pollution,Land Degeneration,Energy Use,Deforestation

Cars Banned On Colosseum Street ... Well It’s About Time!

My newspaper tells me that the Mayor of Rome is Pedestrianizing the busy street that cuts through Rome’s Ancient Forum to the Colosseum.

A lot of Romans are mad at him but that’s another story. This Blog Posting is going to concentrate on why my Newspaper thinks this street is Historically Significant.

I am fairly certain that in the long history of Rome there have been some awe-inspiring happenings on Colosseum Street but my Newspaper does not think they are as noteworthy as the one I will tell you about later in this Blog Posting.

Here are a few truly significant historical events that my newspaper overlooked...

• Remus What’s His Name returned from conquering everything in sight.
• Camillus the Great marched his troops into the Senate threw out all the bums that he found in there (it just so happened that the number of bums he found was equal to the number of Senators he found in there).
• Aurelian the Pretty Great made that speech that rallied the people of Rome to go out and put a stop to that Elephant Guy from Africa.

My newspaper does not think that any of the above obviously significant historical events is very important. My newspaper thinks Colosseum Street is most famous for...

...a route immortalized by Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck’s scooter ride in the 1953 film Roman Holiday.

As I have always said...

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion & That Includes My Newspaper

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(264)

43 Things Tags: Colosseum Street,Colosseum,Rome,Audret Hepburn,Gregory Peck,Roman Holiday

Lying On The Beach Being Thankful For All That You Do Not Have

In some circles this Time Magazine Cover Story from April 8, 1966 is still being praised as historic and ground breaking...

In the eyes of those Some Circles People, Time Magazine has now come up with another equally historic and ground breaking cover. The Smartfella wishes they would quit trying to be historic and ground breaking...

THE CHILDFREE LIFE
When having it all means not having children

There is something wrong with our Society when "all" does not include Children. Those two beautiful people lying on that beautiful beach would not be lying on that beautiful beach if their parents had been as “enlightened” as they are.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(126)

IceRocket Tags: Childfree Life,Time Magazine,Is God Dead?

Sometimes I Make Things Up & Sometimes I Don’t

Sometimes I make things up. Sometimes I tell you the absolute truth and you think I made up the truth I told you. Here is one you will accuse me of making up...
I was in a Starbucks the other day with about 40 other Bucksters. As I was soaking up the ambiance I saw a guy who was not reading an electronic device. He stood out like a sore thumb because the other 39 Bucksters were reading, typing on or poking at their electronic devices. Many of them were reading, typing on and poking at more than one electronic device.
There is a growing trend to have multiple electronic thingies surrounding us out there... Tablets, Smartphones and/or Laptops.
Number 40 looked so lost. He looked so alone. He looked so bewildered.
I went up to him to try and help him or at least to understand him. I said, “Why don't you at least read a newspaper?”
He looked at me with a lost, alone and bewildered expression on his face and said, “What's a newspaper?”
I did not make this up but what I actually did was put on my Smartfella Seeing Into The Future Hat and saw into the future.
What I am not certain of is how far I looked into the future. Did I look 20 Years into the future or did I look 10 Years into the future or was I seeing 1 Year into the future?
One thing I can guarantee you, my dear readers is... I was seeing the future.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(273)

del.icio.us Tags: Starbucks,Future,Newspaper

Are You Smart? or Are You Dumb?

Through the magic of TiVo I have recorded the detailed warnings about a Very Popular Pill that is being advertised heavily on TV these days…

• Increases the chance of heart attack or stroke which can lead to death.
• The risk of heart attack increases if you have heart disease or high blood pressure.
• All of the above risk factors increase if our medication is taken for a long period of time.
• Increases the chance of skin irritations.
• Increases the chance of allergic reactions.
• Increases the chance of stomach or intestine problems such as bleeding ulcers which can occur without warning and may cause death.
• Patients also taking aspirin and the elderly are at increased for stomach bleeding and ulcers.
• Don’t take our pill if you have bleeding in the stomach or intestines or have an asthma attack or hives, other allergies to aspirin and sulfonamides.
• Get help right away if you begin having swelling of the throat, the face or have trouble breathing.

There was a tag on the bottom of the screen at about this point in the ad warnings that said...

“Including ulcers or bleeding or intestines, kidney or liver problems, or heart failure.”

I guess this must be called an Etcetera Warning.

The subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? was...

Are You Smart? or Are You Dumb?

I will know the answer to this question if you contact me asking for the name of this Very Popular Pill because you are very anxious to start taking it.

                                          

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(303)

I Sincerely Apologize To Our Judicial System

I have been hard on our System of Justice in many a Foolishness...Or Is It? Blog Posting. I now have a whole new respect for our Judicial System.

I would like to send an apology but I don’t know where to send it. I thought about sending it to Chief Justice Roberts but I’m not speaking to him. Maybe he will read this Blog Posting and he will know how sorry I am without any direct contact groveling from me.

Oh yea, I need to tell you why I have this change of heart. That Cleveland Guy who kidnapped those 3 women for 10 years has been sentenced to...

• Life in prison
• Plus 1,000 years
• Without chance for parole

My first impulse was to comment about the 1,000 years. That seems to be unrealistic without Congress passing a law that stipulates that the Cleveland Guy cannot die in less than 1,000 years. Since Congress has not acted in this regard I was ready to take our Judicial System to task for being quite a bit silly in giving him a penalty that he cannot serve out.

Then it dawned on me. Our Judicial System knows from past experience that, if they had sentenced Cleveland Guy to...

• Life in prison
• Anything less than 1,000 years
• Without chance for parole

...he would have been back on the street in 7 Years.

I am sorry about all those bad things I have been saying about them. Our Judicial System is Brilliant!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(267)

Flickr Tags: Judicial System,Ariel Castro,Kidnapping,Cleveland