In The Spirit Of Compromise

There is much talk in Washington these days about the need to reach Consensus on the many issues that our “leaders” have been haggling over for a long time. The word Compromise is in vogue.

If you do not know what Compromise means to the warring factions in Congress, I will try to enlighten you. In the Official Congressional Dictionary the word Compromise is defined as...

Compromise is achieved when the idiots on the other side of the aisle agree to give in to your logical arguments and consents to give you somewhere between 75% and 100% of what you have been rightfully demanding.

Please allow me to give you an example of Compromise using irrefutable logic.

Let’s abandon the Congressional Definition above and say the Compromise in my example is a Meet Exactly in the Middle Compromise. If you are smarter than a Fifth Grader you will not need your calculator to follow along as we Compromise our way to a Congressional Consensus.

Let talk taxes...

• The side that wants higher taxes demands a certain percentage increase in taxes.
• The side that does not want higher taxes agrees to compromise and consents to meet half way.
• The next time it is convenient to bring up the subject of tax increases the side that wants higher taxes demands a certain percentage increase in taxes.
• The side that does not want higher taxes agrees to compromise and consents to meet half way.

Need I add more bullets? Let us just say that this demand for higher taxes and compromise settlement goes on and on through an unlimited number of cycles...

It does not give me the least bit of solace to know that mathematically taxes will never get to 100%.

How about you? Does that make you feel better? If it does, you are not smarter than a Fifth grader.

I can just hear members of our Congress poking holes in the air on the floors of their respective chambers saying…

“My Fellow Americans, we did not take it all. You have some left.”

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Compromise,Consensus,Taxes

I’m Suddenly Rich & Other Silliness About Black Friday

It came at me like a bolt from the blue (whatever that means). There I was sitting in a coffee shop one day dreaming about a solution to the Middle East Situation and up walks this complete stranger who said to me, “I am willing to give you $.25 for every time anyone anywhere says or writes the phrase “Black Friday” between now and the day after Thanksgiving.” Since my benefactor made this generous offer to me on November 1st, I knew I was about to reap a bonanza.

I have been known to waste a lot of time day dreaming. Oh, I don’t mean to infer that day dreaming is a waste of time but day dreaming about a solution to the Middles East Situation is definitely a colossal waste of time.

Now, if I could just talk my benefactor into paying me $.25 for every time anyone anywhere says or writes the phrase “Cyber Monday”, I could really be rich.

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I know for a fact that if Charles Darwin were alive he would be rolling over in his grave just dying to be able to write about the Evolution of Black Friday.

Now this silly phenomenon is spreading its hysteria laden tentacles beyond just one day. This year we saw parts of Thanksgiving Day given over to shopping.

It will not be long before we will be seeing Talking Heads standing outside retail stores breathlessly reporting to us about Black Thursday Friday Saturday shopping activities.

The next iteration is we will be given over to a whole month of this hysteria and we will be hearing reports about Black November.

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You, of course, remember the title of my Blog is “Foolishness...Or Is It?” and this next part is definitely Silliness... Or is it?

• A reporter approaches a bleeding shopper pushing an overflowing shopping cart while dragging a second overflowing shopping cart behind her.
• The reporter asks the shopper, “Are you glad you gave up your Thanksgiving Day dinner with your family so you could go out and buy all this stuff for Christmas?
• The shopper looks a little confused and says in reply, “What’s Thanksgiving?”
• The confused look on the shopper face gets more confused looking as she goes on to ask, “What’s Christmas?”

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In keeping with the continuing trend towards violence in our Once Great Country I bring you this headline from my morning newspaper today...

Police: 2 shot at Florida Wal-Mart over parking space

Yes, parking spaces are at a premium on Black Friday. They are so important that a man and a woman shot each other over the necessity to occupy one of them.

That’s the bad news. The good news is neither injury is life-threatening and both combatants are expected to be recovered by next Black Friday to go back into the line of fire.

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On Monday of this week (Black Friday Week) I saw a news piece on TV about savvy shoppers who had already put up tents outside a Best Buy and were in the process of spending their week waiting for the doors to open on the big day.

This begs the question...Do these people not have jobs and, if they do not have jobs, where do they get the money to go into Best Buy and spend a lot of money so they can save a lot of money?

Please do not tell me that they are subsidized by our Federal Government under something like the Aid to Shoppers Who Choose Not to Work Program created to allow they to pursue their life’s work...Shopping.

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One of these tented shoppers was filmed sitting all bundled up against the cold playing a video game on her Xbox using a 32” Flat Screen TV.

Does this mental midget not realize that when she rushes into the store to gather up her new “necessities of life”, someone is going to steal her Xbox, Table, TV and Folding Chair?

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There you have it. You have just read my apparently annual tirade (I did something like this last year too) against Black Friday. The good news is you have been entertained (I hope). The bad news is I did not make up any of what you have read...Or did I?

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Black Friday,Shopping

How Much Of The Obvious Do We Not See?

Activate your Mind’s Eye and picture this scene...

For this Thanksgiving you decide you are going to fly back home on Eastern Airlines. After a big turkey dinner you and your father are looking forward to sitting around the fire while drinking some good ole Schlitz Beer.

There are a couple of cants in what your mind’s eye pictured above. Did you get my drift? If you did not, I am very disappointed in you.

• Eastern Airlines went out of business after a labor dispute.
• Schlitz Beer went out of business after a labor dispute.

By next Thanksgiving, if you decided to walk back home and sit around the fire with your dad and drink apple juice, you may not be able to eat Twinkies with your apple juice.

Do you get my drift?

It appears the bakers at Hostess did not get my drift. They are about to have a lot of time on their hands to Wonder if maybe they asked for too much Dough and when the bell of recognition goes off in their heads it’s going to go Ding Dong.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Hostess,Twinkies,Bakers,Eastern,Schlitz

I Was Feeling Very Uneasy ... I Feel Better Now

It was very disconcerting. I could not shake the uneasy feeling that the Good Ole USofA was drifting without anyone really knowing where the drift was taking us. It seemed like there were No Experts anywhere anymore.

Then the election happened and everything changed overnight. The day after the election we were covered up with Experts, Pundits and Talking Heads who knew in minute detail everything Romney had done wrong....

• He was Too Tentative.
• Only talking about The Economy was a Strategic Error.
• He did not answer back to those who said Nasty Things about him.
• His wife was a Known Equestrian.
• At no point did Romney give people any Reason To Vote For Him, and so they didn't.
• Democrats showed decisively that their Ground Game is devastatingly better.
• He did not offer a Specific Agenda.
• His running mate did not laugh enough during his debate with the laughing guy. This was such a tipping point in this campaign and many a Think Tank is currently analyzing the previously unseen benefits to be gained in future debates by laughing, making funny faces and fainting shock and surprise.
• He was Too Forceful.
• He did not respect Voter’s Savvy.
• He could not get the vote from Young People, African-Americans and Hispanics.
• He never seemed to articulate a Clear Rationale for the presidency.
• He should not have picked Paul Ryan. He should have picked a running mate from a more winnable Battleground State.
• He was married to the Same Woman for too long.
• He had an uneven Communications Strategy.
• He allowed himself to be branded as a Corporate Raider.
• He lacked a Specific Vision for the future.
• Hurricane Sandy did him in.
• His campaign was guilty of Poor Media Buying.
• He showed his lifelong Distain for Women by only having Male Offspring.
• He allowed himself to be defined as an Outsourcing Plutocrat who wanted to let Detroit Go Bankrupt.
• He did not talk about People enough.
• He talked about Jobs too much.
• He held squishy positions on Abortion and Same-Sex Marriage.
• He killed his dog by strapping him to the roof of his car. When he did try to answer this contention from 30 years ago his accuser forced him to admit the dog was, in fact, dead and he was left speechless and looking rather callous, confused and incompetent.

The next campaign for president of our formerly great country is going to very interesting indeed. In 2016 the Republicans will be a cinch winner. They will not need to come up with a Catchy Slogan like...

• “Tippecanoe & Tyler Too” (Harrison)
• “Don't Swap Horses in the Middle of the Stream” (Lincoln)
• “He Kept Us Out of War” (Wilson)
• “Let's Get Another Deck” (Landon)
• “Give “Em Hell, Harry” (Truman)
• “I Like Ike” (Eisenhower)
• “In Your Heart You Know He's Right” (Goldwater) ... Rebutted by “In Your Guts You Know He’s Nuts” (Democrats)
• “Nixon Is The One” (Nixon)
• “Change You Can Believe In” (Obama)

It now appears that all the 2016 GOP Candidate needs to say is, “I’m Not Romney”.

Those of you who were hoping the next campaign would not last as long as this past campaign are by now very disappointed because you realize that the 2016 Campaign started on November 7, 2012.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: 2016,Romney,Obama,Election

A Piece of History Straight To You from the Year 1787

At about the time our original 13 states adopted their new constitution, in the year 1787, Alexander Tyler (a Scottish history professor at The University of Edinborough) had this to say about "The Fall of The Athenian Republic" some 2,000 years prior.

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, (which is) always followed by a dictatorship."

"The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations from the beginning of history has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, these nations always progressed through the following sequence:
From Bondage to spiritual faith;
From spiritual faith to great courage;
From courage to liberty;
From liberty to abundance;
From abundance to complacency;
From complacency to apathy;
From apathy to dependence;
From dependence back into bondage."

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Too Serious A Subject For Foolishness...Or Is It?

If you are offended by Mr. Tyler’s words, you ought not to be. History is historical.  I simply thought Mr. Tyler’s serious words were worth thinking about…by all of us.

For the next posting I will get back to being inspired by the immortal words of Willy Wonka, “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Alexander Tyler,Democracy,History,Willy Wonka

The End Of War

There are all kinds of justifications for going to war that have been used throughout the history of personkind (formerly known as mankind). Some were gargantuan issues and others were downright silly. All resulted in the deaths of human (now known as huperson) beings. On many occasions the Silly Wars killed more people than did the Gargantuan Wars.
I have a proposal to stop all future wars. It is brilliantly simple...

Require That the Leaders of The About-To-Go-To-War Opponents Sit At A Conference Table And Stick Out Their Tongues At Each Other

This would allow each side to show their absolute disdain for the other side. Once the sticking out was done with and their anger had dissipated they could then go back to governing their minions in peace.
Oh my gosh! I just saw the fly in this brilliant ointment. As logical as it may appear my brilliant plan for world peace will never work.
What if one of the leaders has a tongue that is longer than the other? This would certainly result in anger and the hurling of mean accusations across the Peace Table and the missiles would be launched within minutes.
As The Kingston Trio sang to us so many years ago...

Some tongue will set the spark off and we will all be blown away.

They're rioting in Africa. They're starving in Spain. There’s hurricanes in Florida. And Texas needs rain.

The whole world is festering with unhappy souls. The French hate the Germans. The Germans hate the poles.

Italians hate Yugoslavs. South Africans hate the Dutch. And I don’t like anybody very much.

But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud. For man’s been endowed with a mushroom shaped cloud.

And we know for certain that some lovely day someone has not set the spark off and we will all be blown away.

They’re rioting in Africa. There’s strife in Iran. What nature doesn’t do to us. Will be done by our fellow man.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: War,Kingston Trio,World Peace,Humor