I Remember Gary Cuozzo

In 1967 the New Orleans Saints joined the National Football League. Gary Cuozzo was their first Quarterback. One of the other QBs was Billy Kilmer.

Cuozzo was wonderful until his glaring weakness came to light. His glaring weakness was his football team was terrible. That did not stop the fans from deciphering that Kilmer was the solution to all the ills of the Saints.

After awhile Kilmer was given his chance and our coach (who had no fear because his name was Tom Fears) replaced Cuozzo with Kilmer.

That did not fix the problems of the Saints because the Saints were still terrible but that did not deter the fans from chanting, “We want Cuozzo! We want Cuozzo!”

What’s my point? Don’t you see it? Gary Cuozzo is still out there but during this election cycle his name was Rick Perry, now it is Chris Christie and during the last election cycle his name was Fred Thompson.

In 2008 there was a genuine huge groundswell for Fred Thompson until he declared himself to be a candidate and then he was gone almost overnight.

I remember him appearing at his coming out party (actually it was a State Fair in someplace like Nebraska). He got out of his vehicle and started walking around shaking hands with the folks.

It took about three minutes for a Talking Head to comment that he had on $300 Loafers. She explained her keen observation by pointing out that he was obviously out of touch with the Working Shoes Wearing Nebraskans because he was wearing $300 Loafers.

He was toast. He was done. He was gone so fast that the folks were left wondering if he had ever announced for the presidency at all.

When I heard that Talking Head make her “Brilliant” $300 Loafers Comment, I actually thought I heard someone in the distance chanting, “We want Cuozzo! We want Cuozzo!”

Would I kid u?

Jobs … Jobs … Jobs

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In my subject line above I only pecked out the word “Jobs” three times. James Hoffa (the one we can find) is a lot more articulate that I am. In that speech he gave on September 5th, he said “Jobs” seven times in a row.

I agree we need jobs. Creating jobs is what all our politicians are making speeches about during this current never-ending presidential campaign. My question is can they really “create” jobs?

Sister Mary Rita taught me that only God can create something out of nothing.

I realize that some politicians act godlike but I must side with the politicians on this one. When I was in my little uniform, I would never have dared to quibble with Sister Mary Rita about any of her definitions but I am full grown now and am not near as afraid of her as I used to be. As our rulers are currently using it, there is a distinction in this use of the word “create” for this simple reason…

Our political leaders are not creating something out of nothing. They are creating something out of a gigantic mess.

I would become truly concerned if my leaders started saying these kinds of things in order to create more jobs...

• We need more wildfires (workers would be needed to put out the fires).
• We need a lot of rioting (workers needed to put out fires and chase the rioters and looters around trying to arrest a few of them).
• We need a lot more hurricanes (workers needed to set up emergency shelters and serve food).

If our rulers started advocating any of the above, Sister Mary Rita and I are going to have to make a trip to Washington, D.C. and have a talk with those guys.

Notice I did not say the catastrophes above would have created more jobs for reporters. We already have an unlimited supply of people with their unique “skills”.

Would I kid u?

The Root Cause Of England’s Problems

I read in my local newspaper the following…

Prison authorities said they faced an "unprecedented situation" and were working on emergency plans to boost capacity "should further pressure be placed on the prison estate”.

Do you now see what the problem is over there in England? Those awful people went out and looted, broke things, beat up and mugged people and Scotland Yard put them up in estates.

I hear some of those Country Estates over there can be pretty nice.

Would I kid u?

That Was Then … This Is Now

Now that The Ten Commandments have been officially changed to The Ten Interesting Suggestions is it okay to hang these Suggestions in our courthouses?

Would I kid u?

Coming To The Defense Of Our Congress

I just read a columnist’s opinion piece in which he took the position that our Congress cannot do two things at the same time.

It must really be hard to be a conscientious member of The Congress of the United States of America and be really trying to do your best while constantly being under attack by an ungrateful public…

• I honestly believe that this commentator is being too harsh on our hard working Congress.
• Our Congress has on more than one occasion demonstrated its ability to multitask.
• The most recent example is their valiant attempts to reduce its own Wasteful Spending while, at the same time, voting to throw away lots more of our tax payer funds on New Forms of Wasteful Spending.

Did you really think I was going to come to their defense?

Would I kid u?

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His Plan Once Was Going To Be My Plan. It Was A Great Plan But Now It Is A Terrible Plan.

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In past years I was a Fly on the Wall specializing in walls that belonged to Politicians Running for Office.
It was a lot of fun and immensely informative. If you are ever given the opportunity to be Political Fly, I recommend you jump at the chance (be sure to keep one of your many fly eyes looking out for swatters).
My years as a fly taught me that Political Runners always take different positions from other Political Runners. They feel that they must do this. They have to set themselves apart.
Many times they end up with positions on issues that are hard to defend but, in their small minds, it is better to be different than to be understood.
If they get into trouble, they know they can always change the subject or answer a different question.
All of the above has been a set up to this Foolishness…Or Is It? below is the meat of this posting … Are you excited?
Here is how it works…

• A Political Runner has an Opposing Runner who was an extremely successful businessman, has been a Senator for two and a half terms, is so popular that every member of the congress attends his birthday party every year and fights for the honor of taking to the podium to praise his talents and proclaim their admiration for him, is a war hero and is the loving father of 7 children all of whom are doctors and lawyers who do not take salaries but have devoted their lives to treating and representing the poor and downtrodden.
• The Political Runner’s campaign ads refer to the Opposing Runner as “The Dummy”.
• The Opposing Runner has just announced a Bullet-Proof Plan That Will Fix All Of The Ills Of The Good Ole USofA In Six Weeks.
• The Political Runner is really upset because … word for word … this is the exact same plan that the Political Runner was about to announce as his own plan.
• The Political Runner quickly comes up with a different plan.
• Throughout their Campaign War Room the Political Runner’s Staff are saying, “Our guy’s new plan will not work nearly as well as The Dummy’s plan and will probably send the country spiraling into another Great Depression but that’s the way it has to be because we have to separate ourselves”.
• The Political Runner fully agrees with his staff’s prediction about the next Great Depression but he says to himself, “I have no choice. I have to be different”.
• The Political Runner and his campaign staff then spend the next three hours before Happy Hour starts coming up with Half Truths, Nit Picks, Outright Lies and Obfuscations about The Dummy’s Bullet-Proof Plan That Will Fix All Of The Ills Of The Good Ole USofA In Six Weeks.

Am I being too cynical?
Would I kid u?
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Lying Is Bad … Or Is It?

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Roger Clements is in deep trouble for Lying To Congress.

I’m confused again…

Why do we get so upset about someone who has Lied To Congress but Lying While In Congress is considered to be nothing more than a Pre-Happy Hour Activity?

Would I kid u?

What’s Wrong With Us? … (I may have used this Foolishness Title before but I’ve got to use again it because IT IS A PERFECT FIT!)

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Maybe I could have called this posting … What’s Wrong With Us Part 2? Actually, the way the world around us is coming apart there will very likely be Parts 3 & 4 & 5 & ?.

Is anyone out there reading Ernest Hemingway or Plato or any kind of History Book?

I am agitated this time about  Twitter or Tweeting and/or those who proudly proclaim, “I am a twit and proud of it”.

What really caught my attention was the sheer volume of people (called “followers”) who spend their time reading about what celebrities pump out via their Twitter Sites.

I have found a web site that quantifies how many Followers are out there reading their celebrities’ last Tweet and/or anxiously waiting for the next Tweet. What this all means is I wasted my time finding out about all the people who are wasting their time.

Here are the Top Two Twitter Sites and how many Followers each has:

• Lady Gaga has 13,178,568.
• Justin Bieber has 12,347,684.

(Conservative Voters Take Note: As of August 1, 2011 Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney have yet to go over 100,000.)

Can these Followers really believe that their Celebrities are sitting at their computers or stabbing at their smart phones to send to them their inner most thoughts, feelings and concerns?

To my way of thinking, the Celebs don’t even hire humans to tweet to their adoring public for them. They probably have computer programs that generate a myriad of feel good nonsense.

Things like the following are making Twit’s Hearts all over the Good Ole USofA skip a beat…

• I just had a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Boy was that good!
• Today I went to the beach in my new bikini. OMG! I really caused a ruckus!
• I went shopping today on Rodeo Drive. I bought a $7,000 necklace. I can’t wait to go out tonight and knock ‘em dead at Chez Louie Restaurant!
• I just had a Jelly and Peanut Butter Sandwich. Boy was that good!

Shaquille O’Neal has 4,274,939 Followers. When he decided to retire he did it through his Twitter Account. He actually told his fans that he wanted them to be “first to know” of his decision.

First to Know?

I wonder if each of the 4,274,939 felt that Shaquille thought they were so special that  he had sent them a personal Tweet straight from his big heart and that he personally pecked out his Tweet with his own big fingers.

Can’t you just hear each of the Twits saying to himself, “He did not tell anyone but me”.

Would I kid u?

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Girlie Men & Proud Of It…Or Are They?

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There are times when I get the feeling that I don’t understand anything.

I have repeatedly seen a TV Commercial that shows a hairy man using the advertised little shaving product removing hair from his arms and his chest. He is smiling. He seems happy to be de-hairing himself on camera. There is no evidence that anyone is holding a gun to his head.

What’s wrong with my fellow American Males? We should be proud of our hair. We he-men once knew that Hairs R Us.

God in heaven probably has been confused by a lot of the things done by mankind over the eons but this one must have him as perplexed as any of his creation’s other bumbling. If he has a drawing board, he has probably gone back to it.

However, there is an opportunity here for entrepreneurs to make money. If men are shaving off hair, why not sell the idea that women ought to put on hair?

Can’t you just hear the “Only On TV” ads touting women buying clumps of paste-on hair? …

“But wait! Buy now and we will send you two, yes two, of our finest discarded hair Paste-On Clumps. This hair was caught as it fell from a hair discarding male before it hit the ground by the Hollywood Celebrity of Your Choice. Don’t wait. Quantities are limited because some of these girlie men appear to be having second thoughts about what the heck they are doing. Get your Girlie Clumps now before the Girlie Men come to their senses.”

John Wayne is dead.

Would I kid u?

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