The World Is Going To Hell In A Hand Basket (Whatever That Means) & Then We Have The World Of Miss Manners

Here is a list of just a few things wrong with the world in which we are required to live…

• Terrorism is blowing up people on a daily basis.
• There is great hunger out there.
• Diseases are rampant and, in many cases, we have no clue as to how to cure them.
• The United Nations was invented to stop all wars but, since its inception, there have been many wars (a.k.a. Police Actions, Conflicts, Overseas Contingency Operations, Nation On Nation Quarrels, etc.).
• The world community has tried its best but has been unable to stem the flow of funny looking hats to Muammar Gaddafi.                

In the midst of all this consternation we have Gentle Reader and her Baby’s First Birthday Issues. Here is her letter to Miss Manners which clearly lays out her predicament…

Dear Miss Manners:

When my baby was first born, I signed her thank-you notes with my husband's and my names. My husband says I should sign her first birthday present thank-yous with her name.

I feel kind of stupid doing this, and writing things like "I look adorable in my new dress" instead of "She looks adorable in her new dress." Also, do I address the cards to her baby friends or to their parents?

Miss Manners is more polite than I am but, if I were Miss Manners (thank heaven I’m not), I would have written Mommie back saying, “Please see to it that you or your baby refrain from ever writing me again. I have more critical Proper Place Setting Issues with which to contend”.

Would I kid u?

I Am A Firm Believer That Talking Heads Can Talk

I will readily accept the fact that Talking Heads can talk but can they think? Allow me to prove to you that they definitely cannot think.

I was on my way to Home Depot and listening to the car radio. It was then that I realized two things…

First… We are into the second phase of the Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Disaster.
Second… Talking Heads have 3X5 index cards in their hands at all times and, no matter what the person being interviewed says, they are going to read the next question on their 3X5 index card.

Phase One…Everything Is Awful & We are All Going To Die: Japan’s Earthquake and Tsunami was an absolute feeding frenzy for our news media. It has allowed them to panic and to demand that we panic right along with them. They enjoy doing this kind of thing to us…

• We are all going to die and, if we don’t, we are going to wish we had.
• California was going to be under water.
• We were all about to start glowing with radioactivity.
• A Federal Directive was reported to be imminent that we were not going to ever be able to eat anything that begins with the letter “J” (Japan).

Phase Two…It Is Not So Bad After All: In this phase they explain to us that all the terrible things we have come to fear are not going to happen after all. The strangest thing is the media, who told us all those terrible things, are now acting as if they have no idea who told us all those terrible things.

Today’s interview I heard with the Talking Head proves that I know about what I am pecking out to you.

The All-Knowing Expert being interviewed said that the danger from eating any food imported from Japan was very low. To prove her point she said the following…

• If we were to eat contaminated spinach that had been grown in a field next to the nuclear power plant that blew up and melted down and looks really bad on TV, we would not be harmed.
• If we would eat that spinach every day for an entire year we would receive the same radiation we would receive from a single MRI.

The All-Knowing Talking Head then said, “Well that is a relief! That isn't anything to worry about. Let’s go to happy hour!”

That is not what out All-Knowing Talking Head said. True to the Code of Heads she asked the next question on the 3X5 index card. She asked, “Are you advising that Americans not eat any food imported from Japan?”

Because some of you persist in thinking that I make everything up I again feel compelled to say the following…

The Interview I Related To You Above

Is Not Made Up!

(OK, I did make up the part before the interview about not being able to eat anything that begins with the letter “J”.)

Would I kid u?

Manipulating Our Judicial System ... Again

This is another lesson in how our Judicial System can be twisted every which way you could imagine and how it does not have the ability to say, “Get the Heck out Of My Courtroom!”

I already published this Foolishness...Or Is It? in January, 2009. Does that make this Remedial Foolishness?

• A father has won a court decision after he contended that his high-achieving high school daughter was being wronged because there was a moment of silent reflection (formerly known as Prayer) lasting 30 seconds before classes began.
• The 30 seconds of silence were set aside in compliance with his state’s law so that each student could pray to their own god in their own way.
• You are probably thinking that daddy was objecting because this was some kind of mandate for a prayer and he objected to any attempt to make his child pray to or about anything but this was not his hang up.
• He said he had sued because his daughter was in competition with other students in other schools in other states for admission into the Big Ten University System and these 30 seconds of delay was hurting her chances because the other students in other states were not having their education delayed.
• His Bottom Line ... His daughter was being “forced” to play "catch up".

Just in case you have short term memory loss and you forgot what I told you at the beginning of this Foolishness... This Concerned Father Won His Lawsuit.

Some bloggers hold the best part for last but not me. I hold the saddest part for last.

Would I kid u?

Fixing Libya Made Easy

Things are getting more serious each day in Libya. Part of the Good Ole USofA’s part in this getting seriously serious is our call for Meaningful Sanctions Against Libya.

The sanctions being discussed are both military and economic. I will not get into the specifics of what is being proposed because all of them miss the mark and are (even all added together) totally inadequate.

The Smartfella? is the only one with the guts and intelligence to call for the sanction that will bring Colonel Kadafi to his knees and hit him where it really hurts…

We Ought To Immediately Prohibit The Importation Of Funny Looking Hats Into Libya!

That oughta do it for sure.

Would I kid u?

 

                      

History Repeating Itself

I have not called myself The Smartfella? for a while. I guess I was wanting to avoid being repetitious about something you all know is Absolute Fact.

Today I am now going to go one step further in proving how smart I am. I am going to remind you how I was on top of today’s happenings in January of last year.

For days now our congress has been discussing Raising The Debt Limit. In January 2010 I poked fun at this very same subject because congress was going through this very same Foolishness.

I was not kidding you.
Click in the next line…
http://forii.blogspot.com/2010_01_29_archive.html

Numbers Made Simple In Our Congress

You know it has to be true because I saw it with my own eyes and I have never lied to you ... Or have I?

What I saw was an impassioned plea by a member of our U.S. Congress about reducing the budget. Here is what I heard him say...
“I ask my colleges to consider what is being proposed by the honorable gentleman from the other side of the aisle. After much soul searching and consultations with every number savvy guy I could get my hands on, I have proposed a reduction of 300 million dollars in the funds allocated for this worthy project.

I could not believe the ignorance of fiscally fiscal issues displayed by my good friend when he countered with a reduction of 3 billion dollars and called it a larger reduction than the reduction I proposed.

I have been in this august body for 32 years and it never ceases to amaze me that those members in the opposition party cannot understand basic arithmetic. Am I smarter that a fifth grader? You bet I am. I am certainly smart enough to know that 300 is a hell of a lot bigger than 3!

It is on days like this that I think that 32 years may just be enough. Having to go to happy hour every day with the likes of this honorable gentleman is becoming too hard to bear. I just may hang it up and go back to the state that sent me here 32 years ago, if I could only remember which state that was.”

Ok I admit it I made every bit of the above quote up ... Or did I?

Would I kid u?