Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Changing Another Definition ... Perfect

A few days ago I posted a blog about changing the definition of the word “Traditional”. If you want to see it again, click below ... http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/09/word-traditional-redefined.html

From time to time I have gone on a rant or two about Political Correctness or our Declining Governmental Educational System. I'll list a couple of past rants below, so u can "enjoy" them all over again...
  • Trailers Where Our Students Are Schooled ... My County School System tried to put a good face on the student trailers that completely surround our schools by calling them, "Learning Cottages".
  • Trophies ... The practice of Awarding Trophies to all participants in sporting contests involving our very young is absolutely silly. Our little athletes are showered with awards no matter how bad their teams were, how bad the individual sporty youths were or how many, if any, games their teams won. ... We should always not forget to remember what that great NFL linebacker, Bruiser Collisionski once said, “Let us not confuse Participation with Excellence.”

    • Sesame StreetImage via WikipediaThe Score Is Not Important ... This Not-Keeping-Score practice in sports has been hard to enforce because somehow our young sporty children have learned to how count. The big unsolved mystery is whether our government schools taught them to count or does Sesame Street get the credit?
    Now back to the reason for this blog posting...
    Awhile back I was teaching a Computer Class and I went off on a tangent that was not related to computing. I blurted out that while my Brother was in High School he went all 4 years without missing a single day of school and he got the only Perfect Attendance Award given out at his graduation ceremony.

    One of my students offered this commentary, "My grand daughter told me that, as long as she does not miss more than 10% of her school days, she can get a Perfect Attendance Award".

    Looks to me like "they" have also changed the definition of "Perfect" and that seems like a definition that ought not to be redefined.

    Would I kid u?
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    Monday, September 27, 2010

    Advertisers Playing With Your Mind

    I have noticing for awhile now an advertising idiosyncrasy that is fascinating (to me anyway).

    It rivals the assault on our intelligence of a couple of years ago when every other commercial on television had talking animals telling us what to do about everything you could imagine.

    This one involves the use of a single word… "deserve".

    Advertisers have started to play with out minds by telling us that we are absolutely entitled to their product...

    Mattresses -- “You deserve a great night’s sleep.”
    Father’s Day -- “The best dad deserves the best steak.”
    Travel -- “You deserve a trip to Las Vegas.”
    Taxes -- “Your taxes should be raised because other people deserve your money.”
    Clothing -- “You deserve an overpriced shirt with our company’s name on it.”

    I sure hope that, after we acquire all the things we deserve, we can afford to pay for all the things to which we are entitled.

    OK, I admit I made up the Taxes and Clothing examples above ... Or did I?

    Would I kid u?

    Saturday, September 25, 2010

    You Can’t See Damage? ... Pay Me Anyway

    Remember the BP Oil Spill?

    You just said to yourself, “What oil spill?” Yes, I know you are into your Current Crisis Mode. We all are. We are all fretting about issues that affect us in the here and now. Things like, Why the Heck Will the Japanese Not Allow Poor Paris Hilton Into Japan?

    Oh, my gosh! Did I just use the word “poor” as an adjective that modifies Paris Hilton? I am worse off than I thought. We all know that there is a federal law against using the word “poor” in the same paragraph with Paris Hilton.

    Back to the Oil Spill that you can’t remember...
    I read recently where there is resort on Florida’s west coast that is asking for $1,000,000 in compensation from the $20,000,000,000 BP Compensation Fund claiming lost profits.

    Now this may not strike you as worthy of a Foolishness...Or Is It? but let me give you the Rest of the Story... Not a single drop of oil washed ashore at the resort.

    I feel through my foolishness sensors that I just failed to make an impression on you with this one but allow me to give you the Rest of the Rest of the Story... The tourist board in the county where the resort is located has reported that more tourists visited the county in the two months after the BP Oil Spill than in the same period last year.

    I would be willing to bet, if I were willing to bet, that the resort owners will get their requested money because of the use of the tried and true legal term “but”. I can just hear it now, “Your honor, I know the facts are all against my client and my client’s case does not have a leg to stand on, but...”.

    Would I kid u?

    Friday, September 24, 2010

    The Word “Traditional” Redefined

    The English Language is expandable. New words make their way into our language all the time.

    We also “improve” our language by redefining the definition/true meaning of words that have been with us for a long time. That is what recently happened in the legal case laid out below.

    Again we have a lawyer to thank for making us better.

    Briefly here is what the lawyer did for us all...
    • The alleged accused perpetrator of the suspected possibility of a crime planted a backpack which contained what he thought was a bomb in a trash bin near a popular bar just steps away from Wrigley Field.
    • The alleged accused perpetrator of the suspected possibility of other crimes had also told others about more attacks he was planning.
    • These included bombing a skyscraper and assassinating Chicago Mayor Richard Daley.
    The alleged accused perpetrator’s defense attorney is trying his best to educate us about the meaning of the word “traditional”. I shudder to think what we would do without attorneys.

    The attorney said his client (and I quote), “is not the traditional bad guy”.

    The Smartfella? is a highly untrained observer of such Foolishness. I will be more than glad to explain this attorney’s quote to you...
    • A traditional bad guy wants to try to hurt a bunch of people he does not know.
    • This attorney’s accused bad guy only wants to try to hurt a bunch of people he does not know.
    I sure you see the difference ... Or do you?

    Would I kid u?

    Tuesday, September 21, 2010

    Truth In Advertising


    Back in 2006 ... "The BBC reports that a county council in Wales has ordered the Black Mountains Smokery to rename its spicy Welsh Dragon Sausages because the product doesn't contain dragon meat".

    Don’t believe me? How could you think that of me? I am hurt.
    For proof click here: http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/entrepreneur/article640266.ece
    (Oops! 8/8/23 this link no longer works. It takes you to today's news.)

    You got to admire the public watchdog’s of the world. They are looking out for each and every one of us. Heaven forbid that we should be deceived into buying sausage in anticipation of enjoying Dragon Meat and end up eating Beef!

    Here are some other biting issues of the day that I hope they protect us from...

    Cleveland Indians Baseball Team
    The Cleveland Indians Team is shameful organization that is being forced to change its name because investigative reporters have discovered that there is not a single Indian (neither Native American nor Far East Asian) on the team.

    Hamburgers
    The FDA has banned the sale of all meat patties called hamburger because there is no Ham in Hamburgers. Effective immediately all McDonalds, Wendy’s, Burger King, Checkers, Krystal and Hardees fast food outlets are being boarded up by Federal Officials.

    These mega chains have protested that they ought to be allowed to stay open because they do serve other food items. Our federal government has taken the position that a public trust has been violated and that violation has been long standing and is particularly egregious to a trusting ham seeking public.

    Bulldawg Pizza ... Click here: http://www.bulldawgpizzaandmore.com/
    (Oops! 8/8/23 this link no longer works either.)
    You guessed it. There is no Dawg Meat in a Bulldawg Pizza.

    There may be a legal loophole for this small pizza store because the Merriam-Webster Dictionary does not have the word “dawg” in its dictionary.

    There is a potential problem for the above defense. At the last home game at the University of Georgia 54 incoming fans were asked if d o g was the way one would spell the word “dog”. All 54 looked at the questioner in confused disbelief. Each said that they never heard of a word that was spelled d o g. If they ate a Bulldawg Pizza, they fully expected that they were eating Lassie.

    Would I kid u?

    Saturday, September 18, 2010

    Easiest Thing I Will Ever Do


    Common musical notesImage via Wikipedia
    (Modified & Reposted 2/9/12)
    I spend a lot of time in a health club trying to keep my heart from attacking me. So far it is working but it’s not easy. As I always say...
    Staying Healthy Is Enough To Kill You

    Today there is a new threat to my health from inside my Health Club. It is the Rock Music that the owners of the facility must think is an essential element of staying healthy because it is always there, it is always loud and it is always awful.

    The other day in the midst of this musical assault, as my head was about to explode, I got a brainstorm about how I am going to spend my declining years ... I Am Going to Write Rock Music.

    Why am I going to undertake such a difficult task, you ask? That’s just my point. It Is Not A Difficult Task. It is actually going to be one of the easiest things I have ever done...
     First I write five or six words of the lyrics like, “Ohhh baby you got great teeth”.
     Then I write about seven musical notes to sing the lyrics to.
     Then for two minutes the song repeats my five or six words in tune with my about seven musical notes ... Over and Over and Over and Over.

    There you have it. Another modern-day Smash Hit Rock Tune that is sure to be a big money maker.

    I did leave out one thing. Actually it is the most important thing ... My rocking tune is sung VERY LOUD! In the world of Rock Music, LOUD is more important than the five or six words or the seven musical notes.

    One thing I will make sure I will not do. I will not make the sound as loud as a TV Commercial. That would be Beyond the Pale (whatever that is).

    Would I kid u?
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    Wednesday, September 15, 2010

    Maybe I’ll Start Smoking

    The Smartfella? in a firm believer that, if you hang around with intelligent people, osmosis (or some such thing) will take over and I will become smarter by association (or some such thing).

    2 Cigarette of the east-german brand f6It appears that smokers are smart people because they are avoiding taxes by buying their cigarettes using a machine that rolls their cancer sticks while they wait. By using these Roll-Your-Own Machines these smart guys are saving somewhere around $21 a carton.

    Recent story headline in my newspaper...
    Roll-Your-Own Cigarette Machines Help Evade Steep Tax

    As I have told you, my dear readers, in a prior posting, throughout history tax payers have come up with ingenious ways to avoid paying their current ruler’s never-ending search for increased revenue. In the Middle Ages a tax was levied based on the number of Windows a homeowner had in his house. The Roll-Your-Own Citizens of that day bricked up their windows and avoided the Window Tax.

    We fought the American Revolution over Taxation without Representation. Now we are finding that Taxation with Representation may not be working out as well as our founding fathers had envisioned.

    As I peck this Foolishness...Or Is It? out our rulers are formulating ways to combat the decline of this Cigarette Tax Revenue...
    • The Assistant Attorney General in New Hampshire is suing Cigarette Rolling Machine Manufacturers.
    • There is a loop hole in current law about pipe tobacco being not currently as taxable as cigarette tobacco is taxable.
    • These Rolling Machines are using pipe tobacco.
    • Your FDA is determining “the appropriate response” and “soliciting industry input to help write new rules to tax pipe tobacco the same as cigarette tobacco.”
    It is the Smartfella's? not so humble opinion that all this bureaucratic jockeying about law suits, loopholes, cigarette versus pipe, responses, industry input, etc. is completely unnecessary. The $345,000,000 in Lost Revenue can easily be restored by passing an Evasion of Taxes Surcharge Tax Penalty.

    If they would go a bit further and levy a further penalty on the evaders for causing Stress and Mental Anguish to the Tax Collectors, this could be a real boon to the Tax Coffers in every state affected by this evil Cigarette Rolling Machine Scheme.

    Would I kid u?
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    Tuesday, September 14, 2010

    Opposite Positioning



    I go to great lengths to discuss Politics in my Foolishness...Or Is It? without being Political. I will do that again in this posting but as you read what you are reading in this one you may start to think I am taking sides but I will not do that.

    A short while back I was listening to a radio discussion which featured one talking head of the Liberal Persuasion and one from the Conservative Persuasion. The actual subjects they were bantering about are not important to this blog posting. It was the positions taken by the two sides that floored me.

    One head made a devastating argument for his side of the topic under discussion. I said to myself, “Self, that is strong stuff! There is no comeback to that argument.” Then the other head talked his head and he said the exact opposite about every point that the first head had made. Someone had to be lying or wrong. There was no in between.

    I was anxious to hear how the Moderator was going to draw out further evidence from both sides to support their positions but that never happened. The Moderator simply ignored the potential for juicy fact finding debate and moved on to another issue.

    It dawned on me that I have seen this happen many times before. Actually it is an everyday occurrence. It is a strategy. This is what both sides do all the time. They send Talking Heads out to these Talk Shows to practice Opposite Positioning.

    They emerge from their Focus Group Factories armed with a set of strongly held deep seated talking points and go to the Talk Shows to which they have been assigned for that particular day.

    If they get to talk their heads first, they spout one of their strongly held deep seated beliefs. The #2 Head then says the opposite from what #1 Head had just said. #2 Head’s position may be exactly opposite to the strongly held deep seated belief he was about to recite before #1 Head took away his position. The Moderator then moves on to another subject.

    They don’t have to believe what they are saying. They just have to say what they are saying. Both sides walk away feeling flushed with the sweet smell of victory. They are proud of what they have done and the voters are just as confused as we were before the heads made everything perfectly clear.

    Since we are at the bottom of this Foolishness, I will give you The Bottom Line...If you think I am out of control on this one, I challenge you to stop and think about it for a few seconds. That’s about all it will take for you to come to the realization that I am speaking the truth. I always speak the truth...Or do I?

    Would I kid u?

    Sunday, September 12, 2010

    Our Criminals Need Our Help!


    I have ranted before about how we need to educate our criminals so that they will become more effective at their chosen profession.

    I recently read in my newspaper the following sad example of a criminal who appeared to be very good at stealing but was severely lacking when it comes to the logical steps he should perform on his ill-gotten goods before he tried to market his merchandise...
     When this criminal was caught he had in his possession a treasure of stolen goodies (162 cell phones and lots of computers, wallets and gift cards).
     He advertised his cell phones on Craigslist.
     A potential buyer, who had had his cell phone stolen, was shopping Craigslist for a replacement.
     The buyer saw a phone just like his stolen one and, because he was familiar with how to operate this particular model of phone, he bought it.
     When he turned on his nifty “new” phone, he found many of his Own Phone Numbers and his Return Address in his nifty “new” phone.
     The hapless criminal was arrested.

    If our criminals are going to allowed to wallow around in their current state of ignorance, are we going to see the following lamentable situation arise in the future?
     A criminal breaks into a house and steals a whole bunch of things.
     Among his ill-gotten stuff he finds he has stolen a supply of Personal Stationary.
     He advertises the stolen Personal Stationary in Craigslist...
    Don’t go to the time and expense of buying your own Personal Letterhead and Return Addressed Envelopes. If your name and address is exactly as specified below, you should jump on this, once in a lifetime opportunity, to acquire a whole bunch of personal stationary which is already tailor-made just for you.

    I sure hope we do something to train our criminals to be better at what they do. After all, criminals are people too.

    Would I kid u?

    Thursday, September 09, 2010

    Are The Few Ruling The Many?

    A few weeks ago I was in a lecture and trying hard to stay interested and/or awake when the talking guy hit me with this thought and I perked up and even started me thinking. The phrase that woke me up went something like this...

    Are We Piling Garbage All Over The Garden
    Because Some People
    Don’t Like The Smell Of The Roses?

    Does it not sometimes seem that we are falling all over ourselves trying to make a few loud ones among us happy and it does not matter what they are being loud about?

    Would I kid u?
    Smartfella

    Tuesday, September 07, 2010

    Teachers Wearing Masks

    Note To My Dear Readers: I know nothing about the book at the left. All I do know is...It has a catchy title and the word "teachers" is that title.

    Part 1:
    Los Angeles Teachers want to be undercover agents. Sort of like the CIA or the Lone Ranger.

    The Los Angeles Times reported recently the evaluations of some 6,000 Los Angeles city school teachers based on how well their students performed on standardized tests...

    • L.A. is spending almost $30,000 per student.

    • Since 1990 K12 education spending in California has grown by 191% and now consumes 40% of the state budget.

    • Currently less than 2% of teachers are denied tenure in L.A.

    • Teacher evaluations do not take into account whether students are learning.

    • High school graduation rate is 40.6% which is second worst among large school districts in the U.S.

    • The Times rated teachers using a “value added” analysis that has been popular in education research for years.

    • Teachers are saying this way of evaluating their performance is not fair.

    • The measure of school success currently is how much money was spent by the schools. (There you go thinking I made this one up.)

    The teachers do have a plan of action. They are organizing a boycott of the L.A. Times. That ought to make the students smarter.

    The Smartfella? would like to come to the defense of the teachers. I have done research of my own and I have found out that the reason the teachers did not want the 40.6% graduation rate published is not because they are ashamed. It is actually because they are so humble that they wanted the 40.6% kept quiet. You see the rate used to be much lower and they don’t want to be seen as braggarts.

    Ok. I made this last part up ... Or did I?

    Part 2:
    As concerned citizens, we ought to take action to cover for our Government Education System. You, my dear reader, are now going to be the first to read about my Someone’s Got To Do It Initiative (SGTDII). You will be amazed at its simplicity and its logical approach to this all important problem...

    • Recruit an army of volunteers 40 years of age and older.

    • Why 40 years old and older? Research has found that the recently educated do not have the basic knowledge of Reading, Writing, Arithmetic, History and Geography to be able to take on these educational challenges. (Oops. Did I just insult a lot of people?)

    • The volunteers will be equipped with bull horns and when the children are released for recess (if they still do have recess) the bull-horned volunteers will move in to educate the students.

    • They will shout through their bull horns the many things that have fallen by the wayside in modern education (see numbered examples list below)...

    1. 2 + 2 is 4.

    2. The D.C in Washington, D.C does not stand for Da Capital. It stands for District of Columbia.

    3. It’s “A Stitch In Time Is Worth Nine”. It is not “A Stitch In Time Is Worth Two In The Bush”.

    4. Cultural Dancing is social interaction and fun but it is not a Career Path.

    5. Spelling and punctuation is important. Filling in the “Why You Should Hire Me” part of a job application by saying “yo dude i wnt to wrk for yo biznes cuz i wnt a Ipad” will not get you hired.

    6. Roe vs. Wade was not the decision that George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.

    Sorry this one went so long but this is a weighty issue.

    Do you feel you have spent too much time reading this? If so, it probably is because you read it too slowly. Go back to the beginning and read it a lot faster the second time. I know that will fix your problem because a government teacher told me it would.

    Would I kid u?

    Sunday, September 05, 2010

    Paris Hilton Has Been Promoted

    We all know how talented Paris Hilton is ... Or do we?

    One thing I know for sure is she is a Celebrity and we just love Celebrities!

    A few days ago she was arrested again. This time it involved marijuana and cocaine.

    In an article that reported her latest run in with the law, she is referred to as a “Celebrity Socialite”. We all, of course, know her to be a Celebrity and we most certainly know she is a Socialite. I must confess, I do not know which is higher on the Worship Scale ... Celebrity or Socialite but “Celebrity Socialite” certainly must be more important than the stand-alone title of either one of them.

    Another thing I noticed (I notice a lot. It’s a curse), the article says that, if she is convicted, she faces Probation. This confuses me. I always thought that Probation came after a person had been convicted and had served their time in the clink.

    I guess it must be different for Celebrity Socialites. They must have one of those (jewel encrusted) Monopoly Cards that says, “Get Out of Jail Free”. They simply show their card and go straight to Probation.

    You know, I feel a lot better now that I have figured this one out.

    Would I kid u?

    Wednesday, September 01, 2010

    Our Courts Are Powerful! ... Or Are They?


    Today a nut (can I be sued for saying he was a nut?) took hostages, caused a ruckus at the Discovery Channel building and was killed. Could we have stopped him from doing all what he did? Our Court System certainly thought that it could.

    It seems he had caused a ruckus at this same building a couple of years ago. Our Court System took action! They ordered him to stay 500 feet away from Discovery Headquarters. That worked well did it not?

    Can’t you just hear this nut’s attorney (if he had not been killed today and was on trial) saying, “You Honor, my client used a GPS to determine when he was exactly 501 feet from the entrance to the building and he jumped to 499 feet.”

    Can’t you just hear Your Honor saying in response, “You know you have a point there, counselor.”

    Would I kid u?
    The Discovery ChannelImage by icantcu via Flickr
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    Nose To The Grindstone... Not!


    Saw this in my newspaper today. It was an article about one of our U.S. Senators. It was not Senator Foghorn Leghorn. It was one of our well-known Senators. Here is what the article said about him and I quote...
    “who spent his working career in residential real estate”

    Scene of the Public Domain short film Image via WikipediaDo you see the key word? I’m sure you got it! The key word is “working”. Now that he is a U.S. Senator the article says he is no longer working!

    Would I kid u?
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