If I Think This Is Crazy Does That Make Me Crazy?

There is a "Martyr's Fund" through which the Palestinian Authority and the Palestine Liberation Organization pay the families of all Palestinian Prisoners and the families of martyrs (those who die killing Israelis).

Want a recent example? Click here: 13 Year Old Girl Stabbed To Death While Sleeping In Her Bed

 

Did you just say this does not surprise you? Prepare to get surprised...

The Israel and the U.S. Governments pay “Development Assistance” to the Palestinian Authority and, to show how much the killing of Israeli Citizens is frowned upon by the Israel and the U.S. Governments each has cut off their Development Assistance Payments.

There is an untruth in the paragraph I pecked out above. The truth is the payments have not been cut off but are only being reduced by the amount of money the Palestinian Authority pays through the Martyr’s Fund.

 

You are at this very moment thinking I am making things up again. Read as much of this article from the Bloomberg.com as you need to to convince yourself that I pecked out the truth... Payments For Killing Jews

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The Palestinians have gone too far this time! Our State Department has sprung into Really Impressive Word Usage...

"We condemn in the strongest possible terms the outrageous terrorist attack this morning. This brutal act of terrorism is simply unconscionable. We extend our deepest condolences to her family.”

Notice the use of such strong words as “condemn”, “strongest possible terms”, “outrageous”, “brutal”, “act of terrorism” and “simply unconscionable”.  If the bad guys are wearing boots, I feel confident that they are quaking in them for sure!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Silly Me

What a fool I am! All this time I have been baffled as to why My Little Read Book has sold so few copies. I have finally figured it out! 

As much as I think I am Computer Savvy I have been blind to the world of technology around me.

 

I have marketed my book as the World’s Greatest Bathroom Book. That might be true but it is a perfect example of marketing to the past. With the onslaught of Smartphones, the World is not reading books in the bathroom, they are reading Smartphones instead! How did I not see that?

 

Now I know how the World’s Greatest Buggy Whip Manufacturer must have felt.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Hey World, you know my book is available on Kindle...Or do you?

You May Find This Hard To Believe… Even Though My Last Blog Was Very Long, It Was Unfinished

Buy the World’s Greatest Bathroom Book at:

Amazon.com...  Now available on Kindle! ... Click Here

Barnes & Noble  ...  Click Here

My Publisher ...  Click Here

Our Federal, State, County and City Rulers ought to follow the example of California’s Revolutionary Zero-Emissions Bill and become pro-active with this type legislation to make our country what our Founding Fathers always envisioned it was to become.

Laws ought to be passed along these lines. They could be called Founding Fathers’ Bucket List Laws...

Ø In order to reduce Murders in the Good Ole USofA, a law ought to be passed that will require that the Murder Rate be reduced by 27% five years from the date that the law goes into effect.

Ø In order to prevent future tax increases, drivers all over the Fruited Plain ought to be required to park in No Parking Areas so that they can be ticketed.

Ø The Divorce Rate in America is growing at an alarming rate. A law ought to be passed that would prohibit marriage. It will not be long before we can all be proud of our Low Divorce Rate.

 

I could go on because I am full of these types of innovated ideas. In fact ever since I began writing Foolishness...Or Is It? 11 years ago I have been told many times that I was full of it.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

This Is The Easiest Way To Turn The People’s Hopes Into Reality. This Is Especially True If The People Don’t Have The Same Hopes That You Tell Them They Ought To Have.

Buy the World’s Greatest Bathroom Book at:

Amazon.com...  Now available on Kindle! ... Click Here

Barnes & Noble  ...  Click Here

My Publisher...  Click Here

A California Lawmaker next week will introduce a bill requiring 15 percent of all vehicles sold in the state to be Emissions Free by 2025. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks! How simple! Our rulers just need to decide what’s best for us, or what it is that they want to do to us, and pass a law that requires that we do what the law requires us to do.

 

Back to California’s Mental Midget Legislative Process. I see some problems with this Make It Happen Dictate. You may not see what I see but remember I spent my working years inside the Automotive Industry and I rose to the highest level possible in a mediocre career. I know of which I speak...Or do I?

 

Ø California’s Governor Moonbeam has set an ambitious goal of 1.5 million Electric Cars by 2025.

Ø Even if he could require the automotive manufacturers to make enough Electric Cars to reach 1.5 million, there would still be problems.

Ø What if the good people of California don’t want to buy Electric Cars?

Ø Maybe the rulers of California will institute an Electric Car Buyer Lottery Selection Process (ECBLSP) that would be used to select those California Minions that would be required to buy an Electric Car.

Ø If they already had an Electric Car, they could be declared exempt and the ECBLSP would be spun again and another Mandatory Electric Car Buyer would be designated.

Ø If the people selected to buy an Electric Car already had a Polluting Car and don’t feel they need to replace it, another law could be passed whereby they would be required to destroy the Polluting Car they own and buy an Electric Car for the greater good of the State of California.

Ø The Mandatory Electric Car Buyers would, of course, be prohibited from trading in their Polluting Car on their new Electric Car because this would negate the long term positive effect on the California Air Quality because, if they traded it in, the old Polluting Car would still be out there and being driven by some other uncaring citizen.

Ø In order to comply with the need to destroy Polluting Cars in the 2 bullets above, the state should construct and force private businessmen to purchase and operate 386 Car Grind Up Into Little Pieces Machines to grind up the Polluting Cars into little pieces.

Ø In order to not place an undue burden on those people who have to destroy their Polluting Cars, the state should fix the maximum charge for grinding up a car at $500 (which will automatically become the minimum charge).

Ø The state will take under advisement a proposal for instituting a Rebate Program that would pay those good citizens who are required to grind up their cars an offset of $25 to be used towards the $500 maximum but now the minimum grind up fee.

Ø It should be noted that the above bulleted Rebate Program is not a commitment by the state. As stated, it is only being taken Under Advisement. It is not the state’s responsibility to assist in any way those citizens who chose on their own to buy Air Polluting Vehicles.

 

I could go on and on because I learned a lot about cars in my rise up the latter of mediocre success in the Automotive Industry but I will stop now. My fingers are tired and I feel confident that the Rulers of California will plug all the loopholes I may have missed.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Who’s Watching The Watchers?

I heard a Member of Congress make the bolded centered comment below. My Aunt Josie who died a few years ago at 103 and 3 days used to tell me when I was a child that I had Big Eyes. Even Aunt Josie would be surprised to see how big my eyes get when I hear Gems of “Wisdom” like this flow out of the collective mouths of Members of Congress.

Recently I was watching a panel discussion about one of our current Ongoing National Scandals (the IRS). The point was made by one Congressional Talking Head that an Oversight Committee had been set up to get to the bottom of this shameful situation. Another Congressional Talking Head countered with the following...

Yes we finally have an Oversight Committee set up but the problem we now have is we do not have Effective Oversight of the Oversight Committee

I know that many of my dear readers are skimmers & they miss many key points in my blogs because they zip right over my sometimes nifty use of the English language. I am, therefore, going repeat this Congressional Idiocy but this time I will underline the key words...

Yes we finally have an Oversight Committee set up but the problem we now have is we do not have Effective Oversight of the Oversight Committee

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking I made this Oversight Silliness up. When will you doubters ever accept that fact that, as long as we have a 9% Approval Rated U.S. Congress out there, there is no need for me to make up Foolishness?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I sometimes wonder if those who say these kinds of silly things regret what they say as soon as they say it. Do they immediately think to themselves, “I hope no one heard me say that?” The sad truth is they probably are thinking to themselves, “I’m going to go down in history with that one! My brilliance is on display for all to see!”...Or is it?

Using Laws To Get What You Want. It’s The American Way. If It Isn’t, It Ought To Be.

The Women's Protection Act, passed by Pakistan's largest province of Punjab recently, gives legal protection from domestic, psychological and sexual violence against women.

In an All-Parties Conference convened by Pakistan's Oldest Islamic Political Party and attended by powerful religious groups asked the government to retract the law because it is "Un-Islamic" since it gives unprecedented protection to female victims of violence.

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Your Attention Please!

A significant number of my loyal readers just jumped to the false conclusion that I am making this entire Blog Posting up. I am not doing any such thing!

I will give you a link below that will prove that I am not making this foolishness up. It is up to you whether you click on the link and waste your time reading all about it.

If you do click on the link I am expecting a Comment of Apology in the Comments Section at the end of this Blog Posting from each and every one of you who wasted time checking out my veracity.

Want some highlights of the article?

Ø The law has been criticized by a religious body for being incompatible with Islam.

Ø Some have denounced the new law as being in conflict with the Quran, as well as Pakistan's constitution.

Ø This law makes a man insecure.

 

Here is the link: http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/03/religious-leaders-slam-women-protection-act-pakistan-160303160705361.html

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Obviously many people in Pakistan think opposition to this law makes perfect sense. They have the laws of the country set up exactly the way they want them to be set up.

 

However, this did start me thinking about what could happen if our laws were used to aggressively accomplish goals that some in the Good Ole USofA believe made perfect sense.

 

These people would look you straight in your unbelieving face and say that we need laws that are more sympatric to individual circumstances and they would jump to the defense of my Recommended New Laws below and look shocked when anyone would tell them that my new laws are Silly...

Ø Drunk drivers ought to be allowed to drive faster because they stayed to long at the bar drinking and the extra time drinking has caused them to be behind schedule.

Ø Burglars have to make a living too. Home Security Systems are making it difficult for them to feed their families, therefore, Home Security Systems ought to be outlawed.

Ø If you decide that you no longer want to pay your Income Tax, you ought to be allowed to stop paying your Income Taxes. In order to keep our Federal Government humming along, the people who stop paying their Income Taxes ought to be allowed to designate who should have to pay the taxes that they have decided not to pay.

 

Special Note To My Elected Representatives in Congress: Once these 3 laws are enacted, send me a Tweet and I will come up with 3 more. Don’t worry about bothering me. I did not have to think very hard to come up with these 3.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Using A Calculator Some Of Us Can Make Any Little Annoyance Into A Real Catastrophe

I read an article in my newspaper where the writer went way out of her way to make a Mountain out of a Molehill. I have better things to do with my time like write a Blog about how silly she is...

“Here’s what it’s like to buy something at a store these days:

1. Swipe card.
2. Get scolded by cashier to use the chip reader.
3. Insert chip and cancel all foreseeable plans.
4. Wait.
5. Wait some more.
6. Celebrate once you hear that joyless “Remove card” sound.

Next time you experience this, I want you to remember that it’s not you. It’s the banks, credit card companies, merchants, payment processors, terminal manufacturers and many others that have created this checkout catastrophe.

 

After pulling out the stopwatch for over 50 transactions at various retailers in recent days, I can confirm that it takes twice as long to pay with a chip card than with a card swipe—on average, 13 seconds versus 6 seconds.

 

Think about it this way: If you made two purchases every day for a year with a chip card instead of a swipe, you’d spend 85 extra minutes at the checkout counter. That’s nearly an hour and a half of your time, to give someone your money.”

 

(I did the underlining and bolding.)

 

Are we really supposed to get upset because we spend an extra 6 seconds at a checkout counter or even 85 Extra Minutes at checkout counters spread out over the span of 365 days?

 

Using this writer’s logic, was I right or wrong when, as a child, I used to think that, if I spread too much butter on my toast, I would not be harmed from eating too much butter because the too much butter was all spread out too much?

 

I think we ought to spend our Get Upset About Time on things that have more of an impact on our lives than 85 minutes in 365 days.

 

If we get all wrapped up in this Minutia Challenged Writer’s Thinking, we could find ourselves going through this kind of Mental Gymnastics...

Ø In Presidential Elections it takes about 20 minutes to drive to the polling place to vote, 25 minutes to go through the verification process, stand in line and do the actual voting and 20 minutes to drive home (adds to 65 minutes).

Ø If you voted in Presidential Elections every day for a year, that would add up to 23,725 minutes!

Ø Yee Gads! That’s 395.4 hours. That’s awful!

 

All of this makes me think we ought to outlaw Presidential Elections but we really don’t need silliness and a calculator to come to this conclusion. A better reason for outlawing Presidential Election is all the craziness we are being subjected to every day and night during this current Presidential Election.

 

Want to really get depressed? We have 93 more days to go before this current craziness is over and 94 more days before the Talking Heads start talking their heads about the 2020 Presidential Election.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You Walmart Haters Are Going To Hate This Blog Posting So You May Want To Stop Reading It Before You Start Reading It

If you Walmart Haters have read this far, let me give you something to think about...

Could It Be That A Store Which Is Shopped At By 78% Of Your Fellow Americans Just Might Not Be As Evil As You Think It Is?

Something to think about...

Ø Walmart now averages a profit of $1.8 million every hour.

Ø More than 260 million people shop at Walmart every week.

Ø There are still only five stores in Vermont because Vermont does not want the retail chain but that hasn’t stopped it from growing. In total, Walmart operates more than 11,530 stores in 28 countries around the world. (I think there is a good chance that many Vermonters who live near the state line make the trip to an adjoining state to shop and pay that state’s sales tax.)

Ø Walmart has more than 2.3 million employees. The only organization that comes close is the Chinese Army which has 2.29 million active members.

Ø Combined, the world’s Walmart parking lots alone take up an area roughly the size of Tampa, Florida.

Ø With so many items being sold, what is the most purchased? Apparently it’s bananas.

Ø Walmart is reportedly the top solar customer in the U.S., having already installed 260 solar projects on store rooftops -- which can provide as much as 30% of the power used by that facility. Walmart says it has already saved more than $5 million on its energy bill.

Ø While staff are expected to have excellent customer service at all times, the company has a 10-Foot Rule implemented by Sam Walton. Apparently he said, “I want you to promise that whenever you come within 10 feet of a customer, you will look him in the eye, greet him, and ask him if you can help him.” (Personally, I do not think this rule is still in effect.)

Ø While other companies might have failed to make profit in challenging economic times, Walmart continues to grow. In the last five years it’s experienced a $60 billion revenue growth.

Ø Walmart’s 2015 revenue was a whopping $482 billion. Those kind of profits make the company richer than many countries, including: South Africa at $317.3 billion, United Arab Emirates at $339.1 billion, Norway at $397.6 billion, Belgium at $458.7 billion and Sweden at $483.7 billion.

 

This is the Bottom so here is the Bottom Line...

People who need to or like to save money shop at Walmart. Isn’t it nice they have a store to go to where they can do just that?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

What Does Aesop Have To Do With Amherst College?

Several months ago this was a Hot Topic and I wrote a Blog Posting about it but then lost it in my “New In Process” folder.

 

Don’t worry it will be a Hot Topic again. It will raise its ugly head again. Silliness has nine lives.

 

Here is what I pecked out in November 2015...

 

Amherst College is exploding with nonnegotiable demands from a student group that the president apologize for (among others things) Amherst’s “institutional legacy of white supremacy, colonialism, anti-black racism, anti-Latinx racism, anti-Native American racism, anti-Native/ indigenous racism, anti-Asian racism, anti-Middle Eastern racism, heterosexism, cis-sexism, xenophobia, anti-Semitism, ableism, mental health stigma, and classism.”

If you so not-up-to-date (as I was before I looked it up) that you think the above use of the word “Latinx” is misspelled, allow me to save you the trouble of looking it up. It means, “Latinx (pronounced “La-TEEN-ex”) is a gender-inclusive way of referring to people of Latin American descent”.

 

If you are still confused, click here and read all about it: http://www.complex.com/life/2016/04/latinx/

 

Remember the Aesop’s Fable the Boy Who Cried Wolf? (Wikipedia)...

The tale concerns a shepherd boy who repeatedly tricks nearby villagers into thinking a wolf is attacking his flock. When one actually does appear and the boy again calls for help, the villagers believe that it is another false alarm and the sheep are eaten by the wolf.

 

This is from my, It Could Be Worse Department. In the English Version of the Aesop’s Fable, the wolf also eats the boy.

 

If you think the above student group’s list is too long, remember the part that reads “(among other things)”. The list will expand. In the meantime, let us spend our time trying to figure out what those ism’s are all about.

 

To get you started on your road to understanding, I looked one up for you...

Ableism is discrimination or prejudice against individuals with disabilities.

I don’t mean to be picky but you know I am... Should that not be Disableism?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I don’t know what Amherst College is exploring (see first paragraph). The demands have officially been declared “nonnegotiable” by the Demanders. The College ought to just give into their demands and then hit the students with a pop Quiz about Dimwitism.

Are We Evil Because We Are Free?

I read recently an editorial page in one of our major newspapers that said we can’t go around imposing freedom on other countries.

I understand that we can’t go around the world and make people free at the point of a gun. We certainly cannot accomplish such a Herculean Task in the near future because Football Season is about to start.

OK, so we can’t Impose Freedom but are we not allowed to say anything at all about what we deem to be Wrong, Evil, Improper or Not Nice?...

Ø What if a country has always made it a practice to deport people with spaces between their front teeth? Are we allowed to even ask, “Why do you do that?”

Ø What if a country has a dictator that takes all of the taxes paid in his country and puts it into a Swiss Bank Account for his retirement? Are we allowed to point out that our rulers do not do this?...Or do they?

Ø What if a country’s dictator wants to take over Kazantzakis because it is so hard to spell? Are we allowed to point out that the emergence of Google makes Spelling Difficulty no longer a valid reason to conquer a country?

Why am I being so silly? I guess I just find it difficult to believe “imposing” and “freedom” are mentioned in the same sentence.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Why Are Their Eyes So Big? Why Are They Talking So Fast?

There was a time when News Shows would introduce their panel of Talking Heads and there would be only 2 Talking Heads on the panel talking their heads. The current political season seems to have promulgated Talking Head Panel Inflation...

My heavens! That’s 9 Talking Heads each vying for a precious few moments to convey to us (the breathless folks back home) their Sage Bits of Wisdom.

 

I intentionally said “bits” because that’s all the show has time for them to spew out before it’s the next head’s turn or that next Hard Break (that’s what they call a commercial).

 

All of them talk very fast and their eyes get wide as they speak. I once thought this was because they were bursting with information but now realize they are frantic to get out what they want to say (or have been told to say) before they lose their turn or the next Hard Break arrives.

 

It could be worse. The show is the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer & Wolfie is not at the Talking Table.

 

I just put on my See Into The Future Hat & here is what I see...

Ø The Talking Tables of the future will expand to the point where there will be hundreds of Talking Heads at the Talking Tables.

Ø Initially they will be limited to a single sentence but over time that will be whittled down to a single word.

Ø There will be red lights in front of each Head and, if he dares say more than 1 word, the light will come on, a buzzer will sound and his mike will be cut off.

Ø Over time the single words that are spoken will be computerized, tabulated, analyzed and conclusions will be drawn as to what they are trying to tell us.

Ø In the Good Ole USofA we are not allowed to disagree with computer analysis, therefore, we do not flinch when we are told something like, “The Talking Heads (who we all look to for guidance) have been telling us for years that we all ought to Eat More Purple Colored Foods Using Chop Sticks”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Gone forever are the days when there were only 2 Talking Heads...

If you are not old enough to remember, allow me to remember for you. The above calm, cool and collected guys are Huntley and Brinkley of NBC News and, when they talked the news at us, their Eyes Did Not Get Big and they never Talked Faster Than Our Ears Could Hear.

General Sherman Said This About The Possibility Of Becoming President Of The United States...If Nominated, I Will Not Run. If Elected, I Will Not Serve!

Strange things are happenings outside Acme Widgets, Inc...There is a guy walking up and down in front of Acme Widgets with a sign that says, “Henry Deserves the Raise! Give the Raise To Henry!”

A reporter from the Daily Planet walks up to the guy with the sign and asks if he is Henry and he replies he is not.

The reporter presses on, “If you are not Henry, who is Henry?”

The Sign Carrier tells the reporter to look through the window of Acme Widgets and goes on to explain to the Reporter, “You see the guy on his knees with his hands folded pleading with the Mr. Acme? That’s Henry. He is pleading with Mr. Acme to not give him the raise”.

The reporter is very confused, so he presses on, “Why do neither of you want a raise in your salary?

The Sign Carrier looks at the reporter as if he is the most out of touch person on Earth and says, “Where have you been? I make $120,000 a year. Mr. Acme wants to give me a promotion and a $10,000 annual increase in salary. Have you not heard that President Hillary is giving any person making less than $125,000 a free college education for all their children? I have 5 children. Do the Math, son! Don’t you know how much money that is?”

General Sherman’s comments updated to the 21^st Century...

If you try and give me a raise, I will not accept it! If you succeed in direct depositing it into my account, I will quit!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Don’t worry about where all that money is going to come from. That’s why we invented China.

Here I Go Noticing Again

This is what caught my eye...

FaceBook star killed by brother for honor in Pakistan

Here are excerpts from the article where I noticed what I noticed...

A Pakistani social media celebrity whose selfies polarized the deeply conservative Muslim country has been murdered by her brother in a suspected honor killing.

 

Qandeel Baloch was strangled to death. Her family confirmed to police that her brother killed her.

 

Hundreds of women are murdered for "honor" every year in Pakistan.

 

The killers overwhelmingly walk free because of a law that allows the family of the victim to forgive the murderer and often the murderer is also a relative.

 

If you want to create a blog & take on Honor Killings, have at it. There is certainly a lot there to blog about but, as for me, I am fixated on the term used in the headline of the article... “Facebook Star”.

 

I can’t get my mind around (whatever that means) “Facebook Star”. How does one get to be a “star” on Facebook? After you get to be a “star” on Facebook what have you accomplished?…

Ø Do you get a Star on the sidewalk outside Mark Zuckerberg’s House?

Ø If Hollywood Stars were still on TV, would you get invited?

Ø Is your family pleased as punch for you?

Ø Do you get invited to the White House?

 

It was reported that a major earthquake just struck the Los Angeles Area but these reports have proven to be unfounded. It was actually Clark Gable, Charlton Heston, Betty Davis, Frank Sinatra, Gregory Peck, Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe and a whole bunch of Stars (without the quotation marks) turning over in their collective graves.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I knew we were in trouble when I heard that Ivy League Student respond to the question, “What is the last book you read?” with the answer, “FaceBook”.