The Age Of Enya

Mankind has passed through many Ages. We have had The Ice Age, The Stone Age, The Bronze Age, The Iron Age, The Dark Ages, The Middle Ages, Rock of Ages, Age of Enlightenment (too bad this one got away from us), The Atomic Age, etc.

The daily news is sometimes usually always depressing but I am fighting back. I have officially entered The Age of Enya. From now on, as I drive along in my car, I am not listening to the daily news but will be listening to Enya CDs.

 

I am determined to stop listening to my radio shout at me about all that is wrong, is going wrong &, most depressing of all, all of these wrong things are things that I can’t do anything about except worry about all these wrong things that I can’t do anything about.

------------------------

If you are saying to yourself “Who or what is an Enya?”, I feel sorry that you have gotten this far in your life not knowing who Enya is.

 

Enya is a musical person (she is more than a mere singer) who comes to our ears from Ireland.

 

It is an awesome experience driving (floating) down a highway listening to Enya... http://www.enya.com/

 

If you go to the site I just gave you, you will find a link entitled “Lyrics”. DO NOT CLICK ON IT! I have listened to Enya for many years & I do not understand the words & I do not want to understand the words. Enya is the sounds she emits, not the words. If I every understood the words, it might spoil it all for me...Or would it?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Do you hate someone who is always right? If so, you hate the Smartfella. I can’t help it. There actually was an occasion where I made a mistake. I had come to the conclusion that I had made a mistake but, as it turned out, I had not made a mistake. My mistake was thinking I had made a mistake.

Boy, am I glad that first paragraph is done with because I was getting confused.

 

Back on 2/19/13 I published a Blog Posting (lagniappe link below) that almost dared to say I was feeling sorry for BP because they had become the Federal Government’s Gift That Keeps on Giving.

 

Another “Final” (there’s that word again) Agreement has been reached for BP to pay another $18,700,000,000. Quoting ABC News...

“Trying to close the books on the worst offshore oil spill in U.S. history, BP agreed Thursday to provide billions of dollars in new money to five Gulf Coast states in a deal the company said would bring its full obligations to an estimated $53.8 billion.”

 

Do you see the ominous word for BP? It’s “trying”. Trying means it is not Final (there’s that word again).

 

While we all know that ABC never gives us bad information, the Fella often quotes more than one source to prove his point. My local newspaper tells me...

“BP will pay up to $18.7 billion in penalties to the U.S. government and five states to resolve nearly all claims from its deadly Gulf of Mexico oil spill five years ago in the largest corporate settlement in U.S. history.”

 

Do you see the ominous words for BP? It’s “nearly all”. Nearly All means it is not Final (there’s that word again).

 

I’d be willing to bet you dollars to donuts that, when they saw the Omnious Words above, umpteen lawyers throughout The Fruited Plain texted each other from their Palatial BP Mansions... “Yahoo! The Ominous Words are in there!”

 

Hey, BP, count your bleesings! The Exxon Valdez ran aground on March 24, 1989 & their Litigation Headaches show no signs of coming to an end. At least you are flirting with Finality.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: The link to my prior blog posting about BP... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-mother-of-all-revenue-enhancements.html

 

Lagniappe #2: If you are a long time reader of my Foolishness, you knew this was coming... $53.8B is not as small as $53.8B looks like it is. This is 53.8 Thousand Million Dollars & a Million is a Thousand Thousands. That’s a lot of Palatial Mansions.

This May Be My Shortest Blog Posting Yet

I must have been watching the wrong TV Channels because I recently saw a newspaper describe the Baltimore Riots as, "a week of mostly peaceful protests".

That’s like saying that the Terrorists that shot up that beach in Tunisia yesterday were really Peace Loving because they only killed 38 people when they could have killed a lot more if they had really tried.

Would I kid u?

Smarfella

Lagniappe: You like to travel? Here’s a bunch of tempting deals for you... http://www.tripadvisor.com/SmartDeals-g293753-Tunisia-Hotel-Deals.html

I’ve Talked About Our Sliding Down The Slippery Slope Before But It’s Gotten Worse

Did I just hear you say, “How much worse is it?”...

My Dear Readers, we appear to be Spinning Out of Control as we Slide Down the Slippery Slope.

First Example...

The Federal Government’s H-2A program allows U.S. employers to bring foreign nationals into the United States to fill temporary agricultural jobs. A U.S. employer must file a Form I-129 Petition for Nonimmigrant Worker, on a prospective worker’s behalf. This filing requires a $325 Filing Fee per worker.

However, starting on June 9, a computer failure has prevented the U.S. from issuing thousands of temporary and immigrant visas, leaving more than 1,000 agricultural workers stranded at the border just as the summer harvest gets under way.

The workers are overdue to start harvesting berries and other crops on U.S. farms. It is estimated that California agriculture, already stressed by drought, is losing $500,000 to $1 million for each day of delay.

It’s the old Damned If You Do & Damned If You Don’t issue...

Ø If the farmers try & abide by the law & use the H-2A Program, the Federal Government cannot give them the workers they need.

Ø If they turn to using Illegal Workers, the Federal Government fines & penalizes them.

I would be willing to bet dollars to donuts that the part of the Federal Government’s computer program that collects the $325 Filing Fee is humming along like a well oiled machine.

Second Example...

Someone (China?) has hacked into our Federal Government’s Office of Personnel Management (OPM) data base & the Hackers (aka: Bad Guys) now have a humongous amount of personal information about every federal employee.

A former Federal Employee was quoted as saying, “I can’t think about the national security implications of a foreign government knowing every single federal employee, where they work, where they live, all of their significant data. Think about what that information can do in the hands of people who want to do us harm.”

I used the quote from a former Federal Employee because current Federal Employees operate under the Modus Operandi that if they down play & deny really bad news it will never become really bad news.

The Associated Press reported “two people briefed on the investigation disclosed Friday that as many as 14 million current and former civilian U.S. Government employee have had their information exposed to hackers, a far higher figure than the 4 million the Administration initially disclosed.”

Under a worst-case scenario outlined by Theweek.com, the information obtained by hackers could be used to derail trains (although they seem to be derailing just fine all by themselves without outside help), disrupt air traffic control systems, explode chemical plants and gas pipelines and compromise electric grids, causing large-scale blackouts across the country. Who needs missiles when a laptop and the right software can be just as effective?

While the U.S. Government should have seen this coming, clearly it was unprepared for such an invasion of privacy.

My Dear Readers, the above short paragraph is a Smoking Gun...

If we were able to see it coming, why were we unprepared?

Because so many in Congress read my Blog Postings, I have long had a Federal Monitor assigned to look over my shoulder as I peck out what I peck out. His name is Felix. He just told me to tell you that everything will be alright.

Would Felix kid u?

Smartfella

(567)

I No Longer Understand Words

How many times has the Deadline for signing a Nuclear Agreement with Iran been passed by as if the Deadline did not exist?

I have tried to find out how many Deadlines have been ignored up until this point so I could impress you with how well I can research my facts before I publish my Foolishness but I have failed. I’ll just have to wing it.

Suffice it to say (now there is awkward phraseology) there have been several Deadlines that have been brushed aside as if they were a swinging door standing along the path of our headlong pursuit of the next Deadline.

Boy, am I glad I got past that complicated introduction to the real reason for this Foolishness...Or Is It?. Remembering the Subject of this posting I will now address why, I No Longer Understand Words.

One of the words I no longer understand is “Final”. The next “Final” deadline for our Nuclear Agreement with Iran is June 30.

We are now being told that there is a distinct possibility that negotiations will continue after the “Final” Agreement has been finally agreed to & finally signed.

Does this make any sense?

Would I kid u?

OK I will kid u...

What’s next? Will we see the Final buzzer go off at the end of the Final game of the NBA Championship &, after the players wearing the NBA World Championship Baseball Caps have been jumping around for 5 minutes, will we hear the PA System come to life with the following shocking announcement...

All of you down there please stop jumping around. The Maintenance Crew is hereby instructed to sweep up all that confetti. The Balloon Popping Crew please start popping all those balloons. We have decided that the Final Score is not the Final Score & we will play on until we have a new Final Score.

OK, I admit that the above PS System Announcement is complete silliness & such a thing will never happen...Or will it never?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(340)

Lord Knows I Try To Be Politically Correct But Sometimes It Is Really Hard

I looked up the word “Mister” in my dictionary & here is what I found... “A conventional title of respect for a man, prefixed to the name and to certain official designations (usually written as the abbreviation Mr.)”.

To The Fella the Key Word in this definition is, “Respect”. In the world of politically correct the word “Mister” is alive & well but they have forgotten the “Respect” part.

A couple of days ago a young man shot & killed 9 people while they were praying & studying in their church. I will not go into further details about these murders because you know all about it.

What has caught my eye is the article in my newspaper this morning. The murderer was called “Mister” 17 times.

I think this calling awful people “Mister” is new to news reporting. We used to insert their Middle Names to make sure we were talking about the real evil person who had done real evil things & not your nice next door neighbor who regularly sends over samples of his cooking...

• Lee Harvey Oswald (Kennedy)

• John Wilkes Booth (Lincoln)

• Jared Lee Loughner (Giffords)

• John Wayne Gacy (A whole bunch of people)

• Mark Davis Chapman (Lennon)

• James Earl Ray (King)

Oftentimes (now there’s an old word), when they were running out of ink or space our newspapers would leave out their first two names & just call the evil person by their Last Name (Oswald, Booth, Loughner, Gacy, Chapman, Ray) but they certainly did not waste ink or space & call him “Mister”.

OK I’m going to throw caution to the wind & peck out how I really feel about this murderer. I think he is a worm.

As soon as I pecked out the word “worm” my computer’s Auto Correct popped up & directed me to call this worm, “Mr. Worm” & then went right ahead & told me I should also have said “Mr. Murderer”.

OK, I give up. I can see that I’m not going to win this battle either.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(365)

You Don't Just Put It In Your Mug...Now You Can Put It On Your Mug

On February 21st & 23rd of this year I published 2 Blog Postings that made light of the fact that...

What Used To Be Bad For Us Is Now Good For Us

2/21... http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/02/after-you-die-you-may-not-be-dead.html

2/23... http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/02/regarding-my-last-blog-here-is.html

One of the Used To Be Bad For Us Things was Coffee. Now we are not simply being told that it is OK to drink coffee but some "experts" are directing us to go out of our way to consume coffee & Drink 4 to 5 Cups a Day!

What was it that was bad for us when coffee was bad for us? It was Caffeine. We have done so much of an about face on Caffeine that it is now going where no ingredient has gone before.

Caffeinated Shave Cream…

Although they don’t expect the shaving cream to replace your morning cuppa, we now know that the body can absorb caffeine through skin and hair follicles.

Stan Ades a co-founder of the Caffeine Insertion Company has said, “The best part about caffeine in our products is its ability to act as an effective vasoconstrictor that helps reduce the appearance of redness”.

The company says their shaving cream utilizes the many benefits of naturally-derived caffeine to help liven up your morning shave routine. It will give you an exceptional shave, help reduce the appearance of redness, and keep your skin looking and feeling healthy all day. It may not replace your morning coffee, but it will give a little extra kick to your morning routine.

This Used To Be Bad For Us but is Now Good For Us Phenomena has me all excited. Bacon is the best example. If bacon is now good for us, can the Cannoli be far behind?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(308)

NYC Parking Spots...Always There When You Need Them

If you live in New York City & you want to always have a parking spot available to you, you need to become a cop on a TV Cop Show. In every episode when the cops arrive at the scene of the crime, there is a Pull Straight In Parking Spot waiting for them.

Although this is unrealistic, I’m glad they do find parking easy because otherwise we would have a whole bunch of very boring Cop Shows as we watched our heroes drive around the block over & over before they can spring into action.

These shows are not called Reality Shows because the truth is all parking spaces in NYC are always parked in. They are so precious that once a spot is found many people never move their cars again. That’s why the subway was invented. It’s New York’s version of Park & Ride.

Since no spots are available, people are forced to Double Park. To keep from getting a ticket for double parking, New Yorker’s hire full time Car Movers to come live with them. When they do go out & about, the Car Mover sits in the car &, when the meter maid approaches, they move the car around & around the block until the meter maid goes to get a donut.

Because they now have to provide Health Insurance to the Car Movers, many New Yorker’s are getting inventive. They have started disguising their double-parked cars as trees or bushes so the meter maids will not see them.

Yea, I know I got carried away with this one but is it any sillier than TV Cop Show Cops always pulling straight in?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(292)

Presidential Candidate Nothing

The Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? is a little bit more confusing than is need be. That's because I truncated it into its shortened version. The complete subject is, "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing".

Is that not better? What did you just say? Did I just hear you say that "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing" does not clarify anything? Please allow me to try again.

In the Good Ole USofA today we are taking offence at darn near everything you can or cannot imagine. I just read in my newspaper where Nike, Inc. is in trouble because they are again offering a discount to members of the Law Enforcement Community.

This promotion began after the 9/11/01 Terrorist Attack on the World Trade Center but it is now drawing complaints because the promotion is being called insensitive given tensions over recent deaths of black men at the hands of the police.

I bet that when Nike came up with this idea back in 2001 they never thought they would be attacked over a promotion like this. They saw it as a sure winner.

Back to "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing".

Because anything that a Presidential Candidate says can now be turned into Controversy, I am contending that in the future (the present?) a Candidate that had a Non-Campaign will stand the best chance of getting elected. Here is a how it might work...

• Go around the Good Ole USofA & wave as he/she descends the steps from his/her plane. (If you do or don’t mind I am going to cease & desist from putting in the “/she” & the “/her”. My fingers get tired pecking out my silliness & you must know by now that I am Politically Correct...Or do u?) After he waves & descends & can turn around & go back up the steps & fly to another community that is eagerly waiting to hear him not say anything.
• He can make a point of hugging & kissing babies at every opportunity. If his campaign managers are really sharp they would have several babies at the bottom of each set of airplane stairs. This is what’s calling Campaign Location Efficiency.
• If ever the candidate were to be forced to the point where he must answer a question, no matter what the question is, he should always give this answer...
  “That’s an excellent question. With regard to the substance of the issue you are raising I think it is essential that we consider the systematized reciprocal concept that this issue presents. Actually the optional incremental projection has a parallel in history when you consider that the compatible logistical time-phase is mitigated yet constrained by its integrated monitored capability.”
  The candidate’s minions would be stationed throughout the attentive throng shouting, “What an excellent answer!” or “That nails it!” or “What could be more precise & to the point!”

Considering how modern campaigns are so efficient, I have just seen a fly in my ointment. It’s the Babies. Can’t you just hear our Not Saying Anything Candidate’s Opponents Spin Machine issuing this statement?... “In all the history of campaigning across the Fruited Plain have you ever seen anything so heartless? Can you even imagine the anguish couples who cannot have babies of their own must feel as they see him kissing & holding & smiling? I am certain that the American Voter now sees him for what he is, a manipulative opportunist who does not feel the pain of his fellow Americans!”

Scratch The Babies!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

()

These People Need Our Help. Thank Heaven Help Is On The Way.

At the present time Armed Police Officers in Washington DC are being trained in how to use public toilets without leaving their guns behind.

A Washington, D.C. official was quoted as saying...

"I would be remiss if I did not say that the officers involved in these recent weapons cases reported in the media in no way intended to leave their weapons unattended."

To which America replied…

“No S**t, Sherlock”.

As a society are we on the verge of getting too deep into minutia? What's next on the Silliness Horizon?...

• Teachers are being trained in Palooka, Illinois as to how to hold their pointers properly to make sure that the pointer itself is pointed at the specific information about which they are talking.
• Automobile drivers in Winnetta, Maine are being required to attend a 4 hour seminar to impress upon them the importance of looking in their rear-view mirrors before they put their cars in reverse. There have been 3 serious injuries to Used Car Dealers in Winnetta who have been run over living up to their sales commitment to stand behind every car they sell.
• Students in Albeania, Nevada are now being given intensive training in order to show them how to properly hold their Computer Mice. Several students have been driven to tears because of the frustration because they were holding their mice backwards.

These 3 examples are representative of problem issues that an uncaring public might heartlessly shout, "Hey there, Fella, watch what you’re doing".

Thank heaven we are not uncaring in the Good Ole USofA.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(297)

Lagniappe: Just in case you think I made up the Weapons Left Behind Silliness, click here: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-32832466

Coming To The Defense Of TSA

I am not one to shirk from taking controversial positions. It’s what I do. This time I am defending our much maligned Transportation Security Authority. Someone’s got to do it & I am ready to stand up for them.

The TSA is all over the nightly news & talk radio because of their failure to detect many attempts to test their procedures to see if their procedures are proceeding correctly... http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/01/politics/tsa-failed-undercover-airport-screening-tests/index.html

First of all I think their attackers are being too picky. It has been reported that TSA failed 67 out of 70 security probes. I am ready to look on the bright side. They did detect 3 security probes, did they not?

I could stop right here with my defense of the TSA & feel that I have put their detractors in their proper place but am now going to move on to my most irrefutable argument. The TSA’s Mission Statement is...

Put In Place The Procedures Necessary To Detect & Thwart Any & All Attempts By Bad People Trying To Do Bad Things To Our Airplanes

Don’t you see it? Don’t you see where they are being unfairly attacked? You do not? My dear readers, again you disappoint me...

These are not Bad People Trying To Do Bad Things these are Good People Trying To Do Bad Things

There I have said it. I have said what needs to be said. I don’t see how anyone could argue with my logic but I know there are some out there that will attack me for saying the truth. I stand ready to adsorb their blows. It’s what I do.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(282)

Saving Our Country From Economic Disaster

Recently I was grazing through the Free Food Giveaway Stations at my local Costco and I was inspired to do a Blog Posting about the experience.

I started recording into my phone all the many food selections I was offered. The more I ate and the more I recorded the more I got excited about the Foolishness welling up inside of me.

I am always looking out for what I can do to divert the Good Ole USofA from its impending economic collapse and this one hit me like a bolt out of the blue (whatever that means).

First I will peck out for you the menu selections and then I will explain how Costco Can Save Our Country (I am fairly certain you will have seen it before I explain it...Or am I?)

Ø Spinach Artichoke Dip

Ø Smoked Sausage

Ø Pizza

Ø Hot Dogs

Ø Chips

Ø Cheese

Ø Hawaiian Sweet Rolls with BBQ Brisket

Ø Mango Salsa with Peach on Tortilla Chips

Ø Tortilla Rolls with Guacamole

Ø Ragu Pasta Sauce on Mozzarella Breaded Cheese Sticks

Ø Buffalo Chicken Wings

Ø Panko Chicken

Ø Crab Spread

Ø Lobster Spread

Ø Honey Multi Grain Bread

Ø Cranberry Walnut Bread

Ø Crunchy French Bread

Ø Elbow Pasta Rigatoni

Ø Skimmed Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

Ø Smoked pulled pork w roaster pineapple & habanera sauce

Ø Mild Italian sausage

Ø Sport drink variety

That's quite a mouthful! If I had had my horse with me, I could have choked him. Heck, I probably could have choked my Hippopotamus!

Since you did not see my plan (as I hoped you might) here's my plan to save the Good Ole USofA...

Instead of issuing more and more Food Stamps (aks: Snap or EBT), the Federal Government could just buy all of these needy people an Annual Costco Membership and anytime they get hungry they could mosey over to Costco and graze around until they satisfy their hunger craving.

There it is. It is really quite simple, is it not? I remain amazed at why I seem to be the only one who sees the obvious.

------------------------

I pushed my idea a little further. I called up the Food Stamp/SNAP/EBT Department in Washington D.C. and talked with a high ranking higher up. He immediately came back at me as soon as he heard my idea and said, "We could not possibly do that". 

Dumbfounded I asked why and he said, "Because that would work like a charm and would save the Federal Government a lot of money".

As a testament to how far we have been beaten down I just let it drop. I am sad to say that I understood perfectly well that he was telling me the unvarnished truth.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: How about some What Ifs?

Ø What if Costco could not handle the volume?
Answer: The Federal Government should tell them they had to build more stores.

Ø What if Costco started to go out of business?
Answer: The Federal Government should pass a Law telling them that they were not allowed to go out of business.

I just hope the Good Ole USofA can keep from imploding long enough to allow time for the Federal Government to fix everything.

Aw Come On! You Can't Be Serious!

From past blogs of mine you already know that I have trouble believing what I am told when I am told things that people say they know what they know when there is no way they can know what they claim they know.

Want examples?...

• Every year Domestic Cats kill 12.3 Billion Mammals.
• Eons ago a subatomic particle blew up & when the smoke cleared there was my Functioning Liver.
• Before this year's Memorial Day Weekend the National Safety Council estimated there will be 383 traffic fatalities and another 46,300 medically consulted injuries & the AAA predicts that automotive travel will be 37.2 million travelers.

By golly something just snapped inside my disbelieving & once-logical brain. I now believe all the Foolishness in the above 3 bullets. The one below, however, the Fella just cannot swallow...

     

On the left is the new British Royal Princess Charlotte & on the right is what they say she will look like when she is 18 Years Old!

Do you remember the Subject of this Blog Posting? Of course, you don't. I give you a hint. It was, "Aw Come On! You Can't Be Serious!".

Seriously, someone is doing some serious kidding here & it's not The Fella.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(220)

Sorry, Boss, I Know This Upcoming Week Will Make Or Break Our Company & 700 Employees May Lose Their Jobs But I'm Taking A One Week Leave Of Absence & That's Final!

I was there. I saw the above statement being delivered to the wide-eyed boss (Larry) with my own eyes. Larry had a mixture of pain, disappointment & desperation on his face.

I could see that this employee (Sidney) must have been very important to this company's long term survival but it was obvious the company was going to have to do without Sidney at this critical time in its existence.

I felt so bad for Larry & I tried to intercede on his behalf. I approached Sidney & asked what could be so important that he had to take off when the jobs of so many people depended on him?

He came right back at me & said he had no choice but he had offended someone &, as is standard operating procedure in the Good Ole USofA at this time, he needs to apologize to the person he has offended quickly, profusely & repeatedly.

He said to me with a look on his face that was akin to the look that must have been on the face of Moses as he got ready to part the Red Sea, "There is nothing more important than an apology!".

Did I just hear you say that you think I am making too much of our national obsession with apologizing? Well, smarty pants, wikiHow does not agree with you. Here is what wikiHow has to say about the Proper Way To Apologize...

(Want to check me out? Click here: http://www.wikihow.com/Apologize.)

Part 1 of 3: Preparing Your Apology

1. Give up the idea of being “right.”

2. Use “I”-statements.

3. Avoid justifying your actions.

4. Use excuses cautiously.

5. Avoid the “but” word.

6. Consider the other person’s needs and personality.

7. Write your apology down, if you like.

Part 2 of 3: Setting the Stage for Your Apology

1. Find the right time.

2. Do it in person.

3. Choose a quiet or private setting for the apology.

4. Make sure you have enough time to have a complete conversation.

Part 3 of 3: Making Your Apology

1. Use “integrative communication.”

2. Use open, humble body language.

3. State your regret.

4. Accept responsibility.

5. State how you will remedy the situation.

6. Listen to the other person.

7. End with gratitude.

8. Be patient.

9. Stick to your word.

I'm from the old days. In the old days here is what would have happened...

"Hey baby, I'm Sorry. Wanna go to the Chat & Chew & have a beer?"

Yes, in the old days, Sidney would be there to save his company during the most important week in its history.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(599)

Lagniappe: Past Foolishness...Or Is It's about Apologizing...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/06/pre-packaged-apology-pre-emptive.html

Lagniappe More: As they say in those TV Commercials, "But wait wait! There's more!" This is the bottom of the wikiHow link above that you did not click on...

Related wikiHows…

How to
Write an Apology Letter to Your School

How to
Say I'm Sorry to a Lover

How to
Apologize to a Friend over the Phone

How to
Apologize to Your Guy Friend

How to
Find Creative Ways to Apologize

How to
Apologize for Being Late to Work

A Listing Of Lists

We have lists for everything.

I just stopped pecking at this Blog Posting & went to Yahoo to see if there were any Lists Viewing Opportunities waiting for me. Here is some of what I found. Don't skim too fast because some of these are really bizarre/funny...

• The 33 Best Donut Shops In America
• Midwestern Chains The Rest Of The Country Needs
• 5 Ways To Make Your Homemade Pizza Better
• 3 Discounts Senior Citizens Would Be Wise To Take Advantage Of
• 10 Best NFL Quarterbacks Who Have Never Won A Super Bowl
• 10 Most Dangerous States For You And Your Family To Live In
• The Top 5 Los Angeles Lakers Stories Of The Week
• 7 Herbs That Clean The House
• 10 Greatest NFL Players Of All Time
• The 21 Best New Restaurants In America
• 27 Of The Best Food Trucks In America
• 12 Celebs Who Are Actually Black
• Six Ways To Keep From Getting Kicked Off Your Flight For A Tweet
• These Are The Top Ten Destinations For Summer Travel
• The 21 Best Coffee Shops In America
• 23 Signs You’re A Basic Tourist
• The Best Burger In Every State In America
• 11 Things You Need To Know About Airbnb Before You Book
• 7 Spooky Destinations For Magic-Obsessed Travelers
• 8 Quirky Cafes From Around The World
• 10 Things About Italy That Shock First Time Travelers
• Best All-Inclusive Resorts Where Kids Stay Free
• Every State In The USA, Ranked By Its Food/Drink
• 10 Amazing Budget Cruises (That Don’t Feel Like Budget Cruises)
• The 3 Worst Habits Of Clueless Leaders
• 4 Ways To Know It's Time To Quit Your Job
• 8 American Habits I Kicked When I Moved To China
• 10 Communication Secrets Of Great Leaders
• 10 Things Black People Fear That White People Don’t Have To
• 10 'Dangerous' Places That Are Actually Safe To Visit
• 10 Stupid Mistakes You Need To Stop Making On Vacation
• 10 Things That Shocked Me When I Traveled To Copenhagen
• The 15 Most Annoying Travelers In The World
• Who Knew These 20 Stars Were So Small
• The Best Pot Tourism Spots Around The Globe
• 7 Places To Help Endangered Species
• How To Tick Off A Texan In 13 Simple Steps
• Breaking Down The Single Best Item At Every Major Fast-Food Chain
• Cutest Child Stars That Grew Up Ugly
• The Worst Tattoos Ever
• 18 Horribly Awful Prom Photos

Today a guy on the radio who is smarter than I am (I know he is smarter than I am because he is on the radio) was rattling off a list about the Good Ole USofA. One item in particular I took notice of was that the U.S. was 121st in the world in Mobile Telephone Saturation.

I said to myself, "Self, how can that be? Everyone in the country has a cell phone!"

Then it dawned on me. It's like those basketball players who say, "To win this game we're going to have to give 120% effort".

If we are going to move up this list toward our rightful place at Number 1, each of us needs to have multiple cell phones.

I am excited to say that I have personally witnessed 2 incidences which demonstrate the progress we are making toward Multiple Cell Phone Penetration...

• I was down in Florida recently & a young lady walked by me who was talking on a cell phone she was holding to her left ear & had another cell phone in her right hand which she was using to send a text message.
• Even more recently I was in a coffee shop & I took notice of 4 people at the adjoining table...
  >One was pecking at his cell phone.
  >Another was pecking at his cell phone & had another cell phone laying on the table in front of him.
  >Another was pecking at her cell phone & had 2 other cell phones laying in front of her on the table ready to spring into action.
  >The last person had no cell phone in evidence & was just sitting there drinking coffee while her cellmates ignored her.
  >As I watched, a man came up behind her & started talking softly into her ear. I eventually found out that he was a Psychiatrist & he was offering counseling sessions to help her to come to an understanding as to why she did not comprehend how important cell phones & constant communication were.

We have all seen that video from several years ago where a lady was walking through a mall & walked right into a fountain.

Yes, after this incidence was made public, she appeared on TV saying she was going to sue. I'm not sure if she was going to sue the Fountain, the people who put the fountain in Harm's Way &/or all the people across the Fruited Plain who had laughed at her.

The Internet has many fine examples of videos of people walking into things & being knocked off their feet. The saddest part is that, after they get up, they continue walking & texting &/or talking.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(892)

Why Do I Need To Be Polite? I'm Too Busy Taking Your Money!

Have you noticed how impolite/uncaring the Money Takers in Gas Stations are? Probably not. You are so used to me noticing things for you that you have probably become lazy & just depend on me to do your noticing. I don't hold that against you. I'm glad I can help.

I have figured out why they are so impolite. It's that sign outside their stores that says something like...

"We Appreciate Your Business!"

It's a dual purpose sign. It makes you feel appreciated before you enter & it makes it unnecessary for the money taker to have to appreciate you. After all, it would be redundant for them to appreciate you twice.

If you have not noticed this sign, look for it at your next opportunity. It is a big sign. It is almost as big as the EBT Sign.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(170)

Lagniappe: That EBT Sign... That's another Blog Posting for another day.

Teaching Is Hard Work. Being A Wise Guy Is Easy.

I always cringe when I hear someone say that famous Wise Guy Quote…

"Those who can, do; those who can't, teach"

I got to wondering how in the heck did such nonsense get started? So I looked it up & found the quote came from...

George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman. Written in 1903.

The subtitle for this play is, "A Comedy and a Philosophy". I hope the quote that has me pecking out this posting is more of Mr. Shaw's Comedy than his Philosophy.

I also hope the ole boy is turning over in his grave as he looks up & sees the foolishness to which he gave license.

Those who quote him think they are being cute but they are really being ignorant.

I have stumbled across a replacement Teaching Quote...

Historian Henry Brooke Adams: “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

I like this one a lot better.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(192)

Lagniappe: George Bernard Shaw telegrammed Winston Churchill just prior to the opening of his play Major Barbara in 1905...

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Good news from my newspaper...

• The Senate is suddenly showing Signs of Bipartisanship.
• The No Child Left Behind Education Law was overhauled in an unanimous vote.
• An Anti-Sex-Trafficking Bill was approved 99-0.

Bad news from my newspaper...

The recent spurt of comity could well be short-lived. The Senate, frozen last year by partisan jockeying ahead of the midterm elections, may have only a few months before presidential politics intervenes but for now lawmakers from both parties are bending and compromising on legislation.

"Such cooperation does carry some political risk for Democrats, who are helping to build a legislative track record for the GOP".

This is the kind of thinking that the Fella will never understand. It ought not be of any import that one side or the other gets credit for what is done, if what is done, is good for our country...

If it's the right thing to do, do the right thing.

Next time the Democrats are in control the Republicans should continue the process...

If it's the right thing to do, do the right thing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(206)

Lagniappe: Yea, I have blogged about this before (a long time ago)... http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/01/it-is-sad-day-in-national-politics-so.html

I May Be About To Insult The Heck Out Of You

I don't go out of my way to insult people. I only insult those that are deserving of being insulted. However, this is my attempt to make you see the error of your ways, if your ways have been in error.

My newspaper tells me that a well dressed tennis player needs to have a Berluti Shirt. The articles gave me selling points... Under "Knit Notes" I read where it has "A Thicker Open Weave That's Got Some Weight To It Yet Still Remains Quite Breezy".

For the price they charge, I think it would be only proper that a Berluti Shirt not have just "some weight" to it but it ought to weigh a ton. Also what's with "quite breezy"? After having to go into your savings account to buy this shirt, wearing it ought to be akin to standing inside an electric fan.

Here come the insult...

If you own a Berluti Shirt, you are not too smart!

Oh my gosh, I got ahead of myself. I did not tell you how much the Berluti Shirt costs. Actually I'm not going to tell you how much it costs. I will tell you that I recently bought a new tennis shirt for myself & I paid $14.90. If I had bought a Berluti Shirt, I would have had to pay $475.10 more than what I paid for my $14.90 shirt.

Oops. I'm having second thoughts. My new shirt did not improve my tennis game at all. Maybe I should have bought a Berluti Shirt. If I had, then I might not have missed that shot I missed last month.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(343)

Lagniappe: A vivid example of how not smart you are by buying a Berluti Shirt... If you had bought one of the shirts I bought, you could have used the difference saved to buy 47.51 copied of my little-read book & given them to forever grateful people you know. Think how popular you would be!

I Don't Understand Breasts Anymore

There was a time when I understood the need for female breasts. Ever since the invention of the Baby Nursing Bottle their need is questionable but I do remember their historical importance.

Where am I going with this Blog posting? I'm not sure but I encourage you to read on because, wherever it is, I'll get there &, as usual, you will find Thought Provoking Musings & a bit of Chuckle Humor.

------------------------

I have been watching the NBA Basketball Playoffs. This is hard to do because my TV is determined to have me watch commercials instead. One of the commercials is about a new Sci-Fi Movie about a Super Robot. What's is different about this robot is it is a she.

In the past, there have always been what appeared to be male robots. Come to think of it, before now, I never gave the sex of the robots in Robot Movies a second thought.

In this movie the robot is definitely female because it/she has breasts. This raises the question, what would a female robot do with breast?

Carrying this Blog Posting’s Silliness to its “logical” conclusion…

• The movie makers must certainly hang the robots in closets at the end of any movie making day.
• They can't just leave them laying around the movie set because someone might steal them or they might defect to another movie company on their own.
• If it's an outdoor shoot & it rains overnight, they will get rusty.
• With the advent of female robots, are the robots going to start reproducing inside the closet overnight?
• When the doors are opened in the morning, are there going to be little robots in there?
• If the female robot is nursing when the door is opened, will she get embarrassed?
• If she gets embarrassed, will her face turn red?
• Will the Robots International Union require that the movie making people knock before opening closet the door in the morning?

Oh my gosh! A Robot’s Union! All of a sudden I've gotten past being confused by all of the above & now I am just plain worried!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(370)