Catch 22 Was A Great Book Because It Was Full Of Foolishness

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Was the Unit Supply Officer

Yossarian Was the Rebellious Hero Of Catch 22

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. [Removes item from small bag]

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think. [Yossarian takes a bite]

Yossarian: What is it?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Chocolate-covered cotton.

Yossarian: What are you, crazy?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: No good, huh?

Yossarian: For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out!

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Is it really that bad?

Yossarian: It's cotton!

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: They've got to learn to like it!

Yossarian: Why?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton.

Yossarian: Milo, people can't eat cotton!

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: They've got to - it's for the Syndicate!

Yossarian: It will make them sick! - Why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: I did - And it made me sick.

 

-------------------------

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka Was the Unit Medical Officer

Yossarian: Is Orr crazy?

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: Of course he is. He has to be crazy to keep flying after all the close calls he's had.

Yossarian: Why can't you ground him?

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: I can, but first he has to ask me.

Yossarian: That's all he's gotta do to be grounded?

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: That's all.

Yossarian: Then you can ground him?

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: No. Then I cannot ground him.

Yossarian: Aah!

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: There's a CATCH?

Yossarian: A catch?

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: Sure. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat isn't really crazy, so I can't ground him.

Yossarian: Ok, let me see if I've got this straight. In order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy. And I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy anymore, and I have to keep flying.

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: You got it, that's Catch-22.

Yossarian: Whoo... That's some catch, that Catch-22.

Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: It's the best there is.

--------------------------

It probably does not surprise you that the Smartfella liked this book.

 

Would I kid u?

Smarfella

In Congress They Refer To Each Other As “Honorable”

We see them all the time in the news. They are up on stages making speeches & accepting awards. They are always waving at us as if they know us. When they shake our hands, we are certain that they know us.

The “they” referred to above are our Elected Politicians (aka: Rulers). Everyone knows they are dishonest. Heck, one is even named Swindle. Another is named, Flake. The third's given name has long been forgotten by his minions. They just call him, "Dat Crook".

 

My newspaper insists on referring to Swindle, Flake & Dat Crook as, "Dignitaries".

 

I’m going to Google the definition of the word, "Dignitary". I must have it mixed up with some other word.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Keep Thinking I’ve Seen It All & Then There’s More

The Oakland Police are falling all over themselves apologizing for trying to keep people in Oakland from driving drunk & possibly killing themselves or others.

Their unforgivable offense was they issued their warning about a holiday that is linked to a certain group of people. It does not matter which group of people. What matters is, in this age of Political Correctness, we are not allowed to name or imply anything negative about anyone or any group of ones.

 

In this case they displayed their insensitivity about Latinos & Mexican-Americans & the minor holiday in Mexico, but major holiday in the Good Ole USofA, Cinco de Mayo.

 

One of the offended issued this heartfelt statement, “I don’t drink and drive. If you ask the majority of people who are Latino or Mexican-American, we don’t drink and drive,” Oakland City Councilman Noel Gallo told KPIX 5.

 

I have been known to be picky on many an occasion. Allow me to be picky on this occasion... The Councilman says that “the majority” of Latinos & Mexican-Americans do not drink & drive. Does that mean the Councilman has no concern for the minority of Latinos & Mexican-Americans who do drink & drive? Is it permissible to warn the drinkers & drivers that they should not drink & drive?

 

I am willing to bet that the now-sensitive Oakland Police are in the process of word processing their Community Messages about... St. Patrick’s Day, the 4^th of July, New Years Eve, LeBron James’ Birthday & many others.

 

If you have not had enough of Silly for today, you can click on this link & read all about it: http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2016/05/03/oakland-police-apologize-after-insensitive-cinco-de-mayo-drunk-driving-message/

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If the Fella would meet up with the Councilman at Starbucks & say to him, “What are you getting so excited about”, he would probably put me in my place by responding, “I am offended that you are not offended”. That would shut me up for sure. Who can argue with that logic?

The Good Old Days Were Really Good

A Movie from the Old Days ... “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”

This movie is about:

Ø Trying to do the Honorable Thing.

Ø Anguish because Honor has been attacked.

Ø Full of references to Freedom.

Ø Guilt for wrongs done.

Ø Confession of wrongs done.

Ø Innocence proven in the end.

 

A Modern Movie ... “Bridget Jones’s Baby”

This movie is about:

Ø Obsession with Love Life.

Ø Becoming Pregnant (“Pregnant” is referred to as “Knocked Up”).

Ø Not knowing who the Father of the Baby is.

 

I like the Old Days.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

U.S. Congress To The Folks Back Home: We Agree This Is A Very Important Issue. That’s Why We Held A Hearing.

Our 11% Approval Rated Congress thinks holding a Hearing is Doing Something About Something. This video calls that idea into question...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=176398459037933

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Presidential Election Polls Then & Now

When our Founding Fathers were still upright Ye Ole Pollster asked this question...

For Which Candidate Are Ye Going To Cast Your Ballot?

In this year’s election cycle the Pollsters are asking this question...

 

Which Candidate Will You Not Vote For Under Any Circumstances?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Don’t You Dare Stick That Big Thing In Me!

Today I experienced my latest in a series of Colonoscopies. I am a record keeper. Before I finish this blog I could go into my file cabinet and give you an exact number of Colonoscopies I have been subjected to but I won’t do that because you don’t really care how many I have been subjected to. Let me just say I have had my fair share of these undignified intrusions.

While I was waiting 6 hours (actually it was 15 minutes but it seemed like 6 hours) wearing that little gown that ties in the back in that little room where they leave you to wait and think about what is about to happen to you, these kinds of thoughts were running through my terrified mind...
Ø How many more of these am I going to be subjected to before I die?
Ø Any number I came up with was that number too many.
Ø Is there a better way?
Ø Maybe I could get some of those people whose lives I saved in Vietnam in my Medical Evacuation Helicopter to take my Colonoscopies for me. They seemed pretty grateful at the time.
Ø As my mind raced with ever increasing fear, I even found myself thinking that by the next time I am due for a Colonoscopy they (whoever they are) will have invented an Colonoscopy App and all I will have to do is tap the appropriate App on my Smartphone and I would be done before I knew I had been done.

I know all of you reading this Foolishness are smart because, if you were not smart, you would not be reading my blog. Since you are smart you are probably thinking something along these lines... Why is The Fella so panic stricken? He has already said he has had this done many times. He ought to be used to it.

My dear readers, this time was different because of something that happened in the big outside waiting room before they put me into that little waiting room where I had my panic attack. I am here to tell you, It Was Terrifying!

************

I was in the waiting room with about 12 other people who were waiting to get their colonoscopies done. We were all just staring, pecking at our Smartphones, reading magazines, etc. and then it happened!

In walked a man in coveralls from a Roto-Rooter Company. He was carrying a long metal probe, with a long goose neck on the front of the long metal probe that looked to be another 6 feet long and it was curled up folded back & he was holding it in the hand that was holding the long metal probe and there was a large hand crank on the back.

Everyone in the room followed his every step with their eyes. Some smiled nervously and some looked downright scared.

He disappeared into the back offices. The same offices we soon would enter when we heard our names called.

Now do you know why I was terrified in my little room in my little gown that tied in the back for those 15 minutes and why it seemed like 6 hours?

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Lagniappe: Well, at least they did not end up using that Big Long Roto-Rooter Thing on me. On the other hand, I was asleep. Which makes one ask the question...Or did they?

When You Are Out Of The News You Are Out Of The News

Remember Ross Perot? He’s still around but he’s not news anymore.

What does one do to get into the news? All too many of the people we are interested in get our attention because they did something that we would not be proud of if we did what they did.

Henry Ross Perot disappeared from most of our lives after he ran & lost as the Reform Party Candidate for president in 1996. Thankfully he did not disappear from everyone’s lives.

He & his Reform Party lost the election but there are very few of us that would not agree that our Political Parties could use some Reforming.

Honors (Courtesy of Wikipedia)

• In 1986, Perot received the S. Roger Horchow Award for Greatest Public Service by a Private Citizen, an award given out annually by Jefferson Awards.^[53]
• On April 22, 2009, Ross Perot was made an Honorary Green Beret at the John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
• Perot was inducted into the Junior Achievement U.S. Business Hall of Fame in 1988.
• On September 18, 2009, the Texarkana Independent School District named him (1947 graduate of Texas High School) as a 2009 Distinguished Alumnus.^[54]
• In May 2009, he was appointed an honorary chairman of The OSS Society.
• On October 15, 2009, the U.S. Military Academy at West Point awarded him with the distinguished Sylvanus Thayer Award.^[55]
• In honor of Perot's 80th birthday, the bridge connecting Walton and University drives in Texarkana, Texas, was named the H. Ross Perot Bridge.^[56]
• On April 20, 2010, in Kansas City, Perot was presented with the Distinguished Leadership Award from the Command and General Staff College Foundation, Inc., Fort Leavenworth, KS^[57]
• On October 2, 2010, Perot was given the William J. Donovan Award from the OSS Society at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Washington, D.C. He is the 26th recipient of the award.^[58]
• In September 2011, Perot accepted the Army Heritage Center Foundation's Boots on the Ground Award.^[59]
• On October 28, 2011, the Museum of Nature & Science in Dallas announced it was naming a new species of the dinosaur genus Pachyrhinosaurus after the Perot family. The new species is named Pachyrhinosaurus perotorum.^[60]

Bet ya can’t name one Celebrity, Sports “Hero” or Politician appearing in our TV Boxes every night that has a Dinosaur Genus named after him.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

All Politics Are Local

If saying something over & over makes the something said fact, then the Subject of this posting must be true because we have all heard All Politics Are Local said over & over.

I will give you proof of something I heard said over & over in 1992...

Ø 1992 was a Presidential Election Year.

Ø It was the year that Clinton (the Bill), Bush (the H.W.) & Perot (the Non Politician Outsider) all ran for President of the Good Ole USofA.

Ø That was also the year my wife & I went to London.

Ø Before we left on our trip, I heard over & over the Recession we were suffering through called, “The George Bush Recession”.

I was comfortable with the Recession being called, George Bush’s Recession because he was the President & we all know that Presidents are responsible for everything bad that happens to us. Besides, I had heard that it was George Bush’s Recession so often, it must have been true... Or was it?

When we were unpacking in our room London hotel room, I had the TV on to the Local News. What came out of that TV made me drop my socks. The Talking Head called the current English recession John Major’s Recession. (John Major was the British Prime Minister at that time).

Have I made my point?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Who Would Have Thought That Bombs Would Become Obsolete

Bombs always seemed like such efficient things. They blow up. They break things that are close enough to be broken. Kill or maim anyone close enough to be killed or maimed. As efficient as they are Bombs, which we have come to know & understand, are about to be rendered obsolete by Buttons.

I watched Cyberwar Threat on Nova (PBS) recently. Nova told me it is now possible for someone to push a button on a computer & our electricity will stop flowing...

Ø We will not be able to turn on the lights.

Ø We will not be able to pump gasoline into our cars.

Ø We will not be able to safely direct our planes through the sky.

Ø Our traffic lights will cease to function.

Ø Operations in process in our hospitals will be plunged into darkness.

Ø We will not be able to open our garage doors with our remote controls.

Ø We will not be able to brush our teeth with an electric toothbrush.

Ø We will not be able to watch television.

Ø Our subways will roll to a stop.

Ø We will not be able to charge our smartphones (this is the one that will cause all too many of us to panic).

This is not a complete listing but, it ought to be long enough to convince you that a Cyber Attack is a really bad thing.

My sense is that some of us just thought to ourselves, “This is terrible! I sure hope all of this terrible stuff does not happen during the Super Bowl!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Congress has known about the possibility of this terrible stuff happening to us for years & there are steps that Congress could take to protect and/or minimize this terrible stuff happening. What have they done about it? On a Something to Nothing Sliding Scale what they have done is a lot closer to Nothing than to Something. Why does that not surprise us?

If Any Of You Have The Phone Number Of The FBI, Email It To Me As Quickly As You Can!

I was walking through one of my local Malls today & I came across a Kiosk that could be of significant value in our fight against International Terrorism...

I apologize for not taking a better picture. I was so excited that I messed it up. In case you can’t read the 5 signs, they are Buy, Sell, Trade, Repair & Unlock.

 

Can you see what I got so excited about? That’s it...Unlock! The FBI & Apple are fighting in court & in the media because Apple will not open the phone of one of the San Bernardino Terrorists. All the FBI has to do is visit this Kiosk & they can cancel all legal actions & tell all their lawyers to FuhGeddAboudIt.

 

I approached the Kiosk Guy & asked him if he could really open an iPhone. He said, “Which one do you want me to open”.

 

He was probably asking me if I wanted to open mine or someone else’s but I thought he meant Which Model. I replied I did not know which model but I was wondering if he could open the iPhone of the San Bernardino Terrorist for the FBI. He got so nervous that I was afraid he was going to call the police to come & arrest me, so I got out of there fast.

 

If you can help me get in contact with the FBI, I will take them to the mall & point out the Kiosk Guy while hiding behind a nearby Mannequin...

This has made me start losing faith in the FBI. I used to think they were all real smart guys but they should have been able to find this guy without me. I’m beginning to wonder if many of them went to work for the FBI because it was easy to spell.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You Probably Think That 10% Isn’t That Much

I too used to think that 10% was not that much but I just changed my mind...

According to Pew Research, approximately 10 percent of the world’s 1 Billion Muslims have a Favorable Opinion of the Islamic State and Terror Against Civilians.

 

How much is 10% of the World’s 1 Billion Muslims? That’s 100 Million People.

 

Still think that 10% isn’t that much?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you are comforted by the numbers above, you ought to run for Congress. Those guys don’t understand numbers either.

What Do You Mean You Won’t Hire Me!?

Tat Stats:

Ø Americans spend $1,650,500,000 (that’s billion with a B) on tattoos annually.

Ø The percentage of Americans with tattoos is about 14 percent.

Ø Total Americans with at least 1 tattoo is 45 Million.

Ø The people that get tattooed say it is about artistic expression.

Ø Only 11 percent of people with tattoos get them removed.

Ø Average cost of a large tattoo is $150/hour.

Let’s all get on our knees at night & pray that, in the not too distant future, Tattoo Removing will become a growth industry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: When I was growing up, if you saw a person with a Tattoo it meant 2 things...

1. They once were in the Navy.

2. At least 1 night while in the Navy they got drunk.

Now We Are Really In Trouble!

This Is an Announcement to the World

(Or, more accurately stated, this is an announcement to that .000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the world that reads my Blog Postings.)

In the past I have published at least 2 Blog Postings about the silliness of the Eye Witness Testimony of Eye Witnesses. The point was made that Eye Witness Testimony is unbelievably unreliable. That point is absolutely true but now I find out that the World is taking what I say seriously & overreacting.

I just read where one of our major universities has a group of their smart people who call themselves “Wrongful Convictions Proponents”. They are against eyewitnesses and I pray that my past blog postings were not basis for their wrongheaded (whatever that means) convictions. Here is a quote from one of their spokesmen...

“Eyewitness testimony is horribly inaccurate – even under the best of circumstances. We should never depend on eyewitness testimony in death penalty cases.”

Ah come on! I was only writing a blog. It’s about foolishness. Sometimes what I write is about Foolishness & sometimes what I write is Foolishness. Often time I can’t tell which it is. The World should not take the “...Or Is It?” part so seriously!

The above spokesman said above, “Horribly Inaccurate” and “Never Depend On” that’s pretty strong positions to take. Does this mean that if...

Ø If a bad guy walks into a well lit liquor store.

Ø If the bad guy has a big gun in his hand when he walks in.

Ø If the bad guy announces to the about to be dead cashier, “I am going to kill you deader than a doornail” and then proceeds to make the about to be dead cashier dead.

Ø If the bad guy says and does this in the presence of five wide-eyed eyewitnesses.

Ø If the bad guy still has his name badge on from the Piggly Wiggly which plainly reads, “Hi there! My name is Peter Fernerk. How can I help you today?”

If all of the above happens, is the judge going to throw this case out of his court because there were too many eyewitnesses who saw too much?

What’s next? Are we going to throw the eyewitnesses in jail because they are known to be “horribly inaccurate”?

This is terrible! I am truly sorry but I never thought anyone was going to pay this much attention to me!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

This Just In From My...That’s An Insult To My Intelligence Department

The constant TV Advertising for Prescription Drugs & GEICO is sometimes interrupted for an ad asking us to Buy Gold. Some of these Gold Selling Companies are offering Purchase Incentives to buy their gold.

The Fella understands how effective such Purchase Incentives can be because he can remember in the 1960s being given Drinking Glasses, Coffee Mugs or S&H Green Stamps as a Purchase Incentive to buy 12 Cents a Gallon Gasoline.

 

In my mind there is one of these Purchase Incentives that just does not make sense. That is the one that tells us, if I buy their Gold, they will send us a Safe to keep our Gold in.

 

Now, if it were a huge burglar-proof safe, I would think this would a great idea.

 

The truth is the Safe is not huge. In fact, it is rather small, light weight & can be broken into is no time at all. Actually no self-respecting burglar would bother taking the time to break into it while still in your house. It’s so small they would just pick it up, carry it home, get a butter knife from the kitchen & open it as they watched America’s America’s Most Wanted on TV while drinking a beer.

 

I can just picture the following happening all over the Fruited Plain. Two burglars break into a home whose owner has been TV Talked into buying gold & got that Itty Bitty Safe as a Sales Incentive. After a quick search they find the Itty Bitty Safe. One burglar says to his co-worker...

“I just love it when we find these As Seen on TV Itty Bitty Gold Safes! It makes our job so much easier because we know what’s inside them &, best of all, they are so easy to carry. We can significantly shorten our visit because we know we got what we came for. Although I do wish they would put a handle on them. That would make it even better! As a matter of fact, I think I will write a letter to the Gold Selling People & recommend that they start installing Easy Carry Burglar Handles.”

 

It’s like installing a decal on your home back door that reads... “Don’t break the window. The key is under the flower pot to your left”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: For 50 cents extra you can get the expanded version of the decal which adds on, “You will be glad to know we have the have the latest version of the TV Gold Safe with the Easy Carry Burglar Handle. Have a nice night!”

This Is Quite Embarrassing But In A Week The Folks Back Home Will Have Forgotten All About How Stupid We Were

The Presidential Campaign Frenzy is in such a Hysterical Unmitigated State of Chaotic Consternation that the Main Stream Media could very well overlook some very important news items about which we really would normally be very interested.

This Could Not Happen...Or Could it?

Imagine this...A joint communication has just been issued by all news organizations that make up what we consider to be the Main Stream Media in the Good Ole USofA:

 

“We are very embarrassed to report that our Unending Ongoing Continuing 24/7 Coverage of the current Presidential Campaign has caused us to leave unreported a major news story on the West Coast of the United States.

 

It seems we missed out on reporting that two days ago there was a devastating earthquake in the Los Angeles Basin which has resulted in 75% of the City of Los Angeles falling off into the Pacific Ocean. There are few survivors & really not even that much floating debris to show you.

 

We certainly understand how many of you are finding it hard to believe that we could have made this error but, in our own defense, the last two days have really been quite extraordinary out on the campaign trail.

 

Several of the candidates have really gotten nasty when referring to their opponents &, from past experience, we are keenly aware how the American News Watching Public enjoy every tantalizing word of such tirades.

 

Actually, on second thought, we are taking back all of our apologetic words above. We have collectively come to the realization that America would have been much more condemning of us if we had neglected to keep it appraised about every tantalizing happening taking place in this historic election.

 

Besides by the time we had gotten the news reports about Los Angeles sliding into the ocean to you, it had already slid & it was all gone. There is nothing that any of us could have gone to stop it & the campaign is just getting hotter day after day.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Hopefully this blog posting is one day late. The GOP debate was civil last night. I did not watch all of it (I usually do not watch all of any of them) but what I saw was civil & the Wall Street Journal this morning confirms that it was very toned down. In the past I have turned them off because there was too much consternation. Is it possible that last night I turned it off because there was not enough consternation?

There May Be Hope For Us After All

If you have read my Foolishness...Or Is It Blog for awhile, you are well aware that I often write about the evils of the Smartphone...

Ø Texting while driving.

Ø Not starting up when the red light has changed to green.

Ø Head tilted 85 degrees to the left in order to secure a cell phone against a shoulder while driving & applying finger nail polish.

Ø Driving while eating a sub sandwich in one hand with a little white dog in your lap with a cell phone in your other hand (Since you remember everything I blog, I am sure you remember that I actually saw this Vehicular Gymnastics with my own eyes).

This Blog Posting will now conclude by referring you to a Link about a story that appeared in my local newspaper that is the reason why the Subject of this posting is, “There May Be Hope For Us After All”.

I cannot kid u because I am all choked up.

Smartfella

Lagniappe: The article is wonderful but it did tickle me when that teenager said, “It wasn’t as bad as you would think it’d be”.

Click here: http://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/local/business/suwanee-chick-fil-a-s-cell-phone-coops-inspiring-a/article_dd0c1344-5457-54ec-b7bc-65a418d666ef.html