When I was young, if you saw a man with a Tattoo, it meant 2 things...

Ø He used to be in the Navy.

Ø One night, while he was in the Navy, he got drunk.

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If I told you that a new Richest Men in America List had just been published and 3 of the top 5 Richest Men were Tattoo Artists, would you believe me?

OK, I would not believe me either but Tattoos Are Everywhere and It Is Awful!

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While I was watching Wimbledon recently I got the shakes for fear of what the future of TV Tennis Watching is going to be like. If the Duke of Wimbledon were alive in his grave he would be rolling over because Tattoos are starting to appear on his tennis players and once they start appearing they are very hard to stop...

• The real bad news is it looks as though new tattoos are appearing on women players at a faster rate than on men players.
• Does it make me an awful person if I think that it’s not as bad if the male body is tattooed ugly but the female body ought not to be allowed to do ugly to itself?
• One of the top women players at Wimbledon was splattered with a haphazard assortment of little unrelated images and lines curving all over her formerly unblemished God-Given Body.
• It looked like she had purchased a Do-It-Yourself Home Tattooing Machine that was defective. She took it home, turned it on and fell asleep while it had its defective way with her.

This woman looked even worse than the heavy-set Walmart Shopper I once saw that had emblazoned on her heavy-set upper arm a girl in a short skirt swirling around so her skirt flowed out as she swirled. The swirling girl did not have the head of a girl on top of her swirling body. Instead she had an octopus complete with all 8 tentacles up there where her head ought to have been.

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The Fix! (I Always Have A Fix)...

The Sport of Tennis ought to require that Tennis Players on TV wear the full uniform of what a Buffalo NFL Football Player would wear on a minus 25 degree day in Buffalo, NY. It gets really cold up there in Buffalo. Buffalo Football Players have been known to put on as much clothing as possible to keep from freezing in place. If all tennis players were dressed the same as Buffalo Football Players the body coverage would be so complete no Tattoos would be on Public Tennis Display.

Need I explain why I am so agitated about all of this? Think Basketball. It is so hard for me to watch NBA Basketball that I have taken to watching the games with my eyes closed because it hurts my eyeballs to watch them with my eyes open.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Who would have ever thought I would dare to mention God in a Blog Posting of mine but above I did just that. This God Mention got me thinking...Is it possible for God to be Sad? Is it possible for God to Shake His Head? Is it possible for God to Mumble? If the answer to these questions is yes, Fella thinks there is a good chance that God is looking down at us, looking sad, shaking his head (he is not shaking his head up and down) and mumbling to himself, “I made a big mistake. I should have mixed in some Common Sense with that Free Will Thing I came up with. I should have listened to the Ghost when he tried to warn me”.

The Job Comes With Perks

 

Excerpt from the Book & Movie named Donnie Brasco. He was a FBI Undercover Agent who infiltrated the Mafia in the late 70’s and early 80’s...

“Lefty,” Rossi says, “I understand how we all like to make money. But what is the actual advantage of being a wise guy?”

“Are you kidding? What the...Donnie, don’t you tell this guy nothing? Tony, as a wise guy you can lie, you can cheat, you can steal, you can kill people --- legitimately. You can do any goddamn thing you want, and nobody can say anything about it. Who wouldn’t want to be a wise guy?”

Wow!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Federal Crimes Are Not All They Were Once Cracked Up To Be

Since I am The Noticer I noticed this on the back of a bottle of Household Cleaner in a Grocery Store...

It is a violation of Federal Law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling.

Huh? Is it possible that our Federal Government (Our Rulers) is getting drunk with power? What’s going to be the penalty if we use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling?

Ø We are going to go to jail for the rest of our lives? How many of us will commit suicide because we will find we can’t handle our fellow inmates laughing at us year after year after we tell them why we were sentenced to eat lunch next to them year after year?

Ø Will a Bureaucrat be assigned to us 24/7 to make sure we do not ever use a Household Cleaner for the rest of our lives?

Ø Will we commit suicide because we will be unable to bring ourselves to tell our fellow inmates why we were sentenced to eat lunch with them for the rest of our lives because we were afraid they would laugh at us for the rest of our lives?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

 

Things I Stumble Upon As I Stumble Around the Internet

 

Custer was awarded 2 different Medals of Honor for his heroics in the American Civil War.

Did you just say you didn’t know that and you want further proof?

OK. It says in the documentation that I stumbled across that Custer, who won 2 Medals of Honor in the Civil War, died at the Battle of the Little Big Horn.

What more proof do you need than that?

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Paul Harvey would have loved to tell the Rest of the Story about this one...

Ø The Custer we are talking about was Thomas W. Custer the younger brother of General George Armstrong Custer.

Ø Thomas Custer did win 2 Medals of Honor during the American Civil War for his actions in the Battles of Namozine Church on April 3, 1865 and Sayler's Creek on April 6, 1865.

Ø Thomas was 31 when he died at the Battle of the Little Big Horn along with his older much more famous brother General George Armstrong Custer.

That’s enough dead Custer Brothers who died at the Little Bighorn...Or is it?

Actually there was a third Custer who died in that battle...

George and Thomas' younger brother, Boston Custer was 27 years old when he died at the Little Bighorn.

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That’s not the end of it. There were 2 other Relatives of the General that also died there...

Ø Brother-In-Law James Calhoun 31

Ø Nephew Henry Armstrong Reed 18 (probably the youngest member of the 7^th Calvary).

When is enough enough? George’s Mother Maria and Father Emanuel were still alive when the battle took place. It is hard to imagine their grief. I bet they thought it was more than enough.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Be careful. You could lose a lot of money if you decided to bet a lot of money trying to predict what my next Blog Posting was going to be about.

OK, You Want To Call A Waste Of Time Meeting. Well, It’s Going To Cost You...A Lot!

 
Shopify Threatens Workers with a $1,600 Price Tag for Pointless Meetings

The company’s new internal tool is part of a push to boost productivity by removing a projected 322,000 hours of meetings this year.

Shopify, an e-commerce platform, is putting a price tag on pointless meetings. The company is now charging employees $1,600 for each meeting that is deemed to be unproductive.

The new policy is an attempt to reduce the amount of time that employees spend in meetings. Shopify believes that many meetings are unnecessary and unproductive, and that this policy will help to free up employees' time so that they can focus on more important work.

The policy has been met with mixed reactions from employees. Some employees support the policy, arguing that it will help to reduce the number of unnecessary meetings. Others are critical of the policy, arguing that it is unfair and that it will discourage employees from scheduling meetings altogether.

It remains to be seen whether the new policy will be effective in reducing the number of pointless meetings at Shopify. However, the policy has certainly generated a lot of discussion about the value of meetings in the workplace.

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I once worked for a company that could have used this Pointless Meeting Policy.

It was so bad that, when I would get calls setting up new meetings I would say something like this to the callers...

I’m sorry but my contact with the company stipulates that I only am required to go to 2,792 meeting a year (I always said, 2,792). We are now into July and I passed my required maximum meeting number on April 23^rd. I have not been to a meeting since that date and I am not coming to your meeting.

Of course, I went to the meetings. In my Mediocre Automotive Career I liked to Rock the Boat but did not have enough guts to Over Turn the Boat.

I am glad I did not Over Turn the Boat because that bit of Get Along “Wisdom” entitled me to a Mediocre Pension.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: At the company I worked for 322,000 hours of useless meeting time was a drop in the bucket. Shopify seems really serious about stopping their Pointless Meeting Epidemic which does appear to Fella to be of Epic Proportions. If these Shopify people had been in charge of trying to stop my former company's Pointless Meetings they would have set up Company Firing Squads.  

I Said To My Favorite Bureaucrat

 

I said to my favorite bureaucrat, “Sidney, could you do me a favor? You have been writing Federal Government Documents since Franklin Delano Roosevelt was our President. You certainly know how to put words together into a meaningful and readable format. I have these here words that have been around a long time but I feel there must be a better way of saying what they have been saying all these years. They are simply outdated. I think they could use some brushing up. Would you help me say what they try to say but say it better?”

Sidney did not flinch. As always he was ready to help me out. I gave him what I was struggling with and in about 15 minutes he came back to me with his recommendation. It read...

“We respectfully petition, request, and entreat that due and adequate provision be made, this day and the date hereinafter subscribed, for the satisfying of these petitioners nutritional requirements and for the organizing of such methods of allocation and distribution as may be deemed necessary and proper to assure the reception by and for said petitioners of such quantities of baked cereal products as shall, in the judgment of the aforesaid petitioners, constitute a sufficient supply thereof”.

I stared at my friend Sidney’s proposed new words. I was shocked. I looked at him in disbelief but I saw from that pleased as punch look on his face he was extremely proud of the words he had put together for me. I did not know what to say but I blurted out the first thing that came into my head...

“Sidney, I thank you for your efforts but I now understand why the Members of our Congress do not read the bills that they send to the President to sign that end up becoming the laws we must live by. I think I will just leave the 7 words I gave to you as they were when I gave them to you 20 minutes ago. I’ve decided that Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread ain’t so bad after all”.

Sidney looked so hurt.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: The Presidents do not read the bills either.

How Would You Like To Go To The Moon Depending On The Guidance Capabilities Of A Computer With A Hand Crank On Its Side?

An Old Posting Recalled...

Because I am old I am permitted under the International Rules of Blogging (Chapter 18, Page 15, Subsection 3b) to repost an old blog. This Old Blog Posting was sent out on July 9, 2018.

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In preparing for this bit of Foolishness, I found these 4 paragraphs...

On September 12, 1962, in front of a packed crowd in Rice University’s football stadium, President Kennedy was willing to propose the building of a giant rocket more than 300 feet tall, the length of a football field, made of new metal alloys, some of which have not yet been invented, capable of standing heat and stresses several times more than have ever been experienced, fitted together with a precision better than the finest watch.

In 1969 at the top of the Saturn Rocket was the Apollo spacecraft. One of the most important components inside of the Saturn was its guidance computer. The computer capacity of the mainframes in the Control Center [of NASA’s Manned Spacecraft Center in Houston] was smaller than that of the desktop systems of the 1980s, and the onboard computers in the command and lunar modules had less capacity than some pocket calculators.

The Apollo Guidance Computer, which weighed 70 pounds, had only 36K of RAM and 2K of ROM. But it was able to guide 27 men to the moon’s orbit and bring them back safely.

These billion-dollar satellites and spacecraft went into space with computational power that’s the equivalent of a Commodore 64 Home Computer (introduced in January 1982).

How Big Is Big?

A Million is big (a thousand thousand). Congress loves to spend Billions of Dollars (a thousand million). They are getting all too familiar with how easy it is to throw around Trillions of Dollars (a thousand billion). Once they find out that there is such a thing as a Quadrillion (a thousand trillion) all is lost.

In the world of computing there is a measure of computing speed called a Petaflop or the equivalent to One Thousand Trillion Calculations Each Second.

The Italian Oil Company ENI has a Supercomputer (the HPC4) that has capacity to do 18.6 Petaflops, and when combined with the existing HPC3, the system reaches a computational peak capacity of 22.4 Petaflops.

I may have lost you. Allow me to bring you back...

That’s 22.4 Thousand Trillion Calculations Each Second

If Apollo 11 had this kind of computing capacity it could have gone to the moon and back without leaving the launch pad.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: This reposting is being done on July 8, 2023. I bet computers are even faster now than they were when this Blog Posting was originally posted 5 years ago. If I said to a Real Computer Smartfella of today, "Can you believe it! There's a computer out there that can make 22.4 Thousand Trillion Calculations Each Second!" that Real Smartfella would say to this Imitation Smartfella, "That's nothing! The computers of today can...!"

Getting Nowhere Fast

 

What if you had a particular very important talent that you did not use? Would you agree that would be a shame?

What if you had within you the cure for all forms of cancer and you just did not bother because you were too busy doing useless stuff? Would you agree that would be a shame?

What if you could have read a good book but just sat and stared at a wall? Would you agree that would be a shame?

I am about to make those of you who love Facebook mad at me and that is going to be a shame but I gotta do what I gotta do.

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I think that the amount of time these two individuals below spent Face Booking at each other was a Waste of Time and a Shame...

“Investigators recovered more than 100,000 FaceBook messages between the two that were sent during the course of their two year relationship.”

Could they have accomplished something really useful, if they had spent that same amount of time trying to accomplish something really useful?

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I am not revealing who the Face Bookers were but, if I did tell you, you would know who they were because they have been in the news a lot.

It is not important who they are it is only import that you know that there are stupid people out and about in the Good Ole USofA.

Here are the numbers...

Ø 365 days in a year.

Ø 365 days times 2 = number of days in 2 years...730 days.

Ø 100,000 divided by 730 days = 137 messages per day.

Too bad they had to waste time sleeping or they could have run up some really big numbers.

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If Facebook had been invented on December 2, 1863 when the Union Pacific broke ground in Omaha, Nebraska to start the First Transcontinental Railroad’s westward construction, today those guys would still be eating their lunches in Nebraska expecting to cross into Wyoming any year now.

My mind’s eye in active today and it is picturing a New York Times Reporter’s Interview in progress at one of those lunches in Nebraska...

Ø Interviewer: How’s it going?

Ø Railroad Worker: O...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...K. What did you just ask me?

Ø Interviewer: I was about to ask if you been attacked by Indians?

Ø Railroad Worker: Of course, we have. Where have you been? We get attacked...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...every 23 minutes.

Ø Interviewer: Must be really hard to make progress under these harrowing conditions.

Ø Railroad Worker: Not really. We are rather pleased with how far we have gotten under these harrowing conditions. Why just...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...last month we were way back over there by that big tree.

Ø Interviewer: Well it seems to the outside world that youse (all reporters for the New York Times are required by the contact they sign with the NYT when they are hired to say “youse” instead of “y’all”) guys are sure moving slowly. When do you expect to be done because, while you are trying to get to Wyoming, jet airplanes are flying over your heads? CNN said last night that there is a good chance that your whole project is becoming unnecessary.

Ø Railroad Worker: Did you come all the way...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...out here to just show how much...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...of a wise guy you can be?

Ø Interviewer: Well I never! Hey, Vito, pack it...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...up. This hay seed has no respect...Excuse me. I have a Facebook message coming in...for the New York Times!

Here I go again. I’m reading My Dear Readers minds again. A whole bunch of you just thought to yourselves, “Fella is being silly again! Without a doubt in 160 years everyone knows the First Transcontinental Railroad’s Westward Construction would certainly be into Wyoming by now!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

What the Internet Thinks Is Important Is Not Important

 

Today the TV is talking about Rep. Nancy Mace (R-South Carolina). I don’t like to not be thought of as Smart so I’m glad the Internet is keeping me informed. My problem is, what the Internet thinks I should know about, I think is Silly.

The Internet is telling me this kind of information about Nancy Mace but Is This Kind of Information Really Important?...

Ø Nancy Mace is a single mom of two children ages 13 and 16. She also has two cats, Tyler and Tiger, and a puppy named Liberty.
>>>Is this must know stuff?
>>>So she has 2 cats, so what?
>>>Now that I know she has 2 cats, do I really need to know their names?
>>>I am told she also has a puppy.
>>>Is this must know stuff?
>>>Now that I know she has a puppy would I be inclined to vote for her if I lived in her district?
>>>The answer is a resounding “Yes” because I am told her puppy is Patriotic.
>>>If she had a puppy named something like Fido, I would not be inclined to give her my support but any Congresswoman who is patriotic enough to name her puppy a patriotic enough name like “Liberty” is deserving of my support!...Or is she?

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The Internet is talking about her being a VP Candidate with Trump. Fella thinks they ought to wait till she has been around for more than 2.5 years because she has only been in the House of Representatives since January 3, 2021.

At bottom of page the Internet sent me to it says:

“Searches related to Nancy Mace”

Here is what the Internet thinks is “important” for us to know...

Ø Nancy Mace's Bra Size

Ø Nancy Mace's Measurements

Ø Nancy Mace's Body Stats

Her physique is roughly 37-28-36 inches, her bra size is 35B, her dress size is 4, and her shoe size is 7.

This is a lot of incoming “important” information for the voters in her district to take in! There ought to be a law that cuts down on this sheer Avalanche of Silly Information.

The American Voter’s Mind can only adsorb so much before it reaches its elastic limit! Actually there may be light at the end of this silly tunnel. Football Season is about to start and the Internet will be paying no never mind to Nancy and her Bra Size for many months to come.

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After Football is over the Internet will probably change to this kind of Silly Information...

Ø An intrepid reporter who was looking into Representative Mace’s living room window when the Star Spangled Banner was being played before a Football Game captured photographic evidence that this Imitation Patriot Puppy is not patriotic at all because he did not even stand up during the playing of our national anthem.

Ø Representative Mace has vaulted from Possible VP Candidate to Presumptive VP Candidate because, enough time has passed since Football Season started, that she has now been in the House of Representatives for over 3 years and that is considered by the voters of the Good Ole USofA to be enough time to know everything about everything going on in Congress and the World.

What more proof do we need to know that she is now a Presumptive Candidate for VP than to see the News Media scurrying all over everywhere trying to dig up dirt on her?

At first Nancy's Kindergarten Teacher was excited to see the reporters all over her front lawn but she has now changed her mind. Yesterday’s Breaking News was this quote from her, “Ah come on, man! When that reporter asked me to tell him what her Bra Size was when she was in my class I knew things were out of control. I know Silly when I see it!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella