AngieTaklAdvisor

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In the Old Days, where I come from, things were different. I think things were better. You may not agree but I don’t care whether you agree or not. I only thing I care about is that you read my Blog Postings and I know you do because, if you didn’t read my Blog Postings, you would not have just read that the only thing I care about is that you read my Blog Postings.

Now that I have made you laugh or confused the devil out of you I will move on with my Silly (Or is it?) Commentary for today.

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In the old days the Father of the House would come home from work and he was met at the door by his distressed family who said to him something along these lines, “Oh, Father, we are so glad you are home! We have been in a quandary waiting for you to arrive. Your family needs you! The Clothes Dryer is not working, a Tree Was Blown Down in the back yard and needs to be cut up for firewood and Horizontal Holding Tube inside the TV has blown up! Do you think you can make all this better before we eat our Family Supper, like we do every night?”

In the old days the Father of the House would immediately come to life. His face would light up, he would drop his brief case on the floor and run for his hat. (He always felt comfortable with his hat on his head. He knew his hat’s message told the world who he really was because it said, “I Am THE Handy … Man!”)

The Rest of the Story is that by the time Family Supper Time rolled around...

Ø The Clothes Dryer was good as new.

Ø The Downed Tree was cut and stored in the wood shed.

Ø The Blown TV Tube was replaced (Father always kept one of each TV Tube next to his workbench for Replacement Emergencies such as this).

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That was then but this is now…

The Father of the House comes home from work and he is met at the door by his distressed family who said to him something along these lines, “Oh, Father, we are so glad you are home! We have been in a quandary waiting for you to arrive. Your family needs you! There is a Light Bulb burnt out in that room where we used to eat our Family Supper on in the old days. Of course, that’s where we now have our Computers, our Xbox's and the Bird Cage set up. Can you change the Bulb before we don’t eat Family Supper together tonight?”

Father says, “Oh not again! It’s always something! I need a beer! Call AngieTaklAdvisor and have them take care of that bulb! This is second time this year a Bulb has burnt out and it’s only November! Besides they advertise on the Radio that it’s, “Free to You”. That, of course, must mean they do not charge us anything…Or do they not? Besides, I gave my Handy Hat to the Salvation Army long ago.”

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I don’t know about you but I preferred The Old Days.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I wonder how many times AngieTaklAdvisor receives a distress call to Stain a Back Deck, Add a Nursery onto the back of the house or Install a New Motor in a Dish Washer where the caller gets angry and accuses AngieTaklAdvisor of False Advertising because the radio ad says, “Always Free to You”.

These are the same people who get an Income Tax Refund and then go to work the next day and tells the guy next to where the Water Bubbler used to be, “I didn’t pay any Income Tax last year and instead the Government actually send me money”.

The guy next to where the Water Bubbler used to be says in return, “Yea, me too”.

The Dutch Golden Age Ain’t So Golden Anymore

It looks like it is not just the Good Ole USofA that is under attack by its own people. The Dutch are tearing their history apart also.

A permanent exhibit in Amsterdam's Hermitage Museum, has changed from "Dutchmen in the Golden Age" to "Group Portraits of the 17th Century".

I guess what they are trying to say is, back in the 17th Century, Some People Did Something.

It looks like some Silly Dutchmen are acting like some Foolish Americans.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lists Lists Lists

Have you been saying to your collective selves, I think I would like to waste the rest of my life on Meaningless Drivel?

If so, I am here to provide you with the perfect vehicle to drive yourself over the cliff down into the Drivel Wasteland.

It should not surprise any of you that the Internet is going to be a key part of your Intellectual Demise.

You have probably already slipped a few times on this Slippery Slope. It happens all the time. You go darn near anywhere on the Internet and you look left or right or up or down and there are a plethora of small article headlines tempting you to waste time looking at a Nonsensical List about Useless Information. How many times have you clicked on one of these and found that, before you realize it, you have wasted more time than you intended to and you are not one bit better off for the lost time spent.

The lists are not simply numbered listings. They are smarter that (and smarter than you are). You have to keep clicking to see the next entry on the list and, of course, you are exposed to more ads every time you click a new click.

Here is a List of Lists that I compiled for you. Please don’t waste time analyzing the List. Just skim it and promise yourself that you are not going to waste any more time on this kind of Foolishness once you have wasted your time reading this Blog Posting…

• The Grossest Food From Every Single US State
• 14 Things You Might Not Know About William Shakespeare
• 15 Fascinating Facts About Bob Fosse
• 7 of the World’s Most Fascinating and Beautiful Catacombs
• 11 Untranslatable Words for Happiness From Around the World
• These Are the World’s 25 Safest Cities
• 15 Things You Can Do to Help Keep Oceans Clean
• 7 Astounding Online Courses You Can Sign Up for in September 2019
• Most Disgusting Fast Food Menu Items
• 11 Common Misconceptions About Beer
• 28 Scottish Slang Words You Should Know
• 10 Wily Facts About Coyotes
• 15 of the World's Most Popular Beaches as Seen From Above
• 11 Things Lost, Then Rediscovered, At Museums
• The Strange Origins of 17 Popular Songs
• 50 Mouthwatering Facts About Pizza
• 8 Things Mark Twain Didn't Really Say
• 8 Surprising Facts About Patrick Swayze
• 9 Lost Words We Should Bring Back
• 10 Excellent Facts About Keanu Reeves On His 55th Birthday
• 10 Facts About The Gap for Its 50th Anniversary
• 11 Movies That Made Less Than $400 at the U.S. Box Office
• Movie Sequels We Had No Idea Were Actually Being ade
• 7 Everyday Phrases That Have Been Rephrased
• 12 Facts About Rear Window On Its 65th Anniversary
• The Best Offbeat Museums to Visit in All 50 States
• 14 Latin Words and Phrases for the Modern World
• Movies That Are Considered To Be Almost Flawless
• All Grown Up: 9 Child Stars Who've Had Dramatic Transformations

I almost feel guilty for having written this Blog Posting. I have wasted my time warning you about the dangers of wasting your time. Is that a good thing?

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

After The Long Epistle Of Yesterday This Is Too Quick To Send Out Another Blog Posting But…

…I am inspired to peck out this one because Strikes are in the news and I’m not talking about Baseball Strikes.

Back when I was still rising to the height of my Mediocre Automotive Career and I was worked for American Motors (Google it) we were going through a Labor Strike as is happening at General Motors at this time.

I was told this story about what had happened at the Negotiating Table by someone who was at the Negotiating Table…

• The Union Negotiators were demanding another paid day off.
• The Company Negotiators were resisting.
• At some point the Union Negotiators modified their demand and said they wanted to have the additional paid day off in honor of Martin Luther King.
• Immediately the Company Negotiators saw the danger.
• The Company Negotiators asked for a break.
• During the break the Company Negotiators discussed the danger that they faced for denying a day to honor the memory of the deceased civil rights leader.
• All of a sudden a minor throw-away negotiating point had turned into a big issue.
• If the company denied the requested day off to honor Martin Luther King, the Union was certain to put out the word that American Motors was dishonoring the memory of Martin Luther King and automobile sales would plummet.
• They decided they had to give in to the additional paid day off.
• Returning from the break, the Company Negotiators said they would grant the additional paid day off and asked which day should be set aside to honor the great man the day he was born or the day he died.
• The Union Negotiator leaned across the table, smiled and said they would like to honor Martin Luther King on Easter Monday (this was at a time when it was not against Federal Law to say the word “Easter”).

That, my dear readers, is how up until American Motors went out of business their Union Workers obtained their Special Day to celebrate the Memory of Martin Luther King.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Of course, I was Non-Union but we also got the same day off to honor Martin Luther King that the Union obtained. Don’t tell anybody but I did not go to church and pray all day Easter Monday for Martin Luther King like the Union Members did.

Vegan As In Nut

A Vegan woman has filed a suit against her neighbors in the Australian Supreme Court after complaining about the smells emanating from her neighbor’s backyard. She is complaining about her neighbor’s Barbecuing, Smoking and Children Playing Basketball.

The Vegan is accusing her neighbors of intentionally setting up these nuisances. She says, “It's deliberate. All I can smell is fish. I can't enjoy my backyard”.

She may be drawing the “inspiration” to file and now press on with her lawsuit from Australia’s present day obsession about fines and penalties. In 2016 Local and State Governments across the country collected $15.3 Billion in fines.

One poor guy (now poorer than he used to be) was fined $28,500 because he was tardy 2 times in cutting his grass.

A Lower Court threw out the Vegan’s case in February and the Supreme Court also rejected her claims in July.

The Vegan had filed nearly 600 pages of documents in her appeal of the case. The Supreme Court Chief Justice was quoted as saying this was, “well in excess of anything that might be thought to be proportionate to the issues”. 

“I’m a good person. I just want peace and quiet”, the Vegan told a newspaper and she also says she intends to continue the legal fight.

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From past experience I know that 12 of my Dear Readers think this story is so preposterous that I must have made it up, however, in today’s crazy world, I do not need to make things up. Here is the link to the Crazy Vegan’s news article… 
https://www.yahoo.com/news/vegan-woman-sued-her-neighbors-140715647.html

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Where are we headed? In the old days we were segregated by Skin Color and life was simpler. In the Fearful Foreseeable Future (It is Fearful because we can Foresee It); we are going to be segregated by an unbelievable array of categories.

Allow me to present to you the confusing world surrounding People Who Don’t Like To Eat Meat.

As we have seen above, Vegans will want to be segregated from those Disgusting Meat Eaters. However, it is not going to be that simple. We are likely entering a never ending era of Segregation by Minuscule Differences where these kinds of lines will be drawn and segregation will run amok as these types of demands go to court…

• Lacto Ovo Vegetarian: A Lacto Ovo Vegetarian diet excludes meat, fish, and poultry but includes dairy products and eggs. Most vegetarians in the U.S., Canada, and Western Europe fall into this category. Lacto Ovo Vegetarians eat such foods as cheese, ice cream, yogurt, milk, and eggs, as well as foods made with these ingredients.>>>Since Lacto Ovo Vegetarians are the predominant Vegetarian Group they feel superior to all Other Vegetarians. It will not be long before there will be little movable signs on public transportation buses and the Other Vegetarians will be required to sit behind the signs.>>>Lacto Ovo Vegetarians eventually will come to realize that the Other Vegetarian’s body odor is making them nauseous and they will demand the Other Vegetarians exit the bus by the back door whenever a Lacto Ovo Vegetarian gets onto the bus by the front door.>>>Lacto Ovo Vegetarians will become heavier than Other Vegetarians because the Other Vegetarians will walk a lot more.

• Semi-Vegetarian: These Vegetarians have selectively cut back on their intake of meats... >>> A Pollo Vegetarian avoids red meat and fish but eats chicken.>>> A Pesco Pollo Vegetarian avoids red meat but eats chicken and fish. >>> Pollo Vegetarians and Pesco Pollo Vegetarians refuse to live next door to each other because they are repulsed by the other’s eating habits and, if they get within 12 feet of each other they feel threatened by the other’s nearness and they can smell the approach of the other’s body because of the other’s offensive body odor emitting from their offensive body. >>> Yes, each accuses the other of Smelling Deliberately.

• Lacto Vegetarian: A Lacto Vegetarian diet excludes meat, fish, and poultry, as well as eggs and any foods containing eggs. A Lacto Vegetarian would, however, eat dairy products such as milk, yogurt, and cheese. >>> Lacto Vegetarians are at present lying low because they are still confused about what they do and don’t eat. >>> As a group they are becoming more organized and are expected to issue a detailed list what they are Offended By and/or Feel Threatened By after this fall’s Lacto Vegetarian Convention in Lettuce, PA.

• Vegan: Technically, the term Vegan refers to more than just the diet alone. A Vegan is a Vegetarian who avoids eating or using all animal products, including meat, fish, poultry, eggs, dairy products, any foods containing by-products of these ingredients, wool, silk, leather, and any nonfood items made with animal byproducts. >>> They are not sure yet but they may also hate Honey. >>> They are not seen out in public as much as they once were seen in the past because they had been making their clothes out of newspapers until they discovered newspapers were offensive because they usually have the words meat, fish, poultry, eggs, dairy products, wool, silk, leather printed in them somewhere. >>> One Vegan actually had his heart attack him when he realized his newspaper pants had an ad on them announcing a local visit by the San Diego Chicken.

Don’t get mad at me for getting carried away with this Blog Posting. It’s not me that’s out of control. It’s the people who don’t eat meat that are spinning down the Proverbial Slippery Slope.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Since You Have Demonstrated That You Have Had Great Difficulty Paying Your Child Support in the Past, I Am Here to Help You

Does this make sense? ... 

Forty-Four States Have Policies of Suspending Driver’s Licenses Because of Unpaid Fines, Fees Or Court Costs

There are good reasons for Suspending Driver’s Licenses. Driving Infractions are a good reason because a person who Runs Red Lights, Repeatedly Drives in Excess of Speed Limits and Drives Reckless is a danger to other drivers.

However, for years now nearly 40% of license suspensions are the result of unrelated missteps other than on the road danger to others… 

 Unpaid parking tickets

 Court costs

 Child support

 Minor drug offenses like the first time possession of a controlled substance

 Unpaid student loans

Some states suspend licenses automatically without a hearing. The number of suspensions is not insignificant, for example, nearly 1,000 South Dakota residents have lost their driver’s licenses because they owe money to state universities.

Revoking the license of a person who can’t pay off fines or loans exacerbates the underlying problem. Myriad professions—including taxi drivers, cable installers, caregivers, construction workers, HVAC technicians, landscaping crews, maintenance workers and plumbers—require the ability to drive. If people lose their driver’s license, they lose their jobs and their ability to make good on any money they owe.

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Fella is now going to lay out a Perfectly Logical Example as to why people who can’t pay their bills should not be allowed to have a job…

Judge: Please explain why you are delinquent in your Child Support payments to your Starving Children.

Delinquent Person: I have been working as a Dish Washer and I Dish Wash at two different restaurants. I am washing as fast as I can, I have only been able to get two hours sleep a night for the last two years, however, dish washing does not pay enough to allow me to make enough money to keep up with my Child Support obligations.

Judge: I know your kind. Your kind drives big expensive cars, has a 75 inch TV, takes long vacations to the south of France and you own the latest most expensive iPhone.

Delinquent Person: Your Honor, I anticipated you were going to say these things about me so I have an affidavit in my hand that is signed by Pope Francis, Jimmy Carter and your Mother that I drive a 1967 VW Beetle, my TV is a 12 inch 1949 Zenith that only shows Hopalong Cassidy Saturday Westerns from the early 1950’s,

 I have not taken a day off from work in the last 12 years and my Cell Phone is so old it has a crank on the side.

Judge: OK, Mr. I’ve Got All the Answers, how do you propose to catch up on your Child Support Payments?

Delinquent Person: Your Honor, I happen to be the only person trained and qualified to be a Widget Stuffer. Five minutes before I walked into this courtroom I obtained an offer from Widgets R Us to begin work tomorrow in their new Widget Plant 57 miles away in Weehawkee. It will pay me 600% more than I make as a Dish Washer and I should be completely caught up in my Child Support Payment in 6 weeks. I just talked with my ex-wife and pledged to her and her live-in significant other that, once I get caught up, I will double my Child Support Payments.

Judge: I am very impressed with what you have told me and I think you have a sound plan of action. It is the ruling of this court that your Driver’s License be suspended for 3 years. Case Dismissed!

If someone in the past did not say Justice is Blind, someone should have said it.

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Did I go overboard with my Perfectly Logical Example?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

What Are They Doing?

Again yesterday I went to the park to exercise and try and keep my heart from attacking me. Starting from the moment I drove into the parking lot I could see that something strange was going on.

Instead of walking, running or being pulled along by their little while dogs as usual, all over the park my fellow health seekers were intently pecking at their phones. It looked like they were in the last row of my church at Sunday Mass...

• When I arrived, 1 of them was actually stopped and pecking in the middle of the parking lot as I drove in and she did not even look up as I swerved around her to get to my parking space.
• 5 were stopped in the middle of the trail pecking their phones.
• 1 was even pecking at 2 different phones she held in her left hand.
• 2 were about 5 feet from each other and were facing each other as they pecked away.
• Later, as I came back around the trail, I saw these 2 Text Talkers again. This time they were off the trail under a tree and they had increased their distance to about 15 feet. I guess they were testing out their Long Distance Communication Skills.

Regarding the comment I made in the second paragraph above about my fellow parishioners pecking at their cell phones in the last row in my church. I believe these peckers are in great danger of going to hell. They are actually threatening to cut their monthly donation to the church if the pastor does not make the last row larger. Personally I think the pastor should accede to their demand. It just does not look right to see all these “worshipers” sitting on each other’s laps.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

The Border Problem Is No Problem If Only Washington DC Would Listen To Me!

The Border with Mexico is under siege. The President says we got big trouble down there. The Border Patrol agrees with the President. The Border States Governors agree with the Border Patrol and the President. 

The law abiding U.S. Citizens who live near the border are being overrun by The Problem.

They are all perplexed about what to do about this invasion. I’m sitting here with the Perfect Fix for The Problem and none of them will pay me no never mind (whatever that means).

My plan is simple and you will kick yourself for not coming up with it on your own.

Put up a Big Sign at the Border that says…

Ø Anyone crossing this border illegally will instantly become United States Citizens.

Ø Anyone crossing this border illegally will be given Free Health Care.

Ø Anyone crossing this border illegally will be guaranteed their children will be given Free Elementary, Secondary and College Educations.

Ø Any adults crossing this border illegally will be given Free English as a Second Language Training.

Ø Anyone crossing this border illegally will be given more Welfare than they ever dreamed possible.

Ø Anyone crossing this border illegally will be given Food Stamps that will have no limitations regarding what they can be used for.

Ø Anyone crossing this border illegally will be given a Free Lexus.

The only thing that the Good Ole USofA will require from our new citizens to gain permanent access to all of these Goodies is they will be…

Required to Live in Chicago

All those who want to go live in Chicago need only cross the border and get on the Bus.

Every single one of those Undocumented Citizens is certain to cross the border and get on the bus…Or are they certain to?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Come Home When The Street Lights Come On

What are the chances that a baby of today (or into the foreseeable future) will get such Return Home Instructions as laid out in the Subject Above?

If you think the chances are good, you must not be aware of the Baby Tracker App and what it portends for the babies of the future.

I did not make up the Baby Tracker App. It is a real product and it is the Modern Parent’s opportunity to Know Everything about Everything concerning Anything about their darling little baby during the years it will take for the little darling to grown up and become a Teen-Age Know It All.

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You don’t believe me? Check me out…

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.nighp.babytracker_android&hl=en

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The smaller print below comes from the Baby Tracker App Web Page...

Designed by busy parents, for busy parents, Baby Tracker offers a simple, streamlined way to track your baby’s daily habits, health, and exciting “firsts” of those precious early days and months. Log feedings, diaper changes, and sleep patterns with a quick one-handed tap, then feel free to go back later and add details and even photos. 

With Baby Tracker App you will be on top of it all!

 Feeding (Breastfeeding) Logger

 Diaper Logger

 Sleep Logger

 Diaper Change Tracker

 Sleep Schedule

 Growth Tracker

 Milestone Logger

>Make custom categories for baby’s first smile, first tooth, or first step

>Snap a picture on the spot, or add one from your existing library

>Use photos for a gallery-style album of baby’s goals and achievements

>Create an entry with a quick tap, or include journal notes for more detail

 Health Logger

 Feed (Breastfeeding), Diaper and Sleep Logger Data Interpretation

 Feed (Breastfeeding), Diaper and Sleep Log Data Sync

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Here is one of the Comments on the Baby Tracker App web page...

“I don’t know how people had infants before this thing existed. I use it to track my daughter’s sleep, meals and diaper changes, and since it lets you share data with multiple users, my husband sits at his desk at work and tracks her too—he’ll text me “great nap” the second she’s up.”

The Husband Sits At His Desk And Watches This App! Aghhhhh! This is definitely overkill!

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Fella’s ability to see into the future sees what is coming...

Boss...Sidney, something is amiss with you recent performance. You are missing deadlines. You sales volume has fallen like a rock. You are not returning your clients phone calls, emails, tweets or text messages. Heck, you are not returning my phone calls, emails, tweets or text messages. You can tell me, son, what’s wrong with you?

Sidney...Sarah and I have had a baby (We named him “SaveTheWorld” ... ”Savior” for short) and using our Baby Tracker App we are tracking and recording every breastfeeding, poop, nap, growth spurt, every ounce of weight change, first smile, first step, first fall, every fall, every get up from every fall, every emergence of every tooth and achievement of every established goal we set for our baby.

Boss...This is unacceptable! You are no longer productive in the workplace! I am going to have to Fire You because you are no longer of any benefit to this company.

Sidney...You can’t let me go. Baby Tracker App’s Management foresaw this possibility and has a bevy of lawyers ready to sue your Baby Hating Butt.

Boss...This is awful! I can see the darkness at the end of the tunnel. My only recourse is to shut down this company and let go the 12,567 associates it employs.

Sidney...I am very sorry to hear what you just said. I hate to be the reason why all my co-workers will lose their jobs but I will never give up my Baby Tracker App! I do understand perfectly that you have no choice other than to shut down the company, however, you should not despair completely because SaveTheWorld (Savior for short) will repair the damage when he grows up and Saves the World.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella