He Won’t Be With Us For Very Much Longer But He Looks So Healthy!

I am on the way back from a trip to Park City, Utah. If you have a friend living in Park City, Utah and he invites you to come out for a visit you should jump at the chance. I drove out there and it was 1,871 miles but it was worth every mile.

I visited with 2 Medical Evacuation Pilots who served with me in Vietnam in 1965. It was special! Old friends are the best kind of friends and the older we get the better they get.

However, I am worried about our host. One night he came out of his bedroom wearing his 1965 Dress Blue Army Uniform. This was both Surprising and Sad...
· The Surprising Part was that It Still Fit Perfectly.
· The Sad Part was It Still Fit Perfectly.

I got to thinking that for it to Fit Perfectly he must be sick. He must be on the way out. He must be heading for the last roundup. He must be wasting away. He must have some dire debilitating disease. Putting that uniform for us must have been on his bucket list. The more I thought about it, the sadder I got.

On the other hand my trim friend plays a lot of tennis, does a lot of skiing, he eats a very healthy diet, does not drink alcohol and the week before my arrival he road in a bicycle journey all up and down the entire state of Colorado.

Maybe there is hope for him. Maybe he is not sick. Maybe he is gonna make it after all.

It just might be that all that exercise and proper diet are the reasons why his 1965 Dress Blue Army Uniform still Fits Perfectly!

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Lagniappe: I have no idea when my Dress Blue Uniform disappeared from my closet but I’m really glad it did. It would be really discouraging if, when I got back from my 3,742 mile trip, I got curious enough to go try it on.

Some Things Never Change

Some things in life can be depended upon to never change...

Ø The Rock of Gibraltar

Ø Water Flows Down Hill

Ø Death

Ø Taxes

Ø Tattoos Are Ugly On Young Bodies & Are Going To Be Uglier When those Young Bodies Get To Be An Old Bodies

 

There is another Never Gonna Change Fact we hear every day on the Nightly News...There are 11 Million Illegal Aliens in the Good Ole USofA.

 

Every day more Illegal Aliens come into our country but the total number in our country never changes. It is always 11 Million.

 

Think about this Silliness. It is absolutely true. We have been told that there are 11 Million Illegal Aliens in the Good Ole USofA for about 20 years now. Why does it never change? Is it because...

Ø We are being lied to?

Ø Have they (whoever they are) decided that We Can’t Handle the Truth? If that is the case, why does Jack Nicholson not come right out & tell us?

Ø They think we are stupid?

 

I found this Silliness & I lay it out for you to decide whether it is Foolishness.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Revise & Extend...Huh?

I’m so naive. I have always thought what was entered into the Congressional Record was the exact recording of what our Members of Congress said when they stand up & poke holes in the air with their fingers.

I am now disillusioned. My chops have been busted. My faith in my fellow man has gone caput. My dobber is in the dirt (whatever that means).

I have found out that Exact Ain’t Exact because of the existence of a phrase I have heard many times uttered in Congress but, until now, have paid little attention to. The phrase is, “I Reserve the Right to Revise and Extend my Remarks”.

The Congressional Record actually contains speeches, tributes and other extraneous words that were not actually uttered during open proceedings of Congress. 

This means that, by custom and rules of each chamber, members can make dramatic changes to what was actually said on the floor before the debates are finalized into the Congressional Record.

It appears that a Member of Congress can stand up and lose his train of thought, mispronounce words, state facts as fact that are not factual & then ”fix it later” (or have one of his many assistants fix it for him while he goes to Happy Hour).

The end result is that final entry into the Congressional Records could end up being what the member said, some of what the member said, none of what the member said or what the administrative assistant whishes the member had said.

Don’t shoot the messenger (I’m the messenger). As Howard Cosell said, I’m Just Telling It Like It Is.

On the other hand, if ole Howard had been a Member of Congress he could spent his Sports Journalistic Career, Telling It Like It Might Have Been If It Were Different Than What It Actually Was.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

How Would You Feel If You Woke Up One Day & Found Out You Were Dead?

Excerpts from an article that reported on this happening...

Ø The Department of Veterans Affairs has mistakenly declared thousands of veterans to be deceased and canceled their benefits over the past five years.

Ø The VA has made the error more than 4,000 times over a half-decade because of employee mistakes or erroneous cross-checking of data by the department’s computers.

Ø The VA has changed its procedures to address the issue, but it isn’t yet clear whether the new system is working. 

Ø For veterans, the mistake can be devastating, as benefits checks can suddenly stop showing up. 

Ø “Generally, I just don’t think people understand how bad it could be. It could be one day you’ve got a house, and the next you don’t,” said a Navy Veteran whose benefits were cut off last year. He was able to have his benefits restored initially, but a few months later, he was again cut off. 

Ø The former boat crewman became well-known locally for a few days, thanks to television and newspaper coverage the first time around. “I walked into the sandwich shop, and they were like, ‘Hey, it’s the dead guy!’”

 

He is ahead of the game...He has been declared alive 3 times (counting when he was born) & only dead 2 times.

 

I find the next statement unbelievable... “The department doesn't keep records of the causes behind such errors.”

 

The VA has an awful problem that is devastating to the Veterans they were created to serve & they do not keep track of the causes that resulted in the problem? Operating in this manner, how can they ever fix the problem?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe #1: If you wanna read all about it, go to:

http://www.inlandnewstoday.com/story.php?s=42370

 

Lagniappe #2: Sign over the Reception Counter at my local VA…

Does this fill you with confidence?

As Forrest Gump Said...Stupid Is Stupid

Another one of those Must Read articles in my newspaper tells me about a man in India who would make Forrest Gump roll over in his grave, even though he never was alive or dead.

Why am I being so bold as to say that a 73 Year Old Indian Man I never met is 3 Beers Short of a 6 Pack? Here is the evidence of his Silly Guinness Book of World Records records. Come to your own conclusions...

Ø For starters he is obsessed with setting records in Guinness Book of World Records.

Ø He has added 366 Tattoos of Flags to his body to get him over the 500 Tattoo record.

Ø All his teeth have been removed so he could put nearly 496 Drinking Straws.

Ø The removal of his teeth also allowed him to put more than 50 Burning Candles in his mouth.

Ø He first got into the Guinness Book of World Records in 1990 when, with 2 friends, rode a Scooter for 1,001 hours.

Ø He once delivered a pizza from New Delhi to San Francisco.

Ø He gulped a bottle of tomato ketchup in less than four minutes.

Ø He is now getting images of global leaders tattooed on his body to add to images of Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi, United States' president Barack Obama, Britain's Queen Elizabeth and Mahatma Gandhi, the leader of India's independence movement.

 

Not to be undone, his 80 year old wife holds a 1991 record for writing the world's shortest will: "All to Son".

 

Even though he has covered himself in all this “glory”, he seems to have turned off his wife. She has said she is definitely against having another baby.

 

There you go again thinking to yourself that I made all this up. You should know by now that I did not make these things up because when I make things up they are hard to believe.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Facebook Without Facebook

I have a friend who is involved in a local theatre. She gave me this skit from one of her plays.

It’s about Facebook. I did not understand what Facebook was until I read this. It is all very clear now.

 

The Skit:

How many of you are familiar with Facebook? It’s an online social networking service. I think that means it’s supposed to help you make friends.

 

People can put information about themselves and what they are doing online. They can ask others to be their “friends” and they can also follow their “friends’” messages online.

 

For people like me who are not part of the Facebook generation, it’s difficult to understand why people need Facebook.

 

I actually apply the same principles of “social networking” without a computer...

Ø Every day I walk down the street and tell people I pass what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom I will do it.

Ø I give my street friends pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

Ø I also listen to their conversations, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like them.

 

It all works just like Facebook!

 

I already have 4 people following me: 2 Police Officers, a Private Investigator and a Psychiatrist.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella