It’s Your Turn To Do The Research

I’ve decided that I am too good to you and it is now your turn to start pulling your own weight. This all means I am not going to do a lot of research to gather examples to prove my point in this blog posting.

Did I just hear you ask yourself, “What the heck is he talking about?” As politicians say in news conferences, “That’s an excellent question”. The difference between them and me is I mean it and they don’t.

My stated position that starts your research is...

Politicians Lie

Here is when you get the chance to do the research and here is how you go about it. Find a candidate running for office who currently holds another office (i.e.: Congressman running for Senator)...

• Look at his past voting record in his current office.
• Compare what he says he was going to do if elected to his new position.
• Look at what he actually does after he gets into his new office.

Here is what’s going to be the outcome of the research I did not do but you did do...

• His past voting record in his old office is who he really is because he knows we are not paying attention.
• What he says he is going to do if elected to the new office he is running for is the result of what his Research Team tells him you want him to say he would do if elected to his new office.
• What he does after he is elected to his new office is who he really is because he knows we are not paying attention.

Politicians Lie

Solution... We ought to start paying attention.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(299)

What Else Can We Do To Dead People?

Thanks to Tom Hanks we all know that Dead Men Can Walk.

The other day I was watching a very long commercial for the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast (back when a Celebrity was a Celebrity). Right in the middle of the sales pitch a disclaimer had been inserted by lawyers that tried to prevent the bunch of Dead People on the Celebrity Roast Show from being sued.

Almost every one of the Stars (back when a star was a star) on the show are now dead. Many of their jokes are now forbidden because of Political Correctness. Back then we used to laugh at such jokes but now we are afraid to even give any indication that we heard what we just heard.

Some might say we are laughing on the inside but I’m not so sure that we are brave enough to even do that.

Here is the Lawyer Speak that I heard...

Some of the humor on this show may be Insulting to Women and such humor is hereby designated by all persons related to the production and distribution of these videos as improper and it should not be inferred by anyone the any person involved in the production and distribution of these videos condones any such insulting attempts at Women Denigration Humor.

OK, I admit I may have embellished their disclaimer a bit but you get my drift... You do, don’t you?

Refer back to the Subject of this Blog Posting, What Else Can We Do To Dead People?

It is apparent that the Celebrity Roast Production & Distribution Crowd thinks it is possible to sue dead people and they are trying to wash their hands of them and all their Used-To-Be-Funny Crudeness.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(300)

I’m Always Teaching You. Now It’s Your Turn To Teach Me

I am confused and you know I do not like to be this way. It pleases me to know that each of my Dear Readers would do anything for me. Now is your chance to help me out.

I was in my local grocery store looking at the plethora of selections in what I call the Chrystal Light Section. There I discovered something that made me say to myself, “Self, what the heck does that mean?”

All products offered in this section now have the following phrase printed on them...

Natural Flavor With Other Natural Flavor

I am fairly confident that out Federal Government is behind this confusion. Someone in Washington DC thinks this is important but the question is, why does he think this is important?

OK, it’s your turn to teach me. If you can help me out please reply to this Blog Posting with a Comment.

Commenting is easy and you can do it Anonymously, if you don’t want the Foolishness...Or Is It? tiny corner of the world to know how smart you are.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(194)

If It Makes Sense, It Makes Sense

Proctor & Gamble is the world's largest consumer products company but it wants to get smaller. It is in the process of culling as many as 100 brands from the 180 or so product offerings it currently has. The products that will or will not be cut are important decisions going forward for the economic well being of P&G.

This is a shocker. They are actually considering dropping Ivory Soap. Ivory Soap is one of its most iconic products and could very well demonstrate how far P&G is willing to go in its house cleaning campaign.

Ivory's annual sales amount to a whopping $112 million. It turns out that this is a small whopping because $112 million is a fraction of PNG's $83 billion total annual sales.

P&G hasn't said for certain which brands it will shed but those kept will be the ones with leading market positions in what P&G considers attractive product categories and that’s why Iconic Ivory is in danger of going away forever.

Many of us were raised with Ivory Soap floating around in our bathtubs. We don’ use it any more but for people my age it is part of us. We need Ivory to be out there. Is no one at P&G taking into consideration how we feel?

The Smartfella is here to come to the aid of Ivory. I think that P&G ought to use the Good Ole USofA’s time tested and proven way of culling any organization. Why mess with success? I am, of course, referring to way Unions have advocated paring down organizations for more than 100 years... Seniority.

That’s right, they obviously ought to get rid of their newest products offerings and keep the oldest ones. It is the only way to go.

I don’t know why big corporations don’t save a lot of time and just come to me for these big decisions. I would not charge much... Or would I?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(356)

Lagniappe: They don’t call me The Smartfella for nothing, or should that be, I don’t call me The Smartfella for nothing?

You Say You Are The Smartfella But Are You Really The Smartfella?

This week I cancelled my DSL Internet Service and changed over to Cable. I found one part of the process that confused me and you know how I hate to be confused. Let me see if I can explain this one...

There are those that say that a requirement to show a Picture ID in order to vote is a violation of something or other. Those against this ID Showing Requirement are vehement in their opposition. I can match that vehemence by saying I am vehemently confused about this whole thing.

When my cable company left their message to remind me of the time of my installation appointment, this phrase was part of the recording, “Someone over the age of 18 with a Government Issued ID must be present...”

What if I tricked them by using a Falsified Government Issued ID and had paid my bill every month for 9 months without fail but they found out about my trickery? Would any or all of the following happen?...

• Would the Cable Police come to my house and unceremoniously rip my Internet Connection out of the ground?
• Would my name be published in the Police Reports in my local newspaper?
• Would a sign be placed on my front lawn warning school children to beware because a tricky person (me) lives in my house?

I’m sure glad my Government Issued ID was valid because the consequences of falsification would be hard to endure.

Lagniappe: As it turned out, the installer did not ask to see my Government Issued ID.

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No More Foolishness (just one minor joke) For the Rest of This Posting

Over the years the Smartfella has made it a practice to donate Platelets & Plasma. Other than writing this blog it is the other commendable service I perform for personkind.

The process is called Aphaeresis. Platelets & Plasma are very important in the treatment of Burn Victims & Cancer Patients. It is much more beneficial to them than whole blood.

The process takes about an hour and goes like this...

• You are comfortably seated in a La-Z-Boy. Should I have said La-Z-Person chair? (That’s not the joke.)
• You have your own TV in front of you for watching DVDs or Live TV.
• You are offered cookies, microwave popcorn and a variety of drinks.
• Your blood circulates through a machine over and over while the machine extracts the Platelets & Plasma.
• It is actually beneficial to your body to “exercise” this replacement mechanism and your body replaces the Platelets & Plasma faster than it would replace a pint of whole blood donation.
• I have never felt dizzy when standing up after the procedure.

During the sign-in procedure they always ask me to show them a Picture ID. I always say to them, “Are you afraid I will give you someone else’s platelets & plasma?” (That was the promised joke. Yea, the nurse never laughs either.)

Think about making a Platelet & Plasma Donation. I promise you will feel good about yourself and you will make it possible for a suffering Burn Victim or Cancer Patient to feel better about themselves also.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(548)

Will We Ever Hear A Mother Say Again, “Come Home When The Street Lights Come On”? If We Ever Did, That Unfit Mother Would Certainly Be Arrested.

1st Bit of Foolishness...

Like that GEICO Commercial says. “Congress is confused. ... Everybody Knows That”, below are two pieces of legislation Congress spent time working on that proves this point...

The No Child Left Inside Act of 2011 S.1372 H.R.2547

The No Child Left Outside Act of 2011 H.R.2818

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2nd Bit of Foolishness...

What was it Strother Martin said to Cool Hand Luke in Cool Hand Luke?

Ah yes, I remember. He said, “What we have here is a make Work Program”.

Here I go confusing you again. I am referring to the growing practice in the Good Ole USofA to hire security guards to accompany our children every time they leave the house.

Don’t knock it. A lot of families depend on these Private Security Guard/Nanny Jobs to support their families.

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3rd Bit of Foolishness...

If you are not depressed after reading this sign, you read it too fast. Go back and read it more slowly. If it still does not depress you, you again read it too fast.

The last Bullet Point for a sign like this ought to be, “If you find something fun to do that is not listed on this sign, Don’t Do It!”

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4th Bit of Foolishness...

Good News & Bad News

First the Bad News... I could go on forever with examples like this.

Now the Good News... I won’t go on forever.

Remember the Subject of this Blog Posting? I talked about Street Lights & Motherhood & Arresting. In the former Good Ole USofA what you are going to read below falls into the category of, “Progress”.

July 30, 2014 6:42 PM

A Florida mother faces charges of child neglect for allowing her 7-year-old son to walk alone to a neighborhood park to play, authorities said on Wednesday.

&

In a similar case earlier this summer, a South Carolina mother was arrested for allowing her 9-year-old daughter to play alone at a park while she worked.

The above two examples are what’s happening now. In case you forgot, this is what our world was like in the 1950s...

I like the old days. Does that make me an awful person?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(395)

So What New In Liberia This Fine Day?

My newspaper tells me, “Liberia Health System Collapsing as Ebola Spreads”

The Smartfella has this to say about that...

• That’s not news.
• This is to be expected in Liberia.
• Are you really surprised because I’m not.

As usual the Smartfella is way ahead of his newspaper. Here is what he blogged about Liberia on February 24, 2008...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2008/02/raising-children-again.html

Don’t ever doubt me!

That kid is back and he is seeing dead people...

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(89)

I May Have Already Blogged About Everything There Is To Blog About... Or Have I?

On March 4, 2007 I blogged about my local newspaper’s ongoing practice of labeling certain of its news articles, “Must Read”. To get the full flavor of today’s posting (that’s the one you are reading at this moment), you really ought to go back and read what I blogged about back in March ’07...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2007/03/required-reading.html

Today my newspaper has labeled a “Must Read” Article that I did read because I am required to read it because it is labeled “Must Read” and I am one to always follow instructions.

The article was not headlined with earth shaking attention getting wording like...

Hamas, While Making No Long-Term Commitments But In A Definite Show of Compassion, Pledges To Only Kill Every Other Israeli Instead Of Killing Every Israeli, As Has Been Their Previously Stated Position

Now that would be a headline that would get the world’s attention. It would certainly swing a lot of Public Opinion Holders worldwide into the Hamas camp.

Today’s “Must Read” headline is...

Utah Woman Denied Rescue After Dog Tussles With Goat

It is not a requirement of mine that you must read this Dog/Goat article, but, if you are one of those that think I make things up, you can click on the link below…

http://whtc.com/news/articles/2014/aug/06/utah-woman-denied-rescue-after-dog-tussles-with-mountain-goat/

This is the part of the article that caught my attention in this bit of cracker jack news reporting... “It is a misdemeanor under local law to "attack, chase or worry" a wild animal...”

Do you see it? Do you see the word that caught the Smartfella’s attention? Of course, it was “worry”...

• How exactly does one go about worrying a wild animal?
• If the wild animal is worried, how do authorities go about determining that the wild animal was worried?
• Is the worried wild animal entitled to compensation?
• Does the wild animal know that it is worried?

If you are still reading this, you probably have not had enough of me yet. What’s that you just said? You have had enough of me? Don’t blame me it’s your fault that you are still reading. You could have gone on to something else important like Twitter but you stayed when you could have strayed.

Hope you are glad you stayed!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(394)

Salesmanship Is Simply Convincing The Buyer That He Needs What You Are Selling Or He Will Buy What You Are Selling

There is heavy advertising on my local radio stations about land available for sale in North Georgia. The frantic pitchman keeps saying you can see three states from these prime parcels of land.

I Googled It. I Binged It. I DuckDuckGoed It. I even went to the Public Library and demanded that they go back into their archives and bring me out an Encyclopedia and I Encyclopediaed It. (First I had to explain to the Librarian what an Encyclopedia was.) As a result of all this Herculean Effort on my part, I can unequivocally state that...

3 States From Up High Looks Exactly Like 1 State From Up High

I wonder if this kind on Sales Foolishness really works. Do buyers really say, “I’m going to borrow a lot of money, jeopardize my children’s education and my future retirement to buy this land because I can see 3 states from it! I’ll take you up there tomorrow and you will be able to see all 3 states for yourself. It is a beautiful sight to behold. It’s a lot better than 1 state!”

I’m like that kid in The Sixth Sense. He said, “I see dead people”. In my case, I see nonsense.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(244)

Lagniappe: To quote Tertullian... “Credo quia absurdum”, I believe it because it is absurd.

My Survival Plan Is Not Going To Survive

The long term survival of this once great country is going to hell faster than we can alibi for it. We used to be That Shining City on a Hill but now we are That Country that Used to be Able to Put a Man on the Moon. I have been coping with this ever more obvious reality up until this point because I was secure in the knowledge that I had a Survival Plan.

My Survival Plan was beautiful in its simplicity...

I planned to pick up the pennies & nickels that are being thrown on the ground every day outside the local gas stations by our Imported Landscaping Industry Workers after they buy their breakfast.

I had every intention of picking up enough of this thrown away money to buy Dog & Cat Food for myself and my wife from my local Pets Mart, Pet City and/or Poochie Palace.

Did I hear you say that my plan was brilliant? It was but it is now not as bullet proof as it once looked! This is awful! (Do I seem to use the word “awful” a lot? If I do, that is really awful!)

What went wrong with my plan, you ask? What caused this harsh reality to hit me flush in my face was I recently took a walk through my local Pet Adoration Store and I sadly and quickly ascertained that my cast away fortune, although quite substantial, will not be enough for me to afford the rising prices of Dog & Cat Food in the Good Ole USofA.

I am really scared.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(280)