Congress Has Three “Talents”

The Jesuits taught me only God can Create. The Jesuits were wrong. Our 9% approval rating Congress is Creating Problems all the time.

Then they campaign against the problems they created.

Here are a few examples...

Problem: The rich do not pay their fair share of taxes.

Fix: The Alternative Minimum Tax.

New Problem: The AMT first started in 1969 but the present form for the AMT was set up in 1982. In either form it has been confusing all of us from the get go.

There is no such thing as an AMT Expert. If you ever find one and get him to give you his interpretation of the AMT and then ask another AMT Expert about the first Experts Opinion and he will tell you that the First Expert’s Opinion is wrong. The First AMT Expert will tell you that the Second AMT Expert is all wet. Neither one looks real confident that he is right and the other is wrong.

A major flaw in the AMT is that Congress did not index it for inflation, therefore, it has long been hitting the Middle Class because they are being re-classified as “rich”.

Congress has moved on from the old “Fix” for the Rich Not Paying Their Fair Share (the AMT) and is now in a pickle about the Rich Not Paying Their Fair Share all over again.

They are working on a new “Fix”. Heaven help us.

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Problem: Congress tries to “fix” everything by spending more money than they take in.

Fix: Borrow money to “take in” more money.

New Problem: Interest on the money they borrow is preventing them from “fixing” everything.

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Problem: The economy need to be stimulated.

Fix: Lower taxes to stimulate the economy.

New Problem: By putting an end to the lowered taxes, Congress causes the economy to languish because of the uncertainty created because the taxes to stimulate the economy may come to an end because Congress set them up to come to an end from the beginning.

If Congress decides to lower taxes (Bush Tax Cuts), they should do just that... Pass A Law To Lower Taxes.

If it is later decided by our “leaders” in Congress that we need to raise taxes, then they should go through the complicated process (yes, it ought to be complicated) of raising taxes...Propose it, Justify it, Discuss it, Modify it, Expose it to the folks back home and then Pass A Law To Raise Taxes.

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Problem: Influential people are angry about having to pay taxes.

Fix: Congress puts loopholes into the Tax Code.

New Problem: Influential taxpayers use the loopholes and Congress acts horrified that people are using the loopholes that Congress made for them to use.

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Problem: Congress is silly.

Fix: If Congress read my Blog they would understand how silly they are and become ashamed of themselves and then they would stop being silly.

Ongoing Problem: Congress does not read my Blog.

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The Subject of this Blog Posting toyed with you about what Congress is really good at doing. The full list is...

Creating Problems

Spending Money to Buy Votes

Kicking Cans Down the Road

Are you wondering about what problems your elected representatives are working on for the future? To stay informed all you have to do is watch CSPAN.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Alternative Minimum Tax,AMT,Loopholes

Winter Storms…Again

Our 24/7 News Media has taken notice that it is Winter and they will not stop talking about it.

It happens every year and still they always seem surprised.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Winter Storms

Have You Noticed?

Have you noticed that each year we hear more and more on TV, on Radio and in the Movies about how difficult it is to get together with Family Members during the Holidays? I don’t know what they (whoever “they” are) are talking about.

If they are not simply trying to be funny, I feel sorry for them (“them” is “they”) if they really feel this way about their own Families.

I also regret that this trend got started in the first place. It is going to be hard to keep the children of the future from being influenced, since they will be exposed to this attack on the family every year as they grow up.

There you go again thinking I am overreacting about ongoing and growing movements. Allow me to make my point by illustrating what is ongoing and growing about the annual Attack on Christmas...

• For years now we have been witness to attacks on anything having to do with Christmas including…Manger Scenes and saying “Merry Christmas”.
• They started off with saying such things as these happenings offended them.
• Then they moved on to they felt threatened by these Christmassy Things.
• “Threatened?” These mental midgets need to experience a bad guy pulling a gun on them outside Wal-Mart and demanding their money. That’s what “threatened” means.

The first time it all happened we thought, “What are they talking about?”

Now we have slid right past surprise and confusion and we are analyzing why they are so uncomfortable, having panel discussions about the merits of their arguments and (you guessed it) disassembling Manger Scenes.

If I did not fully understand that we are losing this battle, a recent Talking Head’s Comments demonstrated to me how full our retreat is. The unnamed person is well respected, well known and the folks back home pay attention when she speaks. The Smartfella paid attention with his mouth wide open when she spoke these words...

The problem with the Holiday Season is there is too much religion in it. If we could only get this religious influence out of it, we would enjoy the Holidays much more.

Oh well, that’s progress...Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Christmas,Manger Scenes,Holidays

Everybody Today Is Smart ... Or are they?

The up and coming generation must be smart because they are all going to College.

Here is the gist of an article I read in my newspaper recently...

A California couple lured a handyman to their house and then kidnapped him for 6 hours while they forced him to work on their dish washer & other appliances.

Is this the tip of the Iceberg? Are we starting to run out of Butchers, Bakers and Candlestick Makers? It seems all of our young people are becoming Brain Surgeons, Rocket Scientists and, heaven forbid, Lawyers.

Who is going to fix things in the future?

My Father had 6 siblings and none went to college but all supported their families well. They did such things as Graphic Artist, Inventor, Grocer, Another Grocer, Married a Rich Guy (who did not go to college), a Factory Worker of some kind and a Food Caterer.

My Brother was the first of the next generation to go to college. Even then only 3 or 4 of 14 of that generation went to college

Now is seems like everybody goes to college. If this trend continues, who is going to Cut our Meat into Steaks, Bake our Bread into Loves and Make Our Wax into Candlesticks?

I’m really not that worried about the Candlesticks because candlesticks are many times really Butane Lighters hidden inside what looks like a Candlestick.

On the other hand, who is going to assemble the Butane Lighters and make the thingy that looks like a Candlestick?

I guess that’s why our Federal Government invented China. It’s going to be a long time before they all go to college.

I just did a lot of research into this Impending Disaster and found out I have been wasting your time. This issue is not an issue that we really need be concerned about because our Butchers, Bakers and Candlestick Makers are going to come from the ranks of our College Freshman. There is not going to be a shortage after all.

The reality of our modern American Institutions of Higher Learning influx and out flux of Freshmen actually functions as follows...

• They enroll full of anticipation to become something really smart.
• The first night in college they go to a party.
• The next night they go to another party.
• They quickly learn that all those books their parents paid for are great for sitting on so they can be seen at the bar by the bartender when they are ready for the next round of whatever they are practicing their drinking with.
• This pattern continues to perfect itself until they are really Accomplished Drinkers.

Do you get my drift? A very high percentage of College Freshmen do not become College Sophomores. What they become are Butchers, Bakers and Candlestick Makers. They do not all become Brain Surgeons, Rocket Scientists and, thank heaven, Lawyers.

All is right with the world after all.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: College Freshmen,Handymen,Butchers,Bakers,Candlestick Makers,Brain Surgeons,Rocket Scientists,Lawyers

I Am Sitting Here Pecking Out This Posting While Waiting For My Heart To Attack Me

Today is the day our Mayan Friends told us was going to be the end of the world. I took them to heart because, up until now, I have never had a Mayan lie to me. I acted on their forecast and had a wonderful breakfast.

I have said to myself many times, “Self, if you are ever told that you don’t have long to live, go to the Bacon Grease”. I did just that. I had a breakfast of Five Eggs Cooked in Bacon Grease. It was wonderful!

What really drove me to the Bacon Grease was an unconfirmed report from an anonymous source that said that Sasquatch had confirmed the rumors about the world ending today.

Sasquatch has never lied to me before either. Wow! That’s two people I have always trusted sending me a bum steer in close proximity one to the other!

The final blow is going to be if I find out that the 24 Hours News Cycle was somehow involved in this hoax. Everyone knows it always tells us the truth.

I have to stop now. I think my heart is starting to twitch a bit.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Mayan,Mayans,End of the world,Sasquatch

Thanks To The Magic Of Modern Electronic Gadgetry The World Is Coming Around To My Way Of Thinking

During the Thanksgiving Hysteria we just went through I read an article about families that could not have their respective grandmothers with them for Thanksgiving but they had their respective grandmothers them with them for Thanksgiving.

Wow that was a long awkward sentence! Well, at least it made sense. What’s that you just said? Did you just say it did not make sense? Let me try again through the Magic of Bullet Points...

• This year some families found it was impossible to get their grandmas from across the country to be with them at the Thanksgiving Dinner Table.
• To remedy this sad situation, they resorted to the Wonders of Modern Electronics to have grandma join them for the big meal.
• They set up a Laptop Computer where grandma would normally sit.
• They then used Skype Software to have their grandma’s face and voice there with them while they ate.

They were so pleased with themselves that they did not notice that grandma was doing her best to look like she was tickled pink to be eating a grilled cheese sandwich while they all committed sins of gluttony.

In the Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? I said the world was coming around to my way of thinking. I said this because I posted a blog on November 26, 2009 which brushed right up against the idea of Skypeing Grandma for Holidays. Chick below to see how forward thinking the Smartfella is...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2009/11/grandmanearyoucom.html

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Skype,Thanksgiving

We Owe A Lot To The Talking Head Industry

Because of the hard work of our News Media’s Talking Heads we do not have to think. They report to us every day about what is going on in the world. They analyze the happenings for us. They tell us what it all means. All we need do is sit on our couches and sip something sippable and let them feed our world to us. (I know “sippable” is not a word but don’t you think it fits into my Foolishness rather well?)

Did I mention they are smart? Actually that’s the best part. We do not have to think because they are so intelligent...Or are they?

Look at these five pictures of the country of Syria today and then the Smartfella will feed you closing comments after the pictures...

Now enter the Talking Head that did such a very good job of educating me yesterday. Here is what he said which conclusively demonstrates his extreme intelligence…

He said the Syrian conflict has been going on since March 11, 2011 and is showing signs of turning into a Civil War.

I guess up until now it has to be classified as an Argument. If it turns into a Civil War, it could become serious and then somebody might get hurt.

Now you understand why the Talking Head who “educated” me yesterday looked so concerned.

In order to drag this Posting on longer than is necessary, allow me to peck out this further bit of Foolishness...

This squabble in Syria has been called...

• The Syrian Uprising
• An Ongoing Armed Conflict
• An Armed Rebellion
• An Uprising Of Armed Terrorist Groups and Foreign Mercenaries
• A Non-International Armed Conflict

I don’t know about you but I prefer any one of these descriptions because they don’t sound near as dangerous as a Civil War.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Syria,Talking Heads,Civil War

We Need The Federal Government Because We Can Depend On The Federal Government To Get Things Done Right And On Time... Or can they?

I quote from USA Today...

“11:46PM EST November 5. 2012 - Seventeen months have passed since the Department of Homeland Security announced it would create an internal civil rights review of the Obama administration's signature immigration enforcement program, but now department officials cannot say when, or if, they will complete it.”

Note the use of the phrase,

“Obama administration's signature immigration enforcement program”

Now I ask you, if our Crack Bureaucracy can’t get our President’s Signature Program put together, what do you think are your chances of them getting around to Your Signature Program?

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Homeland Security,Immigration Enforcement Program

The Three Wise Men Are At It Again

Much to their surprise the Three Wise Men have been resurrected from the dead put back on their camels and sent out to find a Fourth Wise Man.

Needless to say this confused them to no end but long ago they proved that they do as they are told (when God is the one doing the telling).

However, they again proved why they were originally given the designation of Wise Men right from the get-go. They traded in their camels for a Lexus and set off on their trek.

Their first destination was to a place they had been hearing for a long time which supposedly had all the answers...Hollywood. (Yes, they did have the ability to hear while they were dead.) They stayed there for two full weeks. They observed such things as...

• Guys with earrings in jewelry stores buying bobbles for their current wife and/or their boyfriends.
• Lots of chase scenes where they observed dozens of cars which rolled over instead of going crunch when they ran into other cars.
• “Stars” posing over their Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame right after they had completed their first movie. (They commented to each other that they now understood why Clark Gable, Gary Cooper and Tyrone Power were always turning over in their graves.)

They are nothing if they are not persistent. They began driving across the country and stopped in at various State Capitals as they went. They made sure to stop in on Sacramento, CA and Springfield, IL but were bitterly disappointed.

Somewhere around Ohio they saw a Talking Head on CNN talking his head about the wonderful things that were happening in Washington, DC and they stepped on the accelerator.

When they got to Washington’s City Limits they were surprised to find a Welcome Sign that had the following directive written on it...

Anyone Seeking Entrance Must First Deposit Any Part of Their Brain That Controls Logical Thinking (Most Especially Any Part That Has the Slightest Effect on Common Sense) into the Bottomless Pit

A neon flashing arrow pointed to an Outhouse alongside the Interstate. They had no intention of complying with the sign’s directive but they have always been a curious lot, so they went in.

They squeezed into the Outhouse and peered down into the Bottomless Pit with their lanterns. The newly elected Congressmen standing in line closest to the outhouse heard them say to each other in unison.

“By Golly, the Bottomless Pit is almost full!”

The cross I have to bear is the fact that some of you think I made this whole story up.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Wise Men,Common Sense,Hollywood

Social Security Is Running Out Of Money...Or Is It?

Social Security Is Running Out Of Money. The Last Thing We Ought To Do Is Take Money Out Of Social Security.

This Foolishness...Or Is It? could end right here. The above is a statement of fact and no one could argue with it...Or could they?

Have you heard about the Payroll Tax Holiday? This “holiday”, which is reducing money going into Social Security, was first proposed by Republicans and the Democrats gladly climbed on board.

Does this sound like Foolishness?...It sure does!

Now that I have slammed your elected representatives and tried to destroy your heretofore unquestioned faith in their wisdom, I need to attempt to restore your confidence in them...

Your Congress Took the Money Out but They Did Not Take the Money Out Because They Replaced the Money They Took Out with Money from the General Fund of the U.S. Treasury Department

Now that I have restored your heretofore unquestioned faith in their wisdom, I need to tell you how stupid they are...

The General Fund of the U.S. Treasury Department Does Not Have This Replacement Money So Your Congress Is Either Printing the Money or Borrowing It From China

Please do not add a comment to this blog posting telling me that you think this makes it all better.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Social Security System,Payroll Tax Holiday

How To Catch A Thief

I read recently where a bad guy in Austria stole 18 Tons of Chocolate.

The question of the day in Austria is... Will he ever be caught?

I contend that not a single minute of police work ought to be expended in any attempt to catch this thief. He will be caught for sure. The police just must be patient. All they have to do is wait 8 to 10 years. Within that time span a very fat guy is going to come waddling into an Emergency Room somewhere in Austria. When that happens they can put the cuffs on him.

There will be no need to rush up to him with the cuffs. He is not going to run away.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Thief,Chocolate,Austria,Emergency

A Few Days Ago I Said I Was Rich But Now I Realize How Rich I’m Not

In a recent blog posting I said I was rich because a benefactor was paying me $.25 every time anyone anywhere said or wrote the phrase “Black Friday”. If you want to refresh your memory go to...

http://www.forii.blogspot.com/2012/11/im-suddenly-rich-other-silliness-about.html

My wealth could be incalculable if someone would be willing to pay me $.10 every time anyone anywhere says or writes the phrase, “Fiscal Cliff”.

Would I kid u?

Technorati Tags: Black Friday,Fiscal Cliff,Rich

An Arithmetic Lesson or Do You Remember Common Sense?

Have you looked at my Credit Card Statement lately? There I go being silly again. Of course you have not looked at my Credit Card Statement but, more to the point, have you looked at your Credit Card Statement lately?

My last Credit Card Statement has a warning in it for me. Yours does to. Allow me to direct your attention to your Credit Card Statement’s Dire (that’s right “dire”) Warning...

• Mine tells me my new balance is $1,902.
• It also warns me, if I make only the minimum payment each month and do not buy anything more with the card, it will take 20 years to pay off the new balance.

What did I just hear you say to yourself? Did I just hear you say to yourself, “I’ll just get a few more credit cards and get my stuff with them”. I wish I had not heard you say that to yourself.

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Are my numbers too small to make an impact on you? Let’s try some actual big numbers from one of our USofA’s states.

This state has Unfunded Pension Liability of $83,000,000,000...

Otherwise known as 83 Billion Dollars otherwise known as 83 Thousand Million Dollars

Do I see you starting to fog over at my attempt to get you to be concerned for this state’s predicament? Allow me to try again...

As of the end of September this silly state has $6,000,000,000 in Unpaid Bills...

Otherwise known as 6 Billion Dollars otherwise known as 6 Thousand Million Dollars

There are other states in similar dire situations and their “leaders” don’t seem to be concerned either.

How could any official in any of these states not be in a state of panic? Panic is nowhere to be seen because, as Senator Foghorn Leghorn would say to us...

“Why, son, don’t you understand that we have shopping to do and it’s football season, son, by golly, I say again, It’s Football Season!”

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Now would you like me to go on and put together a similar analysis of our Federal Governments fiscal situation? I can’t do it. My computer does not have enough words and numbers inside it to do this Untenable, Unsustainable, Unbelievable situation justice.

Just for a moment think about this one point. Can you even imagine how much Interest we are paying? Are we even making the Minimum Payment on this Credit Card Bill? If we are making the minimum payment, it does not make the Smartfella feel one bit better.

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I’m exhausted and you are tired of me so I’ll close with this...

Our Federal Debt is 16 Trillion Dollars and growing every minute.

Did I just hear you say to yourself, “Sixteen isn't that much”? Think about it this way...

Sixteen Trillion Dollars Is Sixteen Thousand Billion Dollars!

Our debt is growing at more than $3.5 Billion a day and that’s much.

Would I kid u?

More: Did I just hear you say to yourself, “3.5 isn’t much. Why that’s not even 4.”? You know, sometimes I wish I did not have the gift of being able to hear what you say to yourself.

Technorati Tags: Federal Debt,Debt,Federal Deficit,Deficit,Credit Card