Prioritizing Nonsense

Before I get into the meat of this bit of Foolishness allow me to sidetrack myself...
I just read where there are several cities that have been reported as so cash strapped that they may not be able to pay for the upcoming Presidential Election. In case you have never thought about it, think about it, it takes money to set up the apparatus for voters to be able to vote in any election.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/25/us-usa-campaign-elections-idUSBRE83O0YN20120425
It is no surprise that the Once Great City of Detroit is one of those cities. Having lived in the Detroit Area twice, it makes me sad to realize that “Once Great City” is going to be in front of the word “Detroit” for the foreseeable future.
Message from the Smartfella to the Once Great City of Detroit...I know where you can get at least $50,000 to pay for your presidential election.

Above is the sidetrack and below is the meat.

Recently a single issue of my local newspaper had two separate articles that my keen and observant eye noticed were related to each other.
They were both about the Once Great City of Detroit...
First Article: Detroit currently faces a $200 Million deficit and a $13.2 Billion long-term structural debt.
These are some serious numbers. This situation ought to make any city look very closely at any expenditure of money.
This is reality. How does Detroit deal with reality? The answer is Detroit attacks reality with Nonsense!
Second Article: The good people of Detroit have set aside $50,000 to erect a statue of RoboCop. (What do you want to bet it will cost a lot more than $50,000 before it is done?)
Is this what a city in dire straits ought to be spending its money on? ...

A statue to a Fictional Crime-Fighting Cyborg?

The movie was described in the article as, “A 1980s movie set in a futuristic and crime ridden Detroit”.
Dear reader, we have seen the future and the future is now but RoboCop can’t help because, no matter how much he costs, he can’t get off his pedestal and go around fixing things.
The people of the Once Great City of Detroit ought to know this.
Would I kid u?
NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

If George Zimmerman Can’t ... Does That Mean I Can?

I see were the Conditions of Release for George Zimmerman are...

• He can’t have any Guns.
• He can’t drink Alcohol.
• He can’t use Illegal Drugs.

I’m sure you see my question. If he has to be specifically told that he can’t use Illegal Drugs, does that mean that under normal circumstances he could use illegal drugs? Carrying this to its logical Foolish conclusion, does that mean it OK for me to use Illegal Drugs?
I have been released for a long time now.
Heck, they have probably forgotten I am out here.
Would I kid u?

United Nations Observers

My newspaper tells me that our intrepid United Nations has sent 300 U.N. Observers to Syria. I have a question. What are they there to observe?

For more than a year now the ruler of Syria has had his Security Forces shooting his unhappy people. They may have once been happy people but being shot and killed tends to make most people unhappy.

A truce has been in effect for many days but the shooting seems to be continuing. I wonder if a person who is shot and killed during a truce is less dead than a person who is shot and killed before the truce was declared.

The Smartfella does not want to be too critical but I think the U.N. is guilty of not being explicit enough about what their observers are supposed to observe.

Syrian Security Forces General’s announcement to his troops:

It appears that the United Nations is interested in observing how we kill our minions. Three hundred U.N. Observers have started arriving in Syria. Go get ‘em boys! Show them how good we are at doing what we are trained to do.

Strother Martin told Paul Newman in 1967 in Cool Hand Luke, "What we've got here is failure to communicate".

The U.N. should have explained that the observers are there to observe people standing upright and not to observe them falling down dead.

Want to read more of my nonsense about Syria? Click below to read what I blogged on January 19, 2012...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2012/01/its-got-to-be-worst-than-you-think.html

Would I kid u?

Getting To Full Employment Quickly

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Chapel Hill, NC has come up with a plan of action that could get everyone in this country employed in no time at all.

They are banning all electronic device usage while driving. This means no texting and no cell phone use. When they say No Cell Phones they mean No Cell Phones. This includes all Hands-Free cell phones.

The Smartfella thinks the No Hands-Free aspect of this law is going to be tricky to enforce. How will a ticket-at-the-ready officer be able to tell if driver is talking through his car (like me) or with one of those little earpieces? I see only one possible way to make this enforcement policy work...

A bureaucrat is going to have to be stationed in every car in Chapel Hill to make sure that there is no Hands-Free Tomfoolery going on inside moving cars.

Expand this Bureaucratic Stationing nationwide and, there you have it, Full Employment!

Heck, our 9% approval rating Congress just might have to institute a Bureaucrat Guest Worker Importation Program.

Would I kid u?

We Have A Great Product But It Has One Little Problem

My newspaper is talking to me again.

This time it told me about a Solar Panel Company that was worth $20 Billion in 2008 but, as of last week, it is only worth $2 Billion.

It has had several setbacks recently, not the least of which has to do with the company’s need to make higher warranty provisions because its solar modules may suffer “increased failure rates in hot climates”.

Silly me, I thought solar panels were supposed to be specifically designed to be installed where there was a lot of sun and a lot of heat.

Many of you know that in the real world I enjoyed a very successful mediocre automotive career. I once knew all about cars. I can tell you for certain that the Chief Design Engineer who came to the Chairman of the Board with the following statement would not have been The Chief much longer...

Sir, I can assure you that this revolutionary vehicle we have developed will get 257 miles per gallon. The only problem is it shuts down when it gets in the vicinity of asphalt.

Would I kid u?

Another Federal Law Is Needed

At an Eagles Club in the St. Louis area during the first two months of 2011  a man sold 50 baby alligators. The people who took the cute little critters home bought them because they were cute little critters. Now the alligators have come home to roost.

These former cute critters are now monsters and the owners seem to be mystified as to how this could have happened. Many say they are shocked that alligators have grown so large.

One unsuspecting owner almost had his hand bitten off. Some alligators have escaped or been released into the “wild” (the neighborhood). Neighbors are worried about letting their children go out of their houses to play.

Some residents are organizing gator hunts while others are organizing against the gator hunts and saying, you guessed it, “Gators are people too!”

As usual, the Smartfella has a remedy to prevent such future consternation. As the Subject of this blog posting says, Another Federal Law Is Needed...

In order to protect human limbs, small children, grown adults and (most of all) household pets, all Americans are hereby required to watch Nature Television Shows about alligators. The producers of these shows are also required to give particular emphasis to the fact that alligators have been known to grow in size and can become very large.

That oughta do it.

Would I kid u?

Stupid Sayers Say Stupid Things

Below is a quote from Yahoo News. As you read it you will note that I falsified the name of the high-level security person who said something stupid enough to inspire this Foolishness...Or Is It?.

It is not that I am trying to protect him. I am actually trying to protect myself from being sued by him.

Here is how I could be sued...

• Someone who is supposed to be smart says something stupid.
• An observant person like me takes note that what was said was stupid and puts it in his blog.
• The Stupid Sayer brings a lawsuit contending that I reported to everyone reading my blog (on good days that could be as many as 7 to 8 people) that I dared to report the details of his stupidity.
• He does not content that I falsified anything but attacks me for repeating very precisely the stupid things he actually said.
• I can just hear the stupid person’s attorney pointing his finger at me in court and saying, “Your Honor, that self-proclaimed Smartfella seated at that table accurately reported the stupid thing my ignorant client said”.

With the conclusion of the above bullet I have completed the Introductory Phase of this blog posting and I will now begin reporting the actual stupid words from Yahoo News...

Peter Fernerk, deputy assistant to the assistant national security adviser for critical security stuff said, the U.S. is "committed" to implementing the missile defense system, "which we've repeatedly said is not aimed at Russia”.

I would be disappointed in you, my dear reader, if you did not immediately catch on to the stupid part of this statement. Just in case, I will explicitly lay it out for you...

• The Offending Words are, “which we've repeatedly said is not aimed at Russia”.
• I did not know we “aimed” missile defenses at countries.
• I am smart enough to know that we do aim the missiles themselves at countries.
• Missiles are supposed to be aimed at people who would do us harm.

The only logical conclusion that can be drawn by the Russians from the above Offending Words is...

Russia can feel free to launch their missiles at us at any time they darn well please and we would be glad to receive them.

It is just those countries that we have our Missile Defense Shields aimed at that would make us mad.

If you think I am being foolish about what I have pecked out above, I have this to say to you... Thank you very much! I am glad I could be of service.

Would I kid u?