If Any Of You Have The Phone Number Of The FBI, Email It To Me As Quickly As You Can!

I was walking through one of my local Malls today & I came across a Kiosk that could be of significant value in our fight against International Terrorism...

I apologize for not taking a better picture. I was so excited that I messed it up. In case you can’t read the 5 signs, they are Buy, Sell, Trade, Repair & Unlock.

 

Can you see what I got so excited about? That’s it...Unlock! The FBI & Apple are fighting in court & in the media because Apple will not open the phone of one of the San Bernardino Terrorists. All the FBI has to do is visit this Kiosk & they can cancel all legal actions & tell all their lawyers to FuhGeddAboudIt.

 

I approached the Kiosk Guy & asked him if he could really open an iPhone. He said, “Which one do you want me to open”.

 

He was probably asking me if I wanted to open mine or someone else’s but I thought he meant Which Model. I replied I did not know which model but I was wondering if he could open the iPhone of the San Bernardino Terrorist for the FBI. He got so nervous that I was afraid he was going to call the police to come & arrest me, so I got out of there fast.

 

If you can help me get in contact with the FBI, I will take them to the mall & point out the Kiosk Guy while hiding behind a nearby Mannequin...

This has made me start losing faith in the FBI. I used to think they were all real smart guys but they should have been able to find this guy without me. I’m beginning to wonder if many of them went to work for the FBI because it was easy to spell.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You Probably Think That 10% Isn’t That Much

I too used to think that 10% was not that much but I just changed my mind...

According to Pew Research, approximately 10 percent of the world’s 1 Billion Muslims have a Favorable Opinion of the Islamic State and Terror Against Civilians.

 

How much is 10% of the World’s 1 Billion Muslims? That’s 100 Million People.

 

Still think that 10% isn’t that much?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you are comforted by the numbers above, you ought to run for Congress. Those guys don’t understand numbers either.

What Do You Mean You Won’t Hire Me!?

Tat Stats:

Ø Americans spend $1,650,500,000 (that’s billion with a B) on tattoos annually.

Ø The percentage of Americans with tattoos is about 14 percent.

Ø Total Americans with at least 1 tattoo is 45 Million.

Ø The people that get tattooed say it is about artistic expression.

Ø Only 11 percent of people with tattoos get them removed.

Ø Average cost of a large tattoo is $150/hour.

Let’s all get on our knees at night & pray that, in the not too distant future, Tattoo Removing will become a growth industry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: When I was growing up, if you saw a person with a Tattoo it meant 2 things...

1. They once were in the Navy.

2. At least 1 night while in the Navy they got drunk.

Now We Are Really In Trouble!

This Is an Announcement to the World

(Or, more accurately stated, this is an announcement to that .000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the world that reads my Blog Postings.)

In the past I have published at least 2 Blog Postings about the silliness of the Eye Witness Testimony of Eye Witnesses. The point was made that Eye Witness Testimony is unbelievably unreliable. That point is absolutely true but now I find out that the World is taking what I say seriously & overreacting.

I just read where one of our major universities has a group of their smart people who call themselves “Wrongful Convictions Proponents”. They are against eyewitnesses and I pray that my past blog postings were not basis for their wrongheaded (whatever that means) convictions. Here is a quote from one of their spokesmen...

“Eyewitness testimony is horribly inaccurate – even under the best of circumstances. We should never depend on eyewitness testimony in death penalty cases.”

Ah come on! I was only writing a blog. It’s about foolishness. Sometimes what I write is about Foolishness & sometimes what I write is Foolishness. Often time I can’t tell which it is. The World should not take the “...Or Is It?” part so seriously!

The above spokesman said above, “Horribly Inaccurate” and “Never Depend On” that’s pretty strong positions to take. Does this mean that if...

Ø If a bad guy walks into a well lit liquor store.

Ø If the bad guy has a big gun in his hand when he walks in.

Ø If the bad guy announces to the about to be dead cashier, “I am going to kill you deader than a doornail” and then proceeds to make the about to be dead cashier dead.

Ø If the bad guy says and does this in the presence of five wide-eyed eyewitnesses.

Ø If the bad guy still has his name badge on from the Piggly Wiggly which plainly reads, “Hi there! My name is Peter Fernerk. How can I help you today?”

If all of the above happens, is the judge going to throw this case out of his court because there were too many eyewitnesses who saw too much?

What’s next? Are we going to throw the eyewitnesses in jail because they are known to be “horribly inaccurate”?

This is terrible! I am truly sorry but I never thought anyone was going to pay this much attention to me!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

This Just In From My...That’s An Insult To My Intelligence Department

The constant TV Advertising for Prescription Drugs & GEICO is sometimes interrupted for an ad asking us to Buy Gold. Some of these Gold Selling Companies are offering Purchase Incentives to buy their gold.

The Fella understands how effective such Purchase Incentives can be because he can remember in the 1960s being given Drinking Glasses, Coffee Mugs or S&H Green Stamps as a Purchase Incentive to buy 12 Cents a Gallon Gasoline.

 

In my mind there is one of these Purchase Incentives that just does not make sense. That is the one that tells us, if I buy their Gold, they will send us a Safe to keep our Gold in.

 

Now, if it were a huge burglar-proof safe, I would think this would a great idea.

 

The truth is the Safe is not huge. In fact, it is rather small, light weight & can be broken into is no time at all. Actually no self-respecting burglar would bother taking the time to break into it while still in your house. It’s so small they would just pick it up, carry it home, get a butter knife from the kitchen & open it as they watched America’s America’s Most Wanted on TV while drinking a beer.

 

I can just picture the following happening all over the Fruited Plain. Two burglars break into a home whose owner has been TV Talked into buying gold & got that Itty Bitty Safe as a Sales Incentive. After a quick search they find the Itty Bitty Safe. One burglar says to his co-worker...

“I just love it when we find these As Seen on TV Itty Bitty Gold Safes! It makes our job so much easier because we know what’s inside them &, best of all, they are so easy to carry. We can significantly shorten our visit because we know we got what we came for. Although I do wish they would put a handle on them. That would make it even better! As a matter of fact, I think I will write a letter to the Gold Selling People & recommend that they start installing Easy Carry Burglar Handles.”

 

It’s like installing a decal on your home back door that reads... “Don’t break the window. The key is under the flower pot to your left”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: For 50 cents extra you can get the expanded version of the decal which adds on, “You will be glad to know we have the have the latest version of the TV Gold Safe with the Easy Carry Burglar Handle. Have a nice night!”

This Is Quite Embarrassing But In A Week The Folks Back Home Will Have Forgotten All About How Stupid We Were

The Presidential Campaign Frenzy is in such a Hysterical Unmitigated State of Chaotic Consternation that the Main Stream Media could very well overlook some very important news items about which we really would normally be very interested.

This Could Not Happen...Or Could it?

Imagine this...A joint communication has just been issued by all news organizations that make up what we consider to be the Main Stream Media in the Good Ole USofA:

 

“We are very embarrassed to report that our Unending Ongoing Continuing 24/7 Coverage of the current Presidential Campaign has caused us to leave unreported a major news story on the West Coast of the United States.

 

It seems we missed out on reporting that two days ago there was a devastating earthquake in the Los Angeles Basin which has resulted in 75% of the City of Los Angeles falling off into the Pacific Ocean. There are few survivors & really not even that much floating debris to show you.

 

We certainly understand how many of you are finding it hard to believe that we could have made this error but, in our own defense, the last two days have really been quite extraordinary out on the campaign trail.

 

Several of the candidates have really gotten nasty when referring to their opponents &, from past experience, we are keenly aware how the American News Watching Public enjoy every tantalizing word of such tirades.

 

Actually, on second thought, we are taking back all of our apologetic words above. We have collectively come to the realization that America would have been much more condemning of us if we had neglected to keep it appraised about every tantalizing happening taking place in this historic election.

 

Besides by the time we had gotten the news reports about Los Angeles sliding into the ocean to you, it had already slid & it was all gone. There is nothing that any of us could have gone to stop it & the campaign is just getting hotter day after day.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Hopefully this blog posting is one day late. The GOP debate was civil last night. I did not watch all of it (I usually do not watch all of any of them) but what I saw was civil & the Wall Street Journal this morning confirms that it was very toned down. In the past I have turned them off because there was too much consternation. Is it possible that last night I turned it off because there was not enough consternation?

There May Be Hope For Us After All

If you have read my Foolishness...Or Is It Blog for awhile, you are well aware that I often write about the evils of the Smartphone...

Ø Texting while driving.

Ø Not starting up when the red light has changed to green.

Ø Head tilted 85 degrees to the left in order to secure a cell phone against a shoulder while driving & applying finger nail polish.

Ø Driving while eating a sub sandwich in one hand with a little white dog in your lap with a cell phone in your other hand (Since you remember everything I blog, I am sure you remember that I actually saw this Vehicular Gymnastics with my own eyes).

This Blog Posting will now conclude by referring you to a Link about a story that appeared in my local newspaper that is the reason why the Subject of this posting is, “There May Be Hope For Us After All”.

I cannot kid u because I am all choked up.

Smartfella

Lagniappe: The article is wonderful but it did tickle me when that teenager said, “It wasn’t as bad as you would think it’d be”.

Click here: http://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/local/business/suwanee-chick-fil-a-s-cell-phone-coops-inspiring-a/article_dd0c1344-5457-54ec-b7bc-65a418d666ef.html

But I Don’t Want A Divorce

Online Dating is all the rage in the Good Ole USofA today. There are so many ads on TV for them that GEICO is getting worried that they will not be able get all the time slots they require to place their ads (GEICO is there in front of us every time we turn around. I even tried not turning around but it did not slow down the GEICO Avalanche one bit.).

I Googled “On-Line Dating” & created the list below (many I have never heard of either)...

· Arab Dating

· Asian Date

· Atlanta Professional Singles (Is there one of these for every city in the country?)

· Badoo

· Be Naughty

· Be Social

· Black People Meet

· Book Of Matches

· Chemistry

· Christian Dating For Free

· Christian Mingle

· Connecting Singles

· Date Hook Up

· Dating Site Fish

· eHarmony

· Elite Singles

· Farmers Only

· Fish Dating

· Fish Singles

· Go Fish Dating

· How About We

· I Date Asia

· It’s Just Lunch

· JDate

· Jewish Match

· Jump Dates

· Lots Of Fish

· Love Awake

· Love Me

· Mashable

· Match

· Mature Singles Only

· Metro Date

· Mingle 2

· OK Cupid

· One On One

· Online Dating University

· Open Dating

· Our Time

· Plenty of Fish

· Professional Match

· Senior People Meet

· Single And Over 50

· Single Parents Meet

· Six Singles

· Speed Date

· Tinder

· Zoosk

Not all of these advertise on TV. If they all did, we would be sitting around Starbucks saying to each other, “I never heard of GEICO”.

----------------------------

Enter our 9% Approval Rated Congress

My sources in Washington DC are reporting to me that Congress is a great supporter of Online Dating as the most logical way to find a marriage partner.

The problem is, as is usually the problem with Congress, they are going overboard. They are Working Hard on legislation that will create a requirement that Online Dating must have been utilized before a marriage license can be issued. (“Working Hard” in Congress means they are delaying the start of Happy Hour by 30 minutes 1 day a week.)

This time, however, they are really getting carried away. A key provision of this bill is that any marriage that was not the result of Online Dating will be declared invalid & the partners of these ill-advised unions must get divorced.

Since I don’t want a divorce, I drove up to see my Senator & told him that we have been married 52 years &, when we were married, there was no such thing as Online, much less Online Dating. He looked at me & said, “And your point is? Ignorance of the law is no excuse! That applies to laws that are on the books at the time of your ill-advised actions or laws that will be on the books after you have acted on your ill-advised actions”.

Who can argue with such logic? I have contacted my lawyer & the divorce papers are being drawn up even as I peck out this Foolishness.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Some of my Dear Readers are pretty sharp. That means that some of you are seeing that most Members of Congress will have to get divorced also. Congress is way ahead of you. As usual, this law, as is the case in most destructive laws passed by Congress, does not apply to Members of Congress...Or does it? They have inserted Provision 27, Part B, Section ii, Subsection 2.5 that reads as follows, “The Divorce Requirement does not apply to Members of Congress unless any particular Member of Congress wants it to apply to him, in which case, it does apply to him”.

Getting Control Of GOP Debates

Back in the old days when Father Knew Best & we young guys were terribly mortified if we used a bad word in front of young girls, there was a show on TV named, The $64,000 Question. Today we ought to emulate the producers of that show to get control of the GOP Debates.

Did you just say, “Fella, that sounds very interesting, please tell me more.” Don’t worry. I will explain. I always do.

The GOP Debates Are Wild & Crazy...

Ø In the beginning the moderators announce the rules.

Ø The rules are about civility, politeness, taking turns, etc.

Ø Then the moderators make the mistake of asking the first question.

Ø There must be a window back stage because, once the first question is asked, all civility, politeness, taking turns, etc. go flying out of that window.

Ø The Folks Back Home (that’s us) are sitting in our debate watching chairs saying, “What did he say? Did he really say that? Actually he may not have said that because they were all talking at the same time & I am not sure what any of them are saying. This is awful! Why am I sitting here? I must be sitting here because it is my civic duty but, if I can’t understand what they are saying, am I duty bound to even try & do my duty?”

------------------------

How Things Would Be Different If The Debates Were Being Run By The $64,000 Question Rules...

Ø Those $64,000 Question people invented the Sound Proof Booth.

Ø The contestant was put into this booth in which he could not hear anything but what was spoken to him by the show’s host & the audience could hear the answer given.

Ø In the GOP Debates all of the candidates should be put into Sound Proof Booths.

Ø The Candidate whose booth is activated would only be able to hear what the Moderator said to him & the other Candidates would be able to hear the question & the answer given by the candidate to whom the Moderator is speaking.

Ø If any of the other candidates started shouting at the answer being given, it would make no never mind because no one could hear the shouting & the shouting candidate would look a lot silly & quite a bit crazy shouting when no one could hear him.

------------------------

There you have it... Complete Control of the Debating Process!

Above I pecked out “quite a bit crazy”. Actually this may be an over reach on my part. The Folks Back Home would never believe that a Crazy Person would ever run for President of the United States...Or would they?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Dear Federal Government, May I Please...

We have a problem here in my home county. A venue of vultures are destroying county property in a local county park & flying through the flight path of airplanes trying to take off & land at a nearby airport.

This is from my local newspaper, The Gwinnett Daily Post...

Gwinnett County, GA officials have tried for months to run off at least 250 vultures, mostly black vultures but also some turkey vultures that have been gathering at one of their parks.

The birds are spreading trash and tearing up buildings, equipment and wiring at the park. They have also been flying into the flight paths of planes going to and from the airport.

Although officials have been monitoring the vulture situation at the park for months, county spokesman Joe Sorenson said the Parks and Recreation Department had to go through channels at the Federal Level to get permission to proceed.

Black vultures, it turns out, are a protected species and the federal government has to give it blessing to go ahead.

I would like to repeat the key part of the first paragraph above... “...flying through the flight path of airplanes trying to take off & land at a nearby airport”. This is serious. Would you not think that local authorities would have the authority to shoo away some vultures without having to ask Federal Government permission?

“Shoo” is the key word here. County officials were not asking the Federal Government to kill the vultures but only to try & shoo them away.

County Officials have been Shooing for a while now & birds are proving to be Shoo Resistant.

Thankfully our Federal Government has also given permission to kill the vultures. Now, if you think that sounds like progress, it is & it isn’t because they have permission to kill 5 & only 5 of the birdies.

On the other hand, if the county succeeds in shooing the vultures away they will probably be sued by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals for using an Effective Shooing Technique.

I can just hear the lawyer for PETA pleading his case in court…

“Your honor, never in a million years did we think, when we heard of the Federal Government giving Gwinnett County permission to shoo away the vultures, did we ever imagine that they would be so uncaring of vulture sensitivities that they would use an Effective Shooing Technique. They ought to be required by law to use a technique that would not work. It is hard to contemplate the horror that each of these birds must have felt as they scurried away to their uncertain & unfamiliar new strange habitat!”

Would you like to look at the bright side? I am one to always point out the bright side of any bad situation. Here is the obvious bright side...

If you are killed because a kettle of these creatures made your plane crash at that nearby airport, you will be able to take solace in knowing you were killed on the Sacrificial Altar of Silliness.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Unemployment Rate & Homicide Rate...You Say You Understand What They Are...But Do You?

Recently I decided I wanted to get a better understanding of the Unemployment & Homicide Rates in the Good Ole USofA. I went to U.S. Government Statisticians Lunch Room & made like I was one of them.

At first, since I was not recognized, I was treated with some skepticism but once I spouted off a sentence that was too long, full of buzz words, which made no sense & chock full of numbers that were unrelated to each other, I was accepted.

After lunch we went back to an office that had a sign over the door that read “Conjureification Department” (that’s where they conjure up numbers to confuse us).

Unemployment Rate...

I was shown a monthly chart that went back to the beginning of reported history of the U.S. Domestic Unemployment Rate. It was quite interesting.

Something caught my eye on the right side of the chart. It was identified as the “Unreported Domestic Unemployment Rate”. Each of these rates had an asterisk next to it that referred to a footnote that simply said, “Ignore This Rate”.

The Domestic Unreported Rate was always much higher that the Domestic Unemployment Rate. When I inquired about this rate, I was told that this was the Unemployment Rate after adding in all the people who had stopped looking for work.

I asked how it was determined that a person had stopped looking for work. The explanation I got was so convoluted, long & complicated that I can’t possible repeat it to you. I did try & get a better understanding so as to educate you as best I could but I must have pressed too hard because I was told to shut up.

I then asked if a person who had stopped looking for work still unemployed? The answer was yes but I was then told that the Folks Back Home did need to know about this. I pressed again & I again I must have pressed too hard because I was told to shut up.

I have always been told, You Can’t Beat a Dead Horse. At about this point I came to the realization that I had gone about as far as I could go on the Domestic Unemployment Rate & decided, If The Horse Is Dead, Get Off The Horse, so I moved on the Homicide Rate.

-------------------------

Homicide Rate...

A few years ago the Homicide Rate in Honduras was reported by the United Nations as being 91 Killings for every 100,000 people (highest in the world at that time). At the same time the comparable Homicide Rate in the Good Ole USofA was Fewer Than 5.

While looking at the U.S. figures, I took note that the figures for Chicago’s Homicide Rate were set off to the side. When I asked what was going on with the Chicago Statistics they said that Chicago was not included in the Fewer Than 5 U.S. Homicide Rate.

At first the statisticians tried to change the subject but I really thought I was onto something, so I continued to ask why Chicago was not included in the U.S. Homicide Rate. Again I must have pressed too hard because I was again told to shut up.

I did not give up on this one. I continued to press them. All of them became very uneasy & started to sweat a lot & eventually they saw that I was not going to be deterred.

Finally the Chief Statistician lowered head & in a very soft voice said, “If we included Chicago, we would be higher than Honduras”.

-------------------------

In the future if you want the unvarnished truth & getting that truth would require me to contact the U.S. Government’s Statisticians, you are going to have to seek that truth in someone else’s blog because they won’t let me in the front door anymore. I have been told to never come back.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

“Must Read” Newspaper Articles...Again

In the past I have directed my Silliness at the Foolishness practiced by my local newspaper of labeling at least one article in every issue as Must Read.
I really don’t have time to read everything but I am concerned that these Must Read Articles might be a requirement of a Federal Law. If that be the case, I am fearful that I might get sent to jail because, don’t tell anyone, I do not read every one of them.
The Headline for a recent Must Read Article was:

Monkey Cannot Own Copyright to ‘Selfie’, U.S. Judge Says

Thank heaven there is a least one judge still left in the Good Ole USofA who has Ole Fashioned Common Sense. If you don’t recognize the term “Common Sense”, Google It!.
Here are excerpts from the article...
Ø A rare crested macaque that took a now internationally famous "selfie" cannot own the copyright to the photograph because he is not human, a U.S. judge ruled in a suit brought by animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals on behalf of the monkey.
Ø PETA brought the case in September on behalf of the seven-year-old monkey Naruto against British photographer David Slater, who self-published the photo in a wildlife book.
Ø Naruto, who resides on a reserve in Indonesia, took the image and several others in 2011 using a camera left unattended by Slater, the suit said.
Ø PETA argued he should be declared owner of the photos and receive damages for copyright infringement that would be used for habitat preservation.
Ø PETA General Counsel Jeff Kerr told Reuters that the group is reviewing its legal options.
Ø "Although we are disappointed, we are celebrating the fact that this is a historic case," he said. "For the first time we are arguing that an animal can own property, rather than merely being a piece of property himself."
My only disappointment in this judge is he processed the case through his court using proper judicial procedures. My regret is that he did not say, “Get the hell out of my courtroom!” as soon as he realized what was being presented before him.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Not only does this judge have Common Sense but the way he plays with words brings a tear to my word loving heart. He said in his court papers, “Monkey see, monkey sue is not good law”.

The 2,713 Issue Non-Voter

This Foolishness...Or Is It is about a very Conscientious Voter. He studies the issues. He quit his job years ago & now spends his time watching CNN, Fox News, NBC, ABC, CBS, NPR & all the others all day long.

He turns on his local radio stations on the hour & the half hour & listens to the News, Traffic & Weather (never realizing that the News, Traffic & Weather is 95%Commercials).

He has made a computerized list of 2,713 Key Issues that are important to him. He is looking for a candidate who feels the same about all of his 2,713 Key Issues. As the Big Election approaches a certain candidate is more & more capturing his attention.

Then one day he finds his Perfect Candidate is not Perfect. He is devastated when he realizes that his candidate does not support 1 of his 2,713 Key Issues. Right then & there he determines that he cannot possibly vote for such an Awful Candidate.

The end result is our Conscientious Voter does not vote after all. As they say on the Nightly News... He Sits This One Out.

The candidate who gets elected does not support 2,712 of our Non-Voting Conscientious Voter Key Issues but it just so happens that he does support the 1 Key Issue that turned him into a Non-Voter because his Perfect Candidate proved to be Imperfect.

After the Newly Elected Candidate gets into office he announces he “Has Evolved” with regard to that 1 Key Issue & he no longer supports it.

Ready For The Moral?

The Only Candidate Who Agrees With You On All Your Key Issues Is You (& you are not running for office).

If you think this blog posting is confusing, think how confused you would be if you had had to peck it out.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

Thinking Intelligent Voters... If they would only vote if they found a candidate that agreed with them on all their key issues, none of them would vote.

Non-Thinking Unintelligent Not Conscientious Voters... That leaves them to decide everything for us.

Cuban Cigars In The 7 Eleven

As a loyal reader of my Foolishness you are aware that I do not single out the Silliness of only one political party. Why should I? There is enough ongoing Silliness in both parties to continue to cause me to run to my computer saying to myself, “I can’t believe what I just read! I got to create a Foolishness...Or Is It to get this silliness out to my Dear Readers! They are going to love this one!”

As proof of my bipartisanship, think back to the number of times I even mention a politician by name (except for Senators Foghorn Leghorn, Dudley Doo Right or Snidley Whiplash). I am going to do it again. I am not going to mention names in this posting but I am aware that, after you finish reading it, you may think I mentioned a name because the nameless person I don’t mention is pretty obvious.

My Unnamed Politician has been pushing Cuba & everything Cuban for more than a year now. He is making it look so good that many of our fellow citizens are selling everything they own in this country & moving to the Cuban Paradise 90 miles south of us.

In some people’s minds there is finally the opportunity to go lie on a beach & get a suntan. They are so wrapped up in everything Cuban that they have completely forgotten that we have beaches in the Good Ole USofA.

No matter how much you are a supporter of my Unnamed Politician, all of you ought to agree that he is about to go too far with the Executive Order (did I just give away his identity?) he is about to announce.

My sources in D.C. have obtained a copy of the Executive Order & you are about to be among the first to read it...

“My Fellow Americans, I am pleased to announce to you today a sweeping dictate that I am certain will be greeted with enthusiasm all over the Fruited Plain. It is not often that I get the pleasure to announce something that is entirely without controversy & will have full support from both side of the aisle & all of the folks back home.

Effective immediately, if anyone in the Good Ole USofA wants to leave this country to go on vacation, I am directing that the only place they can go to is Cuba.”

Now who could argue with that?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

If It’s A Good Thing Then We Must Go All The Way...Right?

Don’t blame Frank Sinatra because he sang All The Way. It goes far beyond him.

The Fella usually gives 3 Silly examples to prove his Foolishness. I will not disappoint this time...

• Your favorite baseball team has a player who hit 70 Home Runs last season. 70 is a lot but would it not be better if he hit a Home Run every time he came to bat. Of course it would. All The Way, Baby!
• You have a favorite charity. You find out that only 20% of donations go to benefit the people that the charity was set up to help. Would it not be wonderful if every dollar you donate to that charity went directly to the needy? Of course it would. All The Way, Baby!
• The people in Central America are coming to the Good Ole USofA in order to benefit their families. Would it not be the height of kindness if every one of them would be allowed to come to live in America? Of course it would. All The Way, Baby!

Did I just hear you say, “Hold on a minute, Fella, that’s going overboard. That would overburden the Good Ole USofA. That would cause consternation & gridlock in housing, health care, schooling, welfare payments, etc. That would not be a good thing!”

Just when I get to the point where I think I understand you, my dear readers, I don’t understand you at all. You say you are a kind & caring person. This is epitome of kind & caring. All The Way, Baby!

OK, as usual, I will alleviate your concerns. After we, who were here before they were here, get to the point where we don’t want to be here anymore, we can all go live in Central America. After all, there’s no one living down there anymore.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: After hearing what The Pope said on his trip to Mexico, I’m sure glad he does not read my blog…Or does he?

Why Was Hillary Clinton So Happy After Her Devastating Defeat In New Hampshire?

This Is What Democracy Looks Like!...Or Does It?

The reason she was not worried is because she knew something very few of us know about...Super Delegates.

Are you tired of the never ending attack on your senses every day & night about the current Presidential Campaign? Of course you are. The only way you could not be tired of all this craziness is if you were blind, deaf & had been locked in cellar in Tibet for the last year & a half with your only companions being those 3 Monkeys...See No Evil, Speak No Evil & Hear No Evil.

It is mind numbing to think about all the money that was spent in Iowa & New Hampshire.

It is not just the money but it is also the effort that has gone into these 2 pip squeak states...Town Hall Meetings (one candidate said he did 107 in New Hampshire), News Conferences, TV Advertising, Radio Advertising, Speeches, Interviews, Focus Groups, Signage, Lie Creation Work Shops, etc.

Since all this has been done to get Delegates, let’s take a look at the Delegate Count after Iowa & New Hampshire...

• Clinton has 32 delegates.
• Sanders has 36 delegates.

By law I may not be entitled to make an Editorial Comment but, if I were so entitled, I would say something like, “All of this for only 68 delegates? Now there is a waste! If they had spent that amount of money & effort to cure cancer, it would not be long before we would be remembering its devastating effects not experiencing its devastating effects.”

The end result up until this point is we have a Nip (32) & Tuck (36) Contest! We have a Real Horse Race! We have a Battle Royal! ... Or do we?

Enter the Super delegates. The real count after the Super Delegates are factored in is...

• Clinton has 461 delegates.
• Sanders has 50 (lucky Sanders himself is a Super Delegate or his count would only be 49 & then he would really be in trouble).

Now I ask you, is it fair that we have been subjected to all of this noise & consternation for only 68 Delegates?

Since it takes 2,382 to win the Democrat Nomination, 712 (30%) Super Delegates are a powerful group of people!

Makes you almost wish you were Deaf, Blind & in a Cellar in Tibet.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Did I hear you just say that the Republicans are just as bad? The Fella is about to make you wish you had not just said that to yourself. The Republicans do not have any Super delegates. Could it be that Republicans are more Democratic than Democrats?

A Genius Stopped Dead In His Tracks

Stephen Hawking Predicts, “This Pill Will Change Humanity"

[Harvard Study Shows Brain Boosting “Smart Drug” Proven To Double IQ Is the Biggest Discovery in History]

Stephen Hawking credits his ability to function and maintained focused on such a high level to a certain set of “smart drugs” that enhance cognitive brain function and neural connectivity, while strengthening the prefrontal cortex and boosting memory and recall.

In an interview with Discovery, Stephen Hawking said that his brain is sharer than ever, more clear and focused and he credits a large part to using Neurocell Hawking went on to add “The brain is like a muscle, you got to work it out and use supplements just like body builders use, but for your brain, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to enhance my mental capabilities”.

Everyone that has taken this, from athletes like Tom Brady to musicians like Kanye West have nothing but praise for the brain booster, which doubles IQ, skyrockets energy levels and connects areas of the brain not previously connected.

(The above wording is from a 2/14/16 written article from The Discovery Channel.)

Since we are both smart fellas, I am on a first name basis with Stephen Hawking. He often calls me when he wants to kick around ideas. This time I called him. We exchange calls like this every time one of us comes up with a new Biggest Discovery of the Century.

I congratulated him & conveyed how excited I know he must be about his Smart Pill. I was surprised at how subdued he seemed & I inquired as to what had put such a damper on the enthusiasm he had so obviously conveyed to the world in the Discovery Channel Article.

He said he felt badly because he had said in the article that everyone who had taken this pill has experienced double IQ, skyrocketing energy levels and they had connected areas of the brain not previously connected.

He went on to say he lamented the fact that he had spoken too soon. At time he said what he said it was a true statement but the results had not come back from the part of the experiment he had done on the U.S. Congress. Those results are now in & not a scintilla of progress had been made by our Elected Representatives.

His voice then became mournful and trailed off as he said... “Not the slightest bump in IQ, absolutely no perk up in energy levels nor was there any discernible new brain connections...”

I felt so badly for him but before I could even start to say something to make him feel better he simply hung up the phone. He has never hung up on me without saying goodbye before but I really don’t blame him. I could feel his pain.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Are You Becoming A Noticer Because Of Me?

I know all of you have been working on your Noticing Skills, therefore, I will now give you a Pop Quiz. I know this is hard but do your best.

What’s strange about this paragraph from the WSJ on January 31, 2016?...

“United Continental holdings, Inc. is taking the unusual step of calling back all 12,000 of its pilots for an extra training day over the next three months, an aggressive response to a spate of serious safety incidents more than a year ago and to prepare for looming changes facing the industry.”

I can see that all too many of you did not see anything strange. For those of you that did see the strange, I am proud to be your leader & your inspiration as you advance in your quest to become Really Picky.

There are three points that should have caught your eye...

• Aggressive Response
• Serious Safety Incidents
• More Than a Year Ago

If they were being Aggressive about the Serious, why has it taken More Than a Year to address the Serious?

Later in the article my concerns expressed above were reinforced by how United reacted on February 25, 2015...

“United considered them serious enough to send a dramatic two-page safety bulletin to its pilots early last year.”

Did the Dramatic Bulletin Dramatically say something to this effect?...

“This is kind of situation United will not put up with & we will be taking action to remedy these violations. However, it is Basketball Season & shortly the College National Championship Games will be upon us, which will be followed by the NBA Playoffs & then, before you know it, it will be NFL Football Season. We will get seriously concerned about this right after the Super Bowl next year. Until then, be very careful.”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I don’t mean to be picky…Or do I? but I have done a bit of flying back in the old days & I must quibble about something I saw in the link “to a spate of serious safety incidents” above. In it, one of the Safety Violations against United Pilots was, “Another flight cited in the document landed with less than the mandatory-minimum fuel reserves”. Now I ask you, what were they supposed to do, keep circling the airport until the fuel reserves got back up above Mandatory-Minimum?

It’s not easy being me.

Being A Good Winner Is Easy But Being A Sore Loser Is Hard Work

In all the Hullabaloo about how Cam Newton handled himself in the Super Bowl 50 Press Conference, I noticed something he said in the Press Conference that has not been commented on by anyone. I am now going to comment on the Not Commented On...

“It wasn't nothing special that they did”

Sir Isacked Newton has just written Newton’s Nonsensical Law of Football. All of what you are about to read below, according Sir Isacked Newton, equates to Nothing Special...

Ø Super Bowl 50 was 1 of the 3 games this season in which Newton did not throw a Touchdown Pass...Something Special!

Ø Newton had a season low 55.2 Passer Rating...Something Special!

Ø Newton was sacked a season high 6 times...Something Special!

Ø While Newton was sacked 6 times, receiver Ted Ginn, Jr. also was sacked once on an aborted trick play. The 7 sacks matched the most by a team in the Super Bowl...Something Special!

Ø Newton was sacked once in each of the previous 2 playoff games but, as stated above, 6 times in this game...Something Special!

Ø Newton was pressured 21 times a season record against the Panthers...Something Special!

Ø The Broncos seemingly dominated from beginning to end...Something Special!

Ø Newton fumbled twice. One resulted in a touchdown & one led to a touchdown...Something Special!

Ø Both of Newton’s fumbles were Strip Fumbles by the same man, Von Miller...Something Special!

Ø On Von Miller’s first strip of Newton he burst through and didn't even go for the sack. He reached directly for the ball and stripped it from Newton. The ball then rolled to the goal line, where Malik Jackson pounced on it for a 10-0 lead...Something Special!

Ø Von Miller had 6 tackles, 2 1/2 sacks, 2 hurries, 2 forced fumbles and 1 pass defensed...Something Special!

Ø Newton seemed pretty stressed the whole game...Something Special!

Ø Carolina led the league with 500 points but in Super Bowl 50 it was held to its fewest points of the season...Something Special!

Ø Place Kicker McManus kicked 3 Field Goals (he had kicked 5 against Pittsburg in an earlier playoff game)...Something Special!

Ø Bronco’s Jordon Norwood ran back the longest punt return in Super Bowl History...Something Special!

Ø According to Kevin Clark in the Wall Street Journal, “Broncos players and coaches said after the game that the Panthers didn’t do anything Denver hadn’t seen before on game film. But the Broncos did plenty new”...Something Special!

Ø Sometimes a Broncos Rusher (including MVP Von Miller) did something very special by doing nothing. They did not rush Newton. This left a defender in the middle of the field where Newton did not expect there to be a defender. This confused Newton about what he had decided to do before he snapped the ball...Something Special!

Ø Again according to Kevin Clark in the Wall Street Journal, “The game was a 60-minute example of how to stop the dynamic Panthers offense, which led the NFL in scoring this season. How did they do it? A brilliant convergence of game plan, athleticism and defensive discipline that combined to give Newton his worst game at the worst possible time”...Something Special!

Ø Denver Broncos linebacker Danny Trevathan had one career fumble recovery in 56 career games coming into Super Bowl 50. He had two fumble recoveries against the Panthers, the second of which came in the third quarter after Denver safety T.J. Ward intercepted Newton. Ward stumbled as he got to his feet and lost the ball as he was tackled, but Trevathan was able to pounce on it, maintaining possession for Denver at its own 7-yard line...Something Special!

One final point...By saying, “It Wasn’t Nothing Special” Sir Isacked Newton was actually using a Double Negative to say it was Something because if it Wasn’t Nothing it Must Have Been Something.

What a guy! He is even in control of the English Language...Or is he?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

London...Paris...Rome...Des Moines

Have I Become Too Cynical…Or Is It I Can See The Obvious?

Just last week the Candidates were saying the likes of...

• I just love Iowa!
• There are no finer people in the Good Ole USofA than the fine people in the great state of Iowa!
• I just love hogs!
• Ethanol is one of the greatest gifts to come out of the Chemical Industry!
• A Hawkeye has always been my favorite mascot!
• The people of Iowa always make me feel welcome when I come here. As I’ve always said, “Iowans Ames to Please!”
• God bless the great state of Iowa!

Yesterday all candidates taht are still in the race were asked if they enjoyed their time in Iowa. Each of them said some or all of the following...

• Iowa? ... Iowa? ... I’m drawing a blank. Give me a hint. It’s been a long campaign.
• Would you repeat the question?
• There you go again with your Gotcha Questions.
• Just a moment. Let me check my Smartphone Calendar. Ah, yes, I found it. It says I’m scheduled to return to Iowa (wherever that is) on January 27, 2019.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella