The Mystery Is Solved But His Struggle Along The Road To Recovery Looks Like It’s Going To Be Long And Slow

For several weeks reporters covering the U.S. Senate have been grappling with a strange and unexplained happening going on with Senator Chuck Schumer and his Eyeglasses.

It all started during an interview with Wolfe Blitzkrieg on CCN. The Senator was making one brilliant political point after another and was moving on from brilliant point #32 to brilliant point #33 when his eyeglasses fell from his face bounced off his tie and careened onto the floor.

Wolfe was taken aback and tried to make light of the shocking thing that had just happened but it was evident to all political observers that something was seriously wrong with the Senator and the Senator’s Eyeglasses.

In the weeks that followed one Investigative Reporter after another tried to get to the bottom of what was wrong with the Senator and the Senator’s Eyeglasses and what was finally uncovered was a shock to all working Inside the Beltway.

The truth finally came, thanks to Google, when it was revealed that in 1808 a Bulgarian Doctor named Hector Herwitz revealed (after extensive research) the existence of Vitamin Deficiency in Brilliant People where the Cartilage at the juncture of the nose where it joins with the forehead starts to slowly shrink.

Doctor Herwitz's research revealed that this Cartilage Retraction Syndrome resulted in the nose itself becoming shorter. Heaven knows we have all wondered about how far Senator Schumer wears his glasses down his nose. We have collectively thought to ourselves, “If his nose were a quarter of an inch shorter his eyeglasses would fall from his face bounce off his tie and go careening onto the floor”.

That’s what has happened to our Senator Schumer. His nose has shrunk that one quarter of an inch and there is nowhere for his glasses to go but to the floor in front of him.

Doctor Herwitz was far ahead of his time as evidenced by the fact that he published his findings in the New England Journal of Medicine 4 years before the Journal’s first edition.

The most obvious fix has turned out to be a non-starter for the Senator. He tried a little dab of Super Glue but he has had to look elsewhere for the solution to his problem because he developed an allergic reaction to that little dab.

We all wish him well as he consults with his doctors to find a remedy for this most unsettling shortcoming and until that remedy is found, as is so often said within the Beltway, we feel his pain. 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella