They Are All Dying

Have you browsed through the Obituary Page lately? As is to be expected old people dominate the list of the recently deceased.

This means the percentage of people with strange names is growing. The reason for this is the recent unexplainable penchant modern parents have for misspelling old names. The Correctly Spelled Named People are dying off and the New Misspelled Named People are growing by leaps and bounds...

• James has become Jymes.
• Tyler has become Ty-ler.
• William has become Will.i.am.
• Sidney has become Cydney.
• Jasmine has become Jazzmin.

I know I have lamented the awfulness of modern names before but when I do my re-laments I have a different way of looking at them. Let your mind wander with my wandering mind for a moment. Here is what is going to happen about 100 years from now...

• This misspelling of names craze is going to have run its course.
• Parents are naming their children names they read about in history books...James, Tyler, William, Sidney and Jasmine.

That’s the good news. The bad news is the campaign to get rid of Schoolyard Bullies which began in the early part of the 21^st century has been a 100 year failure. The bullies are still out there and they are still beating up kids in schoolyards all over the Good Ole USofA. Why are they beating their fellow schoolmates you ask? The bullies are pounding on them because they have funny names like James, Tyler, William, Sidney and Jasmine.

The other good news is this means there still will be a Good Ole USofA 100 years from now...Or will there be?

Would I kid u?

Television Shows Come To Us Out Of Ruts

I am of mind to think that the word “hit” is being abused by our Television Networks. Have you ever noticed that the Promos for the new shows often say something like...

Thursday at 9 central time, be sure to see the new hit comedy of the fall season.

That is not such a strange promo but the fact that the first episode is still 3 weeks away makes me wonder how they can legitimately call it is a “Hit”.
We also see the phenomenon repeated every year where a TV Show becomes a “hit” and immediately every network has one or two shows just like the original “hit show”.
When did this copy cat phenomenon actually begin? Did it start with Reality Shows? I am not sure if they were the catalyst but, since I mentioned them, I will expound on them in this Foolishness...Or Is It?

I Do Not Think That Reality Shows Are Reality

If you care to comment on this blog posting and tell me I am all wet about this, have at it but you will never get me to believe that that man crawling across the desert dying of thirst is dying of thirst. If he were really dying, one of those 7 cameramen filming his every crawled inch would surely give him a drink of water.
At present we have a rash of shows that start with the word “The”...

The View, The Chat, The Chew, The Five, The Talk, The Doctors, The Voice

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have spies all over the world. My sources tell me that Pope Benedict XVI has decided to become the first Pope to resign without first having to die.
He is especially disillusioned because he goes to great effort to visit many different countries and prepares very inspiring speeches which he hopes will go a long way toward making the world we live in a better place. However, his messages are never reported in the news. The only things ever reported in the news are that he went on a trip and he kissed the ground when he got off his Pope Plane. His messages of hope and inspiration are World Wide Well Kept Secrets.
If you think about this for a minute, you will realize that this is not Foolishness.
There is one exception to this Papal Information Ban. If he gets shot, that will make the 24 Hour News Cycle.
He will be relocating to California. He is really excited and has already bought a Puka Shell Necklace and 3 pairs of White Flip Flops.
What’s he going to do in California, you ask? Don’t you see it coming? He is going to have a Daytime Television Talk Show. It’s going to be called...

The Pope

Would I kid u?

Spreading Discontent Whenever Possible

Our News Media is at it ... again.

Anyone who follows professional football is well aware of the gargantuan contract that Drew Brees has signed. He is now receiving $100,000,000 for 5 years. That may be chump change to members of our 16% Approval Rated Congress but to us folks back home on Main Street gathered around our kitchen tables balancing our meager budgets this is a lot of money.

I keep reading that this is the highest contract for a player in the history of the NFL. There is so much hype about how big it is that I figured it was far and away the biggest contract ever. However, I just read where Peyton Manning is making $96,000,000 with the Denver Broncos over 5 years.

This is the kind of red meat that a member of our National Hysteria Media is going to find hard to resist. I can just picture an interview with poor ole Peyton Manning as the interviewer probes for muck with questions such as these...

• Do you see Brees’ bigger contract as a personal insult?
• It has been reported by an anonymous source who went to elementary school with you who has not seen you in 27 years that deep down you feel that Brees got his larger contract because the Saint’s Ownership feels sorry for him because he has a birth mark on his face. Do you wish you had a birth mark on your face?
• Are your children ashamed of you and your failure to reach the absolute pinnacle of your chosen profession?
• Are your children made fun of at school?
• Is it true your wife is going through therapy because other grocery shoppers are reported to be openly laughing at her as she walks past them at her local Whole Foods?

If you think I have gone too far and you are having a hard time believing me on this one, you should know that you are required to believe all my Football Related Foolishness because on September 17, 1967 I had a one game job as a security guard for Pinkerton Detective Agency when the Saints played their first regular season game. (I was desperate. I did not have a ticket.)

If you can’t believe a former Pinkerton Security Guard, who can you believe?

Would I kid u?

Lagniappe: Regarding the 0 and 3 Saints...We’ll get ‘em next year because next year they will all be a year older and slower.

The Greatest Crime Today

Want to give Smartfella your opinion? Here is a multiple choice question for you to pick what you think is the Greatest Crime Today...

1. Murder

2. Sexual Molestation of Children

3. A Ponzi Scheme by an Evil Wall Street Awful Person

Charles Ponzi 1910 Mug Shot

Whichever one you picked from my list you named the wrong crime. The answer was not offered to you in any of these multiple choice selections. OK it was an unfair multiple choice. Sue me.

What is the true answer? Think about the Nightly News for a moment. It will surely to come to you. I can’t believe you are not seeing the obvious!

The Most Horrific Crime Today Is Offending Someone.

If you offend someone here is what is sure to happen...

• Jaws drop.
• All conversation stops. (Just like one of those old E. F. Hutton commercials.)
• If you do this dastardly deed in a room with 10 people in it, within moments, 3 of the 10 will have dialed 911 on their ever present smart phones and moments later a Swat Team will knock down the door.

OK, I exaggerated again... Or did I?

Would I kid u?

Lagniappe:

It is hard for me to broach a subject without recalling that I had been broaching around in this same area of Silliness before.

What goes hand in hand with Offending Someone? Now I know you are really sharp because you just said to yourself, “The Heartfelt Apology”!

Here are a couple of my Apology Musings in one single link from my past blogging. (Wow! I’ve come a long way. Now I’m into musings.)

Click Here: http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/06/two-postings-that-prove-i-am-ahead-of.html

Close But No Cigar

Since we are not allowed to smoke cigars anywhere else except inside a burlap bag in our backyards behind the compost heap, are we still allowed to say, “Close but No Cigar”?

OK, I understand that cigars are out and will not make a comeback unless and until Angelina Jolie starts puffing on cigars. Having accepted the fact that I am out of touch, sometimes I simply feel uneasy with the way us modern people do modern things like...

“You did your best. That’s all that matters. Here is a trophy.”

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Coming close is good in a horseshoe pitching contest. Too bad coming close does not seem to be very important when it comes to our Federal Government Expenditure Forecasting before they take action on our behalf.

Here is a very fine example of that which I speak. (In order to not upset those of you who are of the Liberal Persuasion or those of you who have Conservative Leanings, I will be cagey about this one and remove references to the actual bill I am talking about)...

Regarding something called the Jalapeno Intensity Disclosure Requirements

Is that cagey enough?

What has drawn my attention to this very important issue is the estimate of the Cost to Businesses that this Disclosure Requirements are going to generate.

Here is the latest cost estimate. I gathered this information from a major national newspaper...

The Securities and Exchange Commission sharply raised its estimate of the rule’s financial impact, saying it would cost companies a total of $3 billion (remember that’s 3 Thousand Million Dollars) to $4 billion (remember that’s 4 Thousand Million Dollars) upfront, plus more than $200 million (remember that’s 200 thousand thousand dollars) a year.

The SEC initially had said the cost of compliance would be just $71 million (I’m not sure it is legal to use the word “just” with $71 million).

The SEC said it revised its estimate based on comments from the business community and others.

I know the Smartfella is not as smart as any single member of our Congress but may I be so bold to say that maybe Congress should have gotten those comments from “the business community and others” before they passed this legislation?

Our Representatives who voted for this measure did so under the false pretenses of what it would cost to comply with the measure. The Actual Cost of Compliance is nowhere near the Extremely Unstated Estimated Cost. Should they not scrap the whole bill and vote over?

Let’s see if I can hit you closer to home...

You set up for Direct Draw on your checking account for your electricity bill. The Power Company sends you your monthly Email Notification telling you they are going to draw $86.89 for the latest month. A charge appears on your bank statement for $4,895.21 (That’s the same percentage increase as Congress missed this one by based on the $4 billion number).

You call up to question the charge and you are told, “We decided to take more”.

Would I kid u?

Lagniappe: I’m sorry this posting was so long and complicated. I could not help myself. There is a lot of Foolishness pent up inside me and inside our 16% Approval Rated Congress.

Undeniable Everyday Facts Of Life

Pills Have Eyes...

Ø If you drop a pill on the floor, it will roll under the most difficult object to retrieve it back from.

Ø Pills do have limitations because they cannot roll indefinitely but they will definitely roll directly to the hardest place to get them back from that is within their rolling radius.

Ø The more expensive the pill is the further it will roll under the hard to retrieve from place.

Men Are Different From Women...

Ø More men than women drop their smart phones in the toilet.

Ø Do you understand why that is?

Ø If you don’t, think about it for a second or two, it will come to you.

Sand Crawls...

Ø Everyone who has been to the beach for a picnic knows that sand crawls.

Ø What some of you may not fully realize is how quickly sand crawls.

Picture This In Your Mind’s Eye (Whatever that is)

You go out on the beach with your picnic basket full of wonderful picnic stuff...

Ø Of course, there are ham sandwiches in there.

Ø You set up your picnic very quickly because you are desperate to get those ham sandwiches before it is too late.

Ø You frantically spread out your blanket, open your lawn chair, sit down and grab a ham sandwich to take your first delicious bite.

Ø It does not take too many chews to realize that you did not act fast enough.

Ø There is sand inside your ham sandwich.

Crawling sand is why I have always preferred mountain vacations because bears never crawl inside ham sandwiches.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Our Congress Has No Guts

If I had the inclination, I could do a lot of research to conclusively prove the title of this posting. I don’t have that inclination but I will pass on to you, my dear readers, One Fine Example.

Jerusalem is in the news all the time but recently it is more newsworthy because of the controversy about whether or not Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel.

Back in 1995 our courageous Congress stepped into the fray and took a position that is much to be admired...Or did it?

Here is what I just stumbled across (otherwise known as research)...

In 1995 a measure was passed by Congress which stated that the United States Embassy in Israel must be moved to Jerusalem, because Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel...

Did you take note of the underlined word “must”? That takes guts. That is a firm position, if ever there was one.

Oops, the late Paul Harvey just walked up behind me and said I must tell you, The Rest of the Story. I always do what Mr. Harvey tells me because he travels such a long way to be with me. I will repeat the above bolded words with The Rest of the Story added on...

In 1995 a measure was passed by Congress which stated that the United States Embassy in Israel must be moved to Jerusalem, because Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel...but allowed Presidents to waive this requirement.

There you have it. One Fine Example of how our Congress takes “firm positions”.

Next time you see one of these Foghorns standing in Congress lamenting the fact that the current president (whichever current one is currently current) is demanding too much power, remember my One Fine Example

Would I kid u?

Celebrity Brains (Including Royal Brains) Are Not Real Bright

Smart...

If Celebrities want nude picture of themselves on Internet, they are pretty smart because they know everyone around them has a Phone with Photo and Movie Making Capability in their pockets and their nudity is going to go viral (whatever that means).

Not Smart...

If Celebrities do not want nude picture of themselves on Internet, they are pretty dumb because they should know everyone around them has a Phone with Photo and Movie Making Capability in their pockets and their nudity is going to go viral (whatever that means).

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While the third in line to the throne of England may be a prince of a guy, he must fall into the Not Smart Category listed above.

I have not seen or heard of any reaction from the prince himself to his royal unclothedness flying all over the World Wide Web but, if he is surprised, he should not be.

What was he thinking? Better said, was he thinking? Do these people say to themselves such things as...

“Self, I’m going to walk into that bank in broad daylight with my bus driver’s uniform on which has my name badge on my breast pocket and take all the money that is in that bank. Then I’m going to make my getaway in my purple SUV with my name written all over it (from the last time I ran for Congress). I’m going to be rich because no one is going to tell the police it was me that stole all that money.”

At this point in this bit of foolishness I find myself wishing Forest Gump had never been invented. If he had not beaten me to it, I could coin the nifty and absolutely true phrase, “Stupid Is As Stupid Does”.

Would I kid u?

I Do My Best To Help Each And Every One Of You But Some Of You Are Simply Too Stubborn For Your Own Good

To begin this bit of silliness, I am reposting the warning blog I published on August 8, 2009...

Crazed Killer, Assassin, Rapist and/or Terrible Person

Posted by SmartFella? on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 3:08:56 PM

Should you be worried?

Earlier this year a man killed five people and himself in a University Lecture Hall.

A friend of the perpetrator was interviewed and said that the person she knew (the perpetrator) was not the one who went into that lecture hall and did that terrible thing. To quote her, "He was anything but a monster. He was probably the … nicest, (most) caring person ever."

It seems like every time a person goes out and commits a terrible crime, our news media interviews a next-door neighbor, a friend or a family member to find out that the Crazed Killer, Assassin, Rapist and/or Terrible Person was, "Really A Nice Guy".

Because I care about each and every one of you reading this Foolishness, I am admonishing each and every one of you as follows…

If You Live Next-Door To A Really Nice Guy, You Better Move Away From Where You Live Before It Is Too Late.

If you choose to not listen to me, you do so at your own peril.

Would I kid u?

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There you have it. This was my attempt to save you. When evil befalls you, I am not going to take any pleasure in saying I told you so but I am going to say I told you so.

It has happened again. The Batman Movie Killer (James Holmes) has killed or wounded more than 70 people and the Good Guy Finding People have gathered up their Good Guy Stories.

As a public service the Smartfella has compiled a large sampling of what they gathered so you will not have to go to all that trouble yourselves. I did not make any of this up. The only modification I made was to remove names...

• A next neighbor for over ten years said... Quiet Guy ... Very Nice ... Washed the Family Car Often ... Typical American Boy ... At Christmas One Year Served Cookies To Children ... Bottom Line He Was A Good Guy.
• One of Holmes’s former tutors, who worked with him on a gene therapy project, said... Exceptional Student ... Coped Easily with Complicated Science ... Impressive Grasp Of Complex Methodology ... Impressive Compared To Other Undergraduates.
• Another fan said... Smart Guy ...Quick Learner ... Exhibited No Signs of a Troubled Mind ... Had Great Time Working with Him ... Nice ... Easy Going ... Liked to Share His Opinions with Others.
• Another admirer who was a fellow student at University of California said... Brilliant Student ... Academically Top Of The Top ... Distinguished Himself Academically ... Graduated With Highest Honors.
• Many at University of Colorado said... Shy ... Witty.
• A high school friend said... The Funniest ... Smartest Guy ... Always Had Something Witty To Say ... Did Not Understand How Could Be Same Guy ... Shy ... Little Quiet ... Never Aggressive ... Never Mean .... Really Good Grades ... Seemed Pretty Normal.

I don’t know about you, my dear readers, but these testimonials have convinced me that we ought to all join together and arrange a jail break for this Intelligent Saint and tell the current candidates for President to ForgetAboutIt.

We have found the perfect candidate and his name is not Obama or Romney. His is a Sure Fire Winner. He will make a Great President, even though he is a little shy.

Oh yea, don’t forget to move.

Would I kid u?

I Know What I Am Talking About!

If I were so inclined I could harangue you to the precipice of boredom telling you about how right I have been in the past about a whole bunch of different subjects. I could but I won’t because I know that most of you are getting ready for Football Season.

What those of you who are not getting ready for football season are going to do with yourselves between now and next January I don’t know. What I do know is I feel sorry for the emptiness each of you will experience for five months.

Past Brilliance...

On October 10, 2011 I posted a blog that explained how we are moving further and further ahead with our Presidential Primary Season and, by the time the 2048 Primaries come around, we will be holding them before the 2044 Presidential Election actually takes place.

(If you are not tired of me when you finish reading this Foolishness, you can click on the link at the bottom and read my 2011 Future Forecasting Posting.)

Current Proof of My Past Brilliance...

We are at it again! I just read an article in the Wall Street Journal (September 1, 2012) which discusses the Potential Nominees in both major parties who are the strongest contenders for the 2016 Election.

I am pretty up to date about such things because, I am sorry to say, I follow political happenings more than I like to admit. I have never heard of several of the discussed Potential Nominees. I guess that’s about right because they have not been invented yet.

Would I kid u?

Click Here: http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/10/based-on-recent-past-this-is-absolute.html