Aren’t Titles Wonderful?!

I recently got a snail mail letter from the company I retired from. They have reorganized a department which I make contact with from time to time. The letter was sent to keep me informed about the reorganization.

 

They seem to really like me even though I feel I have betrayed them by living so long after retirement which, of course, requires them to still send my pension check more than 20 years later.

 

I can still hear the words the Big Guy whispered to me at my retirement party when I had my picture taken with him, “We would consider it a demonstration of your appreciation and loyalty to the company if you would die within two years of your well deserved retirement”.

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I do like being kept informed so I decided to call The Boss of that department to tell him I appreciated his thoughtfulness. It shows how old I am that I would use the word “boss” in the prior sentence. Corporate America has moved away from words like “boss” because “boss” sounds mean. Instead we have moved into the World of Impressive Titles.

 

My Dear Readers, I need your advice. Please tell me who is The Boss from the contacts listed in my former employer’s Departmental Reorganization Letter... Is it the Senior Manager or is it the Group Vice President or is it the General Manager?

 

What’s next? Am I going to get a letter from the Senior General Managing Vice President In Charge of Miscellaneous Trivia?

 

I bet when the Senior General Managing Vice President In Charge of Miscellaneous Trivia got that title conferred on him and he asked, “How much is my raise?” he was told, “You don’t get a raise. You got a very impressive Title.”

 

He probably replied, “Excuse me. Of course, you are right. I apologize for asking.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have had it with Elections! It’s not just Presidential Election every 4 years that have driven me to this point. We also have Congressional Elections in the intervening 2 years between the 4 years!

It’s awful and it’s getting awfuller! Don’t send me a message telling me that “awfuller” is not a word! I looked it up: Adjective-Comparative form of awful: more awful. (I was surprised too.)

I have gone Over the Edge. I’ve tipped over the Tipping Point. I am at the bottom of the Slippery Slope looking back up and shouting AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Okay, I’m regaining control...Or am I?

 

I’ll try and slow down and put my thoughts together logically without shouting at you...Or will I?

 

It time for Bullet Points...

Ø The Election Hysteria never stops.

Ø As soon as one election is over your TV Stations go to commercials and come back speculating about the next election.

Ø That very day or the next very day, the political attacks start.

Ø Before we turn around the Political Attack Commercials are upon us.

Ø The commercials seem very familiar because they are familiar.

Ø They simply change the names of the Attackor and the Attackee and run the same accusations as in the last election.

 

I had a dream last night that 2 opponents were in a debate and they got into a heated discussion about each one laying claim the fact that he lied more than his opponent lied...Or was it a dream?

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The Bottom Line

Because of the 24 Hours News Cycle and the Never-Ending Campaigns Cycle the Non-Election Legislative Year never happens.

 

Yes, my Dear Readers, Never-Never Land is out there but Congress has changed its basic meaning. Never-Never Land is defined as...

“Imaginary Land ... An unreal or imaginary place, especially one where wonderful things happen.”

The only way that Peter Pan would certify our 19%* Approval Rated Congress to be living in Never-Never Land is if you tricked him into thinking that Getting Re-Elected is a Wonderful Thing.  

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

*The Congressional Approval Rating in the last 12 months was as low as 13% and as high as 20% (1 single month).

 

 

Cutting Off The Hand That Feeds You Is Stupid. Cutting Off The Hand That Will Feed You In The Future Is Stupider.

As Israel unilaterally withdrew from Gaza in 2005, they left behind a thriving Greenhouse Industry that exported flowers and bulbs all over the world.

 

The greenhouses were a centerpiece of Palestinian plans for rebuilding Gaza after 38 years of Israeli occupation. The Palestinian Authority hoped the high-tech greenhouses left by the Israelis would provide jobs and export income for Gaza’s shattered economy.

 

The Palestinian Prime Minister implored Palestinians to leave the structures intact. “These greenhouses are for the Palestinian people,” he said. “We don’t want anyone to touch or harm anything that can be useful for our people.”

 

His minions did not listen to their Prime Minister. Palestinians looted dozens of greenhouses, walking off with irrigation hoses, water pumps and plastic sheeting in a blow to fledgling efforts to reconstruct the Gaza Strip.

 

Palestinian police stood by helplessly as looters carted off materials from greenhouses in several settlements. The Police Commanders complained they did not have enough manpower to protect the prized assets.

 

In some instances, the Police not only did not provide security but actually joined the looters in their looting.

 

What a source of national pride it could have been, for the Palestinians to outdo the Israelis in exporting agricultural produce! However, no sooner had Israel left, the orgy of chaos and destruction began.

The only good news in all of this craziness is about 1,500 greenhouses remained usable and were replanted by the Palestinians.

 

Thank heaven there is a limit to how much a looter and his Police Escort can carry.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

The Chairman’s Anguish

If you think I am Independently Wealthy, you are not thinking correctly. If I were Independently Wealthy I would not have to work at a Part-Time Job Cleaning Windows of High-Rise Office Buildings.

 

Having to work at a Part-Time Job is the sad part. The Bright Side is my Part-Time Job recently caused me to stumble onto a new Blog Posting...

Ø I usually try to look into the buildings I am cleaning because looking down can be unsettling.

Ø A few days ago I was looking in when I saw this Chairman of the Board of Directors of this major corporation sitting in his Big Chair with his head in his hands as the last members of the Board were filing out of the Board Room.

Ø All of them (the Big Guy and his departing Board Members) appeared to be crying.

 

My heart skipped a beat as I saw the Big Guy reach into his alligator hide brief case and take out a gun and put it to his crying head. I knew at once that I might be the only thing between the Big Guy and the Front Page of the next day’s newspaper, so I sprang into action.

 

I opened the window and jumped inside as fast as I could and said in my most soothing tone, “Let’s not be hasty, Mr. Big Cheese. It can’t be that bad. Can we talk?”

 

At first he was taken aback and he seemed to be wondering where I had come from but he was probably relieved that I had come from wherever I had come from because he put the gun back in his brief case and he began to tell me what his problem was...

Ø He said had been the driving force behind his company developing a drug that was proven to cure all forms of cancer.

Ø It was so powerful that it required only one single pill to make the pill taker cancer free for the rest of his life.

Ø There was no doubt it worked and it had absolutely No Debilitating Side Effects.

Ø His company had spent all of its capital developing this drug and, with the decision not to go to market that his Board of Directors had just made, the company was now certain to go bankrupt.

 

I expressed my shock and awe at what I had just been told and asked if he did not have the power to change his Board’s Minds.

 

He said he could not because he agreed with the decision to scrub the entire project. He went on to say he actually was the one who had made the motion to the Board to cancel the project.

 

I got all shocked and awed all over again and begged him to help me to understand. He then began to tell me The Rest of the Story. I think the fact that the Late Paul Harvey had just climbed in the window behind me made him want to go on. (Paul often helps me wash windows because he does not have a lot to do since he got to be dead.)

 

He then told us everything(I was really glad he talked in Bullet Points because they are so easy to understand)...

Ø He asked us to think about all those TV Drug Commercials we all see every day on TV.

Ø Every one of those drugs has an ungodly long list if Debilitating Side Effects that take up the majority of their commercials.

Ø He said the American Dying Public is accustomed to seeing those Debilitating Side Effects and will never accept and believe in a drug that does not have any Debilitating Side Effects.

Ø The Debilitating Side Effects are what makes the commercials believable.

Ø His company had made the unconscionable decision to invent a drug that was not going to make the pill-takers sick and, without the ability to attribute a single Debilitating Side Effect (like Sudden Death), there is no way their drug could be a commercial success.

Ø The Fatal Flaw of their Cancer Curing Pill was it only Cured Cancer.

 

He summed up his despair by saying, “Heck, it does not even have to be taken at mealtime!”

 

Paul and I saw that there was nothing we could say to him that would help him in the slightest, so we climbed out the window and got back to work.

 

By the time we had lowered ourselves to the next floor we heard a gunshot from above. We certainly felt badly for him but we were at peace because there really was nothing we could have done to help him. His situation was truly hopeless.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

I Can’t Listen To You Right Now Because I Am Busy Not Listening To You

We are in a dangerous point in the history of the Good Ole USofA. We need to listen to and evaluate counter arguments but we can’t listen to the opposition’s counter arguments because...

Ø We Are Busy Printing Up Protest Signs

Ø Making Up Nifty Protest Rhymes

Ø Memorizing New Talking Points

Ø Perfecting Our Ability To Not Listen To What Our Opponent Is Saying While Preparing To Recite Our Next Brilliant Talking Point As Soon As Our Opponent Takes A Breath As He Rushes To Finish His Latest Lame Talking Point

 

The following scenario is Made Up Nonsense by Fella but it is also Disguised Truth. I am forced to disguise the truth because, if I did not disguise it, I would be accused of using a Logical and Defensible Talking Point which, in the minds of many of my fellow Americans, is not acceptable......

Ø Peter Fernerk is accused of killing Jud Pendergrass at 8:05pm on March 2, 2018 in Omaha, Nebraska.

Ø Mr. Fernerk is interviewed on TV about his whereabouts at 8:05pm on March 2, 2018.

Ø In his defense he offers the fact that at 8:05pm on March 2, 2018 he was making a speech about the Dangers of Eating Too Many Sesame Seeds to an audience 3,812 patrons in the Audrey Higgins Auditorium in Hartford, Connecticut.

Ø His televised address lasted from 7:32pm until 8:29pm; therefore, he could not possibly have been in Omaha Nebraska at 8:05pm on that very same night.

 

Immediately after he was done with his interview a demonstration began which demanded...

Ø He immediately be arrested for killing Jud Pendergrass at 8:05pm on March 2, 2018 in Omaha, Nebraska.

Ø The demonstrators had lots of Chants like…
>“Fernerk Is a Jerk”
>“Poor Jud Is Dead”
>“We Can’t Be Bothered With Truth That Is Not Our Truth”
>“There Is No Need For A Trial Because We Have An Accusation”
>“No Irrefutable Alibi Is Acceptable”

 

The leader of the demonstration was interviewed, as he continued to throw rotten tomatoes at passing cars...

Ø Question: Are you aware that Peter Fernerk was in Hartford at the time of the killing of Jud Pendergrass?

Ø Answer: It does not matter where he was because he is guilty and, even if he is not guilty, he ought to be guilty.

Ø Question: Did you listen to Peter Fernerk’s televised interview where he offered into evidence the evidence that he was in Hartford, Connecticut at the time of the killing and he has the sworn statements from 3,812 patrons who were in the audience and 17,256,336 viewers who watched his speech on television?

Ø  Answer: It does not matter how many people saw him make that speech in Hartford, Connecticut because he is guilty and, even if he is not guilty, he ought to be guilty.

Ø Question: Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe this demonstration is ill advised and you ought to have cancelled it?

Ø Answer: There is no way this demonstration could have been cancelled because we had already printed up the protest signs.

 

Yea, I made all of the above silliness up...Or did I?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Without The Law We Can’t Have Order

I’ll start this Blog Posting with the first paragraph of an article by Andy Ngo in the Wall Street Journal on October 12, 2018...

“Flyers urged Portlanders to attend a protest: “27yo black father of 3 murdered by racist Portland Police.” Some 100 Black Lives Matter Activists with the group Don’t Shoot Portland and their Masked Antifa Allies answered the call to gather downtown Oct. 6. Fists in the air, they demanded “justice” for Patrick Kimmons, who was killed by police in late September. “Stop racist police terror,” read one sign at the rally. “Throw all cops in the trash,” declared another. Never mind that Kimmons had an extensive criminal record and was suspected of shooting two people before police responded.”

 

Here are excerpts from this article which make me worry and why you ought to be worried along with me...

Ø As the crowd made their way to a nearby courthouse, they marched in the middle of the street, bringing traffic to a stop though they didn’t have a permit.

Ø A motorist made the mistake of attempting to pass them.

Ø His car slowly pushed against a masked marcher.

Ø The crowd surrounded the car and started kicking it.

Ø After speeding down the block he stepped out of his car.

Ø He was assaulted by the mob.

Ø They pushed him.

Ø They smashed his car with clubs after he managed to get back inside the vehicle.

Ø No police were in sight even though the central precinct was blocks away.

Ø A group called Portland’s Resistance, a local social-justice group, put out a call on Twitter asking the public to identify “this white man.”

Ø They published photos of him and his license plate with the message: “Make racists afraid again.”

Ø The motorist has since received threatening phone calls identifying his wife by name.

Ø The mob later occupied a busy intersection.

Ø A middle-aged man driving a car with North Carolina plates stopped in confusion.

Ø The agitators descended on him.

Ø Mob Members shouted at him...
>“You white little f—er!”
>“You are a little white supremacist.”
>” Go back to North Carolina where you came from.”

Ø The driver phoned police for assistance and nobody came to help.

Ø The crowd targeted other drivers...
>The Mob shouted at one driver, “You’re lucky you didn’t hit me. I would have beat your a—.”
>One person punched the back of a passing car whose driver dared to honk.

Ø In downtown Portland, law-abiding drivers were at the mercy of marauding street thugs.

Ø Portland’s Resistance organized a protest after Election Day 2016 that turned into a riot.
>Masked vandals smashed stores and set fires.
> They caused over $1 million in damage.
>Portland’s Resistance raised $55,000 on GoFundMe ostensibly to help pay for the rebuilding effort.
>Two years later only $2,450 is known to have been dispersed.

Ø This summer a mob occupied the area around Portland’s Immigration and Customs Enforcement office for more than a month.

 

If these Bullets do not scare you, you are not paying attention.

 

The Title of this Blog Posting is, “Without The Law We Can’t Have Order”. The Title is Not Kidding You because...

A block away, police officers looked on passively. Why didn’t they respond? The department told the writer of this article in a statement that it feared intervention would “change the demeanor of the crowd for the worse.”

Change the demeanor of the crowd? Yes the situation can get worse but, without any Resistance to The Mayhem, will the situation get better?

 

Flashback through History...

Ø First Back in History Guy: Those Nazi guys are killing people inside that Concentration Camp. I have a mind to go up to that fence and shout at them, “Don’t kill those people!”

Ø Second Back in History Guy: “No! Don’t do that! If you do, they might kill more people.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I feel badly for publishing this Blog Posting. There is no Funny in it! There is no Foolishness in it! There is no Silliness in it! It is Too Dark! I feel the need to try and make you feel better so you can go about your day ignoring reality...

Now do you feel better?

If you think I made any of this Blog Posting up or you just want to read the entire article for yourself, click here: https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-leftist-mob-polices-portland-1539298766?mod=searchresults&page=1&pos=1

Y’all Come! ... Part 2

My morning paper tells me that me that presently there is a new caravan of 1,500 migrants heading to the Good Ole USofA from Honduras. Some people up here are really concerned about what’s coming up here from down there. 

If these Concerned People would only read my Foolishness they would not be so Concerned. Only this past June 30th I wrote a Blog Posting that showed the Silver Lining in these Ongoing Onslaughts to those who were smart enough to read my Blog Postings.

 

Sometime I get down on myself because the Whole World does not read my Foolishness. It’s times like these where I am tempted to give up the ghost (whatever that means) and stop writing these Absurdities. I start thinking I am running low on Silliness but do not concern yourself about my really quitting because I’m Full Of It.

 

Y’all Come!

Immigration is all the rage at present. The poor unfortunate souls who were unlucky enough to be born in Guatemala, Honduras and Nicaragua need to get out of Guatemala, Honduras and Nicaragua and they have chosen the Good Ole USofA as their preferred choice of where they want to live.

 

A lot of Americans think, since We Have Lots of Room Up Here, and, if they want to live with us, we have an obligation to let them move up here if they want to move up here.

 

I say we ought to not wait for them to decide they want to be our neighbors. I think we ought to send planes down there and bring every one of them up here because, as stated above, We Have Lots of Room Up Here.

 

If we were to decide, after we have them all up here, we don’t like what the Good Ole USofA has turned into, we can just move down there because there will be no one living down there and there will be Lots of Room Down There.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I can tell that some of you is questioning my use of “Y’all Come” as the Subject of this Blog Posting. Well, Mr. Picky People, are not such phrases as “Y’all Come” used in the South? Guatemala, Honduras and Nicaragua are further South than our South. Y’all should know better than to question me.

A Big Problem...We Receive Alarming And Shocking Information. We Become Alarmed And Shocked. We Vote Based On That Alarming And Shocking Information. What Could Be Wrong With That?

The Big Problem is that, after you have finished voting, you find out that, while the Alarming and Shocking Information is Alarming and Shocking, it is not true.

 

You can still fix your vote by simply rushing to the Voting Place and changing your vote...Or can you?

 

A Official Fella Interruption (OFI): Fella does contend that this is a Misinformed Democrat Voter Problem or that it is a Misinformed Republican Voter Problem but each side will certainly label this as a Big Problem for the Other Side because we spend a lot of time saying that Other Side is The Problem.

 

Case in Point...Foreign Aid

Cogent Point #1...

Ø When asked what percentage of the budget the government should spend on Foreign Aid, some Americans say about 10%.

Ø That may seem like a fair proposal.

Ø However, as it stands now, the government only spends about 1% of the budget on Foreign Aid.

Ø If our government was required to do what Some Americans tell it to do, in order to “reduce” Foreign Aid to 10%, it would have to be increased by 9%.

 

Cogent Point #2...

Ø Some Americans vastly inflate how much our Government spends on Foreign Aid.

Ø They believe Foreign Aid comprises as much as 30% of the total budget.

Ø To fix this over spending problem, they recommend “cutting” it down to 13%.

Ø If our government was required to do what these Americans tell it to do, in order to “reduce” Foreign Aid to 13%, it would have to be increased by 12%.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you want to read more than I gave you to read, click here... http://www.pbs.org/wnet/need-to-know/the-daily-need/are-bad-voters-like-drunk-drivers-new-book-says-they-are-and-that-they-should-stay-home-on-election-day/8609/

Dog Spelled Backwards Is God

For years, as I have exercised in various parks around where I live, I have seen my fellow exercising people being pulled around the exercising trails by Little White Dogs on long leashes.

 

I have often thought to myself that their bodies would receive more benefit if the dog was not doing all the work of pulling them along and they were using their own muscle power to move along.

 

You may think my thinking is silly thinking but I always tell you what I think and let you decide whether I am silly or not. It’s sort of like Fox News...I Think. You Decide.

 

Over time the Being-Pulled Exercisers and their Pulling Dogs have changed...

Ø I have seen more and more exercisers being pulled by 2 Separate and Distinct Little White Dogs.

Ø Then, instead of 2 Separate Little White Dogs, they were being pulled by 2 Dogs of Different Sizes (1 little and 1 very much larger).

Ø Lastly the little dog was replaced by another Very Much Larger Dog.

 

This last bullet above resulted in a Walking Catastrophe for one of my fellow exercisers and it was horrible to behold...

Ø I rounded a curve to the scene of a fellow walker being pulled in 2 Opposite Directions by her 2 Very Large Dogs.

Ø As I watched she let out a blood curdling scream as both dogs broke their leash collars at the same moment and headed in hot pursuit of the squirrel of their choice.

Ø I rushed up to her and, as I knelt beside her, it became obvious that both of her shoulders had been dislocated.

Ø She said to me through her pain, “Which way did they go?”

Ø I replied, “North by Northwest and South by Southeast!”

 

I called 911 and, as she was loaded into the ambulance, the last thing I said to her was, “I feel your pain (which was a lie). Staying Healthy is Enough to Kill You.”

 

The King of Costco...

If you can’t see what’s in the Baby Stroller, enlarge the picture. Even if you can’t see, I bet you can guess...The King Is In The Building!

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

They Are 100% Right...Or Are They?

Yes, this is a rework of a past Blog Posting but it is still happening. Since “they” won’t stop trying to trick us, I feel obligated to to point out to you that they are trying to trick us.

 

We are at present being inundated with Polls. (Maybe I should have pecked out the prior sentence as, “We are always being inundated with Polls”.) They are often 100% Wrong but Poll Takers never stop trying to convince us that This Latest Poll is 100% Right.

 

The silliest ones are the ones where we are told the results of a poll done by a Democratic or a Republican Pollster. It is strange how the "results" always come out favoring their party's positions.

 

I guess I could be made to believe the poll did come out in favor of their party's positions but, you will never get me to believe, that any poll that did not favor their party's positions was just simply not published at all.

 

It's sort of like them saying, “We are going to keep polling the American People until the American People get it right”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

On Behalf Of Foolishness...Or Is It?, I Sincerely Apologize To Each And Every One Of My Dear Readers!

I could have made each and every one of you Stinking Rich and I have let your Stinking Richness slip through my careless fingers.

 

There is no way I can get your Golden Opportunity back and I do I feel so very sorry about what I have done. I only hope you will find it in your collective hearts forgive me.

 

As so often happens, I got ahead of myself. Allow me to back up and tell you how you could have become Stinking Rich...

Ø I’m certain you remember my Shadowy Bulgarian Billionaire who has more money than he knows what to do with from 2 blogs ago.

Ø Several weeks ago he was feeling very generous about all his money (or he was drunk) and he made me an offer that I couldn’t refuse but I did when I told him, “Don’t bother me, Shadowy, I’m busy”.

Ø I let his offer go by the wayside because I was preoccupied trying to count the number of NFL Football Players who were kneeling, sitting, holding their clenched fists in the air, picking their noses, picking the next protesting player’s nose and/or in the locker room during the playing of our National Anthem before the game I was about to watch.

 

You, my dear readers, could have been the beneficiaries of his generosity (or his drunkenness), if only I had been paying attention!

 

I did it again. I neglected to tell you exactly what my Shadowy Bulgarian Billionaire’s offer was...

He Said He Would Pay Each Of You $.10 Every Time The Word “Kavanaugh” Was Spoken On Radio Or TV Or Written In Any Print Media Between The Day He Was Nominated For The Supreme Court And The Day He Came Up For A Vote In The U.S. Senate.

I know how sharp each of you are, therefore, I know none of you needs a calculator to know that by the time the vote is finally taken in the Senate each of you could be Stinking.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella