I just heard the Attorney General of Texas say that the Fine for Price Gouging in Texas is Up To $20,000 and the Fine for Price Gouging Senior Citizens in Texas is Up To $250,000!
If we only got a piece of that $250,000 that would be great but I Googled it and found out the extra $205,000 goes the Crooked Politicians Retirement Fund.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Being a Peanut used to be a wonderful thing. You were sought after for taste and nutrition. You got to sponsor TV Shows like Hopalong Cassidy. Howdy Doody had a special place for you on his show and children were thrilled to sit in The Peanut Gallery and make silly faces and wave at the camera.
That was then and this is now and now is tough on the Lowly Despised and Feared Peanut…
· Airlines are afraid to serve peanuts because passengers might eat them, get sick and sue the airline or not get sick and still sue the airline for exposing them to Second-Hand Peanut Breath emitted by the peanut eating flyers.
· Grocery store shoppers have sued grocers for having had to walk through aisles where peanuts are displayed. Testimony was given in court like this, “It was horrifying! I was texting my way through the aisle where the uncaring grocer had displayed peanuts in plain view for all to be exposed to and all of a sudden there they were … Peanuts! I was extremely offended and I actually felt threatened!”
· (I did not make this one up.) My local Minor League Baseball Team (Gwinnett Braves) is having a Peanut Free Game. The promo goes like this…for one game we will create an environment where our fans with peanut allergies can come to the ballpark and enjoy a game to its fullest.
· WhatDoYaWannaBet we will soon be seeing demonstrations to ban peanuts from all games? The proof of the Gwinnett Braves evil intent will be the fact that the team admitted to the hazards presented by Peanuts by having a Peanut Free Game.
It is awful! About the only “good” thing that comes out of all this is that a whole bunch of Lawyers got a whole bunch of new Lexus’.
Footnote to History: Most people think Jimmy Carter walked in his Inaugural Day Parade because he wanted to walk. Actually, his Peanut Mobile had not broken down, so he had to walk.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: If you want to quibble with me for using Lexus’ to denote more than one Lexus, click this link to see that I am not the only one confused about how to spell more than one Lexus…
http://www.cartalk.com/content/my-husband-and-i-recently-had-question-we-thought
I am going to digress before I even get started on this Foolishness because I recently heard the Above Subject’s Craziness put forth as part of an otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussion on my TV.
My TV actually apologized to me when the Otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussion was finished. This is the first time my TV Apologized to me. The way things are going recently, I expect I will be apologized to by my TV repeatedly in the future.
The Otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussion participant actually said that an alive today grandson of Robert E. Lee should be held accountable for what his Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandpa Robert E. did.
This will become known in the Judicial Proceedings of the Future as… Guilty At Birth or Innocent Until Proven Born.
As long as there are such Otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussions on my TV, I will have no need to make things up for this Blog.
I am now done digressing.
------------------------
As most of you know by now, ESPN has removed an Asian Football Announcer from the broadcast of the William and Mary at University of Virginia college football game because his name was Robert Lee.
This thorny issue is addressed very nicely in an article at the following link… https://www.outkickthecoverage.com/msespn-pulls-asian-announcer-named-robert-lee-off-uva-game-avoid-offending-idiots/
My favorite part of the article is the words above the picture of the Offending Robert and his Co-Announcer…
“But just to make it clear for everyone out there, the Asian man on the right is not long deceased Confederate General Robert E. Lee. He’s a different person entirely, one that is still alive and did not fight in the Civil War”.
That ought to do it…Or will it?
My honest opinion is this Offending Robert ought to have been banned from the broadcast because of his haircut.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: In order to err on the side of caution in an attempt to prevent this type of controversy in the future, I think we ought to ban the immigration of all Asians with the last name “Lee”. No one could possibly argue with this logic…Or could some one?
The following statement has just been issued by a spokesman for Pigeons Are People Too...
”The removal of so many Confederate Statues is greatly reducing pooping locations for the pigeons of the Good Ole USofA.
As you well know pigeons are creatures of habit. For more than a hundred years pigeons have been pooping on the plethora of Confederate Statues that have dotted the Fruited Plain.
This recent onslaught of removals has caught our pigeons off guard. They have no place to go.
We have constipated pigeons everywhere and I can assure you, while you may think this is funny, the pigeons aren't laughing.”
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Special note to all Statue Protestors, file this Blog Posting under Unintended Consequences.
We can’t depend on lots of thing we used to be able to depend on but the Slippery Slope will always be with us. Another Subject for this Foolishness could easily have been…
Cussing, Cursing and Bad Words Amok
Have you noticed that people Americans admire have started using foul language in their Music, in their Speeches, in their Movies and now in their News Comments?
It probably started with Rhett Butler when he said to Scarlett O’Hara, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”. I immediately thought, “Yea, way to go Rhett, she deserves a cuss word or two!”
As I thought that, I was still shocked that he had said that for the whole world to hear, especially the children (me) of the Good Ole USofA to hear. I thought to my little self that Rhett might just have put us all on a Slippery Slope and I thought right.
Over the years we have been slipping and sliding but recently the slope seems to have gotten steeper and more slippery because politicians have started jumping on the slope
Horrified Mother to Nasty Mouthed Son…
“You come here right now! I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap. I’ll teach you to not use nasty words like that!”
Nasty Mouthed Son to Horrified Mother…
“You can’t do that. I just heard Senator Snidley Whiplash use that word on CSPAN while making a speech on the floor of the Senate and they call him Honorable all the time”.
That’s progress.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: If Gone with the Wind had been made in 2017…
Scarlett to Rhett: “Sir, you are no gentleman”.
Rhett to Scarlett: “And you, Miss, are no lady”.
Today Rhett was sued because he did not say, “And you, Ms., are no lady”.
For years many of us have been adhering to this Directive as the “best” method of developing and managing our passwords. We now know we have been wasting our time.
We were told the way to protect our accounts was to invent awkward new words rife with obscure characters, capital letters and numbers—and to change them regularly.
Most people found this too confusing to be practical but many of us tried our best to do it because we were told by people a lot smarter than we were that this was not just the best way to protect our important computer stuff but it was the only proven way to protect our important computer stuff.
Some of us ignored this Proven and Secure way like that guy in the Federal Government who used “Password” as his Password. I would hope that not too many of us were as silly as this guy but I would not bet on it.
Others of us tried to do what the Smarter Than Us People told us we had to do. We even persevered after several of the true adherents to the process were reported to have been hauled off to the Funny Farm in Straight Jackets.
A good example of what kind of word would come out of creating a password with Awkward Letters Rife with Obscure Characters and Capital Letters and Numbers (and change them often) is shown below…
Tr0ub4dor&3
Now there is a Password that will frustrate Snidley Hacker and send him to the Funny Farm if ever there was one!...Or will it?
Sadly, we now know that this Bullet Proof Password could be cracked by Snidley in 3 Days.
Ole Snidley has gotten very good at golf because he found he had a lot of time on his hands so he has been spending a lot of time on the links.
Is there a better way?
Ø Is there a way that does not need Awkward Letters?
Ø Is there a way that does not have to have Obscure Characters?
Ø Is there a way that does not need to have a mixture of Capital and Lower-Case Letters?
Ø Is there a way that does not need to have Numbers thrown in where you can’t remember where you threw them in?
Ø Is there a way that does not require you to change your password as soon as you finally get to the point where you can remember it?
Ø Is there a way that does not require you to have a different unable-to-be-remembered password for every account?
My Dear Reader, the answer is yes. You can now have a single password for all accounts. It will take a little longer to type out and about 60 seconds to memorize but it will keep you from having to order Funny Farm, USA return address stickers for your snail mail.
Are you ready? Here it is…
Your Password Should Be Made Up Of 4 Unrelated Words Typed Out As One Big Word
An example would be “correct horse battery staple” typed out as “correcthorsebatterystaple”.
In case you have forgotten how long it would have taken Snidley to figure out your old “Tr0ub4dor&3” password, I’ll tell you again…
He could crack it in 3 days
If Snidley had a computer program that made 1,000 guesses a second, it would take him 550 Years to figure out that your “correcthorsebatterystaple” password was “correcthorsebatterystaple”.
Now you can take up golf but don’t look for Snidley out there because he is going to be busy for a long time to come.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: I did not make this up… https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-man-who-wrote-those-password-rules-has-a-new-tip-n3v-r-m1-d-1502124118
There I was standing in the middle of the road being the Proverbial Deer in the Headlights.
I looked right at Twitter, Tweets and Twits and said to the entire world (or at least the .0000000000000000000000000000001% of the world that reads my Foolishness), “Twitter, Tweets and Twits who Tweet are all Silly!”
It was then that Deer Me was run over by all things Twitter.
I remember when Twitter had just been invented, created, concocted, spit out or by whatever means it was thrust upon us. I looked at what was happening and I was put off by statements in the news like, “Twitter Nation Thinks…”.
I said in response, “How can all those people all over everywhere “think” as a group? Have they been elected to speak as one with a single voice? Did they get together in one gigantic room and debate, analyze and look at evidence in order to vote and be able to speak with their one gigantic voice?”
Imagine that all of Twitter Nation was made up of 3 Twits. Imagine further (stay with me on this) one was a Carpenter in Wichita, another was a Symphony Conductor in Budapest and the third one was Whale Fisherman shipping out of a port on the east coast of Siberia. Imagine (are you still with me?) one day they all Tweeted and 2 of the 3 said that Columbus was wrong and the world was obviously flat. Would it actually be flat because Twitter Nation said it was?
Magnify my Silly example to the point where there are 880 Million Twits. One day 51% of them say that Columbus was wrong and the world was obviously flat. Would it actually be flat because Twitter Nation said it was?
I’m sure I have made my point brilliantly but I am also sure a whole bunch of you just thought to your collective selves about the subject of this bit of Foolishness, “Does God Tweet?”
Please allow me to brilliantly explain that also…
Ø My newspaper just told me that things are going from worst to awfully worst in Venezuela.
Ø The Vatican’s Silence about what has been going on in Venezuela has been deafening until it recently issued a statement wherein the Vatican said it was expressing, “Profound Concern”.
Ø The Catholic Bishops of Venezuela felt this was far from an adequate and they decided to bypass the Pope and appeal directly to God Himself when they Tweeted a Prayer, “to free our homeland from the claws of communism and socialism”.
We are not in the habit of Praying to Politicians or to Athletes or to Movie Stars (although I am not so sure that this does not happen a lot more than we realize).
No, when we pray, We Pray To God.
Now do you see why the Subject of this Silliness is, “Does God Tweet?” It was because the communication medium used by the Venezuelan Bishops to pray to God was Twitter?
Venezuela has enough on their plate without me getting involved. I do wish them all the luck in the world with a few miracles thrown in but I sure hope God is not actually sitting on a cloud up in heaven Tweeting.
If he is, please tell me. I get on my knees a lot when I communicate with Him. My knees are not in the same shape as they were in years past. If lying on my back and Tweeting would work just as well, I’m ready to give it a try.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
They have finally been caught but not before a major participant in the long running scheme had died. Since he is dead, I guess it can’t be said he was “caught”.
In bullet point format here are the kinds of things that were going on for many years…
Ø The guy who is dead teamed up with his bargaining-table opponent at Fiat Chrysler.
Ø Federal Officials say they and other conspirators skimmed millions from the UAW National Training Center, a tax-exempt, Fiat Chrysler-funded entity that was supposed to help union automotive workers get job training.
Ø Bought Limited Edition Gold Montblanc Pens.
Ø Bought a $350,000 Ferrari.
Ø Installed a Swimming Pool, Outdoor Kitchen and a Spa at one of the Union Official’s homes.
Ø Paid off a relative’s Student Loans.
Ø Spent $425,000 at a swag company owned by the wife of one of the Union Officials.
Ø $70,000 was funneled to a Union Boss’ Wife’s photography business.
Ø Paid for a Union Boss’ Wife’s first-class plane tickets.
Ø Paid for a Union Boss’ Wife’s $12,400 four-night stay at a Beverly Hills Hotel.
Ø A Union Boss paid off a $262,000 mortgage on a townhouse he and his wife owned.
The Feds say these scams ran for six and a half years before being uncovered.
Since 2001 at least 47 of the UAW’s members, including officials at several locals, have pleaded guilty to corruption and embezzlement charges.
A Union Official said of the scandal, “The UAW has zero tolerance for corruption or wrongdoing of this kind at any level.”
I guess this has to be called, Long Term and Ongoing Zero Tolerance.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Can’t you just hear the Stealing Guys’ Lawyer saying in court, “Your Honor, I find it hard to believe the Prosecuting Attorney just said what he just said. He actually said he was against showing compassion for that impoverished former student who, through no fault of his own, was left burdened with all of those Student Loans. Paying off those loans was as caring an act generosity as I have ever seen. If my client had not stolen this money, he could never have helped his relative in this manner. Your Honor, I am a bit surprised that you even allowed such mean accusations into your courtroom. However, I am willing to forget this lapse on your part in the hope that we can move on to more serious issues like why it is absolutely necessary for Montblanc Pens to be carried by any Union Negotiator as he approaches the Negotiation Table.”
Please don’t add a Comment to this Blog Posting telling me you can’t believe I took the time to waste my time to put this Silliness out.
Actually I am a little bit ashamed to let it be known that I actually took the time to make up this list of some of the Commemorative Days we are silly enough to “celebrate” in the Good Ole USofA.
However, because I did waste my time in this manner, I now know (and you are about to know) that almost every day of the year appears to be designated as a day to Commemorate Something Or Other. Almost all days commemorate more than one thing and many days go into double digits listings of the things that that particular day “Celebrates”.
I wasted a lot of time figuring all this out and making up the list below. If you want to waste your time go to: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/2017/01/
Creampuff Day
Drinking Straw Day
Clean Your Floors Day…
Lazy Day
World Lion Day
Ice Cream Sandwich Day…
Underwear Day
Two Different Colored Shoes Day
Rice Pudding Day
Work Like A Dog Day
Lumpy Rug Day
Shortbread Day
Root Beer Float Day
Lost Sock Day
Have a Bad Day Day
International Childfree Day (Are you wondering what this one is? It’s the celebration by people who chose not to have any children of the fact that they chose not to have children.)
Chicken Dance Day
Paper Airplane Day
World Toilet Day
Buy Nothing Day
Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day
Leave the Office Earlier Day
Onion Rings Day
Squirrel Appreciation Day
Wiggle Your Toes Day
S’mores Day
Emma M Nutt Day (Are you wondering again? She was the world's first female telephone operator.)
Tin Can Day
Crème Brulee Day
Talk In An Elevator Day
Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day
Get Over It Day
Goof Off Day
Weed Appreciation Day
Turkey Vulture Day
Pet Rock Day
Cheese Pizza Day
Procrastination Day
Fight Procrastination Day
Salami Day
Beer Lovers Day
Iguana Awareness Day
Wonderful Weirdos Day
Swap Ideas Day
Make Your Bed Day
International Red Panda Day
Corned Beef Hash Day
Imagine if you were on the committee that Designates Commemorative Days. You are at the water cooler talking with a fellow Commemorative Day Designation Associate…
Guy #1… “I can’t believe that we are paid to come up with these Silly Designations.”
Guy #2… “I must admit that I continue to be amazed at this whole process.”
Guy #1… “I’m beginning to get a very uneasy feeling that the public will stop paying attention to our designations.”
Guy #2… “What have you been smoking? Do you actually believe that anyone pays any attention to what we do? I would be willing to bet that we could designate a day honoring Specks of Dust and call it Speck of Dust Awareness Day and no one would ever know that we had declared such a day.”
Guy #1… “You forgot that we did declare such a day last year and, you are right, no one noticed our handiwork.”
Guy #2… “I can’t believe that we are paid to come up with these Silly Designations.”
Guy #1… “I must admit that I continue to be amazed at this whole process.”
Using January 2017 as a start I estimated that there are more than 1,300 Designated Celebration Days every year. (I counted up the number of days in January and multiplied by 12.) No, I did not take the time to count up the entire year. I was afraid you would think I was being silly.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: The next thing I will have to waste my time on is Official Days. If you are like me, you have said to yourself, “Did my television just tell me that that toothpaste was the Official Toothpaste of the National Football League?”
