If You Persist In Stupidity, One Day You Will Be Declared Certifiably Stupid

I wrote a Blog on October 15, 2008 about a Not So Brilliant Idea those Not So Brilliant People in the San Francisco Area were thinking of doing. They were contemplating putting a Gigantic Net underneath the Golden Gate Bridge to catch Would Be Suicide People before they became Actual Suicide People.

As I pecked that one out I was under a lot of pressure to get it posted quickly because I was sure that the Not So Brilliant People were going to publically state that the Golden Net Idea was dumb and they were not going to install it and it would have taken the wind out of my would be Foolishness...Or Is It.

Boy was I wrong. It turns out that the Not So Brilliant People have remained committed to their crazy idea all this time and they are getting close to bringing their dream into fruition. My newspaper now tells me, “San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge may soon be less of a magnet for people trying to commit suicide, as regional officials consider a plan to install mesh barriers beneath the historic orange span to catch jumpers before they hit the water.”

Forrest Gump tried to warn us. Sometimes it seems that Forrest Gump was the only not stupid one among us and he was never really among us because he never actually was. He gave us, Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

How about a few Catchy Silly (Or Are They?) Sayings for the future?...

• Stupid is stupid.
• Stupid never goes away.
• Stupid does as stupid does.
• Stupid...Not Just a Temporary Condition but a Way of Life.
• Stupid is our most important product.
• Why be smart? Stupid is a lot easier.

I just know you are dying to read about what I wrote about this silly idea back on October 15, 2008. In this posting, I also answer the obvious question about what to do about those jumpers who try to scramble up the net to continue their dying.

Here it is:

Finding Another Way

If someone wants to commit suicide, they will find another way.

October 15, 2008 | 12:51 PM

On Saturday October 11, 2008 I read where the city of San Francisco is considering a stainless steel net under the Golden Gate Bridge to prevent people from committing suicide by jumping off the bridge.

This net will cost somewhere between $40 & $50 million. What do you want to bet it will end up being closer to that $50 million figure?

There is no law that requires a person who commits suicide to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge. If someone wants to kill himself, there are a lot of other ways to get the job done. What is next for the suicide prevention minded city council of San Francisco? …

• Nets under all tall buildings, trees and ladders?
• Outlawing all tall buildings, trees and ladders?
• Requiring all tall buildings, trees and ladders be short?

I may be one step ahead of the city council but I wonder if they have thought of the possibility that the suicide minded person might just scramble up the stainless steel net and continue their plunge? I know what they could do if the jumpers started crawling up the net, they could shoot them.

Would I kid u?

SmartFella?

Would I kid u again?

Smartfella

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The Sound Of What Happens After The Contentious Congressional Hearings Are Over

Our 9% Approval Rated Congress is embroiled in more hearings. Listed below is what’s happening in Washington, D.C. at this time...

• Members of Congress are poking holes in the air with their fingers.
• Committee Members are blaming and accusing.
• Testifiers are denying and contradicting.
• Further action is being threatened.
• People are being warned they may be held in Contempt of Congress (whatever that means).
• Indignation is everywhere.
• Witnesses are running for cover.
• Members of Congress are poking holes in the air with their fingers.

Click on the link below to hear the sound what happens after the hearings are completed...

http://ResultsOfCongressionaHearings.mp3

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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Why Was I Not Invited?

Spain has a New King! Long live King Felipe VI!

Even though I am a bit confused about what exactly Spanish Kings do, since they no longer send Armada’s to attack England, I do hope Felipe has a long reign.

After reading my newspaper, I know one thing for sure (based on the list of those people he chose to invite to his Post-Crowning Reception) there are chuckles, giggles and out and out laughs in his and his entourage’s future. My newspaper says the invitees were... Business Leaders, Politicians, Bullfighters, Athletes and Comedians.

He invited Comedians!? What am I, a Potted Plant? Why was I not invited? I have had at least 5 people tell me that they laughed at a few of my attempts at humor. The late Rodney Dangerfield just paid my computer room a visit. He was looking over my shoulder as I pecked out this silliness and he said, “You get no respect, no respect at all”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Who do you think will give Felipe the most laughs, the Comedians or the Politicians?

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What Was That Big Swoosh That Just Went By My Aging Head?

Please be honest with me. Do you think the world is passing me by?

This bit of Foolishness is being pecked out from the other side of the hill that I must have gone over. I started to peck out, “just went over” but I honestly do not know exactly when I went Over the Hill...

• On the Internet I just read about Tweens. I had no idea what a Tween was but, in the world of Google we are not allowed to not know for long and now I know what a Tween is because I Googled It.
  Did I just hear you say you did not know what a Tween is and you want me to tell you because you are too busy to Google just now? You are in a heap of trouble if you are too busy to Google, unless it’s because you are busy Tweeting Useless Information. Tweeting Useless Information is acceptable.
  I would hope that any self-respecting Twit ought to want to interrupt his Tweeting long enough to broaden his wealth of knowledge so he can know what a Tween is... Or would he ought to?
  Definition: A Tween is a marketing demographic defined as In-Between Being a Child and a Teenager.
  
• The Internet also just told me, “Nobody emails anymore!”
  Since I do email, I must be a Nobody.
  What really bothers me is that, if nobody emails any more, then all my emails are not being read by anybody.
• This next one is going to be hard for me to change.
  If I write a letter to Jason, I start off with, “Dear Jason”.
  It has been pointed out to me that the Salutation “Dear followed by the recipient's given name or title” is antiquated and simply just not done anymore.
  I was told that to be Modern Proper I ought to use, “Yo, Jason” or, best of all, simply write, “Dude”.
  Somehow I just can’t see myself doing either of these two alternatives.
• This last one has been around awhile but I still cringe when a waiter in a restaurant comes up to my wife & me and says, “How are you guys doing tonight?”
  Guys? Really? Why the waiter would not say the proper greeting, “How are y’all doing tonight?” is beyond me.
  I guess I will eventually accept this guy thing but there is one possible exception.
  My Mother has passed on and, if some Twitty/Tween would come up and say, “Your Mother was a really great guy”, I just might lose control and bop him tween his eyes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(452)

How Stupid Does The Governor Think We Are?

Welcome To the Stone(ed) Age

I recently aimed my Foolishness Pointer Outer at Marijuana. If you care to refresh your aging memory about this Blog I posted on January 13, 2014, go to... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/01/taking-high-road.html

Hey, you dear Readers who live in New York State, you better pay attention to this one.

Hey, you dear Readers who do not live in New York State, you better pay attention to this one.

My newspaper tells me that the Governor of New York is about to make his state the 23^rd state to allow easier access to Marijuana for Therapeutic Purposes.

I see no need to again state that I think this is a National Unstoppable Mistake because it appears to be a mistake whose time has come.

Did you just say you have decided that you wanted to go back and read my January 13, 2014 blog posting on this subject but you can’t find the link to that bit of foolishness? Do not worry. I will now give you the link again... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/01/taking-high-road.html

Just like when Prohibition was on a roll to become the year 1920’s National Unstoppable Mistake the will of the people is in the process of being spoken. I will concede that, as influential as this Blog is in shaping national policy, there is nothing that I can peck out that will even slow down this juggernaut. Please do allow me to quibble with one of the Governor of New York’s major selling points...

The bill has a Fail Safe Provision that would allow the Governor to stop the program at any time.

If the Governor decides he will cancel this Marijuana Is Out There Everywhere Program once it is fully embedded in the very fabric of New York, I would recommend that he warm up for the turning off of this spigot by going to Home Depot and buying a good sized Mop Bucket, a Slicker, a big Waterproof Hat and a good pair of Hip Waders and have his chauffer drive him up to Niagara Falls where he can practice throwing the Falls back to the top of the Falls until the Falls gets tired of Falling.

It is going to be impossible to put a stop to the Marijuana Industry after the money starts flowing.

I can just hear it now, “Ah come on, Gov., all those phony doctors sitting in the corner of all those phony Medical Marijuana Clinics are people too. They have families to support. Have a heart!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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Destabilize the Destabilized

I Googled, “Destabilize the Middle East” and got 747,000 results.
Anytime you hear some Talking Head say, “Destabilize the Middle East” (and you hear it often) think about this Blog Posting.
Here are the first 15 of the 747,000...
1. Obama Destabilized the Middle East on Purpose
2. Israel’s Long-Time Strategy to Destabilize the Middle East
3. American Ground Invasions Destabilize the Middle East
4. Snow threatens to destabilize Middle East
5. The Destabilization of Syria and the Broader Middle East War
6. IMPLOSION OF THE MIDDLE EAST: Destabilizing Iraq and Syria
7. Obama and Hillary Helping to Destabilize the Middle East
8. U. S. to Attack Syria and Further Destabilize Middle East
9. Obama Continues the Bush Mistake of Destabilizing the Middle East
10. Brain-Dead Foreign Policy – Destabilizing the Middle East – Feeding the War Cycle
11. Iraqi Shiite Cleric Issues Call to Arms Against Sunni Militants
12. 9/11 - U.S. Planned Middle East Destabilization Since 2000
13. The PNAC Plan to Destabilize the Middle East and the world
14. Destabilizing the Last Stable Area in the Middle East
15. Syrian Civil War Could Destabilize Entire Middle East
I bet you think I made up #4... Snow threatens to destabilize Middle East but I did not. Google it!
My favorite is #14... Destabilizing the Last Stable Area in the Middle East. Believe it or not, the stable referred to is Israel & Palestine. Google it!
Sorry I did not list the other 746, 985 but I think you get the Fella’s drift.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
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Lagniappe: Wow! I just went to check out some of what I pecked out about the 747,000. I searched again on, “Destabilize the Middle East” and found that the 747,000 has jumped to 751,000.
I’m glad I went back to check because I found out I now have a new Favorite! One of the 751,000 is, “Israel-Palestinian ‘Peace’ Would Destabilize Middle East”.
You are forgiven if you think I made this up.

Grandma & Daddy Should Have Known Better

This bit if Foolishness comes to you from my...

I’m More Politically Correct than You Are Politically Correct Department

Modern World appears to be hell bent on condemning people who use phrases that once were Entirely Proper but now are Entirely Absolutely Obviously Not Proper.

• My newspaper told me about an English Grandmother who was ridiculed and accused of being a racist (on Mother’s Day no less) by her 2 grandchildren because she asked one of them if he sang Negro Spirituals in his school choir. The grandmother was shocked and surprised by the verbal attack from her Politically Correct Grandsprings. She was heard to mumble something about how that was what such music was called when she was young. She was probably thinking to herself, “Somehow African-British Spirituals or People of Color Spirituals does not sound right”, as she shamefully slinked off to her nap.
• In my own life I can still picture and hear my Father (he died in 1966) telling me that I should not use the word, “Nigger” but I should say the proper and respectful words, “Colored” or “Negro”. He was a decent man trying to teach his 8 year old offspring correctness before Political Correctness was invented.

Let’s see if I can demonstrate this pervasive silliness with one of my foolish examples…

Let’s say someone said, “That Hispanic Landscaper...” Up pops a Politically Correct Corrector. Yes, they are popping up everywhere. The Corrector would point out that the use of “Hispanic” & “Landscaper” together to identify such a person is a broad brush implication that Hispanic People are not capable of higher forms of employment other than manual low wage servitude to perform chores that some of us feel are beneath some of us. He would surely ask why the word “Hispanic” was used at all. He would finish by demanding to know why the proper term for such employment was not used, Land Beautification Facilitator?

Back to the defense of my Father... It turns out that by our Modern Ever-Changing Politically Correct Standards what he tried to impart to me was neither proper nor respectful. Does that mean my Father was a Racist? Of course he was not but many in today’s Rigid America would say he was indeed a Racist because he should have known the future.

Now that I think about it, he may have been a Racist because, at a minimum, he should have Googled for the proper word usage before he sat me down and tried to teach me what was proper and respectful.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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Lagniappe: In searching Google for the article I saw about the British Grandmother I came across this link listing...

negro spirituals lyrics

famous negro spirituals

negro spirituals audio

negro spirituals YouTube

history of negro spirituals

negro spirituals sheet music

list of negro spirituals

old negro spirituals music

Looks like Google needs to go take a nap also.

Let Me Explain It To You

My newspaper just taught me a lot about Honor Killings. Now that I understand how it works I can better understand where they are coming from... Or can I?

The time “honored” practice of Honor Killing is big in the Middle East.

Did I just hear you say you think we can change their minds about Honor Killings if we only opened a dialog on the subject with them? Come on now, this has been going on for hundreds of years. Instead what we ought to do is to pattern our system of laws after theirs and then they will surely like us.

The following bullet points lay out The Law of the Land in Pakistan...

• A 25 year old woman was recently stoned to death for marrying the person whom she wanted to marry and not the person her family wanted her to marry. 
• She was stoned to death outside the courthouse that had under consideration her appeal to be allowed to marry whomever she wanted to marry.
• Her father, two brothers and her former fiancé (her cousin) were among the dozen or so people who stoned her to death.
• In honor killings most of the time the women’s killers are her own family.
• The only one arrested was her father who says he was required to kill her as a matter of honor because a woman marrying her own choice brings dishonor on her family.
• More than 1,000 Pakistani women are killed each year by their families in honor killings.
• Pakistani Law allows the family to select someone to do the killing and then it also allows the family to forgive the killer.

(I do wish you would stop thinking I make these things up.)

Now do you better understand what we are up against if we try to engage them in a dialog to convince them that our way of doing things is right and theirs is wrong?

An official in my newspaper article is quoted as saying, “This is a huge flaw in the law”. The Smartfella, up until this point, thought all of the people in the middle east were named Mohammed. Now I find myself thinking there is at least one named “Sherlock” because I am thinking, “Flaw in the law? ... No Chit, Sherlock”.

------------------------

In the third paragraph above I said, “We need to pattern our culture after theirs”. Allow me to give you a few examples...

• Drivers ought to be allowed by law to run red lights if they have a burning desire to eat a burrito and they can prove to the court that that’s where they were headed when they ran the red light. 
• It is OK to have murdered someone if there were exactly five eyewitnesses to the murder. 
• A person should not have to pay any income taxes if he can prove that there was at least one person in the Good Ole USofA that makes more money than that person makes.

OK I admit that the three bullets above are silly, unworkable and do not make any sense at all. I still think we ought to give them a try because there is not a smidgen of evidence that they would not work since none of the three ideas have ever been tried.

If the Good Ole USofA is completely destroyed as a result of this experiment in foolishness, I am in full agreement that we ought to declare the whole experiment extreme silly poppycock and go back to before the country had been destroyed and make like it had never been destroyed.

I call all of this a Congressional Mulligan and, if Congressional Mulligans are not in the Constitution, they certainly ought to be.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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Getting That Pesky Human Conscience Out Of The Way!

Killer Robots are going to be debated during an informal meeting of killing experts at the United Nations in Geneva.

You learn something new every day. I always thought Geneva was where we went to talk about not killing people.

This will be the first time that the issue of Killer Robots, or Lethal Autonomous Weapons Systems, will be addressed during the UN Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons (CCW).

Professor Arkin from the Georgia Institute of Technology told the BBC he hoped Killer Robots would be able to significantly reduce non-combatant casualties but feared they would be rushed into battle before this was accomplished.

He went on to state that Killer Robots may be better able to determine when not to engage a target than humans can determine, "and could potentially exercise greater care in so doing".

(Don’t you just love it when terms like, “exercise greater care” are used in discussions about killing people.)

The discussion of drones, however, is not on the agenda as they are yet able to operate completely autonomously. There are signs this may change in the near future. (Yes, the underlined part is a link. Click on it if you want to read some really futuristic stuff that Fella is not getting into in this blog posting.)

What will they think of next? Such a tidy idea... Robots with no blood, sweat or tears on our side and piles of dead on the other side of the battlefield.

Or is their side going to be our side?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

In the Past... Peter Sellers said, “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War the Room!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAeqVGP-GPM

In the Future... We might be saying, “You can’t kill us in here. We are being busy killed by that thing up there and it does not seem to acknowledge the White Flag we are waving at it. We are up to our third Flag Holder.”

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Peter The Great Furnerk

I went to the Cell Phone Hall of Fame yesterday. It was an eye opening experience.

As I walked into the Hall’s very impressive lobby I was greeted by an immense statue of a be-speckled young man holding a cell phone in his hand and gazing off into the far beyond.

That statue could not help but get your attention. I immediately became curious to know who the man was who had inspired such a huge statue of himself.

The pedestal’s plaque read, “Peter Furnerk”. Now that I knew who he was I still did not know who he was. I asked the Docent who was standing nearby (they are always standing nearby).

The Docent was polite (they are always polite) but he did seem to be a bit unbelieving that I was asking such a silly question. For a moment it seemed that he was not going to even tell me who Mr. Furnerk was. It was as if he thought I was so uninformed he felt, “You Can’t Handle The Info!” I fully expected Jack Nicholson to appear and slap me around a bit.

He finally decided I was one or two steps above completely stupid so he gave me the truth to try and handle.

He explained that the sainted Mr. Furnerk was once a low level executive with a fledgling company named Cell Phones R Us. His stroke of genius was that he came up with the marketing idea used to convince the parents of the Good Ole USofA that they should buy their children Cell Phones due to Safety Concerns.

The parents immediately grasped the idea that their little tykes needed to be protected from Sexual Predators, Evil Doers, Strangers, the Riff, the Raff, Frick, Frack and those of a Differing Political Persuasion.

This marketing pitch changed the Cell Phone from a mere Sure-Fire Winner to an Unbelievable Skyrocket that will never come down to Earth. Overnight the Cell Phone went from an Adult Necessity to a Wet Slippery Necessity that that babies all across the Fruited Plain were gnawing on in their baby cribs at night.

Life is not always fair. Mr. Furnerk got a statue erected to him but the poor soul who first stood up many years ago and recommended to his Board of Directors that their company ought to start bottling and selling something they got out of their home faucets for free was fired and died penniless in a flop house in Altoona.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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