Watching The News ... All The Time ... Over And Over

The 24 Hour News Cycle is a part of us but does it have to be?

Some of us can sit and watch the 24 Hour News Cycle all day long. Is this healthy? I could understand watching the same news all day if you were waiting for something of really importance to come on the TV ... like Oprah.

Aside from Oprah do we not have something better to do with our lives? The truth is many of us do not seem to have anything better to do with our lives. We sit there and watch the same news and the same fifteen second film clips All Day Long.

A short while back I sent out a Foolishness...Or Is It? that purported to tell each of you what it was going to be like when we went to Heaven or Hell...
http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/04/get-your-eternal-menu-selections-in.html

OK, I admit I was doing a bit of guessing about the forks, bacon and cannolis. It is not often that I make such admissions. Usually I am right on with my Foolishness but I did just have a vision from the afterlife and this time I know what Heaven and Hell will really be like. Trust me.

Heaven: Sitting on a cloud eating steak and piping hot french fries.

Hell: Sitting on a cloud eating steak and piping hot french fries with your head fixed in position staring at a TV with earphones in your head and watching the 24 Hour News Cycle.

Want to know the worst part? ... Oprah does not come on at 4pm.

Would I kid u?

Oh Come On, Grandpa, You Are Making That Up!

Young people are not old people. If we tell them about long ago, we bore them. If we tell them about a short time ago we not only bore them but we shock ourselves that they are completely unknowing about what we consider recent history. Some of these things are too new to be history.

I am going to list some of these, Oh Come On, Grandpa, You Are Making That Ups for you to ponder. I am willing to bet that any “old” person reading this Foolishness...Or Is It? (if there is anyone reading this Foolishness...Or Is It?) will be able to expand this list quite easily...
• Telephones handsets used to have cords on them that prevented a talker from straying too far away from the telephone box.
• When a long distance call was received absolute panic set it. The phone company had a set price for the first three minutes. There was a charge for going over three minutes and what that charge was was one of the great unknowns because no one ever went over three minutes. The person who answered the phone would shout, “Long Distance!” and also shout out the name of whomever the call was for. The family member whose name had been shouted out would come running, grabbed the phone and talked very fast while keeping an eye on the clock. Keeping an eye on the clock was not necessary because the caller (the person paying for the three minutes) was certainly keeping an eye on the clock on his end. The caller also had his finger on the hang-up button and there was no way that call was going to go one second over the “free” three minutes.
• There used to be telephone booths everywhere where phone calls could be made from a pay phone (what’s a pay phone?), homeless people used the phone booths as rest rooms and Superman changed into his flying costume in these handy changing rooms.
• Cell phones did not exist.
• Before cell phones, people used to drive with both hands on the steering wheel.
• Postage stamps had glue on the back and we used to lick the back with our wet tongues.
• Before GPS, we got cross country using paper road maps that we got from gas stations for free.
• When we bought gas we were given gifts for buying the gas which was 17 cents a gallon.
• Every time we wanted to change a TV channel we had to get up out of our chair and twist the knob by hand.
• If a knee, heart, hip, eye, rotator cuff, kidney or any such thing went bad we did not get another one we had to just bear with it.
• Dogs and cats were free and we got them from our neighbors.
• We had to open the garage door by hand (if we had a garage). This included when we returned home. This included when we returned home in the rain.
• Each family had one and only one car.
• Car side windows, sliding side doors and tailgates had to be opened by hand.
• Post Office clerks smiled at us.
• Birthdays meant ice cream, cake, a single present and you aunts, uncles and cousins came over to celebrate. They did not walk in asking, “How come we did not go to Chuck E. Cheese this year?”
• In church on Sunday, when it came time for the collection, the sound of jingling coins filled the church. Everyone was getting prepared to drop in their nickels and dimes. Today we drop in paper bills and paper checks. They do not jingle. I miss that sound.

Would I kid u?

Snow Flakes Are Out To Get You!

According to a published newspaper article there is bacteria in snowflakes. This is alarming news! I, a highly capable creator of Foolishness, am ready to describe to you the future. Knowing what is to come will permit you to better prepare yourself to protect your loved ones. Listed below are news stories we are sure to see...

• Eight-year-old arrested and taken to jail for throwing a snowball at an unsuspecting playmate.
• Research has shown that ingesting a mere 3,217,412 snowflakes is the equivalent of drinking 17 gallons of milk from a Chernobyl Cow.
• Parents have their three children removed by Social Services for allowing their driveway to remain snow covered for 48 hours.
• The tiny hamlet of Winnewaka, Minnesota is the first to construct Covered Snow-Deflector Walkways from every one of their school bus stops to every one of their school bus delivered children’s front doors.

Image via Wikipedia 

Demonstrations are increasing throughout the country for similar action to be taken by other local municipalities. Protesting parents in Whatize, New York were interviewed and their responses below show how dire they regard SnowflakeGate to be...

• “If Winnewaka can do it, why can’t we do it?” 
• “Are our children not as precious as Winnewaka’s children?” 
• “I see no recourse but to recall our useless mayor and every one of his cronies on the city council.”

You probably think I am over reacting. Go ahead and mock me. I am telling you now that I will expect an EOA (Email of Apology) from each of you when my predictions come to fruition.

Would I kid u?

Do You Understand The Charges Against You?

Judge To Defendant,

Do You Understand The Charges Against You?

Defendant To Judge, Huh?

None of us want to go to jail. That being said, there is a pretty good chance that some who are in jail do not know why they are in jail.

Below are actual crimes I have read about in the newspaper...
• A Church Was Set Afire ... The charge was, “Use of fire to commit a felony”. (What happened to tried and true Arson?)
• Another Church Was Set Afire ... The charge was, “Damage or destruction to religious property”. (Kind of makes one think that, if it were not religious property and just plain ole property, no crime would have been committed.)
• Our City Hall Was Spray Painted ... The charge was, “Interference with government property”. (What happened to Vandalism? Sort of sounds like one of those big columns in front of City Hall wanted to move to the other side of the building to get out of the sun and somebody blocked its way.)
• Murder ... the charge was, “Malicious Murder”. (If the murder was not malicious, might the dead person still be alive?)

I bet that some of you are still thinking I make these things up. If I made them up, they would be foolish but they would not be this silly. There is a distinction. Just don’t ask me to explain the distinction.

Would I kid u?

Is It Possible That Mamma And Daddy Were Wrong?

When I was growing up my parents told me to save my money (if and when I ever started acquiring money). I listened and to this day believe they were right.

As a newly married couple in the U.S. Army and making $222.22 per month and we started saving $50 each month. Get your calculator out and check out my figuring...That was 22.5%.

How many young couples are saving 22.5% of their salary today? If there are any, they may be in a heap of trouble because they are not doing their part to stimulate the economy.

I did a blog posting in the past about my “obligation” to spend my money to keep the economy going. As usual, my tongue was very deeply in my cheek but now this issue seems to be getting very serious!

I have been noticing recent news commentary attacking the once time honored American practice of SAVING MONEY. They have started to paint saving as an evil unto itself that must be stopped.

Here comes my Foolishness...Or Is It?...

Are we about to see some or all of the following?

• News Lead In...

Peter Fernerke was arrested today in Ohio for saving more that the Federally Mandated Maximum Allowed Percent of his take-home pay.

• A Public Service Announcement...

Citizens, remember to do your duty for the common good and spend as much of your salary as is necessary to keep America humming along. If you don’t know how much is enough, go to http://www.yourpart.gov/ and consult the Recommended Minimum Spending Table. Any amount spent in excess of the Recommended Minimum will be appreciated by a grateful nation and your 9% Approval Rating Congress.

• Live Concert...

Image via WikipediaThe Hollywood Celebrity you most admire (whoever that is) is asking you to attend this Saturday’s live concert, No More Saving Over The Limit. There will be one held in every town in America of over twenty-five people. Bring the excess saving you have been squirreling away in violation of the Recommended Minimum Spending Table. No questions will be asked about where you have been hiding your money. Jimmy Carter will be stationed at each dumping box to personally shake your hand and thank you for doing your part. Come clean for America before they come and get you.

Ok I got carried away again. However, I would like to ask you to do one thing after I went to all the trouble to peck out this Foolishness. Start taking note of every time you hear or read about the “evils” of saving money. It may surprise you how dead serious my Foolishness turns out to be.

Would I kid u?

I Was Once A Popular Word

Whatever happened to the word “million(s)”?

Here is a recent interview conducted by www.what’sgoingonincongresstoday.com ...

What’s Going On In Congress Today Guy: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to come in for this interview today.

Used To Be A Popular Word Guy: It is my pleasure but, actually, I did not have much to do anyway.

WGOICT Guy: Well, you certainly have jumped right into the heart of the reason for this interview. Can you tell us what happened to make you so little used, or dare I say, downright unpopular?

UTBAPW Guy: At first it was a slow process. Every time the citizens of the United States turned around our elected representatives in Congress were using my name. They would say, “A million dollars for this or 200 million dollars for that and then the word(s) “million(s)” disappeared from their vocabulary. They started saying, “A billion dollars for this or 200 billion dollars for that” and they completely forgot they had ever heard of the word(s) “million(s)”.

WGOICT Guy: Was it a gradual process?

UTBAPW Guy: At first it was but almost overnight the process has accelerated in recent years. Now it is as if they never knew of my existence.

WGOICT Guy: Don’t you see any hope that you will make a comeback or are you on a slippery slope to oblivion?

UTBAPW Guy: There was a time that I thought there was hope for my continued usage but now I think the latter fate that you just mentioned in your question is my sad future.

WGOICT Guy: What was it that gave you hope?

UTBAPW Guy: Members of Congress used to say things like, “One billion 500 million” but now they just say, “One and a half billion” or “One point five billion”. There is no longer any reference to the word(s) “million(s)” in their pontifications.

WGOICT Guy: I must admit that this is a sadder story than I anticipated when I originally set up this interview. What are you going to do now?

UTBAPW Guy: Sorry to ruin your day but I have to tell it like it is. What am I going to do? I see my path as clear as the look of compassion on your face. I am going to slide into the Ash Heap of History and see if I can find General MacArthur. He is still fading away down there somewhere. He might remember me. He might understand what has happened to me ... or will he?

Would I kid u?

Banquettes and Eggs

Our News Media is going berserk, again. Currently they are acting as if what we are being subjected to has never happened before ... or has it?

What am I talking about? Excuse me but I thought all of you already knew. It’s the Heat! Heat stories dominate the news on the opening of every broadcast. They are acting as if it has never gotten hot before. I find myself shouting at the TV, “Don’t you know it’s Summer Time!”

Sometimes I wonder about myself, shouting like that. I actually know the TV can’t hear me but I do it anyway. I’m sure glad I am the only person who knows I shout at TVs.

You may find this hard to believe but, when I was growing up, we had summers every year.

I grew up in New Orleans. Harkening back to our French Heritage we used to call (maybe still do) a sidewalk a “banquette” (bank-it). I can remember my father saying, “It is so hot out there you can fry an egg on the banquette.”

One day I decided to see if my father knew of which he spoke. I got one of my mother’s eggs out of the ice box (now known as a refrigerator) and went out and cracked it on the banquette and it actually did fry.

That must have been a big day in my growing up because I remember this incidence so well and I can almost smell the egg and banquette aroma coming up to my little nostrils.

Cracking eggs on the banquette was fun and educational but shouting at TVs is neither. Next time I get the urge to shout at the TV, I ought to go take a walk on the banquette. Actually I have thought about doing just that but have not done so as of yet because it is so hot out there.

Would I kid u?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Give You The Age Of...

Over time we have had the Bronze Age, the Age of Enlightenment, the Iron Age, the Dark Ages, the Renaissance Period, the Industrial Revolution, the Stone Age and various other Ages and Periods scattered about. The time in which we now live just may end up being called the Age of Finger Pointing.

There are a lot of “fixes” out there but the Smartfella? thinks these “fixes” just may be the same “fix” over and over. Here are a few examples...

• Cut the other guy’s salary ... not my salary. I need the money.
• Raise the tax on cigarettes ... I don’t smoke.
• Raise the other guy’s taxes ... not my taxes. I need the money.
• Pay for my health insurance ... not his health insurance. He can afford it.
• Cut the other guy’s pay increase ... not my pay increase. I need the money.
• Cut the other company’s budget ... not my company’s budget. We need the money.
• Increase my tax refund ... not his tax refund. He already has enough stuff. I need the money.
• Lower my taxes ... not his taxes. He is rich and, if he were not rich, I would be rich.

Come to think of it, “they” may be right about “them”. Everyone knows that “they” cause all our problems ... or do they?

Would I kid u?

Protecting Our Children Can Be Dangerous To Our Children

The first time I saw a baby being strapped into a car seat backwards and all alone in the rear seat, I said to myself, “Self, this can’t be good.”

We now have had a decade or so of this experiment in Childhood Confusion and the chickens are coming home to roost.

I just read an article which is reporting a serious Children Behavioral Abnormality (otherwise known as CBA). It seems children are doing things backwards and we, as a society, don’t seem to know what to do about it.

Here are a few CBAs that demonstrate how serious this situation is...

The Alphabet...

• First Graders are now unable to recite the twenty-six letters of the alphabet starting with A B C.
• They start with Z Y X and end up at the letter A.
• The good news is they can recite their Backwards Alphabet very well and the ole A B C Jingle that we know and love is alive and well, but backwards.

 The Great American Pastime...

• Baseball Little League coaches are having a very difficult time getting their pitchers to throw the baseball from the pitcher’s mound to home plate.
• They want to throw to second base.
• Tom Hanks said in that girlie baseball movie, “There’s no crying in baseball.”
• Actually crying is rampant in Little League Baseball nowadays but it is the coaches that are doing the crying.

Basketball...

• There is a Pee Wee Basketball player in Indiana, of all places, who keeps shooting on wrong end of court.
• He does alright in practice and for much of the actual games he plays in but, when the game is on the line and his adrenalin gets to flowing, he starts putting the ball into his opponent’s goals.
• The Coach is, however, hesitant to try and turn him around. Sports Illustrated quotes the coach as saying, “The kid is really good. He makes a very high percent of his shot attempts.”

There was some speculation that our 9% Approval Rated Congress would get involved but most of them are having trouble understanding what the problem is. Senator Foghorn Leghorn said yesterday, “Son, I say son, what’s wrong with doing things backwards?”

Would I kid u?