Lindsay Lohan Arithmetic

Anonymous says: I'm gonna buy another one!

If you were like me you were riveted to your TV two weeks ago as we witnessed our Lindsay Lohan sentenced to 90 days in jail. The look of shock and horror on Lindsay’s face told the whole awful story as the judge gave her 30 days in jail and then added 30 more days in jail and finally another 30 days in jail. That is a total of 90 days in jail. It was hard to watch.

Yesterday poor Lindsey reported to authorities and, sure enough, was locked behind bars. She walked in like the trooper we all know her to be. It was darn near inspirational.

That late Paul Harvey guy is looking over my computer again. Guess what? He told me to tell you The Rest of the Story...

• I read today that 90 days is not as many days as 90 days used to be.
• A spokesman for the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department said that Lindsey will be released from jail on August 1st or 2nd.
• An August 1st release is only the 12th day of her incarceration.
• Let’s add one more day to 12 days and see if that adds to 90 days.
• Nope, that does not do it because that is only 13 days.
• The Sheriff’s Department went on to say that Lindsay will only serve a quarter of her sentence.
• Father Hatrell taught me that a quarter of something is 25%.
• I just got my calculator out found out that 12 days is 13% of 90 days and not 25%.
• Since I did so well on that calculation I forged on and found out that 13 days is 14% of 90 days and still not 25%.

What am I missing here?

Ah ha! Here is the answer. A Sheriff’s Department Official said the projected release date was arrived at because of, “all the credits Lohan is likely to receive.”

• Did her looking so shocked in court earn her a credit?
• Did the fact that she cried in court earn her a credit?
• Did the fact that her attorney dropped her as a client like a hot potato right after the judge threw the book at her earn her a tax credit? (In hindsight it was a very small book.) 

If you want to speculate about what credits Lindsay might have received, use the Comments Procedure at the bottom of this posting and let the world hear your thoughts (foolish thoughts would be appreciated).

The article went on to report that Lohan surrendered at a Beverly Hills Courthouse and was immediately whisked away to an all-women’s jail in Lynwood. Quoting from the article, “She will serve her time in an Isolation Unit that has previously hosted Paris Hilton.”

I trust that you took note that “incarcerated” has been replaced by “hosted”.

Lindsay was heard to say that she was glad she took acting lessons. Those lessons turned her tearful and heart wrenching apology into a work of art. This all means she will not have to share the Isolation Unit’s Jacuzzi with some low life whose apology was not as near as sincere as her apology was.

Would I kid u?