In Order To Sooth My Conscience, I Need You To Sell Me The Real Thing But You Must Absolutely Make Certain To Convince Me That What I Am Buying Is The Fake Thing

When I was young Animal Furs were the Cat’s Meow (If you don’t know what the Cat’s Meow is, Google It!).

Later Animal Furs got to the point where they were looked down upon because the animals started objected to having their Furs Removed.

Today New York City is on the verge of becoming the latest city to ban the sale of Animal Fur. There is just one problem: Consumers can’t seem to get enough of Fluffy Animal Hides.

The U.S. production of Animal Fur used in apparel and accessories has been climbing for a decade and in 2018 reached its highest level in 17 years.

Fella has always believed that those of us who want to do something that others might not want them to do will always come up with logical sounding reasons why they ought to be allowed to do what they want to do.

To try to make my point, I read where a lady, who we are all required to admire and who loves to wear Fluffy Animal Hides, had this irrefutable argument as to why she is actually doing the right thing by wearing used-to-be-alive-but-now-dead Fluffy Animal Hides... She said she prefers to wear Real Fur rather than Fake Fur because the fake stuff is made of chemicals and doesn’t biodegrade.

She stopped all opponents dead in their tracks by adding, “Real Fur is better for the Environment”. (No one is allowed to say anything against the Environment.)

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Shoppers in those jurisdictions who can’t live without Mink, Fox and Other Banned Furs are finding ways around the laws banning the sale of Real Animal Furs. Many of them are ordering from a retailer or e-commerce company located where it is not against the law to sell Real Animal Furs.

That hasn’t stopped cities including Los Angeles and San Francisco from banning Fur Sales.

Animal-rights activists say a turning point came in 2013 when the Federal Trade Commission settled charges against Neiman Marcus and several other retailers that were accused of Selling Real Fur Labeled as Fake Fur.

There’s an idea Fella would never have come up with.

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The Environmentalist Bottom Line Argument Is...Fake fur will end up in a landfill and will not rot. Real fur will decompose naturally.

Fella has an added concern. All this fake fur is going to be scavenged by all those Homeless People that are all over Los Angeles. They will then be in danger of dying of heat stroke and the Federal Government will have to do something to keep them alive and suffering.

What our government will do they will not tell us (because they do not know what they will do) but, what they will tell us is, whatever they will do is going to cost a lot of money and our taxes will have to be raised in anticipation of whatever they decide they will do.

It is going to be called an Anticipatory Tax.

Fella shutters to think of the damage that could be done to the Good Ole USofA by a never-ending series of Anticipatory Taxes. L 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Keeping You Up To Date With The Latest In Silly Trends

At the bottom of this email is the link to One of My Very Best Blog Postings (Actually I think every one of my Blog Postings is One of My Very Best Blog Postings).

The real reason I put this link into this Blog Posting (Which happens to be One of My Very Best Blog Postings) is to show you the picture that was in this posting. I am a realist. I know that 83.2% of you will not bother to read the posting that the link takes you to and, therefore, 83.2% of my Dear Readers will not see the picture I am trying to get all of them to see.

Here is that picture that 83.2% of you will not see…

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Now I can get started with today’s Foolishness about today’s Silly Trends…

I am seeing more and more Dog Lovers walking (actually rolling) their cute little doggies along the trails in my park while the doggies’ sits in Baby Strollers looking Regal and Confused. Here’s why they look Regal and Confused…

Ø They look Regal because they see themselves as far superior to the Pushing Minion that is pushing them in their Regal Stroller.

They look Confused because they are thinking to their collective selves…

Ø I thought we started doing this Walk in the Park Thing so I could get some exercise while my Pushing Minion got some exercise right along with me.

Ø Now my Pushing Minion bought this Stroller (which is meant to roll babies not dogs) and I am getting no exercise at all.

Ø I can feel the Cholesterol Clogging up in my Regal Arteries at this very moment.

Ø I distinctly remember my Pushing Minion promising me that these trips to the park were going to allow me to Pee and Poop with abandon.

Ø Now I can’t get out of this Regal Torture Chamber and I feel like I am going to explode.

Ø If I do explode, that will drive home the Serious Folly of what my Pushing Minion has been engaged in but it will be too late for me.

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I went online and looked up what Baby Strollers Cost. Below are the first 2 listed on Amazon (I searched on “Baby Strollers”)…

·        Baby Jogger City Select LUX, Taupe $629.99

·        Baby Jogger City Mini GT2 Single Stroller, Jet  $399.99

Yes, there were cheaper ones but, knowing how the Doggie Owners of the Good Ole USofA don’t do anything cheap when it comes to their doggies, I feel it is safe to say that the 2 most expensive ones are the only ones they are buying. I also feel that those who buy the $399.99 model feel a little bit ashamed of themselves.

These people lay awake at night thinking about what they can do to make their doggies more comfortable. They certainly would not want their doggies humiliated by having other doggies seeing them being rolled around in a Cheaper than $399.99 Doggie Stroller.

I was tempted to say something to one of these Pushing Minions about how they were wasting money but I was afraid they would sic their doggie on me. If I happened to be at the bottom of a hill on the Walking/Jogging/Pushing Trail when I dared to be so foolish, I would be in deep trouble since I only run downhill nowadays and I might get caught up with and bitten by their enraged doggie.

Allow me to step back a moment. I may be overreacting to this fright-filled mind picture. That doggie probably would feel such a release that his Pushing Minion had given permission for him to jump out of his Doggie Prison that, instead of chasing me up the hill, he would head straight for the weeds to Pee and Poop while he had the chance.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: The promised link… https://forii.blogspot.com/2018/10/dog-spelled-backwards-is-god.html

Lagniappe Another: I bet, if Amazon did as I lay out below, they could raise their prices by $200 and still increase their sales volume because Doggie Lovers Care Enough To Buy The Very Best…

·        Baby Doggie Jogger City Select LUX, Taupe $629.99 $829.99

·        Baby Doggie Jogger City Mini GT2 Single Stroller, Jet  $399.99 $599.99

Lagniappe Second Another: I have no comment because I am speechless...

Instant Stinking Rich

I never heard of DoorDash Inc. until I read an article in my newspaper on May 24, 2019. I admit DoorDash has never heard of me either but that may be because I’m Not Worth 9 Times More Than I Was a Year Ago and DoorDash is.

An “Oh My Gosh!” Note: DoorDash actually began back in the fall of 2012 at a small macaroon store in downtown Palo Alto.

If you remember Joe Friday, he used to say, (If you don’t remember Joe Friday, he still used to say) “We just want the facts”. Well here are some DoorDash facts…

Ø DoorDash is a Food Delivery Service.

Ø A year ago DoorDash was still considered a Startup but it was valued by investors at $1.4 Billion.

Ø Now investors are betting it is worth 9 Times More Than $1.4 Billion ($12.6 Billion)!

Ø You certainly have heard of Domino’s Pizza. Domino’s is not a Startup. DoorDash now has a private-market valuation higher than the market capitalization of Domino’s.

Ø Investors are being attracted by DoorDash’s rapid growth (No chit, Sherlock), which has outpaced all its competitors in the U.S. Food Delivery Service Market in the past year.

Ø DoorDash’s annualized total sales, including the amount that goes to restaurants, was $7.5 billion in March, up 280% from a year earlier.

I saw all this coming 20 years ago. Well, not really. I did not see all of this coming but I did think it was strange when I heard a Mother of 3 say with great pride at a neighborhood party, “I don’t cook”.

That’s what’s causing all of this. People don’t cook as much as they used to. In more and more case they don’t cook at all.

To get “Home Cooking” you now have to go to a Restaurant. To feed their I Don’t Cook Families the used-to-be-cooks of the Good Ole USofA started doing Take Out. Now they have “progressed” to Take In.

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If you were paying attention to what I pecked out above, you may have noticed I used the word “restaurant” twice. It’s the first one that was the most important peck out.

The first one was, “DoorDash’s annualized total sales, including the amount that goes to restaurants, was $7.5 billion in March, up 280% from a year earlier”.

Do you see the significance of this use of the word “restaurant” here? This means that the Restaurants are not cooking either. They are getting their food from DoorDash and its competitors Uber Eats, Grubhub, Postmates and Deliveroo!

The fly in all of this ointment is I Don’t Cook America is adopting the Good Ole USofA’s Online Shopping for Clothing Technique. Here is the way all of this works…

Ø Many Online Shoppers say to their collective selves, “Selves, I want a shirt but I don’t know what color I want. I’ll just order a blue one, a green one, a purple one, a yellow one, a gray one and a white one”.

Ø After I get them, I’ll try them all on and decide which 1 I like the best and I will return the 5 I don’t like the best.

Ø In Chez Almandine Home Cooking Restaurant the customer says to the waiter, “I want the Spinach and Artichoke Appetizer”.

Ø The waiter punches the code for Spinach and Artichoke Appetizer into his hand-held device and instantaneously an order for a Spinach and Artichoke Appetizer is sent to DoorDash, Uber Eats, Grubhub, Postmates and Deliveroo.

Ø The first Spinach and Artichoke Appetizer to arrive at Chez Almandine Home Cooking Restaurant is served to the waiting diner and the 4 late-arriving Spinach and Artichoke Appetizers are sent back from whence they came.

This is going to be a big problem for the Food Delivery Service Industry because 5 wrong-colored-don’t-like-best shirts can be put back on the shelf at Online Shirts R Us but those 4 late-arriving Spinach and Artichoke Appetizers are going to be a big problem!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Go back and scan this Foolishness again and note how many times I pecked out “Billion”. Needless to say (Why do we often say, “Needless to say” and then say it anyway?)… A Billion Is A Thousand Million.

Don’t Be A Mole

This time I’m not talking about Mole Hills or Mountains. I’m talking about Moles as in the Whack-A-Mole Arcade Game (I’m sure you already knew this…Or did u?).

Right off the top I’ve done it again. I have confused many of my many Dear Readers. I’ll say it a different way… Don’t Get Nominated For An Important Position For Which You Are Well Qualified and In Which You Could Do A Lot Of Good.

No matter what your political leaning is, one would hope that we all could agree that the Good Ole USofA has a problem as demonstrated by what happened to the Person Discussed in This Blog Posting Who Committed the “Crime” of Being Nominated to the Federal Reserve Board.

The nominee started out with a brief period of Smooth Sailing because a majority in the Senate viewed his Economic-Policy Expertise Favorably and his Confirmation Seemed Likely. Then his Smooth Sailing hit the Political Rocks as he was subjected to Gutter Campaign Tactics and Personal Assaults. 

As you read through the list below remember this fact: He was not any of these awful things until he was nominated…

Ø He has been called an Adulterer.

Ø He has been called a Misogynist.

Ø He has been called a Tax Cheat.

Ø He has been called a Deadbeat Dad.

Ø He has been called Antigay.

Ø He has been called Mentally Unfit.

Ø A Washington Post editorial warned that he was a Dangerous Pick for the Federal Reserve Board.

Ø A columnist for the Post said he could cause a Global Financial Calamity.

Ø Investigative reporters searched far and wide, digging through his 2,000 Articles, 500 Speeches and Several Thousand TV and Radio Appearances (some dating back more than 25 years) for dirt they could use against him.

Ø They found some things that were dirt or could be made to appear to be dirt.

Ø They found he had said and written things that are now Politically Incorrect. It makes no never mind that they were not Politically Incorrect back when he said or wrote them. What mattered is they are Politically Incorrect now.

Ø That was especially true about a 2002 article about women in sports. At the time that he wrote about women in sports he thought he was being humorous (and those who read his article thought he was being humorous). Now, 17 years later, what was funny then is not funny any longer.

Ø One of his most vicious attackers has been CNN. In 2017 CNN signed him to a two-year contract as a Senior Economic Analyst...
>He appeared on the air more than 100 times.
>CNN renewed his contract.
>As soon as he was nominated to the Fed, CNN began trashing him day after day for things he’d written decades before CNN hired him.

Ø The low point of the sleaze campaign was when the media successfully persuaded the Fairfax County, Va., courts to unseal his divorce records from nine years ago—they were unsealed over his objections and also over his ex-wife’s objections...
>The Washington Post, the New York Times and other Newspapers unfolded his and his ex-wife’s dirty laundry on their pages.
>The newspapers never bothered to report that he and his ex-wife are on amicable terms and often jointly attend their kids’ events.
>Today he is a little dazed as he is left wondering what the details of his divorce almost a decade ago have to do with his suitability to help Set Monetary Policy.

Ø The sleuths in the media also tracked down spoof Christmas letters he wrote to friends and family in the late 1990s and early 2000s. These were outrageous and irreverent and poked fun at everyone and everything, including himself.

Ø In 2002 he himself wrote that he had bought a red sports car. He called it his “midlife crisis” car. He said he cruised around town with his kids strapped into baby seats trying to pick up women...
>Needless to say, he never did any such things but reporters ignored the obvious humor and described it as evidence of sexism.

Ø In their effort to portray him as sexist, they also contacted dozens of women he has known or worked with...
>They even contacted girls he knew in high school.
>They failed to find one who impeached his character or behavior.

Does any one of you think that you could have this kind of thing happen to you and you would come away unscathed?

If so, drive to Washington, DC tomorrow and throw your hat into the ring.

Did I hear you say you know nothing about Federal Reserve Monetary Policy? Don’t let that deter you and, come to think of it, what does knowledge of monetary policy have to do with monetary policy?

He has now withdrawn his name from nomination.

You still think you are ready to throw you hat into the Federal Reserve Nomination Ring. If you think you have not done anything in your entire life that was wrong or even anything that was not wrong but could be made to look wrong, I say, Go For It!

You owe it to your country…Or do u?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what your country can do to you.

Free College Tuition

How often have we heard it said, “It’s as plain as the nose on your face”. Your nose may be plain but, stop and think for a moment, without a mirror, your nose is hard to see.

Free College Tuition is right there in front of our collective noses but we can’t see it. In this Blog Posting I will explain this Foolishness by improving your close up eyesight…Or will I?

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There is an equitable and practical solution to lowering the high cost of College Tuition — especially at the most expensive and elite schools.

Simply stated these colleges could lower their tuitions by tapping into their Tax Deductible Massive Endowments.

Did I just hear some of my Dear Readers say, “Huh?” Hang on. I said I would explain. Here goes…

The latest analysis at https://www.openthebooks.com has discovered (This is just a link to Open Books. It is not a link to this specific analysis.)…

Ø The 25 colleges with the largest endowments in the nation pulled down 7 Billion Dollars in Federal Student Aid last year. (Remember 7 Billion Dollars is 7,000 Million Dollars.)

ØThese universities hold 250 Thousand Million Dollars (aka: One Quarter of a Trillion Dollars) in existing assets, collectively.

Ø Notre Dame, Princeton, Yale, Harvard and other elite schools like Duke and USC can’t make a plausible argument for the need for billions of dollars annually in Federal Student Aid when these schools’ bank accounts already hold Hundreds of Millions, and in many cases, Billions of Dollars of funds.

Ø Without any new gifts most, if not all, Ivy League Endowments could fund full-ride scholarships for all financially needy undergraduate students for the next half-century.

Ø With continued new gifts, tuition could practically be free to students forever without the endowments running dry.

The Bottom Line is that’s a lot of money sitting around waiting for other money (Federal Money) to come lay next to it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Permanent Headline

Some things never change. Even with the magic of computers, newspapers take quite a bit of time to assemble before they are thrown into the gutters in front of our houses.

I am ready to do my part to make publishing newspapers a bit easier.

The following Headline can be set up permanently so it does not have to be pecked out again to insert at the top of each day’s article about Immigration…

Congress Fails To Act On Immigration Reform

There you have it. I have done my part to shorten the workday of the hard working people of the Newspaper Industry.

I feel better.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella 

Lagniappe:

Ø Did I just hear 3 of my Dear Readers say to their collective selves that I have now ventured into Partisan Politics because I am jumping on the Democratically Controlled House of Representatives?

Ø Allow me to point out that I don’t see the Republican Controlled Senate jumping on the Immigration Reform Bandwagon.

Ø I also did not see the Republican Controlled House and Senate riding past me on any Immigration Reform Bandwagons before the 2018 Elections.

Separate But Separate

We once had Separate but Equal in the Good Ole USofA. Now we have Separate but Separate.

In his inaugural address in January 1963, Governor George Wallace of Alabama thundered: “Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever”. 

Those who remember who Wallace was have said a lot of bad things about him since he said those Awful Words. Here are a few examples…

Ø What an Awful Guy!

Ø How could anyone ever have voted for him knowing that he is such an Awful Guy!

Ø He is such an Awful Guy someone ought to shoot him (someone did shoot him)!

It turns out that Governor Wallace is going down in history as the Awful Guy who had the power to see into the distant future about the “tomorrow” part of his Awful Words in 1963.

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More than half a century later, Racial Segregation is well engrained into many American Colleges and Universities.

Wallace had in mind the exclusion of blacks from white-only institutions. Today’s Racial Segregation, by contrast, consists of ethnic groups walling themselves off within institutions of higher learning.

A short time after the Supreme Court’s 1954 Brown v. Board of Education verdict, black students in predominantly white higher educational institutions began requesting Segregation.

This has come to be called Neo-Segregation (voluntary racial segregation of students, aided by college institutions, into exclusive dormitories, common spaces, classes, and events).

Neo-Segregation differs from Jim Crow Segregation because it is voluntary: It invites students of color to separate themselves out from the rest of the campus.

In the past two years the National Association of Scholars surveyed 173 colleges and universities, public and private, in all 50 states. The surveyors found…

Ø 46% of schools surveyed Segregate Student Orientation Programs.

Ø 43% of schools surveyed Segregate Residential Arrangements.

Ø 72% of schools surveyed Segregate Graduation Ceremonies.

These arrangements are ostensibly voluntary but students can’t easily opt out because the social pressure to conform is overwhelming.

All of this is being done, not because the administrations want it this way but because the students want it this way.

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Where have I been?  

This is Fella pecking out this Blog Posting. This is the guy who notices stuff, the guy who is always blogging about what he reads in the newspaper and the guy who some consider well read but I have to admit I did not realize this craziness had gone this far.

Maybe the answer lies in that fact that, in the old days (I come from the old days) it was all over the news when people demonstrated that they wanted to Integrate. Today the students say they want to Segregate and the School Administrations give in before the demonstrations get started.

As soon as the School Administrations get a hint that their students are unhappy and are contemplating a demonstration, they rush out and say to the milling students…By golly, students, no need to go to all the trouble of organizing a demonstration. We will give you whatever it is you want. We know that you know what’s best. Who are we to question students? Besides we are afraid that you might start demonstrating and every time you do that we get so confused because it takes us weeks before we can figure out what you are demonstrating about”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Some of the “accomplishments” of Neo-Segregation are…Separate Dorms, Separate Libraries, Separate Dances, Separate Advisers, Separate Orientations, Separate Curriculum and the African-American Studies Program (which requires Separate Faculty Members with Separate Qualifications). All of this falls under the heading of Progress…Or does it?

“Woman” Ain’t In There

I see where one of the candidates for President of the Good Ole USofA said that the word “woman” is not in the Constitution. After having said that he seemed pretty pleased with himself. Maybe he looked so smug because he had just demonstrated that his staff knows how to use the Find and Replace Feature in Microsoft Word.

I decided to use Find and Replace to look up the word “Man” and here is what I found… The word “Man” is not in the Constitution either.

To be perfectly honest the 3 letters that are used to make up the word “Man” are in there…

Ø They are used in the word “manner” 11 times.

Ø They are used in the word “commander” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “demand” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “Gilman” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “Sherman” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “manufacture” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “emancipation” 1 time.

I wonder if this waste-of-time research makes me look as smug as the candidate looked smug when he revealed the results of his staff’s Find and Replace Research.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Dear Mr. Candidate, don’t feel badly. The words “silly”, “foolish” and “smug” are not in the Constitution either.

Facebook Users Beware!

I have gone into my “New In Process” Blog Folder again. You may remember this is where I keep unfinished Blog Ideas (some of them could officially be classified as Harebrained but they are sitting in there anyway).

To be more precise, I decided to take a look at the oldest one. It became the oldest one in March 2012. It was one of the 297 in there waiting to become something.

Some of them may never come out of the Folder but this one is today actually becoming a Foolishness…Or Is It Blog Posting and you, My Dear Lucky Reader, are about to read it below…Or are you?

Don’t you dare think about not bothering to read on because it is so old. Another Smartfella a long time ago said “Silliness Springs Eternal”. (I hope I did not get that quote wrong.)

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In the State of Ohio Foolishness is reigning supreme.

An estranged husband has been ordered to publish on his Facebook Page an apology every day for a month because he had previously published mean comments about his estranged wife.

Actually the comments have been designated by the court as “Mental Abuse”, “Harassment” and “Annoying”. Pretty serious stuff! It is hard to believe that someone would stoop so low as to use the Internet to be Annoying.

Did I just hear you say, “What if the husband refused to comply with the court’s order?” The Court has said, if he does not comply, he will be sent to jail for 60 days.

You Facebook People are in serious trouble! Precedent has been set! Our Legal System is based on precedent. Here is what could be waiting for you in your Facebooking Future...

Ø Making Iffy Statements on Facebook will draw 30 days in jail.

Ø Making Stupid Statements on Facebook will draw 60 days in jail.

Ø Making Unconscionable Statements on Facebook will draw 90 days in jail.

If You Do the Crime, You Have to Do the Time

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I am not worried in the least that Foolish Statements will be sending me into jail. Not that Foolishness is not worthy of jail time but I deactivated my Facebook Page a long time ago.

If I had to completely fabricate topics for my blog, it would be really hard work. Actually topics are easy to find thanks to the good sisters of St. Anthony of Padua Grammar School. They taught me how to read. All I do is read my newspaper each morning.

Finding Silliness is so easy because the Foolishness Will Always Be With Us. (I can’t put my finger on why but there is something poor about that catchy bolded phrase I just pecked out.)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: What we need in the Good Ole USofA are judges who, when presented with cases like this one, will step right up and say, "I am not going to allow your case to be brought before me because I have other matters to consider which are about important stuff".

Lagniappe Another: What our Judicial System needs to do is ban the Mole Hill from our courtrooms. The Mountains are being pushed into the next calendar year while our judges listen to impassioned pleas about Mole Hills.