How Do They Know That?

 

1 billion is not just a 1. It is 1 thousand million.

1 trillion is not just a 1 either. It is 1 thousand billion.

Ergo, 40 trillion is 40 thousand billion.

Below is the headline of an article about Hurricane Helene (and other storms).

Fella has this to say about that... How Do They Know That?

“Helene and Other Storms Dumped a Whopping 40 Trillion Gallons of Rain on The South”

Said another way, Helene and other storms dumped a whopping 40 thousand billion gallons of rain on the south.

I don't believe they can know that.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

This Plane Crash Could Have Been Prevented!

There is no doubt in my mind but that that plane crash in Toronto yesterday could have been prevented if only the Fire Chief had been allowed to have more stars on his hat.

It is hard to count but it looks like he only had 20 Stars!

More Is Better...Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

My Encounter with a Millionaire in My Coffee Shop

 

Life has a peculiar way of throwing the most unexpected encounters our way. Thursday of last week was a good example of this. I found myself in a cozy corner of my favorite coffee shop, sipping on a caramel macchiato and lost in the labyrinth of my thoughts, when an elderly gentleman approached my table with a warm smile.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, his voice rich with a hint of mischief. I could not refuse such a polite request, so I nodded in the affirmative. He settled into the chair opposite me, his presence radiating an air of quiet confidence.

We exchanged pleasantries, and it was not long before we were deep in conversation. He introduced himself as Horace, a name that, much like the man himself, seemed to carry an air of old-world charm. As we chatted, I could not help but wonder about his life and what stories lay behind those twinkling eyes?

"Tell me," he said, leaning closer, "are you a fan of the Nightly News?"

I chuckled. "I suppose I watch it often enough. It's become a bit of a habit."

A sly grin spread across his face. "How would you like to make a lot of extra money while watching the Nightly News?"

Intrigued, I leaned his way, "I'm listening."

Horace reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, shiny nickel, which he placed on the table between us. "I'll give you a nickel every time the Nightly News mentions the names either 'Elon or Musk'."

I stared at the nickel, then back at Horace, trying to gauge whether he was serious or simply indulging in a bit of whimsical folly. "Every time?" I echoed, raising an eyebrow.

"Every single time," he confirmed with a nod. "Think about it. The media cannot seem to get enough of him. With all his ventures like Tesla, SpaceX, Neuralink (I made a mental note to look this one up) Elon’s name is constantly in the news."

The idea was absurd, yet oddly compelling. "Why would you do this?" I asked, still trying to wrap my head around the proposition.

Horace's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Let's just say I enjoy making life a bit more interesting for those around me. Besides, it's pocket change for me, but it could add up nicely for you."

I laughed, shaking my head at the sheer lunacy of it all. "Alright, Horace. You've got yourself a deal."

We shook hands, sealing the most peculiar agreement into which I have ever entered. As Horace stood to leave, he offered me one last piece of advice. "Keep a big jar handy. You might be surprised at how quickly it fills up."

And just like that, he was gone, leaving me with a story to tell and a new hobby to indulge in. As I watched the news that evening, I could not help but smile every time Elon Musk's name was mentioned, the image of that shiny nickel dancing in my mind.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Another ending to this Silliness...

I said to Horace, “I agree! I accept you generously stupid proposal and I expect I am about to be as rich as you are until you figure out you are running out of money.”

Horace’s response to Fella, “I take it all back! You are right! I have a lot of money but I don’t have this much money. I would have been able to easily afford this bit of silliness if I had chosen the names 'Donald or Trump' but 'Elon or Musk' is a reach too far even for me. It must have been that shot of espresso I told the barista to add to my coffee!”

John Kennedy Is Smart

You are smart also if you just said to yourself that Fella made a Typographical Error when he pecked out “Is” instead of “Was” because John Kennedy is dead. Fella is here to tell you that John Kennedy is not dead. That John F. Kennedy you are thinking about is dead but the John Kennedy I am pecking about is alive and well in Louisiana and serves in our “beloved” U.S. Senate.

The dead one became dead on November 22, 1963, as he riding around Dallas, Texas waving to admirers. At least one of the “admirers” did not like him very much. That’s another story for another day and not the subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It. Actually, it will not ever be the subject of one of my Blog Postings because there is not any Funny or Foolish in that story.

The John Kennedy that is still alive is a very smart fella and his Senate Interrogations of witnesses are becoming legendary. He is brilliant at getting to the Common Sense (remember Common Sense?) of things and, at the same time, being Funny and Entertaining. An example of his humor is he once said, “That bill is as dead as fried chicken”. If you are of mind to, you can spend a lot of time watching him being Funny and Entertaining on You Tube.

************

Senator (the alive one) Kennedy is (like so many others in Washington, D.C.) currently on a tear about Wasteful Government Spending and one of his interrogations is the subject of today’s Blog Posting. Get ready to be Shocked and Entertained and Disbelieving about what I am about to peck out.

As you read through this Blog Posting, you are possibly going to be tempted to think Senator Kennedy or I made this stuff up. I have been known to lie for the sake of Foolishness but you can believe what you are seeing because Senator Kennedy is a Senator and Senators never lie...Or do they?

Ø A Scam Artist stole the Social Security Number of a Deceased Veteran.

Ø Between 1997 and 2024 this Scam Artist received checks intended for the Deceased Veteran that totaled somewhere around $825,000.

Ø At some point the Veterans Administration almost got smart and stopped sending checks to the Deceased Veteran (the Scam Artist).

Ø If I told you that the Scam Artist said to himself, “Oh well, it was good while it lasted”, that would be a logical and believable ending to this Foolishness but that’s not how it ended.

Ø What actually happened was the Scam Artist contacted the VA, imitated the Deceased Veteran and got his (not really his) check flow started up again.

Ø The problem is the VA only suspected the Deceased Veteran was Deceased but they do not know he was Deceased.

Here is how he got his money (not really his money) flowing his way again.

Ø The Social Security Administration maintains a Dead Master File (DMF) of Dead People so they will know who is dead.

Ø So, if the VA suspected that our Scam Artist was a Scam Artist, and looked at the DMF it could make the Scam Artist look elsewhere for the money necessary to keep him living in the matter to which he has become accustomed.

Ø The problem is the SSA does not share their DMF with other government agencies.

Ø So, the VA does not know that the Deceased Veteran is Deceased because it has no access to the DMF.

Ø The SSA contends it is illegal for them to share the DMF with other government agencies.

Ø Fella, has this to say about that...Huh?!

In 2020 Senator Kennedy and a few other clear-thinking Senators tried to stop this Not-Sharing Foolishness. It turned into big battle on the floor of the Senate with other Senators who did not think this Obvious Foolishness was Obvious.

Ø Senator Kennedy and his like-minded few other clear-thinking Senators drafted a bill named something like, Stopping Dead People From Receiving Money Act.

Ø The bill stipulated that the SSA was to share the DMF with other agencies.

Ø But they ran into heated opposition.

Ø But they still did not give up.

Ø They compromised (Better to Get Something Rather Than Nothing) and drafted a second bill called something like, Ending Improper Payments To Deceased People Act.

Ø This bill would allow access to the DMF but only allow access for 3 years.

Ø Unbelievably they again ran into heated opposition.

The end result was Senator Kennedy and his like-minded clear thinkers Got Nothing Rather Than Getting Something.

************

This Blog Posting has been going on beyond my Don’t Make Your Blogs Too Long rule of thumb but I could not help myself. I’m sure you’ll agree it was worth it...Or will you?

I will quickly finish up with some short ones from Senator Kennedy.

The First One Is... Senator Kennedy asked the SSA how many people in the Good Ole USofA were 112 years of age or older. The SSA told him the number was 6,500,000. Senator Kennedy and Fella do not believe that number.

The Second One Is... A deceased Ohio woman’s family members collected her Social Security for 48 years before the SSA figured out what they were up to and put a stop to it.

The Third One Is... Our government sent $1.4 Billion COVID Stimulus Checks to dead people.

The Last One Is... Our government made $2.9 Trillion in improper payments since 2004.

These dead people are dead, but the checks sent to them are still being cashed. I always knew that dead people could vote but, until now, I did not know they retained the ability to cash checks.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

I Do My Best to Help Each and Every One of You but Some of You Are Simply Too Stubborn for Your Own Good...Again

To begin this bit of Foolishness, I am reposting the warning blog I published on April 8, 2009 & September 4, 2012 & now on January 30, 2025 (updated at the very bottom) ...

Crazed Killer, Assassin, Rapist and/or Terrible Person

Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Should you be worried?

Earlier this year a man killed five people and himself in a University Lecture Hall.

A friend of the perpetrator was interviewed and said that the person she knew (the perpetrator) was not the one who went into that lecture hall and did that terrible thing. To quote her, "He was anything but a monster. He was probably the … nicest, (most) caring person ever."

It seems like every time a person goes out and commits a terrible crime, our news media interviews a next-door neighbor, a friend or a family member to find out that the Crazed Killer, Assassin, Rapist and/or Terrible Person was, "Really A Nice Guy".

Because I care about each and every one of you reading this Foolishness, I am admonishing each and every one of you as follows…

If You Live Next-Door to a Really Nice Guy, You Better Move Away from Where You Live Before It Is Too Late.

If you choose to not listen to me, you do so at your own peril.

Would I kid u?

------------------------

There you have it. This was my attempt to save you. When evil befalls you, I am not going to take any pleasure in saying I told you so, but I am going to say I told you so.

It has happened again. The Batman Movie Killer (James Holmes) has killed or wounded more than 70 people and the Good Guy Finding People are telling us their Good Guy Stories.

As a public service the Smartfella has compiled a large sampling of what they are telling us so you will not have to go to all that trouble yourselves. I did not make any of this up. The only modification I made was to remove names...

• A next neighbor for over ten years said... Quiet Guy ... Very Nice ... Washed the Family Car Often ... Typical American Boy ... At Christmas One Year Served Cookies to Children ... Bottom Line He Was a Good Guy.
• One of Holmes’s former tutors, who worked with him on a gene therapy project, said... Exceptional Student ... Coped Easily with Complicated Science ... Impressive Grasp of Complex Methodology ... Impressive Compared to Other Undergraduates.
• Another fan said... Smart Guy ...Quick Learner ... Exhibited No Signs of a Troubled Mind ... Had Great Time Working with Him ... Nice ... Easy Going ... Liked to Share His Opinions with Others.
• Another admirer who was a fellow student at University of California said... Brilliant Student ... Academically Top of the Top ... Distinguished Himself Academically ... Graduated with Highest Honors.
• Many at University of Colorado said... Shy ... Witty.
• A high school friend said... The Funniest ... Smartest Guy ... Always Had Something Witty to Say ... Did Not Understand How Could Be Same Guy ... Shy ... Little Quiet ... Never Aggressive ... Never Mean .... Really Good Grades ... Seemed Pretty Normal.

I don’t know about you, my dear readers, but these testimonials have convinced me that we ought to all join together and arrange a jail break for this Intelligent Saint and tell the current candidates for President to ForgetAboutIt because we have found the perfect candidate, and his name is not Obama or Romney. His is a Sure-Fire Winner. He will make a Great President, even though he is a little shy.

Oh yea, don’t forget to move.

Would I kid u?

------------------------

The New Orleans Burbon Street Terrorist...

A neighbor of his expressed disbelief upon learning Shamsud-Din Jabbar was accused of the Bourbon Street bloodshed. "Blow my mind, I was shocked, somebody seized the carpet under my feet, I was just like too shocked, unbelievable, this really happened?" the man said. "Like I said, we still don't believe, we still don't believe that that's the person, just there's no way, it can't be like that."

And last but not least...

It was reported in newspapers that Jabbar was known "as a smart, caring brother and a quiet, helpful neighbor." 

Are you packing yet?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

My Blog Is Often Silly But Never Has It Been This Silly...Or has it been?

Oscar Is Not Responsible For This

No matter what your political persuasion I’m sure you will see the Common Sense (Remember Common Sense?) and Logic (Remember Logic?)...Or am I sure?

Brace yourself, Here is a Silly “News” Article Headline...

”Ivanka Trump’s Oscar De La Renta Inauguration Look Sparks Calls For Boycott”

If you just said to yourself, “That’s Silly”, I am proud to see that you are a reader of my Foolishness.

If you just said to yourself, “I agree. I’m not going to buy one of Oscar’s dresses either", you disappoint me.

What does one thing have to do with the other? Oscar does not go into his garage and sew together political positions. He stitches pieces of cloth into dresses for people to wear. If a person who you agree with buys an Oscar Dress, do you say, “That’s a beautiful dress” but if that same dress is bought by a person you do not agree with, do you say, “That’s an ugly rag”. If That happens, something is wrong here and there isn't a problem with Oscar’s Sewing Machine.

************

I feel I have not made my point clear enough yet, let me try again. Here is more from the Silly “News” Article...

“Fashion fans are planning to boycott Oscar de la Renta after the designers dressed Ivanka Trump for an inaugural dinner before her father’s swearing-in ceremony on Monday (January 20).

On Instagram, the brand boasted about dressing Donald Trump’s daughter in “a custom off-shoulder crystal and pearl floral-embroidered empire waist gown with silver stole,” prompting many followers to express their sudden distaste.

Next to the carousel of photos featuring Ivanka, 43, commenters declared they were “done” with Oscar de la Renta.”

Let me give it a go and try to make up some Foolishness...

Peter Fernerk is a basketball player who has scored exactly 50 points in every game he has played in for his entire 10-year career. My favorite team has lost all 27 games they have played this season by exactly 2 points. I just heard my favorite team’s General Manager is about to finalize a trade for Peter Fernerk. I go into a fit of outrage at this news. I announce that I am against this championship guaranteeing trade! I open my mouth and prove that I am a Silly Person. My mouth says, “I saw on ESPN that this Fernerk Guy drives a Line Green Chevrolet pickup truck. The only thing a hate more than Chevrolet Pickup Trucks is anything colored Lime Green!

What does one thing have to do with the other?

************

Because of my violent opposition to this trade, the trade was called off. That very night my favorite team loses by exactly 2 points and the real Silly Point is I am surprised that my favorite team lost by exactly 2 points.

Often we forget where the word “Fan” comes from. It is from the word “Fanatic”. Fanatics hang around with the likes of Out Of Control, Wild And Crazy and, you guessed it, Silly People.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion

 

Every time I turn around, I am being asked to complete a Survey. It is almost impossible to sign off a communication on the Internet or a phone call where I will not be asked to give my opinion about the service I just received.

I even stopped turning around for a full week but it did not stop the Survey Avalanche.

Today I bumped up against a request for a Survey that surprised even me...

Ø I was walking down a strip mall when it happened.

Ø My phone lit up.

Ø Without paying attention I interrupted my walk and taped the text message notification.

Ø We all do this.

Ø Some think it is Federal Law that we interrupt whatever we are doing to tap text.

It was a request from one of the stores I had just walked past. I did not know which store it was. The message was a request to take a Survey about my walk past the unknown store. (You are going to think I made this up but, honestly, I never have I made something up just to make a Blog Posting interesting...Or have I?)

Here was the request...

We enjoyed seeing you walk past our store. We hope you enjoyed walking past our store as much as we enjoyed having you walk past our store. Would you please take a few moments to let us know of any walking past issues you had as you walked past or store. We will use your input to improve the enjoyment of future walkers as they walk past our store. On behalf of those future walkers past our store, we thank you for your input.

If you are thinking I put too many "past our stores" in this Blog Posting, I agree with you.

As I close this Blog Posting, I would like to make an important point...

The survey took a lot longer than “a few moments” they promised it would take. This you can be certain...No matter what they promise (in moments or in minutes) they all take longer than they promise it will take.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Football Announcers Are Going Out On Strike Right Before the National College Championship Game!

 

The announcer’s grievance is centered around their contention that they are wearing themselves out announcing all the Transfer Information about football's modern day crop of Transfer Eligible and Obsessed Players. One of the announcers had this to say...

“The pressure is awful! We used to say something like, Norwitski the second-year player from Altoona, Pennsylvania just brought down Klinger for a 4-yard loss.”

Now they are tying their tongues in knots because they are having to add on these kinds of career updates...

“Norwitski was originally signed by Texas as a cornerback. Before his sophomore year he transferred to Ole Miss where he played as a defensive right tackle. Then, before his junior year, he transferred to Washington State where he became a stand-out quarterback and tight end. Before his senior year he moved on to Toledo where he played deep safety and inside linebacker.”

In an interview recently with ESPN Norwitski was quoted as saying...

“As a kid growing up, I knew that one day I would play for Texas and Ole Miss and Washington State and Toledo. My football career has been fulfillment of my fondest dream come true.”

************

Were you just wondering what President Ronald Reagan would have thought of all of this?

Actually, many years ago, future President Ronald Reagan put his tongue into his cheek and wrote a commentary about the phenomena developing at that time for hyphenating names by combining the bride and the groom’s names into one name. He noted that if this practice were to go on through just a few generations we might end up with a player named…

Egor Smith-Halloran-Schwamm-Morningside-Lacarelli-Sherman-Bukowski-Krenwinkle-Roget-Pettit-Saragula-O'Leary-Peters

Can you imagine the difficulty this would have presented to John Madden if Egor Hyphenating was a running back for the Chicago Bears?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Need To Know Everything! ... Or do I?

Maybe the Subject of this Blog Posting could have been... I Need To Know Everything! ... Except This Stuff!

At present we are covered up with news about the awful Los Angeles Wildfires. Don’t get me wrong, This Is Big News but It’s Not The only News Out There.

Think back. What was the only thing on the news before the Wildfires started? Do you remember? I do. It was the New Orleans Terror Attack. That story completely dominated the news. It was so strong that the bullet pointed stories below completely disappeared...

Ø Putin.

Ø Xi Jinping.

Ø All those award shows on TV.

Ø Football Games...OK Football Games are not completely out of the news, however, I bet deep down the TV Executives are wishing they could get rid of these Football Interruptions to the Wildfire News but, because they are afraid they will be shot in the back as they walk to work in New York City, they permit the games to continue to be broadcast.

Ø The Drone Flights that we used to hear about every day and night.

Ø Ukraine.

Ø Israel and Gaza.

These things (except Football) are Old News ... Old and Forgotten News.

************

This morning, this kind of Foolishness hit me harder than ever. I was grumbling about the Awful Wildfires when I Noticed these tidbits of useless information. (You do remember, I’m The Noticer, do you not?)

I was doing something I hardly ever do. Normally, if I want to know what the weather is like, I stick my head out of a window but today I looked at the weather report on my phone. Here is the Silliness I found...

Ø It gave me the Temperature Forecast (This is important because it lets me know if I should put on a coat).

Ø It gave me the Precipitation Forecast (This is important because it lets me know if I should put on a raincoat, take my umbrella or put on my galoshes).

Ø It told me about the Cloud Forecast (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It told me about the Wind Forecast (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It told me about the Air Quality Forecast (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It told me about the Outdoor Sports Forecast (Huh?).

Ø It told me about the Pollen Forecast (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It told me about the Hurricane Forecast (A blank map of the Good Ole USofA).

Ø It told me about the Lighting Forecast (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It told me about the UV Forecast (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It told me about what the Sun and Moon were doing today and where they were going to be at different times during the day (Waste of my time. What am I going to do about this?).

Ø It gave me a Fire Forecast. Without a doubt this was included because of all the interest in the Wildfires in California...The Fire Forecast Was That There Was No Need To Be Concerned About Fire Danger Where I Live Because There Was a Very Low Risk of Fire Danger Where I Live Because the Closest Wildfire Was 705 Miles Away.

Even at this great distance I was still a bit uneasy because of all the California Wildfire coverage of late. After all, in California they have shown me that Wildfire Sparks can leap tall buildings at a single bound. 705 miles started to feel like it was right next door.

So, I looked up where that 705 Mile-Away Fire actually was. After doing this I felt better when I found out the 705 Mile-Away Fire actually was in the Bahamas. Somehow, a whole bunch of the Atlantic Ocean seemed like a harder jump than a tall building.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Back to the Lightning Strike Forecast. It was: “Closest strike in the last 30 minutes was 1965 miles away”. Since I was so relieved about the Wildfires being 705 miles away, I now had some unused worry space in me to become concerned a bit more about the 1965 Miles Away Lightning Strikes. After all, we have to worry about something. The Weather Bureau demands it of us.