We Hold These Truths to Be Self Evident

We Hold These Truths to Be Self Evident...

• That it is impossible for Democrats and Republicans to like each other...Or is it?
• That it is impossible for Democrats and Republicans to put aside their differences and cooperate with each other for the good of the country...Or is it?
• That it is impossible for Democrats and Republicans to tell jokes about each other and not be offended...Or is it?

Finally, here is the most certain never did happen and will never ever happen of happenings...

The President Is a Republican and The Speaker of The House Is a Democrat and the Two of Them Will Actually Be Friends After Working Hours

Click here and be ready to be amazed...

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=President+Reagan%27s+Unlikely+Friendship+with+Speaker+Tip+O%27+Neill&refig=68c7669b4cd1428fbc9f82a4ea28c0bd&pc=W099&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dPresident%2bReagan%2527s%2bUnlikely%2bFriendship%2bwith%2bSpeaker%2bTip%2bO%2527%2bNeill%26form%3dANNNB1%26refig%3d68c7669b4cd1428fbc9f82a4ea28c0bd%26pc%3dW099&mmscn=vwrc&mid=D77A98DE09C466DBBF0CD77A98DE09C466DBBF0C&FORM=WRVORC&ntb=1&msockid=6b3c07b691d011f0b725f4ee36d6aabe.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Stuff You May Have Forgotten

Here are some memories from The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet Days

(I give you a Fella Permission to Google, “The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet”)

Do you know what time the movie starts? No, I don’t, and I don’t care what time it starts.

• Today people who go to movies think you must be there at the time the movie is scheduled to start.
• If they get messed up and realize they can’t be there for the Start of the Movie, it’s a no-brainer that they must wait for a night when they can be there for the Start of the Movie.
• This was not the case in the old days.
• We went to the movies when we went to the movies.
• I’m not sure if the movie theatres even bothered to publish the Starting Times of the movies.
• I am sure that, if they did publish the Starting Times, we did not bother to look up the Starting Times because the Starting Times were not important to us.
• We just went, bought our nickel bag of fresh hot popcorn and sat down.
• This means this was sure to happen all around us as we watched our movie…People all around us who realized that this is where they had come in would say to each other, “This is where we came in” and they would get up and leave because this was where they had come in.

If I close my eyes and concentrate just a little bit, I can still hear the jingling.

• Remember coins?
• Back when I was growing up there were lots of coins in church.
• The coins made their presence known at collection time as they started jingling all over the church.
• When the jingling started, we knew it was time to offer up our offering.
• Those that were sleeping were jingled awake by the sound of the jingling and frantically started reaching into their pockets to get their coins (to prevent them from going to hell).
• Nowadays we use checks which don’t jingle.
• Later in life I passed the collection basket and used to chuckle at the those who were afraid to be seen not contributing anything so when the basket came by they would hold a closed hand over the basket and dip their hand down a bit into the basket and open their hand and drop nothing into the basket (these people were sure as hell going to hell).
• Today there is no jingling noise nor is there concern that people will see you put nothing into the basket because of Online Giving.
• People who give nothing just smugly sit there with an I Give Online look on their often-lying faces.

What are those handrails for?

• Do you remember when you used to climb stairs 2 and 3 at a time?
• As you shot up those steps, do you remember noticing out of the corner of your eye those handrails on either side of you?
• Do you remember asking yourself, “I wonder what those things are for?”
• Now you know that they are for grabbing a hold of and pulling your aging body slowly up those same stairs you used to shoot up.
• They could be called grunt rails because each pull up is accompanied by a grunt. (Yea man, I got carried away with this last bullet…Or did I?)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Do You Know What “Banker’s Hours” Means? Do You Know Who Willie the Actor Sutton Was?

As the Professional Blogger that I am I know My Dear Readers (that’s you) fall into two categories on this one…

• You are so young you don’t know what the heck I am talking about when I peck out “Banker’s Hours”.
• You are so old (like me) that you once knew what “Banker’s Hours” meant but you have forgotten what “Banker’s Hours” (and a lot of other stuff) means.

Banker’s Hours goes back to a time when banks were housed in Large Stone Block Buildings. This was done to convey to their customers that their money was being kept in a Large Well-Built Secure Building. Almost as importantly, it was done so people who did not have any money in the bank would want to put their money in the bank when they got some money to put in a bank because it was a Large Well-Built Secure Building.

Then things started to change. Banks started popping up in once vacant lots housed in trailers with the wheels removed and offering toasters as a reward for putting your money in their flimsy bank. The wheels had been removed to convey stability to present and future bank customers. Customers looked at the Banking Trailer with the Wheels Removed and said to themselves, “Well, that’s not as confidence building as a Large Stone Block Building but the absence of wheels does fill me with confidence that my life-long savings will be safe in there and everyone needs an extra toaster because next time someone I know gets married I have a toaster to give to him/her”.

------------

Back in the old days described above, banks were only open from 9am to 2pm. Did you just say, “What! Why did they only open 5 hours a day? That’s crazy!” The Banking Industry had very good reasons for their Short Workday…

·   They had lots of administrative chores they needed to get done before they could go home.

·   Banker people today have lots of Apps to help them get through the day. In the old days there were no Apps, so they needed to get started on all the things that Apps would have done for them if there had been Apps. I can almost hear them mumbling to themselves, “I wish I had an App for this!”

·   Since they only worked 5 hours there was not enough time to sharpen their pencils, so they sharpened their pencils for the next workday before they went home. They could not put pencil sharpening off till the next morning because they had to get coffee before they started working the next morning.

·   They had to pick up all the coins that they had dropped on the floor each day.

·   A short workday offered less hours of bank robbing opportunity for bank robbers to rob banks.

Bank Robbing used to be Big Business. Stop and think about it. How many famous modern day bank robbers can you name? Hardly any right? Back in the old days bank robbing was a popular way to make a living…

• John Dillinger (Vicious Bank Robber)
• Baby Face Nelson (Notorious Criminal with a Small Face)
• Pretty Boy Floyd (Notorious Criminal with a Pretty Face)
• Machine Gun Kelly (Flamboyant Criminal)
• Jesse James (Civil War Bandit)
• Sundance Kid (Harry Longabaugh)
• Butch Cassidy…Butch Cassidy's first criminal offense was minor. Around 1880 he journeyed to a clothier shop in another town but found it closed. He broke into the shop and stole a pair of jeans and some pie, leaving an IOU promising to pay on his next visit. 
• Willie the Actor Sutton

************

Willie the Actor Sutton (years ago I read Willie’s autobiography) was a very interesting Bank Robber and most of the rest of this Blog Posting will be Copy & Paste from what others and him have written about him.

You might think this Blog is getting too long but actually you ought to thank me because I have shortened it quite q bit.

Willie Sutton

From Wikipedia

• William Francis Sutton Jr. was an American bank robber. 
• During his forty-year robbery career he stole an estimated $2 million.
• He spent more than half of his adult life in prison.
• He escaped from prison three times.
• For his talent at executing robberies in disguises, he gained two nicknames, "Willie the Actor" and "Slick Willie".

Early life

• He was born in Irishtown, Brooklyn.
• He did not attend school after the 8th grade.

Career In Crime

• He became a criminal at an early age.
• He was an accomplished bank robber.
• Throughout his long professional criminal career, he did not kill anyone.
• He dispensed mounds of legal advice to any convict willing to listen.
• Inmates considered him a "wise old head".
• When incarcerated at "The Tombs" (Manhattan House of Detention) he did not have to worry about assault because Mafia friends protected him.
• Gangsters and many incarcerated organized crime inmates, enjoyed having him for companionship.
• He was witty and non-violent.
• He usually carried a pistol or a Thompson submachine gun.
• He once observed, "You can't rob a bank on charm and personality".
• In an interview in the Reader's Digest, he was asked if the guns that he used in his robberies were loaded. He responded that he never carried a loaded gun because somebody might get hurt.
• He stole from the rich and kept it.
• He was captured and recommitted in June 1931, charged with assault and robbery.
• He failed to complete his 30-year sentence, however, escaping on December 11, 1932, using a smuggled gun and holding a prison guard hostage.
• With the guard as leverage, Sutton acquired a 45-ft ladder to scale the 30-ft wall of the prison grounds.
• On February 15, 1933, Sutton attempted to rob the Corn Exchange Bank and Trust Company in Philadelphia.
• He came in disguised as a postman, but an alert passerby foiled the crime but he escaped.
• On January 15, 1934, he and two companions broke into the same bank through a skylight.
• He conducted a Broadway jewelry store robbery in broad daylight, impersonating a postal telegraph messenger.
• His other disguises included a police officer, messenger and maintenance man.
• He was apprehended on February 5, 1934, and was sentenced to serve 25 to 50 years in the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia for the machine gun robbery of the Corn Exchange Bank.
• On April 3, 1945, he was one of 12 convicts who escaped the institution through a tunnel.
• The convicts broke through to the other side during daylight hours and were spotted immediately by a passing police patrol.
• The 12 men were forced to quickly flee the scene, with all being quickly apprehended.
• He was recaptured the same day by a Philadelphia police officer.
• Sentenced to life imprisonment as a fourth time offender, Sutton was transferred to the Philadelphia County Prison in Pennsylvania.
• On February 10, 1947, he and other prisoners dressed as prison guards carried two ladders across the prison yard to the wall after dark.
• When the prison's searchlights hit him, Sutton yelled, "It's all right” and no one stopped him.
• During February 1952, Sutton was captured by police after having been recognized on a subway and followed by Arnold Schuster, a 24-year-old Brooklyn clothing salesman and amateur detective.
• Schuster later appeared on television and described how he had assisted in Sutton's apprehension. 
• Albert Anastasia, Mafia boss of the Gambino crime family, disliked Schuster because he was a "rat" and a "squealer." 
• Anastasia ordered the murder of Schuster, who was then shot dead outside his home.
• Judge Peter T. Farrell presided over a 1952 trial in which Sutton was convicted of the 1950 robbery of $63,942 (equal to $835,668 presently) from a bank of the Manufacturers Trust Company in Queens.
• He received a sentence of 30 to 120 years in Attica State Prison.
• While in prison, he wrote "I, Willie Sutton", a book about his life and career.
• In December of 1969, Judge Farrell ruled that Sutton's good behavior, along with his deteriorating health, justified commuting his sentence to time served.
• At the hearing he responded, "Thank you, your Honor. God bless you," and wept as he was led out of the court building.
• In 1976, he published his second book, “Where the Money Was”.
• After his release, Sutton delivered lectures on prison reform and consulted with banks on theft-deterrent techniques.
• He made a television commercial for New Britain Bank and Trust Company in Connecticut for their credit card with picture identification on it.
• His lines were, "They call it the face card. Now when I say I'm Willie Sutton, people believe me”.

"Sutton's Law"

A famous apocryphal story is that Sutton was asked by a reporter why he robbed banks. According to the reporter, he replied, "Because that's where the money is". The quote evolved into Sutton's law, which is often invoked to medical students as a metaphor for emphasizing the most likely diagnosis, rather than wasting time and money investigating every conceivable possibility.

In his autobiography, Sutton denied originating the pithy rejoinder…

“The irony of using a bank robber's maxim as an instrument for teaching medicine is compounded, I will now confess, by the fact that I never said it. The credit belongs to some enterprising reporter who apparently felt a need to fill out his copy. I can't even remember where I first read it. It just seemed to appear one day, and then it was everywhere. If anybody had asked me, I'd have probably said it. That's what almost anybody would say ... it couldn't be more obvious.”

However, he also said:

"Why did I rob banks? Because I enjoyed it. I loved it. I was more alive when I was inside a bank, robbing it, than at any other time in my life. I enjoyed everything about it so much that one or two weeks later I'd be out looking for the next job. But to me the money was the chips, that's all".

Would you have loved to buy him a beer just listen to him tell stories. I know I would.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: At the top of this Foolishness, I said I was a Professional Blogger. Are not Professionals supposed to get paid? Why don't I get money for my Blog? I don't. Not only do I not get paid but I am reduced to giving away copies of my Little Read Book. Oh well, that's what I get for Self-Publishing my book. Once you run out of relatives and friends your sales dry up. If I had known I needed more friends to buy my book, I would have been nicer to people. 

If you feel sorry for me, go to Amazon and BUY A COPY or two. Or wait me out and I will probably give you a copy or two.

Walmart Hiring Practices

 

On my latest visit to my local Walmart, I started noticing something Strange and Unsettling. Since I am The Noticer, I had to verify my suspicions. Right in the store I found out that my suspicions were true.

I stopped in aisle 3 and took out my phone and called Walmart Headquarters. It was easy…

• Walmart Person: This is Walmart Headquarter. How may I direct your call?
• Fella Person: I would like to speak to the person who hires people to go to work at Walmart.
• Walmart Person: That is me. I do the hiring for Walmart.
• Fella Person: Where do I go to apply for a job at Walmart?
• Walmart Person: You do not go anywhere. I can hire you right now over the phone. The process is quick and easy.
• Fella Person: This is great. Hire me!
• Walmart Person: Ha! It’s not that easy but it is quick. You must answer a couple of questions. Are you ready?
• Fella Person: I am ready! Wow, this is great!
• Walmart Person: Do you have any tattoos?
• Fella Person: No, I do not have any tattoos.
• Walmart Person: We cannot use you!
• Fella Person: Woe! Do not hang up! I really want to be part of Walmart. What if I went out and got a tattoo today?
• Walmart Person: Then we could hire you except for that fact that I already know the answer to our second Walmart Hiring Practices Question.
• Fella Person: Really?! What is that question you already know the answer to without asking me the question. I demand to know the second question!
• Walmart Person: OK, I will ask you the second question that I already know the answer to. The question is, “Do you speak and understand English?” I know the answer to that question because you have been speaking English ever since I picked up your call.
• Fella Person: I do not understand.
• Walmart Person: Do you go through life having to be spoon fed everything? I will speak slowly…You Cannot Work for Walmart If You Speak and Understand English and/or if you do not have a tattoo! You got that? It just dawned on me that the first question ought to be the second question. Once I see that the applicant can speak and understand English, I could save a lot of time and just hang up the phone without bothering to ask the Tattoo Question…Click!

“Click!” means he hung up the phone.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Finding and Evacuating Wounded in Vietnam

I was a Lunatic in Vietnam in 1965. Now I've got your attention! Now you are burning with curiosity to find out why I admit I was a Lunatic. If you really want to know why, read on and you will find out. If you really don't care why, read on because THIS IS REALLY INTERESTING STUFF! 

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Back in August 2016, one of the other contributors to Beaufort County Now asked me how we went about finding the wounded in Vietnam.

I responded and he came back to me recommending I turn my response into a posting in Beaufort County Now in North Carolina. Aware that those who read this posting may draw the conclusion that I am a procrastinator, because I did not publish the BCN posting until July 19, 2017, I am going to republish that posting for you to read. I’ve been busy!

Now it is August of 2025, and I am finally posting it to Foolishness…Or Is It?. Don’t attribute this to another sign of Procrastination. It is a sure sign of Forgetfulness. That’s another probable I have.

------------------------

Before I get into my recollection about 1965, I would like to digress and make a comparison to modern day Medical Evacuation in Iraq and Afghanistan.

There is a series called “Inside Combat Rescue” that runs on the National Geographic Channel that lies in stark contrast to our missions in Vietnam in 1965. What caught my eye was the amount of technology that they have available to them in Iraq and Afghanistan compared to what we had in 1965 when we would have had trouble trying to spell Technology…

Modern Medical Evacuation (Called Dustoff):

Ø They have Command Centers.

Ø They have the latest Gee Whiz Technology.

Ø There are about 8 Computer Monitors in front of the person manning the Command Center.

Ø The pilots take iPads along on their missions to do whatever it is that iPads can do for them on their missions. 

Vietnam 1965 (Called Dustoff):

Ø We had a Command Shack.

Ø We had no Gee Whiz Stuff.

Ø There were no Computer Monitors, but we did have a Telephone, a Radio, a Blackboard, a Note Pad and several Pencils.

Ø Our pilots carried Paper Maps.

To answer the question about how we found the wounded...We used a Paper Map and Map Coordinates.

That’s the short answer. The late Paul Harvey just came up behind me and told me to tell you The Rest of the Story...

I Digress Again...No the enemy in Vietnam did not respect the principles of the Geneva Convention. The Red Crosses on our ships were something to aim at. On any pickup, if the enemy were around, they did their best to kill all of us and all our patients.

Ø Missions started when we would receive radio call or a phone call in our command shack.

Ø Once we knew the call was about a mission, there began a scramble to get off the ground as fast as possible.

Ø The command pilot would remain in the shack to get the info needed for our mission.

Ø The Other Pilot, Crew Chief and the Medic would already be on the way to the ship.

Ø By the time the Command Pilot got to the ship, the Other Pilot had the ship lit up and ready to lift off.

Ø We flew to the wounded using Map Coordinates that were given to us on the Radio/Phone Call.

Ø We flew day or night.

Ø Landing in the right place, even after we found the right place, could be problematic.

Ø Early on we would request smoke to mark the landing site, and sometimes more than one smoke would come out.

Ø The extra smoke was the enemy trying to get us to land right in front of them so they could make us feel really unwelcome.

Ø We got smarter.

Ø We still asked for smoke but, when the smoke came out, we would identify the color and the troops on the ground would verify the color before we would go in.

Ø If the color identification was wrong or both smokes were the same color, we asked for more smoke and repeated the throw smoke routine over again.

Ø At night we would normally ask for a flare because smoke was almost impossible to see at night. Yea, I know what some of you are thinking, the enemy had flares too. Medical Evacuation is not an exact science.

Ø One night we landed to the good guys waving a Zippo Lighter to identify where they were because they had run out of flares. Again, probably not a smart thing to do because the enemy had Zippos too but that night there was only one Zippo Lighter waving around down there (that we could see), so we took a chance. Smart or not, we got to the wounded and got them out.

Ø One way to land at a Landing Zone (LZ) Pickup Site was to drop down to treetop level away from the LZ and come in at high speed. If the enemy were below us as we came by, the hope was we would be by them before they could get a good shot at us. I was never hit doing such an approach. I have no idea how many times we were almost hit doing such an approach. One thing is for sure, it was a very exciting ride because the trees on either side were often higher than we were.

Ø Another type of approach was to drop the ship like a rock from 3,500 feet and pull it out at the bottom and drop it onto the ground (hopefully right next to the wounded).

Ø The reason for this was, we thought, small arms fire could not reach us above 3,500 feet. We wanted to get from 3,500 feet to the ground as quickly as possible and be vulnerable for as short a time as possible.

Ø Coming back out we did the opposite. We stayed at treetop level to gain airspeed and then pulled collective pitch (power) hard and rose up like an elevator. The Huey was a very powerful ship. Those rides up were surprising and thrilling the first time you rode one up and thrilling every time after that.

Ø In heavy jungle we had to hover down through the trees with all four crew members looking around the ship so we could hover away from tree branches. Everyone was on the intercom. It sounded something like this: go forward, go left, go forward, go right, go left, etc. The pilots could see obstacles in front of the ship but can bet they were looking right and left too.

Ø Sometimes the troops on the ground had to blow away trees to make a big enough hole for us to hover in to. Many times, the holes were very small.

Ø Some of our guys made these hole-in-the-trees pickups at night. This would increase the pucker factor. I never had the opportunity to do this at night.

Ø On the way back up, we were again all looking for branches as we reversed the process.

Ø If we knew where the enemy was, we approached from the opposite direction. We did not want to be slowing down for a landing right over them.

Ø Again, if we knew where the enemy was, we landed with the back of the ship towards them. This was done for several reasons. We did not want to be loading patients with the enemy looking and shooting right at the pilots. We wanted the back of the ship toward the incoming fire hoping that some of the fire might be adsorbed or redirected by the ship itself. Finally, we did not want to be taking off low and slow toward or right over the enemy.

Ø Guys in the back...The pilots were, of course, vital to any Medical Evacuation Mission. We flew it in and out of harm’s way (as they say in the movies).

Ø The Medic and the Crew Chief were as important as pilots.

Ø Often, they were even more exposed to enemy fire than the pilots. There were times when they had to leave the ship to get the patients. There were even times when some of those on the ground would not stand up to load the patients because of the fire being received. Our Medic and Crew Chief went and got, loaded and then cared for the patients as we flew back.

Ø It was amazing how many holes could be put into a Huey, and it would still fly. Of course, any single one of those rounds in a vital place could destroy a ship. 

------------------------

I am including in this posting an audio recording entitled, "God's Own Lunatics". If you have trouble with the link below, keep trying because it is special. If you search on “God’s own lunatics” or “God’s own lunatics You Tube”, you will be able to find several versions…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqYOAqxlL_Y

This recording was part of an address given by Joe Galloway at a Military Convocation many years after the mid November 1965 Battle of Ia Drang Valley. Joe was a civilian photographer attached to 1^st Battalion of the 7^th Cavalry of the 1^st Air Calvary Division. He was a main character in the Mel Gibson movie and co-author of the book; We Were Soldiers Once...And Young.

Click here to read about the Battle of Ia Drang Valley…https://lzxray.com/

I am very proud to have been a Life Saving Lunatic in 1965.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: In case I gave the wrong impression, God’s Own Lunatics was not intended to recognize only Medical Evacuation Crews. It was intended to sing the praises of all who flew Helicopter Missions in Vietnam.

 

WE WILL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER...OR WILL WE?

IF YOU ARE THINKING THAT THE ABOVE SUBJECT SOUNDS LIKE THE WORDS OF CHIEF JOSEPH, YOU ARE RIGHT IN THAT THINKING.

Let your mind wander with mine for a few moments. It is November 1, 2028, and Our President has been working hard on the Good Ole USofA’s and the World’s problems since January 20, 2017 (Except during the 4 years of the Biden Administration). It appears all his efforts have paid off...

Ø All of Planet Earth’s Dictators have stepped down from power and Democratic Elections have replaced every one of them.

Ø All Earth’s Nuclear Weapons were destroyed years ago.

Ø All Earth’s Weapons of Mass and Minor Destruction were beaten into Plow Shears years ago.

Ø All Working Age Citizens of the Good Ole USofA have a Job.

Ø The Good Ole USofA’s Food Stamp Program has been eliminated simply because there is no need for it any longer.

Ø All Former Welfare Recipients have gotten off Welfare and have unanimously stated that it is their firm belief that they will never have need for any form of assistance from anyone for the rest of their lives.

Ø All Negative Political Campaign Advertising has been eliminated.

Ø Israel and Every Arab Nation have made peace and are enjoying picnics together on each of their respective religious holidays.

Ø The last Terrorist Attack of any kind was so long ago that hardly anyone can remember when the last one was.

Ø Every Terrorist Organization anywhere in the world has long ago voluntarily disbanded.

Ø Rancor in the U.S. Congress is a distant memory.

Ø Compromises in Congress are now reached after 20 minutes of friendly debate and for the last 3 years all bills have passed without a single negative vote.

Ø The Democrat and Republican Leaders in the House and the Senate walk into the Capital Building hand in hand every day that Congress is in session.

Ø All the Shouting Nightly News Shows have been canceled and have been replaced with John Phillip Sousa Music Stations and re-runs of Ozzie & Harriet and Father Knows Best.

Ø There has not been a Labor Strike in the Good Ole USofA in many years.

Ø There has not been a Murder or a Robbery in the Good Ole USofA in many years.

Ø No NFL Player has knelt during the National Anthem in 8 seasons (Kaepernick is still not good enough to play).

Ø The National Anthem is scheduled to be replaced with It’s a Small World next Thursday.

But wait! Is that what I think it is? Is that a Lone Protester walking with a Soap Box under his arm toward the Capital Steps? What is his intent?

A large curious crowd forms around him on all sides. The news cameras and microphones zoom in to catch what he has to say. After climbing up on his Soap Box he says...

“I don’t like The President’s Demeanor”

Then a voice from the back of the crowd (later found out to be the Soap Box Protester’s Brother-In-Law) shouts, “Me Neither!” “Me Neither” is repeated by several others and, before you can say, “God Bless America” a full-fledged riot has broken out and all the Bullet Points I pecked out above are thrown into the Ash Heap of History and None of Us Like Any of Us Anymore.

The Guy on the Soap Box picks up his box and walks into history saying to his Brother-In-Law, “I feel better. This is as it ought to be.” ... Or ought it to be?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Did you get mad at me? Don’t be mad at me. Remember this Blog is entitled… Foolishness…Or Is It?