What Do You Mean I Know Nothing? I Don’t Have To Know Anything. My Smartphone Knows Everything For Me.

Walter Brennan did It, Gabby Hayes did It and I understand the Duke of Wellington did It but no one does It any more.

Did I just hear you say, Do What? Pardon me. I got ahead of myself again.

Immediately I am going to digress again before I reveal what It is. The reason why we are not doing It any longer is because we are too busy.

Actually, that’s not right either. We are not doing It because we are distracted by...

Ø Messages coming out of our Smartphones.

Ø Notifications coming out of our Smartphone.

Ø Reminders coming out of our Smartphone.

Ø Emails coming out of our Smartphone.

Ø Tweets coming out of our Smartphone.

Ø Insta Things coming out of our Smartphone.

Ø Snap Things coming out of our Smartphone.

The Smartphone is dominating our lives...

Ø More and more we are not wearing Wrist Watches because we use our Smartphone to find out what time it is. Since our Smartphone is in our hand at all times, it is easier to look at it to see what time it is than having to go to all the trouble of having to push up our sleeves to see what time it is.

Ø After pulling into parking spots many drivers play around with their Smartphone for awhile before they get out of their cars.

Ø People walk while looking at their Smartphones and fall down as they bump into trees, benches, parking meters, walls and other people. Many times they do not seem to notice they have fallen down because they keep looking at their Smartphones as they get up and walk away while still looking at their Smartphones.

Ø People get off Greyhound Busses from Baltimore look around and say, "This does not look like Toledo".

Ø After getting into their cars and before they pull out of their parking spots drivers play around with their Smartphones for awhile.

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I did not forget about what Walter, Gabby and the Duke of Wellington did that we don’t do any longer. What they did and we don’t do is Whittle Wood.

Whittling was relaxing. It was therapy. It was fun you do not know you were having while you were having it.

There once was a whole industry built up around Whittling Wood. There were Whittling Retail stores everywhere. All of this is gone from the Fruited Plain. It has been replaced by people playing around with their Smartphones and pecking out things like this...

Ø I had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.

Ø I fiddle with my Smartphone while I watch TV. Yesterday I saw something really shocking on my TV while I was fiddling with my Smartphone. I would tell you about it but I did not see what I saw because I was looking at my Smartphone when I did not see it so I can’t remember seeing it.

Ø Do you wanna do lunch?

Ø Are you as bored as I am?

Ø The other day one of our fighter planes shot something or other out of the sky over Billings or St. Louis or the Atlantic Ocean or the Pacific Ocean off the coast of California or South Dakota or one of our other coastal states.

Ø I just fell into a water fountain while walking through the mall while I was looking at my Smartphone! My brother-in-law is a lawyer and, if that fountain water has ruined my Smartphone, he is gonna sue whoever put that water fountain there! He says I have a good case.

What do you mean I don’t know what I am talking about? I don’t have to know what I am talking about because what I don’t know my phone knows and it will tell me (if it is still working after I and it fell into that water fountain).

I’m gonna get a new Smartphone because I understand there is a new App that will warn you if you are approaching a water fountain.

I don’t know what I did before I got my Smartphone. One thing is for certain, before I got my Smartphone, I did not fall down near as often.

I know we love our Smartphones. What I do not know is do our Smartphones love us back.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella