The Passing Of A Bureaucrat

I am posting this Foolishness...Or Is It to the memory of a dedicated government worker you may never have heard of.

 

I.M. Abureau Crat has died. Thankfully he was featured on 60 Minutes two months ago so we can fully know about his achievements as he diligently worked for the U.S. Department of Agriculture during his 35 year career of service to us all. Mr. Crat died the day after he retired. The cause of death was listed as a horrible feeling of loss now that he no longer worked for the USDA.He simply felt there was no longer any reason to go on.

 

Here is a small excerpt from the 60 Minutes episode that aired exactly 2 months to the day before Mr. Crat’s passing...

 

Interviewer: What was your greatest achievement in your 35 year career working for the USDA?

 

Mr. Crat: The thing of which I am most proud is the publication of U.S. Trade Descriptions for Poultry.

 

Interviewer: Ah, yes, we have all heard of that publication and the good citizens of the Good Ole USofA are most appreciative of that herculean effort and 60 Minutes wishes to thank you, on behalf of that grateful citizenry. What other publications have you worked on during your long and illustrious career?

 

Mr. Crat: None.

 

Interviewer: None? You mean this one publication is your life’s work?

 

Mr. Crat: I hope I do not detect a feeling of distain in your question. You need to understand that this publication says all that needs to be said about U.S. Trade Descriptions for Poultry. It is an all encompassing compilation of what every poultry processor needs to know to properly process poultry.

 

Interviewer: Huh?

 

Mr. Crat: I see I need to give you more information. Consider this before you start showing such distain for someone’s life’s work. This vital publication contains:

Ø 178 pages when it is converted from PDF Format to a Word Document.

Ø There are 47,517 carefully chosen words in this publication that I carefully chose.

Ø There are 299,952 characters (with spaces) contained therein.

Ø There are 11,750 lines that are chock full of much needed drivel that Poultry Processors have been waiting to gaze upon ever since I started on this project 35 years ago.

Ø I feel compelled because of your snide use of the word “Huh?” to point out that this publication is also chock full of Textboxes, Footnotes and Endnotes that greatly contribute to the overall sense of confusion generated by my dedication to minutia in all things related to poultry.

Ø One final point, Mr. Smarty, I am not a Touch Typist which means putting all of this together was really hard!

Ø I am proud of what I have done and, to prove my point, this publication has been part of the Public Record for 2 months now and already 2 people have looked at it for a combined accumulation between the 2 of them for 57 seconds!

 

To give you, My Dear Readers, a feel for the confusion generated by Mr. Crat’s life work, here is a paragraph from near the beginning of the publication...

71.20 Purpose of Standard

(a) The purpose of this standard is to facilitate trade at the wholesale level by better communicating product and packaging specifications for raw poultry products among buyers, producers, and traders. The trade descriptions provide concise word and picture descriptions of product composition and define a coding system to precisely specify product and packaging characteristics. The producer should certify that delivered product satisfies all product and packaging characteristics specified by the buyer. For additional assurance that delivered product will meet the purchaser’s specified options, the buyer or seller optionally can use the services of USDA or another third party. When examinations are limited to final products, third parties will not normally be able to certify certain purchaser-specified options, specifically: production and feeding systems, slaughter system, and the adequacy of product labeling.

 

If you have not had enough, here is a link to the entirety of the U.S. Trade Descriptions for Poultry... https://t.co/kLyAmTh2RE

Special Note To My Dear Readers...I know you are reluctant to click on the above link. Please click it and simply skim through it. You have not seen Minutia till you have seen this Minutia.

 

Allow me to say that it was not all Drivel and Bureaucratic Confusion. I particularly found enlightening the distinction made between Chicken Feet and Chicken Paws (pages 78 through 81)...Or did I?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella