Be They...

Regarding the Subject above, the full title of this blog is, “Be They Democrat or Republican or Liberal or Conservative or Libertarian or Independent or a Member of the Whig Party, These People Ought To Give Back Their Salaries For This Date January 28, 2014”.

There you go again saying to yourself, “What the heck is he talking about?”

Please allow he (me) to explain...

I heard on the radio on my drive home just now that many of the people (House or Senate) who line the aisle where the president will walk into the chamber tonight to give his State of the Union Address got there at 9AM today to “reserve” their seat.

They sat there all day, except when their munitions sat in their place while they went to the restroom.

They were paid hard earned tax dollars today to do something of consequence and this is what they chose to do.

The good news is they will be on TV tonight reaching and clutching the president’s hand and their constituents will see them making fools out of themselves.

The bad news is their constituents will look on them with admiration and vote them back into office in the next election.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(211)

Sometimes I Am Proud As Can Be About What I Do Not Know

According to Apple, in 2013 Candy Crush Saga was the smash hit game that millions played on subways, while waiting at the bank or while hanging around the house and it was the No. 1 most downloaded free app for the iPhone.

The game itself has over 500 million downloads and has been played over 150 billion times.

Those numbers are staggering. I’ll repeat them for the scan readers out there... Over 500 million downloads! (That’s 500 thousand thousand times!) & Played over 150 billion times! (That’s 150 thousand million times!).

In my not so humble opinion such endeavors are a staggering waste of time.

What's wrong with us?...

• Who is going to find the cure for cancer?
• Who is going to go to Mars?
• Who is going to write the next Great American Novel Kindle Book?
• Who is going to leap buildings in a single bound?

I guess I better start practicing my leaping because I appear to be one of the few not playing Candy Crush Saga.

What have you been doing with yourself? On second thought, you don’t need to tell me. I can see from here that you have sticky fingers.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(218)

Preemptive Disarray

Headline on an article in my newspaper today...

Syrian Talks In Disarray Before They Begin

I guess this is what comes about when you have the delegates shouting at each other outside the meeting place... “Do you think I will ever forget what your ancestors did to my ancestors in the year 1245?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(61)

TBTJ

A lot of famous and/or influential people are sitting around their big houses doing absolutely nothing and they need help.
They could leave their big houses but they can’t leave their big houses because they are part of our Judicial System’s Too Big to Jail (TBTJ) Incarceration Program.
Our court system is sending a whole mess of our fellow citizens back to their big homes under House Arrest.
These people need someone to go to the Grocery Store for them. The need someone to go get Chinese Food or Pizzas for them. They need people to walk their Little White Dogs. They need people to bring in their Newspapers from their massive front lawns. They need Escort Service People to be brought in to escort them around their big houses.
The bottom line is they need the Judicial System necessitated equivalent of Visiting Angels.
Heck, the potential economic stimulus from these much needed businesses springing up all over the Good Ole USofA could turn around this economy all by itself.
We have been trained to know that Big Box, Big Oil, Big Banks, Big Data and their ilk are bad. In this case the Big Wigs and satisfying their Big Needs may yet save us all.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Big Noodle
(214)

This Is Not An Attack Upon Our Undocumented Citizens

Undocumented Aliens or is it? Undocumented Immigrants or is it? Undocumented Workers or is it? Undocumented Voters or is it? Undocumented Citizens are in the news enough without my piling on. So I will not use my Silly Pulpit to add pile onto the pile.

What I do wish to do is direct this blog posting’s mind bending analysis at a cautionary tale about common sense or the lack thereof in the Good Ole USofA.

Here is a recent headline in my newspaper...

California Allowing Undocumented Immigrants to Practice Law

California Chief Justice Tani Cantil-Sakauye wrote that current immigration policy makes it extremely unlikely that a law abiding individual such as Garcia (the undocumented individual) would be deported.

Under these circumstances, we conclude that the fact that an undocumented immigrant’s presence in this country violates federal statutes is not itself a sufficient or persuasive basis for denying undocumented immigrants, as a class, admission to the State Bar.

I don’t want to be a Quibbler but did you take note of Her Honorable’s Words where she says that the law abiding individual (first paragraph) is violating federal law (second paragraph)? And I’m the one who has the reputation for being silly. Go figure.

Allow me to carry such “thinking” on to its Logical Foolish Conclusion...

• Vandals broke a bunch of windows in an office building and the court ruled that it was not really a crime because the building had a lot of other windows.
• Running a stop sign is not a crime because, even if the driver had looked for oncoming cars, there were, in fact, no oncoming cars.
• Man had 2 wives but the court ruled in his favor because the wives lived in 2 different states that were geographically distant from each other and there was little to no possibility that the 2 wives would run across each other while shopping at the grocery store.

OK I’m done with the silly... Or am I?

One thing is certain. This Undocumented Immigrant Lawyer will certainly be immune from any action against him for Legal Malpractice. If anyone tries to bring any such action against him, he will get away unscathed by simply telling the court, “You can’t bring any Legal Malpractice Action against me because I’m not even a citizen of this country. Have a nice day.”

Case dismissed.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(408)

Alger & Jerry

Many of you may not remember who Alger Hiss was. All of you know who Jerry Sandusky is. The two of them have something very much in common. Have I aroused your curiosity? I sure hope so.

Alger Hiss was convicted of being a Soviet Spy. The prior sentence is not true. He was convicted and sent to jail but he was convicted of Perjury.

Here I go again getting all hot and bothered about our Judicial System...

The record of negligence was almost too flagrant to believe. A guy named Whittaker Chambers first made his charges about Hiss in 1939 and he repeated them to government officials several times thereafter. Yet as far as the public record is concerned, the only action taken on his charges until the House Committee on Un-American Activities started its investigation in 1948, was to promote each of the individuals Chambers had named to higher positions of power and influence within the government.

The most damning proof of negligence on the part of the Executive Branch was that Hiss himself had to be indicted and convicted not for espionage, the crime of which he was originally guilty, but for perjury—for lying when he denied committing espionage. The statute of limitations, requiring prosecution for espionage within three years after the crime had been committed, had already long expired.

He was sent to jail for a total of 10 years but served less than 4 years.

Alger had been disbarred but was reinstated to the bar years later. This is what was written about his reinstatement when he was undisbarred ...

On August 5, 1975, Hiss was readmitted to the Massachusetts Bar. The state's Supreme Judicial Court overruled its Committee of Bar Overseers and stated in a unanimous decision that, despite his conviction, Hiss had demonstrated the "moral and intellectual fitness" required to be an attorney. Hiss was the first lawyer ever readmitted to the Massachusetts bar after a major criminal conviction.

Don’t you just love (hate) the part where it says that, even though he had been convicted of a Major Criminal Offense, he demonstrated the “moral and intellectual fitness" required to be an attorney.

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As a young congressman Richard Nixon was doggedly instrumental in getting Hiss convicted. He withstood tremendous pressure because Hiss had been around a long time and had a lot of friends. One on his biggest supporters was Harry S. Truman.

In a sad and funny note, it was reported that a politically well connected lady from the state of New York said, when asked if she voted for Nixon years later when he ran for something or other, that she would not ever vote for him because Nixon was all mixed up with Alger Hiss in that Spying Scandal.

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After Hiss got out of jail, he applied for and received his government pension for his years of service in government...

Provided you, my dear reader, have been paying attention (and you always do, don’t you), you are saying to yourself about now, “What does all this Alger Hiss stuff have to do with Jerry Sandusky?”

I will not spend as much time on Jerry as I did on Alger but I will do a quick refresher...

• Jerry was convicted of 45 counts of Child Sexual Abuse.
• In other areas I read where his crimes were referred to as Involuntary Deviate Sexual Intercourse and Indecent Assault.
• He was sentenced to 30 to 60 years in prison.

What Alger and Jerry have in common is that Jerry is applying for reinstatement of his $4,900 a month Pension from Penn State.

Too bad Alger died in 1996. If Alger were still around Jerry could use his expertise in pension reclamation and Alger could handle Jerry’s appeal case because Alger, as you remember, was a Lawyer in good standing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(651)

Another Sure Fire Get Rich Quick Plan

Retroactive to last Thursday and continuing for two weeks, get someone to pay you $0.25 every time the word “Christie” was/will be Spoken on TV, Published in a News Article or Mentioned on the Internet.

You will be stinking rich at the end of these two weeks even if you subtract $1.00 for each time the most Recent Target Word at the center of the last News Hysteria to which we were subjected was Spoken, Published or Mentioned.

I would give you that Target Word to prove my point but I can’t remember the Hysteria or the Word. I would be willing to bet you can’t remember either.

Does that tell you something?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(126)

My Visit To A Big Box Hardware Store

Where Did That Guy Go?

The other day I walked into one of those big box hardware stores and, as usual, was greeted at the door by a smiling welcoming man wearing an apron. He was very nice. He said hello. He asked if there were any directions he could give me.

I declined his helpful offer and walked past him. After I got 5 to 6 steps past the helpful apron guy I remembered what I had come into his store for and realized that I did need his helpful directions. I turned around to seek his assistance and he was gone.

I thought this was strange and I actually began to feel as if I was in the Twilight Zone. I brushed this uneasy feeling away and moved on with my quest.

After a while I realized I was not getting anywhere and I started looking for a helpful guy with an apron on to assist me.

I went to the next aisle and, as I turned into the aisle, I saw at the end of the aisle a helpful guy turning out of my aisle at the end of my aisle.

This happened several times more before I got that Twilight Zone feeling again.

Every aisle I turned into I saw the apron guy turning out of that aisle at the end of that aisle. At this point I started to panic.

I began sprinting as fast as I could but when I got to the end of the aisle and made the turn into the next aisle I repeatedly found myself looking at the back of a turning helpful apron guy at the end of my aisle.

In a state of exhaustion I stumbled out of my Big Box Hardware Store feeling rather befuddled.

I decided to go to Mom & Pop’s Hardware Store to get what I needed but when I got to their store I found they gone out of business.

At this point I just sat in my car screaming a silent scream like Al Pacino did on the steps of that Big Box Church at the end of Godfather III and, in the midst of my silent scream, I heard Rod Serling laughing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(385)

Please, Mr. Correct, Give Us A Break!

This guy Mr. Correct (as in Mr. Politically Correct) is running amuck. (I just love the word “amuck”. It is almost as neat as “ilk”.)

We (the collective us) are falling all over ourselves trying to keep Mr. Correct and all his adherents at arm’s length. We are apologizing for things we said, for things we did not say, for things we should have said and for things we might have said had we said them.

There you go thinking I am the one running amuck about Mr. Correct and his muckiness. Allow me to illustrate my point:

The Indian Attacks Are Back...

No, we do not have to circle the wagons. It’s not that kind of attack. We are back to being pilloried about the perceived disrespect of naming anything after anything Native American (formerly known as American Indian).

The hottest example at this time is the Washington Redskins Football Team (as if they did not have enough problems with the football). The hysteria is showing its absurdity by a court case brought against Hampton Farms Redskin Peanuts.

This case got all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States before the indignant clutch of lawyers doing the suing were quieted down long enough to explain to them that “redskins” in this case referred to the natural skin covering of the peanut that is revealed once the shell has been removed.

The delay in the hysteria was only temporary. The lawyers and the sign carriers quickly convened a Focus Group and they are now finalizing their plans to sue Mother Nature or God Himself.

People of this ilk (see I told you “ilk” was neat) like to go right to the top and are leaning toward suing God. The one thing holding them back is their concern that God might not exist. They see Mother Nature as more of a sure thing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Happy New Year