Perfecting Packaging

Getting into the Plastic Packaging which contains the stuff we buy causes many a cuss word to be uttered...

• We tug. This never works.
• We bang. This never works.
• We chop. This sometimes works but is entirely dependent on how big an implement we chop with. With things like meat cleavers extreme caution must be exercised on the down stroke to make sure we do not destroy the item we went all the way to the store to acquire.
• There are even special tools for opening such packaging that are sold in hardware stores and online. They really work but they do have the shortcoming of our needing the tool that is inside the packaging for opening the packaging containing the tool which we can’t open.

I never realized how much the people that create these packages are dedicated to their product until yesterday. I had finally succeeded in opening a maddening plastic package and was feeling flushed with success when I started hearing a recorded message coming from the destroyed packaging itself. It seems there was a computer chip embedded inside the packaging and, when I lifted my electronic thingy out of its molded plastic bedding, the computer chip was activated.

Some of you already know that the Smartfella has a photographic memory and here is exactly what the recorded message said to me...

“We at Acme Packaging take great pride in our craftsmanship. We are disappointed that you have actually succeeded in breaking through our Display Containment Packaging. You are obviously a highly skilled and determined consumer. Please take the time to complete our Consumer Survey. This will go a long way in assisting us in future package development. Always remember, we take our motto very seriously, No one gets inside anything we make!”

We need to know the answers to these important questions...

• How long did it take you to break into our packaging and retrieve your purchased product?
• What tools did you utilize?
  >Fingernails? (If so, how many did you break?)
  >Teeth? (If so, how many did you break?)
  >Did you utter cuss words? (If so, how many?)
  >Scissors? If so, we are obligated to inform you that use of scissors on our packaging is a violation of Federal Law. (Does this not tell you how strong our lobbyists are?) Your scissors violation will be held in strictest confident and we will not turn you in to the Feds.

We are making available to the buying public our Packaging Penetrator for only $14.99. For a $35 Surcharge we will ship the Packaging Penetrator to you unpackaged so that it may actually be of use to you.

Would I kid u?

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