We Are Running Out Of Ink ... As Usual, I Have A Remedy

The USofA’s Strategic Ink Reserve is being depleted at an alarming rate. The ink shortage is simply being caused by our News Media writing about what our Congress is doing and not doing (mostly not doing). This crisis is rapidly getting to the critical stage.

The crux of the problem is that our intrepid News Media continues to try to get everything recorded word for word. Because of this obsession of theirs, they find themselves writing the same words over and over because our Congress continues to use the same words over and over.

The only way that we can continue to print out 2,000 to 3,000 page legislative bills is to stop printing oft-repeated words. These huge legislative bills and the accompanying  interminable speeches on the floor of our House of Representative and our Senate are sucking our Strategic Ink Reserves dry.

To be perfectly honest, if the president had not decided to tap the Strategic Ink Reserves when he did, our Congress and our News Media would have had to shut down last January. That would have been awful ... Or would it have been?

As is usually the case, I am about proposing remedies. Here is what we ought to do...

• Our federal government ought to put up a web site with all the repetitious words/phrases and give each one of them a number.
• As we get our fix each day of the news of the day (which sounds a lot like the news of yesterday), we would see numbers in place of the off-repeated words/phrases.
• We could then refer to the Governmental Off-Repeated Word/Phrase Listing and see what the word or phrase that was left out really was.
• It will take some getting used to it but this is serious stuff and we owe it to each other to all pitch in to Save Our Ink.

You want examples? Here are a few...

• #1 could be Boots on the Ground.
• #2 could be Reaching Across the Aisle.
• #3 could be Transparency.

Others sure to make the list would be...

• Partisan
• Bipartisan
• Non-Partisan
• Lady Gaga (not really a political term but members of Congress are constantly asking themselves, each other and the folks back home, “What would Lady Gaga do?”)
• Alien
• Illegal Alien
• Undocumented Alien
• Undocumented Citizen
• Politically Correct
• Politically Incorrect
• Politically Motivated
• Anonymous
• Level Playing Field
• Folks
• Folks Back Home
• Folks Out There
• Happy Camper (not really used that much anymore but, since we have never known what this phrase means, I put it on the list in the hopes of never seeing these two words used together ever again)
• Budget
• Budget Deficit
• Deficit
• Deficit Reduction
• Revenue Enhancement (replacement for Tax Increase)
• Loss of Revenue (replacement for Tax Reduction)
• My Good Friend (used in the Senate as a substitute for “That Idiot On The Other Side of the Aisle”)
• Comprehensive
• Recession
• Great Recession
• Pace of Economic Recovery
• Dire Economic Circumstances Out There
• Kitchen Table (as in “Folks back home on Main Street sitting around the kitchen table at night balancing their budgets”)
• Government Shutdown
• Borrowing Money (now changed to Importing Money)

In addition to putting a real drain on our Strategic Ink Reserves, these 2,000 to 3,000 page bills are really causing a shortage of words themselves in the halls of Congress.

The Congressional Word Vendors are working overtime to constantly refill the Congressional Computers with words.

The word tankers are parked all around Capitol Hill and the guys with the refill hoses are darting everywhere, sticking those big nozzles into computers and pumping more words in.

The hoses lying across the hallways and in the stairwells have cause many a congressman to trip and fall as they were rushing to Happy Hour.

The tripping and falling has not really upset our dedicated members of congress because they have an excellent health care plan but we all know how determined they about getting to Happy Hour on time.

Speaking of Congressional Happy Hour, have you ever wondered why olives are so expensive?

Would I kid u?

A Short While Back She Was Unknown But Now She Is Pippa!

What a Pippa? Who is the Pippa?

Pippa is the sister of the new British Princess who just married that William prince guy.

Little sister Pippa used to be a nobody but now she is a somebody and, before it’s over, she may wish she never become a somebody.

She Wears Clothes…

Actually Reported In The British News: Her Royal Hotness (“Hotness” … That’s cute! The media is so cute.) Pippa Middleton was spotted in the Kensington neighborhood of London today in a navy striped dress, leather jacket and coordinating accessories!

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Notice she was not “seen”. She was “spotted”. It’s like she was running away from Scotland Yard. Worst of all, she was spotted wearing clothes!

She Went To A Tennis Match…

Actually Reported In The British News: Pippa Middleton and boyfriend Alex Loudon looked cozy as could be when they attended Wimbledon together on Wednesday.

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Not only was she at Wimbledon but she looked cozy.

Clothes Again…

Actually Reported In The British News: Pair your Pippa-style clothes with a Pippa-styled face: warm complexion complemented with smoky eyes, nude lips, and rose-colored blush.

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Can you believe she was out in public with no clothes on her lips?

Oh My Gosh! She Drinks Coffee…

Actually Reported In The British News: Pippa Middleton picked up a cup of coffee to go from Starbucks on Thursday in London, England.

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Oh my gosh! Can you believe that she drinks coffee? Not only does she drink it but she also picks it up. Nothing about her is too trivial to not be reported on.

I had a fear, before I wrote my book, that I would become famous and I would lose my privacy. That fear proved groundless since only you and I know about my book. It won’t be long before Pippa will be wishing that her only call to fame was that she had written a book called, Foolishness…Or Is It? and then no one would care about her coffee drinking.

Would I kid u?

So You Say You Don’t Know What’s Going On Regarding America’s Fascination With Tattoos … Please Allow Me To Help You Come To A Better Understanding

I was in the gym the other day trying desperately to keep my heart from attacking me when I took note of a Tattooed Lady sweating next to me.

Tattooed Ladies used to appear in carnival side shows but that is a thing of the past. They are not uncommon enough to be special enough to have anyone pay money to the Barnums of today to see them. Sad to say, they are everywhere.

I have developed a real curiosity as this phenomenon has grown in recent years. This time I got the courage up to ask, Why?

I approached the tattooed one. She was about 25 years old and quite attractive. Here is what she was displaying on her body for all to see…

• She had her left arm entirely covered with those wild designs that have become so common. It appeared to me that there was no space for more tattooing from her shoulder down to her wrist.
• On the top of her right shoulder was a big bird of some kind with lots of feathers.
• Her right foot and ankle had also been decorated but I could not make out what that piece of “artwork” was. There was just a lot of it down there.

I told her I was curious and was dying to ask her a question about her tattoos. She immediately stiffened up and I thought I was going to have to duck any moment when I blurted out that I had been sent on a fact finding mission by Angelina Jolie. That did it. She smiled and said, “I’ll be glad to discuss my artwork with any friend of Angie”.

I got right to my question. I asked her what were the reasons she had gotten her many tattoos. In rapid succession she gave me three…

• She thought it was Cool (I knew that she meant “Kool”). 
• She had accumulated a lot of money by working very hard for many years and she had decided that she wanted to do something meaningful with every last penny. She said, “What else was there but tattooing?” I nodded my head as if I fully saw the wisdom of this investment.
• Lastly she told me that her absolutely favorite celebrity (whose name she said escaped her at the moment) had a lot of tattoos and she was trying her best to emulate her.

Speaking for myself I think any one of these reasons sounds perfectly logical and, in many ways, downright admirable. What do you think?

Would I kid u?

PS: Okay I admit I made up all of this Foolishness…Or Is It? except the size, quantity and description of her tattoos … Or did I?

Burt Parks Sang “There She Is!” … The Smartfella? Says “Who Is She?”

I recently read a “news” article about an actress. The article tells me that she is a new celebrity and is a well-known actress but I have never heard of her. I guess, that is permissible because she probably not heard of me either.

The article informed me about parts she had played, her romantic involvements and what she is planning for her bright future. I must not have had much to do because I took the time to read the article. I probably was trying to figure out who she was. Near the end of the article, I was informed that she is coming out with a Line of Clothing and that is what got my Foolishness juices flowing.

Why does our society get excited about wearing clothes that have Celebrity Names on them?…

• Are these clothes better made than everything else we buy from China?
• Do clothes with a Celeb’s name on them fit better?
• Do the Chinese workers that make these clothes go through a more rigorous training program than those that make Fruit of the Looms?

If the above three bullets were true, I could better understand why we have to pay more but I don’t believe any of them are true.

I would feel better about wearing and paying higher prices for Celebrity Duds if I thought that the Celebs had gone out into their individual garages and designed, cut and sown all the duds themselves but this also certainly not true.

I am so extreme about this issue that I go out of my way to not buy clothes that have commercial names on them like Nike, Louie What’s His Name, Godiva Chocolates, etc.

Why should I buy, wear and pay extra for their stuff? This is free advertising for them to entice other minions to buy more of their stuff.

That having been said, if they paid me an Advertising Walking Around Fee, I would be glad to help them out.

Would I kid u?

Pip-Squeak Politics

American Heritage Dictionary defines Pip-Squeak as,

“One that is small or insignificant”

That sound about right but it is dead wrong when it comes to Presidential Politics.

Big & Important States, since they are Big & Important States, have an influence upon the states that are not Big & Important States. That's how it is.

If you don't live in a Big & Important State and you don’t like Big & Important States telling you what to do and think, then move to a Big & Important State, so you can then tell the rest of us what to do.

I'm fairly certain you did not understand what I was talking about in the above paragraphs because I'm not sure of what I was talking about in the above paragraphs either. Let me flip it around and approach my concerns from a different slant.

Why are Iowa, which has .99% of the population of the U.S. and New Hampshire which has .43% of the population of the U.S., in such positions of power and influence when it comes to who our next President is going to be?

Why do they get so much attention and money thrown at them every four years? The winners of these Pip Squeak States Contests do not always win the presidency. Heck, many of the winners do not even get their party’s nominations.

In particular regarding Iowa, every four years most Americans are baffled by the following questions…

• What is a Caucus?
• What is a Straw Pole?
• Is there really an Iowa?

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What in the heck is an Iowa Caucus?

According to a Web Site about the Iowa Caucuses by GazetteOnLine.com...

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Republican Caucuses:

Those attending will indicate their presidential preferences in what is essentially a straw poll. Voting can be done by a show of hands or by paper ballots.

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Democratic Caucuses:

The process at Democratic caucuses is more detailed…

• Beginning no earlier than 7 p.m., Democrats divide into “preference groups” based on which candidate they support.
• “Undecided” can be a preference group.
• Generally speaking, a candidate group must have 15 percent of the number of participants to be “viable.”
• Caucus participants have up to 30 minutes to join a preference group.
• After the caucus chairman determines which groups are viable, participants have another 30 minutes to realign, or join a different caucus group.
• Throughout this process, members of a preference group may attempt to persuade other caucus-goers, especially members of non-viable groups, to join their preference group.
• Non-viable groups may merge to gain enough members to meet the viability threshold.
• Or members of non-viable groups may choose to join the uncommitted preference group.
• Or they can choose not to join any group.
• When the preference groups are set, the caucus chairman will determine the number of county convention delegates each preference group is entitled to elect.
• When those numbers are totaled at the state level, the “winner” of the Democratic caucus is the one with the most delegates.

The Bottom Line (also known as…The Why Do They Bother? Line):

The results of the caucuses are not binding on either Republican or Democratic delegates to the county convention.

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Now that you understand Pip Squeak Politics I am sure that you are much more comfortable with little insignificant states like Iowa and New Hampshire having an inordinate influence about who your next president will be … Or are u?

I won’t even get into what a Straw Pole is because this Foolishness…Or Is It? has gone on long enough. (I feel badly that many of you agree with the prior sentence.)

Would I kid u?

Do I See A Pattern Here?

In my local newspaper today is an article that addresses cheating on standardized tests in the schools around here.

This Foolishness…Or Is It? is really written to gather input from you, my dear readers, about whether I am being too picky.

Here is the pattern picky me sees in articles about how our schools are performing…

• Somewhere way back in the beginning there was an article about widespread cheating by students, teachers and administrators on standardized tests.
• After awhile an article is published about how well out students are doing on standardized tests and how high they rank nationally.
• After awhile an article is published about widespread cheating by students, teachers and administrators on standardized tests.
• After awhile an article is published about how well out students are doing on standardized tests and how high they rank nationally.

As Yul Brenner said in 1956 during his portrayal of Mongkut the king of Siam in The King and I, “Etcetera, Etcetera, Etcetera”.

Would I kid u?

Today There Was A Major Population Influx Into Our Country & It’s Not Who You Think It Was

As I was driving back from South Georgia today the Casey Anthony verdict was announced. Within minutes the Major Population Influx referred to in the subject of this Foolishness…Or Is It? had occurred. It was instantaneous!

All of a sudden, on station after station, (every single one of them was talking about the verdict) Lawyers and Talking Heads were all saying the same things…

• They said they had seen this acquittal coming from the beginning.
• They knew all along that the prosecution had no case.

If you are worried about overpopulation, don’t give it a second thought. The influxers have made an even swap with the Lawyers and Talking Heads that, up until now, had been saying…

• The evidence is mounting each and every day against Casey Anthony.
• This case looks like a slam dunk for the prosecution.

No, the population of the good ole USofA has not gone up by one single person. We still have the same number of smart people as we had yesterday.

Would I kid u?

Once You Are Declared Endangered, You Are Bulletproof … Or Are You?

The Italics below are from a piece published online by National Public Radio…

Published: June 12, 2011

Spotted Owls are on the decline despite two decades of work to bring them back. So, later this month, wildlife officials are releasing a new plan to protect the owls.

Barred Owls have taken over Spotted Owl territory and in some cases even attack them. They have an advantage because they eat a wider variety of prey and are bigger birds. In places like western Washington, the Spotted Owl population has been cut in half since the Barred Owl showed up.

The Fish and Wildlife Service hopes to deal with this by "permanent removal”. (Here is the part where some of you will come to the conclusion that I started making things up.) "We're going to look at all potential opportunities, but the most humane way to do it is to shoot them."

Another article I found used a set of words that will certainly make the dead Barred Owl feel better… Instead of the word “shoot” this article referred to what they were going to do to the Barred Owl as "on-site lethal removal”.

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I know that, because of my past record of making things up, some of you think I made up this Shoot ‘Em Dead To Save ‘Em Silly Stuff. Click below to convince yourself that the basic story that started this foolishness of is 100% Certified True Foolishness.

Click Here: http://m.npr.org/story/137090033?url=/2011/06/12/137090033/killing-one-owl-species-to-save-another

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Are we now into micro-managing everything? What lies ahead? For this Foolishness…Or Is It?, I researched online about whales and it seems obvious to me that we have to do something about them because they are reeking havoc out there in our oceans…

According to Oracle ThinkQuest, the whale is the top predator in the ocean. The whale eats marine mammals and seabirds. They also eat a variety of fish such as salmon, cod, flatfish, hake, herring, and smelt. They also eat other kinds of whales. They also eat seals, sea lions, walruses, and occasionally sea otters and penguins. Lastly, they even eat squid, octopus and smaller sea creatures.

I say get rid of all the whales. They may have some spots but they certainly have no feathers and they are not even cute.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.