A Roddick By Any Other Name

Since I just wrote about Wimbledon and now I am writing about tennis again you probably would be justified in drawing the conclusion that I watch a lot of tennis on TV. Actually that is far from the truth, thanks to Andy Roddick.

The truth is I do watch TV tennis matches but only until Andy Roddick loses (he lost earlier today). After he is dispatched from the tournament I go back to trying to solve the Mid-East Situation. My Mid-East Situation Solution Failure is driving me to the brink but my psychiatrist is OK with it because it allows him to continue making payments on his Lexus.

I think Andy Roddick is someone to be rooted for. As far as I know he has not been caught in any scandal (tweeting photos of parts of his body, cheating on his wife or wearing outrageous revealing outfits on the courts). He deserves my support.

Since I do want him to succeed, I have been devoting a lot of the time I do not spend on Tweeting, Face Booking or Texting to come up with a way to help Andy out. I have concluded that he needs to change his name in order to truly be successful in the modern world of tennis. In other words he needs to become European. Here is the list of name change possibilities that I just mailed to him…

Roddovic or Roddzhny or Roddakova or Roddasova or Roddarova or Roddika or Roddiska or Roddski

Any one would do the trick. Until he takes this obvious step to further his tennis career, I am going to continue to have a lot of time to work on the Mid-East Situation.

This Name Change Thing actually came to me years ago when I worked for American Motors Corporation (AMC). We made a lot of the few cars we sold in Kenosha, Wisconsin. I told one of the company higher ups one day that we ought to change the name of our cars to “Kenosha” (Kenosha Ambassador, Kenosha Matador, Kenosha Hornet, Kenosha Pacer, Kenosha Gremlin and Kenosha Javelin).

If we had done that, the American buying public would have thought we were a Japanese company and they would have bought a lot more of our cars.

Now you know why I rose to the height of my mediocre automotive career.

Would I kid u?

PS: I received an email from one of my fellow AMC employees about my Kenosha idea. He informed me that the reason that the French car company Renault did buy a large stake in AMC (before Chrysler bought all of AMC) was because they thought AMC was a Japanese company.